A/N: Heh. My updates are a bit sporadic right now, aren't they? Ah well, exams suck TT^TT

BTW…I'm probably going to the animecon in Gatineau in February. Is anyone else going? If the answer's yes, I'm holding up a huge sign that says 'SEVEN REASONS TO STAY ALIVE" and I'll make my boyfriend hold the one that says "MOONLITWATERSUNNYRIVER" on it XD. I'm SR Envy and I'm making him be Ed. He loves my story too :D Also, we'll do yaoi shots for money!

White Stripes song titles are FTW.

Chapter 21

I Want To Be The Boy To Warm Your Mother's Heart

Ed/Envy

"TOOT TOOT!" Envy blew energetically into the party whistle Ling had so kindly procured for him. I winced as the last toot made my eardrum pop warningly. Russell looked ready to rip the whistle out of Envy's hands, his blue eyes smouldering. Seeing his expression, Envy happily tooted right into his ear.

Ling just chuckled and turned the music down. Envy pouted. "Pweez don't turn it down?"

Alfons smiled hopefully, taking Envy's side. (For once.)

"Guys, as much as My Chemical Romance rocks, I'd like to actually be able to hear Roy's sweet nothings, thank you very much."

"Otherwise your nothing won't be sweet."

"What –" I began, then shook my head. When Envy was in this good a mood (read: hyper) he often made very little sense.

Russell seemed to be thinking deeply, then one of those evil smirks everyone (OK, usually me) hates grew slowly on his face.

"Let's play Seven Minutes in Heaven!"

I knew it would be bad.

Unless…

I snuck a look at Envy, who was carefully keeping an indifferent face.

Maybe not so much.

"Sounds good to me. Ling! You're the birthday boy. You first."

The newly-seventeen-year-old grinned, and walked into the closet. It was completely empty, since neither Al nor I had anything we'd put into storage. Closing the door, he gave me a flirtatious wink and grin.

"Oh, come off it, Ling!"

Russell swallowed the last dregs of his Pepsi, and laid the bottle somewhere in the middle of the rough circle we created. He gave it a good spin, and I warily watched the blue cap go round and round…landing on…

Envy.

"M-me?!" He smoothed his non-existent skirt over his knees, realized he was wearing my stonewashed jeans for today, and stood, blushing.

Russell's face darkened for a second, then he grinned. "Well? Go on in!"

Still flushing furiously, Envy slipped into the closet. Alfons pressed a button on his watch and lay back. "Seven minutes, guys. Hope they have fun."

He must have seen the looks on both my face and Russell's, because he raised an eyebrow and smirked, popping the tab on his cream soda. "Don't get jealous. It'll be someone else's turn with Envy next."

I tried to stop the blush, and I could have sworn I did. Alfons threw the tab at me. (He missed. On purpose. He's just as bad as my brother as far as violence goes.)

"I won't comment any further. The two of you!"

"Oh yeah? What about you and Al?"

Alfons frowned. "I'll get around to it."

"Ha. Sure."

Russell chuckled. "I still can't believe you're into a kid who thinks Bob Dylan is good music."

"Hey, he likes Marilyn Manson – don't try the music taste on him."

Alfons scowled. "I don't have anything else to throw at you, so don't diss the Manson."

I stuck my tongue out. "Nyah."

----------------------------------------------------------Envy---------------------------------------

It is dark in the closet, but there's enough light that I can see his face. Ling's eyes are fully open, blue eyes glittering.

"Well, hello, Envy. We've got seven minutes all to ourselves. What do you want to do?"

I shiver delightfully, and throw my arms around his neck flirtatiously. "What do you think…Ling?"

He grins, and presses his lips to mine, one hand on my neck and the other on the small of my back. Eyes closed, I think I see fireworks…and unlike last time, he doesn't pull away.

The kiss deepens, and I feel blood rush downwards. Finally, after what seems like eternity but still too soon, Ling pulls away and murmurs, "I see you liked it."

I blush. "M-maybe."

He lightly presses his hips against me, his own erection pressing against mine, and I gasp, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

Ling gives an evil laugh, and I smiled embarrassedly. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize – I'm guessing you've never felt like this before." Ling kisses me again, effectively cutting off any other possible comments I could have made. He holds me around my waist, fingers touching the skin just underneath the hem of my shirt, and I move against him, loving the friction and the waves of pleasure it sends up my spine –

"Ok, guys, seven minutes is up!" The door of the closet opens, and Alfons's cheery face appears, silhouetted against the bright light of Ed's basement.

Ling and I stare at him like deer in the headlights.

"Looks like you two had fun. Alright, Ling, come on out."

I scowl, but hide it when Ed and Russell peer over Al's shoulder. Ed glances down, then hurriedly pulls his eyes up back to my face and walks away. The door closes for a minute, I hear the spin of the bottle against the floor and a yell of surprise echoes through the house.

