"Hey, Inquisitorialness?" Varric asked, approaching the throne where Cantis sat. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure." Cantis groaned, straining to sit up. It had been nearly a week since the Siege of Adamant. Their wounds were now starting to heal, and their thoughts could once more turn to the future. The Wardens had willingly surrendered to his judgement, and he had allowed them to join with the Inquisition, under Mara's supervision and strict watching from the rest of the Inquisition.
"I'm real worried about Daisy." He admitted, and Cantis nodded grimly. Over the last week, the two of them had been emotional devastated over the loss of their beloved Hawke. Neither was convinced she was dead, but they also knew that the odds of them ever finding her again was… against them. "She won't talk to me, she won't eat, she barely sleeps..."
"That's what loss is like." Cantis nodded sadly. It hurt so much that he had left Hawke behind, that he had put the two of them through that. But otherwise he would be watching Grace do the same, and that would be so much worse. "I did the same when I lost Abigail, and Liam."
"Yeah, I know." Varric nodded sadly. He had at first blamed the Inquisitor for it, but soon realized that he couldn't. Hawke was a hero, even if she refused to call herself as much, and it was always going to end this way. "But I think she's… she might… you know, try and see Hawke again."
"You think she might?" Cantis asked, sitting up as a knot of dread tightened in his chest. Varric just shrugged helplessly. Quite simply, he didn't know. "Shit. Well… what do you think I can do?"
"I don't know." Varric didn't have any idea what to do. He missed Hawke, terribly. It hurt so much to have lost Hawke, to have been the one to have brought her here only to have her taken away. But he continued on, because… well, because that was the only thing he knew how to do. But Daisy… "You knew her too, was there when she ran off. Maybe… maybe you can come with me to talk to her? I'd feel better knowing you're there, at least."
"If you want me to." Cantis shrugged, and Varric nodded. "Not sure what I can accomplish, but sure. Let's go talk to her."
Varric took a heavy, shaking breath, and opened the room that had been set aside for Merrill and Hawke.
"Hey Daisy." He called. "Brought you some more food, and I thought-"
The entire room was a testament to Merrill's grief. The bed was torn apart, the pillows looking beaten and even still a little wet. There was uneaten food on the table that looked moulded and uneaten. There were holes in the wall and books still left open on the desk.
More than all of that, however, was that the room was empty.
"Daisy?" Varric called, now a distressed tone to his voice as he looked around, stepping into the empty room. "Daisy?!"
She was gone.
"Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit." Varric began to look around, frantically flipping through books and paper. "Daisy?!"
Cantis began to look around as well, flipping through things helplessly, looking for something, anything. He didn't know her well, but he couldn't stomach losing yet another friend… especially not like this.
He found a note, in her handwriting, and skimmed through it quickly.
"Varric?" He called, and the dwarf looked over to him. "You're going to want to see this."
Varric, It read.
I know that you just want to move on from this, to make amends and keep going forward.
I can't.
Without Hawke, what am I? I've failed at everything I've ever done. At being Marethari's First, at being Mahariel's friend, at repairing the Mirror.
There was one night, that I remember, that I want you to hear. It was just after Hawke and I became a we, before we lost Leandra. I remember hearing you, Isabela and Hawke all talking and laughing in the other room, over dinner, while me and Leandra had tea and talked about you all. If I could have lived up to that moment, not one second more… that would have been perfect.
I can't sleep without seeing her face, can't eat without tasting her cooking. Ever since she left, everything just seems so… pointless. Everything has been ruined, torn apart… killed. I have nothing, no one. It's all gone.
I can't fail her too. She's out there somewhere, and I can't stop until I find her.
The Eluvian is still in Kirkwall. I will bring her back, even if I have to storm the Fade itself to do it.
"Well..." Varric took a deep breath as he read it for the third time, the whole room in an icy silence as he did. "That could have been worse, I guess. At least we know that she's still alive. But… shit. I thought we got her away from that demon-blood magic crap."
"I didn't understand." Cantis said, waiting for Varric to look up, satisfied with his reading. "What's an Eluvian? It kind of took an odd turn at the end there."
"I don't quite understand what it is." He admitted. "But it's this magic mirror thing that the Dalish made, apparently allows you to enter the Fade or something like that. They all got destroyed though, far as we know, but Daisy's been dedicating herself to fixing an old, broken one, using Blood Magic. She made some pretty impressive progress, managing to make a pretty whole mirror out of just a shard, but we eventually managed to convince her to stop after it got someone killed."
