Chapter 21
Fight
Okay, as the title may indicate, this isn't going to be the happiest chapter ever and you guys might not like what's going to happen. Please don't hate me. I promise that things will get better soon and that a pretty big event will bring them closer than ever. Things are looking up ;)
Austin and I woke up a few hours later with my mom smiling at us cheekily. I woke up first and realized she was staring at us.
I slowly moved Austin's arm so he wouldn't wake up.
« What? » I asked her.
« Just ask him out. » She whispered.
« No. It's more complicated than that. » I whispered.
« Okay. » She said. « Are you okay, it looks like you've both been crying? » She asked.
« We're fine. » I said.
« Please tell me you're not pregnant. » She said.
« What? No. We did not have sex mom. How many times do I have to tell you? He was just telling me about his past. » I said.
« I knew this boy was troubled. » She said.
« Mom, he's right there. » I said.
« And he's sleeping. » She said.
« Anyway, he's welcomed to stay over if he wants to. » She said.
« Thanks mom. » I said and she walked away.
Austin stirred beside me.
« You heard everything, didn't you? » I asked him.
« Of course. » He said with a faint smile.
« Wanna stay over? » I asked him.
« And cuddle with you? » He asked. « Definitely. » He said as he grabbed me and made me fall on the bed. He put an arm around me and held me closer.
« Are you okay? » I asked him.
« Yeah, I'm fine. » He said.
« Honestly? » I asked.
« I can't say I'm the happiest person on Earth, but I'm definitely happier than I was. » He said.
« I like to hear that. » I said.
« I'm going to take your advice from now on. I will let the past in the past and make my own future. » He said and that statement made me smile. A lot.
« What are you gonna do about Léa? I'm sure she'll tell Cassidy. » I said to him.
« I don't care anymore. If she wants the whole school to know, then I'll let her do it. » He said. « It's time I accept my horrible past. »
« You know, it's the first time I hear you talking like that. I love it. » I said.
« It's nice to have a best friend like you. » He said. My heart sunk. Those words, I hate them. I know he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but those words still hurt.
« Are you okay? » He asked me.
« Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. » I said with a fake smile to hide my disappointment.
At one a.m., I realized I couldn't sleep, so I went to sit on my balcony. In know it's winter, but there's no snow yet. I put a jacket on and some slippers and I sat on the bench there. I kept replaying in my mind the events Austin told me.
I cannot believe he has had to live through this. No one should live through this. This is just plain awful.
I also couldn't stop thinking about how he said I was his best friend. Did I really get friendzoned?
I'm so happy he trusts me with everything, but at the same time, I feel like he was forced to tell me.
Soon enough, I felt someone put a blanket around.
« Ally, it's about minus five degrees outside. What are you doing there? » Austin asked me. « Come back inside. » He demanded.
I stood up and walked towards the bed. I closed the door, took my jacket off and sat beside Austin.
« When I lived in Miami, I could do that whenever I wanted. I kinda miss that. » I said to him.
« Do you miss living there? » He asked me.
« Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. » I said. « I miss my best friend. Her name is Piper. We used to together at every moment of the day. I really miss her. I miss the rest of my family too. » I said cautiously watching Austin's expression.
« I understand. » He said. « How is it to live there? » He asked me.
« Well, for a starter, it's pretty much always hot outside. I could go to the beach whenever I wanted, but there were storms. » I said.
« And you moved here because your parents wanted to open a shop in Québec city? » He asked me.
« We did. I don't know why they chose this place though. » I said. « This is a beautiful city, but it's so far from home. » I said and I saw him stiffen. What did I say?
« Home. » He repeated. « Don't you feel at home here? » He asked almost offended.
« I do, but I miss Miami sometimes. » I said and he did not look please with my answer.
« If you had the chance to go live back there, would you take it? » He asked me with a serious face. I feel like this is a trap. I feel like whatever answer I give, he's not going to be pleased.
« I don't know Austin. I miss that place a lot, but I don't think I could go back there forever. Things have changed. » I said pleased with my answer. « I would definitely go back for vacations though. » I said.
« If your parents moved back there, would you follow them? » He asked me.
« Probably, I mean almost all the people I care about are there. » I said immediately regretting it.
« That's all I needed to know. » He said dryly.
« I don't understand Austin. What's up with you? » He asked me.
« I feel like you're going to let me down at some point. » He said.
« Why would you say that? » I asked him. « You know how much I care about you. »
« But if you had the chance to go back to Miami, you would. » He said. « You would leave me here. »
« Austin, we are just speaking hypothetically. I don't know what I would do. I miss my family and my friends like crazy, but I know I'd miss you if I went back there. » I said.
« You're still implying that you would go. » He said.
« You want me to give up my whole life for you? » I asked him a bit surprised. « As much as I care for you Austin, I would never give up my life and my own happiness. »
He looked shocked.
« I thought I was your happy ending. I thought I was the one who made you happy. » He said offended.
« You make me happy Austin, you really do, but you can be so frustrating sometimes. » I said.
« Why? » He asked surprised.
« Because you expect me to believe that you're the only important thing in my life. I want to help you. I give my everything to you, but you give me nothing in return. You have me hoping that one day you'll return the feelings I have for you, but you never do anything about it. » I whispered-shouted since it's one a.m. and my parents are sleeping.
He looked shocked. Again.
« Do you know how hard it is for me to let myself go, to let myself feel again? » He asked. « I've been trying my hardest to not push you away and you are still ungrateful. Ally, I gave you everything. I opened up to you. I told you about my past. I've never done that before. You know you mean the world to me. » He whispered-shouted. « If that's not enough for you, then I guess I should go. »
He gathered his things and left the house.