The door opens for a minute, and a figure slinks in. I cross my arms, leaning against the back of the closet as Ed refuses to meet my gaze.

"So. D-did you have fun with Ling?" Ed's voice sounds strangely bitter.

"Yes, I did." I cannot think of why he'd be mad at me, and inadvertently add a sharp tone to my own words.

"Hn." He is terribly embarrassed, and in the few inches between us, I can almost feel the tension in his arms, how he keeps them tight against his sides when he's nervous.

"What are you so nervous about?"

"I'm not nervous," he murmurs. I laugh, and hug him, throwing my arms around his neck.

He hugs me back. "Sorry. Just…I dunno. It's awkward!"

"How?'

"Whaddaya mean, how?"

I smile, eyes lidded. "I'm sure I could find a way to get you to relax. Unless, of course, that'stoo hard for you."

Ed gulps, and smiles. I'm vaguely aware of something pressing into my hip, and I wonder what's up.

Then I get it.

"Oh."

He pulls away and sticks his hands in his pockets. "Shut up."

"Nehh…don't feel like it. So did Alfons and Russell do something naughty outside? Or is it just me?"

"Just you," he murmured. "S'not conscious –"

"I know that. I'm a guy too."

"Yeah."

I leant slightly towards him. "Well, I've been left in a nasty situation myself."

Ed's eyes widened. "Wh-what? What are you suggesting?"

"I think you know."

"Wow, you are slutty. What did you call yourself - bakemono?"

"Nice clothes, bakemono,"

"You look good enough to eat…"

"He's gonna hurt you, Envy, he'll make you hurt like me…"

I throw myself back, hitting my head against the back of the closet, and slide to the ground. "Damn it…"

Ed reaches towards me, a look of concern on his face, but I slap his hand away. "Don't touch me!" I say, louder than I mean to.

"Envy…I'm…I'm sorry…are you okay?"

"No." I push open the closet door and walk out, dry-eyed but shaking. I don't know if I'm angry at Ed, Ling or myself, but I think I'm angry at Greed above all else.

"Envy?" Ling looks up at me worriedly. I sigh, trying to steady myself, and sit down on the floor, burying my head in my knees. He puts one arm around me, and murmurs, "Too much?"

I nod, taking deep breaths as the intense feeling of paranoia begins to subside.

"I'm sorry." He gives me an affectionate squeeze, and I look up at him. He is glaring at Russell, who is biting his lip guiltily. I remember it was his idea to play Seven Minutes in Heaven…

I throw a discarded pop tab at him. (I miss. On purpose. Those things can be nasty.) "Baka."

Ling snorts. "I'm teaching you well."

I grin, knowing the only way to lighten the mood is to let it go. "Sorry I'm spoiling your fun."

"S'okay. It was a stupid idea anyway." Ed flops down on my other side, fiddling with his iPod.

All the single ladies

All the single ladies

All the single ladies

Put your hands up!

Ed changes the song, bright red. "Al's been using my iPod again."

She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak

I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks

"Not happy enough." Ed growls, and finally clicks to a Lady Gaga song.

Ra-ra-ra-a-a-ah

Roma-ramama-ah

Gaga-ooh-la-la

I want a bad romance

I make a face. "Lady Gaga? She's weird."

Ed sticks out a tongue. "She's better than Mozart."

"Hey! Don't diss the Mozart!" I suddenly realize something. "Wait, you like Lady Gaga but not Beyonce?"

"FYI, Lady Gaga's creepy therefore awesome."

I chuckle. Everything is back to normal – better than normal, since Ling has conveniently forgotten to remove his arm from my shoulders.

Someone knocks on the door. I hurriedly tug off my shirt (much to the others' approval) and pull on my bra, re-donning the shirt and tying my hair back up. Glancing in the mirror leant against the basement wall, I curse when I notice for the first time the green streaks showing through the black dye. I will have to do without a skirt, hoping that my shirt is long enough and jeans baggy enough to hide my…uh…masculinity.

Ed, meanwhile, is answering the door. "Hello?"

"RCMP and FBI, we'd like to ask you a few questions."

I freeze, halfway through brushing lint off my dark-red blouse. We all look at each other, seeing each other's fear reflected.

This might be the endgame.

A/N: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm tempted to leave you hanging for the next year…I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT FEELS YUKINOKARA! UPDATE MIRACLE ALREADY! YOU TOO LINEA, GET WRITING!

Haha, shoutouts to all those people who're good at updating. (And just shouts for the slow ones .)

But no, I actually have the next chapter planned out already. Then, you'll get a couple chapters about how Wrath and Elysia are doing, and maybe one from Lust. (I'm kinda tired of writing Ed and Envy…WRATH AND ELYSIA ARE MORE ANGSTY!!!!:D)