"She killed them?" Cantis asked, taken slightly aback. Granted, he hadn't known her well at all, and people obviously changed over time, but that was like saying Josephine had killed someone with Blood Magic. It just didn't seem to fit.
"No." Her shook his head. "This lady kinda… well, kinda killed herself to try and get Merrill to stop. It's a long story, but anyway it's… kinda bad news if she's gone back to it. She used to shut herself away from the rest of world, would stay in there for hours cutting herself up for blood to use to fix it." He gave a pained sigh. "Well, I doubt we can catch her now. I guess all we can hope is that she's okay."
"All we can do." Cantis nodded sadly, shaking his head. "She seems pretty determined to find Hawke again. I'm sure if she needs help she'll send a letter or something."
"Let's hope." Varric agreed. "Besides, Aveline's still in Kirkwall, and Broody's probably there too. Neither of them likes her much, but I doubt they'd just turn her away if she asked for help. Else Hawke might come rampaging out of the Fade to teach 'em a lesson." He clapped Cantis on the shoulder, giving a small smile. "Come on, I'll buy you a drink later for helping me."
Mara awoke to sunlight streaming in the stain-glass windows, down and onto their bed like the light of the Maker's blessing.
She rolled over a little, and smiled as she felt Leliana's warmth beneath the blankets, curling up in a lovely embrace. It was a nice change from the years and days of battle, of death and disease. Being able to bask in the sunshine, light shining down onto her as she cuddled up with the love of her life. There would be things to do later, surely: Grace would be awake soon, she was now the only person capable of leading the Wardens, Leliana was still the Spymaster of the Inquisition… but for now, it was perfect.
"Mmm… good morning..." Leliana smiled as she groaned. Of all the ways to wake up, this was certainly one of the most pleasant she could think of, even if she would have wanted to continue sleeping. "My angel." She leaned over and gave her wife a kiss on the forehead, eliciting a silly, happy giggle. "At this rate, I'll never want to leave this bed."
"Why should we?" Mara stretched before curling further into Leliana's arms. "I could spend my whole life here, with you. At any rate, I'm sure Gracie can look after herself for a little while, and this Inquisition can surely survive without you for a few hours, at the very least."
Leliana laughed, tightening her embrace. "I'm not so sure. Grace's been absolutely beaming since you got back, was almost impossible to get her to bed last night. I don't think you'll have five minutes alone today."
"She sure does take after me." Mara nodded in agreement. "Was like that when I was little, guess we taught her well. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree and all that."
"But we have to make sure she never has to suffer through the things we did." Leliana said, and Mara nodded in agreement. They had to ensure the stories and songs of what they had done remained just that – stories to her. That she would never suffered as they had.
"I love you." Leliana whispered after they had fallen into a comfortable, loving silence. "Don't… don't leave like that again."
"I won't." Mara shook her head lightly, laying her head on Leliana's chest to hear the strong, methodical heartbeat that lay beneath, almost musical in it's rhythms. "I'm here, and nothing's taking me away again."
Cantis realized he wasn't happy.
He was sitting alone in the Herald's Rest tavern in the middle of Skyhold. Varric had brought him here to fulfil on his promise and had been drinking with him until someone had come by to pull him away, saying something about imposter writer or something along those lines, and now he sat alone.
The Iron Bull and the rest of the Bull's chargers were in the tavern as well, drinking, singing and generally being a nuisance for everyone else in the tavern, not to mention how many of the rest of his inner circle was here too: Sera, Blackwall and Dorian, among others. He sat there, just listening to their drunken banter and nonsensical shouts from the party. Bull grabbed the redheaded tavern girl of the night, pulling her into his lap, kissing and groping at her. It smelled of stale piss and vomit in here, and that was what tore it for him.
He paid up, leaving an extremely generous tip, and left.
Cantis stepped out and onto the battlements, taking a deep breath of the cold, refreshing northern air as evening began to settle in to the castle. Now that was better. He tried to be a fun, pleasant person to be around, but he was a classical man who had been born in the wrong era. Wine, warm food and cold air was what he thought of a perfect evening, not cheap alcohol that made drunken louts out of normally good people. Come to think of it, Josephine was one of the only people in the world he had ever met like himself, who didn't have her head filled with the same political bullshit that the rest of the nobility did, and wasn't too focused on herself and her own devices like so many others.
