Twentieth of September 2015

"No." I stated with a matter of fact tone as I shut my locker.

"Aww please?" Riley whined.

I turned around to face her. "No, Riley. I do not want to go to Reece's stupid party."

"But why not? It will be lots of fun! I know that Reece is Missy's older brother but she won't even be there for the party," Riley pleaded. Lucas and Riley had been trying to convince me all week. I didn't want to go to the party and there was no way they were going to convince me. It wasn't even the fact that the party was at Missy's house. It was the fact that the party was on the 21st of September. The same date that my dad left me and my mum. All I wanted to do on that night was chill out and watch netflix.

"Yeah, it won't be the same without you," Lucas added.

I scoffed at Lucas's compliment. "Friar, you're such a suck up."

"Okay, whatever," Lucas chuckled. "But seriously, why don't you want to go? You're usually the life of the party, Maya!" Lucas exclaimed as he punched my elbow playfully.

I pushed his hand away forcefully. "I don't always have to be the life of the party, Luke."

"Okay, what's the matter?" Lucas asked, his eyebrows furrowed. "You're not being yourself." It was hard to pretend around Lucas. He saw right through me.

"I'm fine," I said, sighing a little.

"Well obviously there is something that's making you nervous." Riley added.

"I just don't want want to go to the party, alright?" I snapped.

"Yeah, but maybe this party co-"

"No fancy party is gonna make me have fun."

Lucas rubbed my shoulder softly. "Why do you not want to go to the party though?"

"It's not that the party doesn't sound fun...it's just that I know for a fact that it won't be fun because it's happening on the twenty first." I took a deep breath. I was finally going to reveal to them the truth about the reason I didn't want to go. I grinded my teeth back and forth, as tears silently filled my eyes. My shaking hands became clenched fists and I dug my fingers into my palms as I bit my quivering lip. 'Don't cry, Maya, please don't cry' I thought to myself.

I finally let the words come out. "You know how I told you guys about how my dad left?" They both nodded their heads in response.

"Well, the 21st of September was the day he left. So I'm not exactly in the party mood on that date."

Riley froze and looked at me. "How come you never told me this?"

"Because I didn't think it mattered," I said, shrugging. "It's not anyone else's problem. And to be honest, I've always kind of felt that it was my fault that my dad left." Tear drops started to fall down my cheeks as I breathed unevenly. I tried so hard to hold back the tears. I hated when people saw me cry.

Riley looked at me sorrowfully and brought me into an embrace. "I'm so sorry Maya…I wish you had told me sooner." I pulled away and wiped my face with my hand and tried to dry away the tears.

"I'm so sorry, Maya," Lucas said, his voice soft and hushed. He rubbed my back soothingly. "You know you're a strong person, right?"

"Sure I am," I replied sarcastically as I angrily rubbed my tears away with the palms of my hands. "I'm so strong that I can't even forget about my dad."

Very compassionate, warm hazel eyes stared back into my hesitant blue ones. "Have you ever thought about confronting him? Maybe it could give you closure?" I shrugged in response; I really didn't know. I hadn't really thought much about it, especially since my mum was so closed off when it came to my dad. "What he did sucks, Maya. But it wasn't you or your mum's fault." As much as I tried to tell myself that every single day, deep down I still thought it was partly my fault.

My bottom lip trembled a bit, before I managed to find the right words. "Thanks, Lucas. But I feel like my mum completely ignores me when I try and talk about him you know? But maybe you're right; I feel like I'm not gonna be happy until I get closure." I shook my head, realizing how crazy I probably sounded. "You know what? Never mind…he's probably happy with his new family."

"Maya you deserve this chance," Lucas said, looking into my eyes. "You deserve to be happy."

Riley nodded her head. "Yeah, he's right. Because if you don't you'll end up regretting so many things. I know you say that 'hope is for suckers' and yeah, maybe hope is for suckers. But that's what makes us human. Everyone needs a little hope in their life…even if it makes us complete idiots." I smiled a little. Riley's little motivational speeches always cheered me up. "Why don't you talk with your mum after school and tell her you wanna talk about your dad? I'm here for you no matter what Maya."

"Yeah, same," Lucas said.