I am so mad right now.
Tears were rolling on my face. I'm not sure if these are tears of anger or sadness.
I went back to bed and tried to sleep.
I went to school the next day empty hearted. Why do I always fight with Austin?
I avoided Austin as much as possible.
At lunch, we sat the five of us together: Austin, Trish, Dez, Elliot and I. I sat as far from Austin as possible. He looked like a mess. Honestly, he looked like he didn't even sleep.
« Are you okay Ally? » Trish whispered to me.
« I'm fine. » I said to her.
« No, you're not. » She said. « We are going to the bathroom. » Trish announced as she dragged me away from the boys.
When we were out of sight, she let go of my arm.
« Spill it. » She said.
« Don't deny. You look like a mess and he looks like a mess. What happened? » She asked me.
« We fought last night. » I said.
« About what? » She asked me.
« Us. » I said. She looked at me confused.
« What about you two? » She asked.
« He kept asking me questions about Miami and he kept asking me if I want to go back. I said that I'd consider it. » I explained to her.
« You are an idiot. » She said.
« What? » I asked her. « Why? »
« You told him you would never let him go. You told him you would never give up on him. He was looking for some sort of validation. » She said.
« Since when are you an expert on humans' behavior? » I asked her.
« This isn't rocket science Ally. » She said to me. « He has nothing to live for. He's lost everything. You're the only thing he has beside Mimi and Mike. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to lose you too. » She explained.
Yes, she does know about Austin's past. As predicted, Léa told Cassidy and Cassidy told everyone. Austin told the two boys and Trish before Cassidy could though. He only told them that his dad killed his mom and sister and that he committed suicide. He did tell them in detail, because he did not want to get emotional again.
« Ally, you need to talk to him. » She said.
« But I told him the truth and he's the one who walked away. » I said.
« Gosh, you can be so stubborn sometimes. » She said. « If you don't do it, I'll make you. »
« I'm not scared of you. » I said.
« I know. But I'm still going to find a way. » She said to me.
We walked back to the guys and sat down. Trish kept giving me death stares.
As I got back home, I saw Austin getting out of his car.
« Austin. » I shouted.
« What the fuck do you want? » He asked dryly.
« I'm sorry. » I said.
« Forget about it. » He said.
« No, I won't. I hurt you and I'm sorry. » I said.
« You didn't hurt me. » He said and hoped he forgave me. « You made me realize something. »
« What? » I asked.
« To never rely on people. » He spat.
I widened my eyes.
« You made me realize that you can have a happy ending with someone who doesn't think you're their happy ending. » He said. « I was so stupid to think you could give me that happy ending. »
« No you weren't. » I said. « I was being a bitch and I'm sorry. »
« I'm glad we agree on that. » He said.
« Austin, please forgive me. I know I was being a jerk. It's just, do you know how hard it is for me to not jump on you and kiss you? I've kissed you before and I want to be able to do that whenever I want. » I admitted. His expression softened for a couple of seconds.
« That's what you want me to give you? » He asked. « I gave you my heart. It wasn't enough for you. Now, you're telling me all you want is what a horny teenager wants? » He asked me. « I thought our relationship was bigger than that Ally. » He said and my heart sunk.
Am I really being selfish right now?
I turned around and walked away. Whatever I say, I seem to get myself in deeper and deeper.
Maybe I should just stay alone for a while.
I walked back to my house and ran to my room. I slammed the door and took my guitar. It's always when I'm upset that I come up with the best lyrics.
Lovin' you ain't easy nothin' ever is,
My relationship with Austin couldn't be more like that.
But I will keep on fighting for a love like this,
I'm not going to give up on him. That's for sure.
You know I wouldn't have it any other way
Even when times get tough, I don't want no easy love,
It's true. Normal romance is boring. Austin, he's exciting. He's fin to be around, but it's not easy to be around him.
I wrote the lyrics in my songbook when my father knocked on the door.
« Hey dad. » I greeted him.
« Hey pumpkin. » He smiled. « I've got great news for you. » He said excitedly.
« I just booked us a plane ride. » He said.
« Where? » I asked him.
« Miami! » He exclaimed. « We are going there for the holidays. »
« Awesome! » I said smiling. « How long will we be there? » I asked him.
« Two weeks.» He responded.
« Great, I can't wait to see everyone and Piper. » I said excitedly.
« When are we leaving? » I asked him
« On the 22nd and we are coming back on January 5th. » He responded with a wide smile.
« Cool. » I said and he left my room.
Whatever I do, I feel like Austin might be right. Love can destroy you. I love him so much I hurt myself and I'm pretty sure that his love for me is hurting him too. Why does life have to be so complicated? Why can't we just live like the pretty princesses that find their pretty princes and live happily ever after?
Maybe going away for two weeks will help me clear my mind and relax.
Ooooh, Miami. Ally being in Miami isn't going to be the most important part of the story, but some things are going to happen while she's there.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and that you don't want to kill me. I really appreciate the fact that you all take the time to read my story, to review it, to follow it and to favorite it.
Here is next chapter's sneek peak:
« I think you cannot handle love right now. » She (Piper) said.
« What do you mean I cannot handle love? » I asked her.
« I think your hormones are making you act crazy. We are teenagers after all. » She (Piper) said.
« I still don't get it. » I said.
« It's all about sexual tension Ally. You want more, he wants more, but he's not ready for commitment so he doesn't do anything about it. » She (Piper) explained.