SPOILERS: "The Breach"

DISCLAIMER: Star Trek belongs to CBS/Paramount. "The Breach" was written by André Bormanis.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I really didn't see any way to insert a Trip and T'Pol scene into this episode … so I didn't. Technically, it's a Trip and Malcolm scene. I hope you'll enjoy it anyway. Fair warning, though: This one gets a little crude.

Thank you as always, reviewers and beta jT.

Solid rock pushed in on him from all sides and no matter how hard he dug his feet in, he made no progress. "Malcolm, hold up! I'm stuck."

The armory officer shuffled in reverse until his boots met up with Trip's pack. "I know it's a little tight, but I got through fine."

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm a little larger than you are."

"A little," Malcolm said grudgingly. "I'll tell you one thing. If any of those Denobulans are shaped like Phlox, there's no way they got through here."

"I'm going to grab your ankles. Try to pull me out."

Malcolm strained mightily. Trip felt himself move ahead slightly, only to stop, more tightly wedged in than ever. Now he couldn't even push backwards. The walls of the lava tube pressed down hard and he reminded himself that this would be a very bad time to panic. "Got any butter?" he asked, only half-joking.

"Tuck your shoulders under. And when I count to three, exhale."

"Okay."

Thankfully, it worked. Malcolm was able to pull Trip far enough ahead that he could finally get moving on his own. "Guess I'd better lose some weight before we head back," Trip said.

When the tube finally opened out enough for them to sit up, they took a short break. "Don't eat too much," Malcolm said.

"Ha ha. Can you believe that I thought this sounded like fun?"

"Personally, I'm just glad this is a dry cave."

"And I can't help wondering – even if we do find the Denobulans, how the hell do we get Travis out?"

"We have two strong backs. It's just your basic rescue operation."

"Yeah, but your basic rescue operation takes time. Even if we find these Denobulans before we have to turn around, I'm not sure we can really get out of here before the deadline passes."

"I doubt the Xantharas are going crawl down this hole in the ground just to find us," Malcolm said.

"No, if they're smart, they'll just wait for us to come out." Trip sighed.

"Is someone feeling a little grumpy?" Malcolm sounded annoyingly chipper. "I couldn't help noticing that the captain managed to get our science officer to see one of your god-awful horror movies. He even called it a date. It's been the talk of the ship."

Trip rolled his eyes. "She went all three nights, and only the first time was with the cap'n. Plus, I had to explain to her that he didn't really mean anything by calling it a date. She was pretty much freaking out, in that Vulcan way of hers."

"What makes you so sure it doesn't mean anything? The captain isn't blind. Maybe he's also noticed how attractive she is."

Trip frowned. "First of all, if he really did want to ask her out, he wouldn't. Two, I'm really the one who got the whole thing started. He just jumped in when she got stubborn. Of course, what neither of us realized was that we were creating our own monster in the process. You haven't lived until you've heard a Vulcan dissect a horror movie."

"So it was really you who wanted to ask T'Pol out on a date?"

"No, I did not want to ask her out on a date! I just wanted her to see a horror movie."

"Why?"

Trip packed up the remains of his ration pak. "I dunno." He grinned. "I suppose maybe I was kind of hoping she would jump or scream or something."

Malcolm shook his head. "And how would that help anything?"

"I just like to see what she does. It's entertaining."

Malcolm gave him a knowing look. "I see. You like playing Poke the Vulcan."

Trip scowled. "We'd better get moving."

Malcolm zipped up his pack and shoved it ahead of him down the tube. "I'll grant you, she is very poke-able."

"Actually, no, she isn't. Thus the challenge." Maybe he was getting a little stir-crazy out here in space. That was the only good explanation for the way he kept pushing T'Pol the way he did. Even if he'd sensed a slight opening there – a kind of helpless fascination with him, or perhaps with all Humans – there was no future in it. Vulcans didn't date. Vulcans probably never even kissed. He could still hear the horror in her voice when he'd offered her his harmonica. "I don't see how people who won't even touch their food ever have sex," he said.

"She touched the popcorn the captain offered her."

Yeah, he'd noticed that, too. It had definitely given him a moment's pause. She'd turned down his harmonica, but she'd taken the captain's popcorn? But the next night he'd wangled himself a seat next to her during Bride of Frankenstein, and she'd taken popcorn from him, too. She'd even made a comment about the Monster having a broken heart.

"So maybe there's some hope," Malcolm added.

"I wouldn't count on it," Trip said. "I bet Vulcans are a really bad lay. They wait seven years, and then they probably ritually disinfect themselves and copulate very efficiently in some sort of clean room, with as little risk of cross-contamination as possible. It's hard to imagine them, you know, enjoying it. And getting down and dirty? Forget about it."

Malcolm snorted. "I see you've thought this through."

"I'm sure every straight man on the ship has," Trip said, though he was also willing to bet that, like him, they usually imagined it quite differently. "The way I see it, there's about as much chance of one of us getting lucky with T'Pol as there is of a fairy godmother coming down and whisking us out of this cave right now."

"I'd settle for that," Malcolm said. "Preferably a really good-looking fairy godmother, though. One who doesn't mind getting down and dirty."

Tucker snickered. "Keep moving, Lieutenant."

"Aye, aye, Commander."