Location: Topanga's bakery. Afternoon. Friday.

As my mum and I sat in Topanga's bakery, my mum spoke. "So how's school going?" My mum didn't wait for an answer. "It must be great being at school with all of your really close friends. I remember when I was your age I loved going to school every day because of my amazing friends."

"It's great," I said in a mocking tone. I knew that she was trying to postpone the dad conversation, but I really wasn't in the mood for small talk. I was no longer in the mood to ignore the problem. "Anyway, like I said before, I want to talk to you about dad."

"Maya I don't know…" She trailed off wearily.

"I know that he left us. And that hurts me, but he was sometimes a good guy wasn't he? I remember he was really great at making friends."

"That's true." My mum said as she took a sip of her iced tea. "He was good at making friends with people. He was one of those guys who knew how to make you feel special…at least for a little while."

"When I was little I thought he was magical," I said, looking back at the memories I had with him. "Dad could make friends with anyone. I remember that he'd treat everyone like they were his best friends. Even strangers that he met on the street…"

My mum nodded her head. "That's one of the things that I loved about him."

"What happened mum? Why did he leave us?" I questioned with a hint of vulnerability in my voice.

"Your father may have had his good moments, but he was far from perfect. He was dealing with his own demons. One of the reasons I don't want you to see him is that he would always get our hopes up. Remember when he told you that he was going to come back and see you? Well, did he ever come back?"

"I know that he might let me down. But I wanna talk to him. I feel like I'm never gonna be completely happy if I don't." My mum stared down at her iced tea. "Please mum, can you please help me find his phone number or something?"

Finally, she said "I don't have to find his phone number."

"Why not?" I asked, bewildered.

Katy was still staring at her iced tea. "Because I have his phone number."

"What?"

Finally, she looked back at me. "I have his phone number."

"What, how?"

"He rang me up about two months ago. He was drunk and wanted to take me back."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, suddenly becoming angry.

"Because I didn't want to get your hopes up Maya. Kermit was drunk, he probably didn't even remember calling!" As much as I was annoyed at her, I understood why she'd keep it from me. If my dad was as bad as she said, it made sense in my eyes.

"Please just give me the chance to see him," I pleaded.

"Honey," my mum started. "Who would you go with? There is no way I'd want you to go by yourself. I don't think I ever want to see your father again."

"That's okay!" I exclaimed. "Cory actually said he'd drive me there."

"I don't know, honey." I sighed. I wanted to go but it didn't seem like she was about to say yes.

"Okay, fine." I stood up and grabbed my bottled juice of the table. "I'm going to stay at Riley's tonight, alright?"

"Wait." I looked back at Katy who passed me a slip of paper that had his number on it.

My eyes widened. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Saturday/the next day.

Cory agreed to drive Riley and myself to Long island, where my dad lived. Long island was only like one hour away from where I lived. It was a grey and cloudy afternoon, but I didn't mind. I was kind of excited about seeing my dad after all of these years. I was also surprised at how excited he sounded when I rung him up. When we chatted on the phone, I also found out that he was separated from his wife and kids. And that's why he was living in Long Island. I supposed he was living somewhere else prior, but when he separated from his wife and kids he moved again. The whole car trip Riley wouldn't stop talking non stop about Lucas. They had started to become close again after they were paired together in science class. I knew that her crush on him was gone, but it did make me feel a slight pang of jealousy that they were becoming really close again. I knew it was wrong to feel this way, but I just couldn't help it.

"He's so sweet! He told me that I look like a mini Nina Dobrev!" She exclaimed.

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. "Well, isn't that funny."

"How?" Riley questioned, oblivious.

"Well he looks sort of like Stefan from the vampire diaries so I guess you two will be like Stelena." I was being sarcastic but I wasn't sure if Riley would be able to tell or not.

"Oh wow!" Riley smiled and then stopped. "But I don't like him at all anymore. I mean, he is perfect, there is like literally nothing wrong with him. But I don't like him anymore."

I sighed. I loved Riley. She was like a sister to me, but she idolized Lucas to the point that he sounded like a TV character.