He smiled a moment, thinking it a miracle he had found Liam in his life. Else he likely would have lived alone his whole life. There wasn't a place left in the world for men like him, and that was even before his distaste towards sexual matters.
"Too chaotic for your tastes?" A voice came, and he turned. Leliana was approaching behind him, fingers entwined behind her. She has begun wearing her hood down now that Mara was with them, and she looked more… human for it, more like herself.
"Oh, it's my fault." He sighed, turning back to look out over as evening took the valley. "Hardly a place for people like me in this world. The nobility is too focused on politics to give a damn about anyone else, and the rest of the world's much the same, even if for different reasons."
"I understand." Leliana nodded, standing beside him. "I'm afraid I didn't just come to talk about this, however."
Cantis took a deep breath, ready to plunge back into the world of death and politics. "Alright." He turned back to her. "What's going on?"
"I had noticed that you and our dear Lady Montilyet have gotten quite close, no?" Cantis shrugged. Sure, he enjoyed spending time with Josephine, quite a bit. He liked to think of everyone here as his friend, able to adjust himself and speak freely with them all, even given the clashes of personality, but Josephine was… different. He often felt like she was the only one here who understood him.
"Sure, I enjoy spending time with her." He admitted nonchalantly. "Why's that a cause for you to confront me over it?"
"I had just noticed it." She kept her voice metered, measuring every last word carefully. "You seemed to like her quite a bit, and I had wondered if your thoughts had turned to something… else."
Cantis sighed. Of course that's what this was about. Sure, he had considered it before. He and Josephine spent a lot of time together, had a lot of things in common, and were more than a little close. She even reminded him of Liam, in a way. But it hurt to think about her that way, so soon after he had murdered his own husband. Besides, she deserved better than an old soldier with too many painful memories.
"I don't know." He admitted, shrugging. "I can't deny I've thought about being with her, romantically. But…" He sighed, shaking his head. "I don't know. Why? What do you care?"
"It's my job to be curious about these things." Leliana's eyes were cold, calculating. She liked him fine, but Josephine was her friend, and he would inevitably hurt her, and that she couldn't allow. "An… entanglement with our ambassador seems most unwise. More than that, Josephine is my friend, and I wouldn't see her hurt."
Cantis met her eyes with his own serious gaze that could put hers to shame. "I would put it on the table that what I would want from her would be intellectual and romantic, not something so… venereal as what you think." He paused a moment, holding her gaze seriously, ensuring his point was taken. "But, beside that, you're right."
"I am?" Leliana asked in surprise, taken aback by that.
"You are." He nodded. "I… Josephine deserves better. Because you're right. Whatever I do, whatever my intentions are, I will eventually hurt her. It's the kind of person I am. My world is… fire, and blood. I'm an old soldier who's done something he can't redeem himself from, doing the best I can." He took a deep, shaky breath. "She won't end up like Liam. I love her, and that means I have to stay away." He gestured at her. "There. That enough for you?"
She looked at him closely, as if trying to size up the honesty in his words before nodding slowly. "I'm glad you can see that." She said as he did.
"Okay then." Cantis nodded. "Well then, if you'll excuse me, I should probably get some dinner before bed." Then he turned and stormed off. Leliana let out an exasperated sound. That had hurt, but it needed to be done.
"Leliana?" A soft voice came from behind her, and she turned to face Mara, who had been watching from the shadows. "What are you doing?"
"Hi, Mon Ange." She smiled, but Mara didn't smile back. "Was just talking to our dear Inquisitor."
"I can see that." She stepped forward to meet her wife. "You were being cruel for no reason, Leli. What were you doing? Trying to break them up? Couldn't you see the pain you put him through?" Mara felt emotions exceptionally well through her magic, but she didn't need it to know him to be distressed over what she had done.
"You don't understand, love." Leliana tried to defend herself, raising her hands. "Josephine is a… very vulnerable woman, emotionally. An innocent woman who, even if she's no stranger to courtly intrigue, is a stranger to love. And he's… dangerous. The last person he loved is dead now, because of him, and even if I do trust him, I think he'd hurt her."
Mara bit her lip and folded her arms. She hated siding against Leliana, but she could also see that her wife was just plain scared of what could happen. She couldn't let her ruin someone else's chance at the happiness that she had just because of what might be. "Leliana, do you know who you sound like?"
Leliana sighed. "No. Who do I sound like?"