"There are flaws in everyone, Riley. Even in Lucas," Cory added from the front seat. "There is someone that likes you who you don't notice very often." I knew exactly who he was talking about. He was talking about Farkle. Farkle had been Riley's secret hero since we were kids, but she still hadn't really noticed.

"Who are you talking about?" Riley questioned. Neither one of us answered. Even though I wanted to help her out and tell her, I realized that she needed to work things out for herself. She'd come to the realization soon enough. Also, Farkle was starting to like Smackle so there was a chance that he had already gotten over Riley.

"Okay never mind. You two are impossible." Riley sighed. I definitely wasn't in the mood to see Riley and Lucas together for a second time. 'I probably have nothing to worry about, Riley doesn't like Lucas anymore' I thought to myself.

It was close to dinner time when we finally arrived in Long Island. After a few incorrect turns we finally arrived at Dad's apartment.

Cory looked back at me. "Are you sure you're ready for this Maya?"

"Yep," I took a deep breath. "It's now or never."

At the front door, I knocked on the door. The door opened, and there stood my dad. He was tall, and his ruffled hair was a golden blonde colour. His blue jeans were faded, and he was wearing a grey Nike sweatshirt.

"Hello young lady," he said with charisma. "What can I do for you today?"

I chuckled, thinking that we was joking. But I then realized that he wasn't. "Uh, it's Maya. Your daughter?"

"Maya! Of course. It's great to see you! You look beautiful. I'm sorry; I forgot you were coming." He hugged me tightly. He pulled away and glanced at Cory and Riley. "And who are these people?" I introduced Cory and Riley to my dad.

As it turned out, he already made plans to go to his friends house for a barbecue. I could tell that he forgot about my phone call, but I didn't want to argue about it. It did annoy me a little bit that he forgot about the phone call we had less than one day prior, but I didn't want to argue about something pointless.

My dad figured it would be better to take separate cars, so Riley, Cory, and I got into Cory and Topanga's Toyota. And Kermit got into his beat up old Nissan. I was hopeful. Except I couldn't help but wonder whether it would be difficult with other people around, to bring up the topic of why he left.

We arrived at his friend's place, which was only ten minutes away from where dad lived. Dad was obviously quite popular. There were probably about twenty people at the Barbecue, and they all seemed to know him really well. They were also really delighted to meet me. We gathered at a round table, and there were a lot of drinks on the table. Alcohol for the adults and soda for us kids. The food was delicious. We got given big portions of ribs with plenty of tasty sauce. My dad moved back in his chair, and started to tell his jokes and stories, igniting laughter from everyone, including Riley and Cory. The story I liked the most was the time we went to this little lake-back when things were still okay with him and mum. It had a small pier, a waterslide, diving boards, and one lifeguard. After trying to teach me how to swim for a little while, dad went to go get a drink of water. Then off I went running, trying to get into any fun I could find. So dad had his water, and came back to find me missing. He panicked, thinking I had drowned. He rushed to the lifeguard, but the lifeguard could hardly swim. Dad didn't tell the best part of the story though. The part where he grabbed me and told me to never run off again. I remember him telling me that he wouldn't be able to live without my beautiful face. I carried that memory around with me like a gold coin after he left.

My dad continued to tell more stories about the past. All of the stories were warm and beautiful like Hawaii. I reminded dad of the times we would listen to Elvis in the backyard on the summer evenings, his smile took a pensive curve.

"Those were great times Maya," I could sense just a little bit of regret in his voice. But then his smile went back into over drive. "You know what? Matt has Elvis on his Juke box. We can listen to some of his songs!"

After he worked the Jukebox, he walked back to us. "Come on Maya. Let's see if you and Riley can keep up with us old folks," I wasn't that much of a dancer. But that didn't stop me. I was in a really great mood so I was up for anything. And so was Riley.

So there we were, Riley and I bouncing up and down to Elvis, probably looking like awkward turtles. But I didn't care. I was having fun. Maybe my dad wasn't bad after all. After a while of dancing we sat back down on the table. I still had yet to ask my dad the question I had wanted to ask him for years. 'Why did he leave us'?

"Dad, why did you leave us?" I asked abruptly. Even though I was having a good time, I still wanted to know what I did to cause him to leave.

He looked at me, one eyebrow raised. "That's a fair question," he said. "I did want to be there for you Maya. Man, I sure did want that. You were more important to me than anything in this world. But I don't think I was ever really cut out to be a family man."

"But you had another family after you left us?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah, I did. But that failed too." He took a deep breath. "Things between your mother and I were good at first, but things started to go down south when you were about five. I would have stayed in the relationship Maya, I really would have. But I don't think things would have been very good if I did stay in the relationship."

"So," Riley piped up. "Why didn't you hope?"

My dad sighed a little. "I don't really believe in the word 'Hope'. I like living in the now. I don't 'hope' for things. I just go with the flow. If I hope, I'm just going to disappoint myself and others." He took a breath. "That's the reason I had to leave you and your mother Maya. Katy always wanted a future, and I didn't really have one to give her. The same thing happened with my second wife."

The table was silent for at least a minute. Then, out of nowhere, some words blurted out of my mouth. "Did you cheat on mum?"

For a moment, my dad rubbed his finger along the top of his beer bottle, contemplating.

"Well?" I questioned.

Without looking up, dad said, "well, yeah. A little."

I couldn't believe that he actually cheated on mum. I didn't want to believe it.

"How can you cheat 'just a little'?" I questioned.

"Look, these people didn't mean anything. I've done some things I'm not proud of. I'm sorry," he sounded almost robotic. Was he even really sorry at all or did he just want to shut me up?

I sighed. "How many girls did you cheat on Mum with?"

"I don't know. It's not like I kept track or anything. You're okay with that right?" I felt like throwing up. How could he be nonchalant about any of this?

"That's okay dad. I understand." I smiled a little too sweetly and picked up a plateful of pork ribs. I hurdled them straight onto dads Nike sweatshirt.

"What was that for?" He asked, looking down at the sauce stains on his grey sweatshirt.

"For being a word class Jerk! I don't want anything to do with you," I declared. "You know, I came here, expecting to hear your side of the story and forgive you. But how can I forgive you when you're not even truly sorry? I don't forgive you, but I do forgive myself. This whole time I felt like it was my fault that you left. But it wasn't my fault that you went around and cheated on my mum. You made your bed and now you have to lie in it." The entire room was speechless. I glanced at Cory. "Can we go now?" Cory nodded his head with a shell shocked expression. I walked out to the Toyota, Riley and Cory in tow.

We sat in the car for a while. The crackling sounds of the lightning were so close that you'd think the sky was splitting in half right above the car. Cory cranked the ignition, and pulled away. We decided to stay at a motel since Cory was too tired to drive back to the city. For a while, we were all quiet. The only sounds I could hear were the lightning and the car noises. By then, the long awaited, grand meeting with dad had sunk in. He didn't seem to care about anyone but himself. Heck, he didn't even remember that I was coming down to visit. And there was that lame talk about how he really wanted to be there for me. But he never came back to see me? If he really loved me he would have come back to see me. All these years, I made up excuses for him. I used to convince myself that underneath his flaws he was a really good guy.

He was all too glad to leave us. He also probably made a bunch of debt before he ditched us too, leaving mum to pay it off. No wonder things for my mum were really hard at times. It must have been really hard for her when he left. I took all my anger out on my mum, when I should have known that it wasn't my mum's fault. All my father gave me were empty words that didn't mean anything. At the end of the day, my mum was the one who was truly there for me.

"I'm so sorry Maya. I shouldn't have told you to hope," Riley whispered.

"Look, Riley...I'm not mad at you or Lucas. I actually still feel kind of hopeful. I obviously want nothing to do with my dad, but I realize that life is actually kind of great when you hope for things."

"Really? But your dad turned out to be a lying cheat."

I chuckled to myself. Riley had a habit of blurting things out. "Yeah, he did turn out to be a lying cheat. But I have other things to hope for."

"Ooh, like what?" Riley asked with a wide-set smile.

"Just things," I said, thinking about my mum and Shawn. I really enjoyed Shawn and I was hoping that maybe Shawn and my mum could be a thing. I also was slowly starting to realize that maybe I did deserve Lucas. Just a few hours prior I was convinced that I didn't deserve him and that nice girls like Riley did. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe I did deserve him. Maybe I did deserve that kind of happiness.