"Wynne, when she tried to break us up."
"I do not!" Leliana defended, but was only met by a stony silence and raised eyebrow. "Maker's breath, I do, don't I?"
"Almost point for point." Mara agreed. "Leliana, I love you, with all of my heart. And if I had listened to what was right, what was best for everyone, we wouldn't be here today. I would have likely died with the Wardens, you lot wouldn't have found out about Adamant, you would be miserable, and Grace would still be an orphan." She unfolded her arms and took Leliana's hands in hers. "Whatever will be, will be. And sometimes, we have to let people take a chance on themselves, even if it's not smart, even if they might get hurt. Because we're all just people, and we all have a right to make our own mistakes."
"I..." Leliana took a deep breath as she realized what she had done. She had just wanted to ensure that Josie was safe, but she hadn't considered if she might be better off on her own. "You're… right, my angel. As usual. I just… thought they wouldn't know what they were doing… and-"
"Leliana." She smiled, shaking her head. "I think he's older than you, and they're both older than me. Let them live their own lives. If something happens, just be there for Josie to help her deal with it. He doesn't seem at all the kind to abuse her, they both seem sweet enough and would be cute together. Even if it wouldn't work, even if the two of them never decided to try it, you shouldn't be the one to stand in the way of their possibilities."
Leliana took a deep swallow, and looked to the main structure of Skyhold, thinking on what she should do now.
Soon she found herself in Josephine's office, trying to set things right.
"Hey Josie." Cantis greeted as he passed through her office to the war room, just about ready for bed but having to get some more things done before the night ended.
"My lord." She stood from her chair, and he stopped. "Leliana came by and talked to me."
"Oh?" An anxious knot began in his chest as she walked up to him. "What about?"
"I..." She paused, running a hand through her hair as she thought. "Might we go talk somewhere more private?"
Cantis bit his lip, the knot tightening, but he nodded slowly. Soon they found themselves in his room, both sitting on the heavy-set leather couch. She sat next to him, but turned so that they were opposite one another.
"So, what's this about?" He asked nervously. There was something in her eyes. A sadness, almost, but also one of honesty, the one that she got when she was being diplomatic with the people who were actually reasonable.
"Leliana came and told me that you two had talked about… well, us." He took a deep breath and nodded, now utterly anxious. What was Leliana playing at? Telling him he was unworthy of having her in his life, then turn around and tell Josephine? "She said that she… realized how unreasonable she was being in that conversation, and told me to discuss this with you directly."
"How… much did she say about what I said?" He asked, tenting his fingers nervously.
"Not much." Josephine nodded. "She only said that she attempted to discourage you from pursuing a… romantic relationship with me."
"I see." Cantis nodded in turn, breathing a brief sigh of relief that she hadn't revealed more. "Well… yes, she did."
"She has no right to meddle in our affairs." Josephine began to gush, having been preparing what she would say the whole time she had been waiting on him. "I have talked with her, and made it very, very clear that she is not to do anything of the sort again. Whatever happens between us, she has agreed to stay out of it."
"That's reassuring." He nodded, smiling a little at her. "So… where do we stand then, Josie?"
"I… don't know." She admittedly slowly. "I… have you ever… considered… us, before?"
"I..." He considered lying, here and now, but that wasn't in his nature. "Can't say I haven't. But… Josie, you deserve better than me."
"My lord." Josephine shook her head, putting a gentle hand ontop of his. "I don't think I could. I… had considered us, before, but… well, you still seem to love your husband."
"I do." Cantis admitted, enjoying having her hand on his more than he should. "I… don't know. I love Liam, it's true, Abigail too. But… I don't know. The two of us haven't really been together since I left the Red Templars, almost a year ago, and..." He smiled at her. "I guess… I guess I'm willing to give this a chance, if you're willing to give an old man like me a chance."
Josephine just smiled at him, eyes sparkling in the late evening. He smiled back at her, and gave into the inevitable, roaring inevitability of what was about to happen. Very gently, he raised a hand to her cheek and pressed his lips to hers. She was warm, smelled of the ocean, and was so incredibly sweet.
For a moment, just a brief moment, all was right in the world.
Merrill pulled back the tarp she had laid over it. Sure enough, there was a massive mirror, taller than her. Almost as broken, too. It was the same as when she had left it, save for the thick layer of dust over the frame.
She took a deep breath, and grabbed for her knife.
"I'm coming, Ma Vhenan. I promise."