Chapter 21
Still dreaming, still writing. Hope you all are still enjoying, let me know what you think so far.
It has been a few days since Naya had been told about the suicide of the guy who attacked them. She had thrown the letter out after they read it and had followed through on her promise. She made an appointment with the psychologist that the hospital had recommended before she left. She was not very eager to go and tell some stranger how she feels weak and can't make love to her girlfriend but a promise is a promise. The only person she trusted with those feelings was Heather and she was no stranger, she was her closest friend and knew everything about her. But has gone twice now. Naya's nights were not getting better. She would still wake up several times a night and find herself shaking or pushing Heather away. She thought knowing he was dead would make things better, but it hasn't in fact it has taken Heather longer than usual to calm her girlfriend down and get her to go back to sleep. Naya was exhausted and everyone was starting to notice.
Naya's third visit with the psychologist, they discussed her lack of sleeping. The doctor prescribed an anti-anxiety drug and told her it would help her relax and get some sleep. Naya argued with the doctor and told her she did not want to have to take anything, she didn't want any medication, she just wanted to stop thinking about that night, she wanted to sleep. She wants to move on with her life not rely on a pill. The doctor handed her the prescription when she left and told her it was up to her.
When Naya returns home she notices the door is cracked open. She takes her phone out and tries calling Heather. There's no answer. She can hear that the TV is on and when she peaks through the opening she doesn't see anyone. Naya starts to panic, what if someone broke in, what if Heather's hurt. She pushes the door open and walks in slowly looking around for Heather. Suddenly someone appears behind her and she screams.
"Hey, it's me, calm down," Heather says resting her hands on Naya's shoulders.
"Jesus Christ Heather your lucky I didn't swing. Why are you sneaking up on me, are you trying to give me a heart attack?!" Naya shouts.
"Shhh….relax, its okay, I'm sorry I was trying to make you dinner and I didn't hear you come in." Heather can feel how tense Naya is, "what's wrong, why are you so upset?"
Naya rolls her shoulders taking a deep breath, "the door was open and I tried calling and you didn't answer. I got scared. I thought something happened to you. Why was the door opened?"
"I grabbed your mail and I must not have closed the door tight. Baby, I'm fine, he's gone. Hey how did it go with the therapist?" Heather asks as she starts massaging Naya shoulders.
"It was fine," Naya shrugs.
"Just fine?" Heather asks.
"She gave me a prescription for anti-anxiety pills, said they will help me sleep," Naya says quietly. "But I don't want to take them."
"Why? If they will help you sleep you should take them, you're exhausted Nay." Heather releases Naya's shoulders and drops her arms around her waist kissing her neck. "You need some sleep baby."
"I don't want to rely on pills. I want to be able to move on without being sedated, I don't want to have to reach for a pill every time I'm scared." Naya turns in Heather's arms and kisses her softly, running her hand down the blondes back. Heather is not sure what she should do, what Naya wants her to do. But the way Naya's lips feel on hers, she can't resist, she runs her hands under Naya's shirt and up her back. Naya doesn't retreat, she just keeps kissing Heather. So Heather lets her hand wander up Naya's side and brush against her breast. Naya doesn't stop, in fact she runs her hands down the small of Heather's back and down to her ass. Heather moans and backs Naya up to the couch and gently lays her down, never breaking contact with Naya's lips. Naya pulls Heather's shirt up and breaks the kiss long enough to remove the shirt as the blonde lays her body down gently on top of hers. Naya deepens the kiss as Heather's hand runs over the brunette's stomach and up over her breasts. She lifts Naya's shirt slowly, as she stares into her eyes, letting her know she won't hurt her. Heather lowers her head and kisses down her neck. Naya reaches around and unhooks Heather's bra. Heather lets out a small moan as she moves back to kissing her lips. Naya runs her hand over Heather's breast gently squeezing then as she playfully licks her bottom lip. Heather's heart is racing she wants her so bad, it's been so long, she shifts her weight to the side and off of Naya, letting her hand run down the brunette's warm body. She slides her hand down to the waist band of Naya's jeans and unbuttons them. Naya breaks away and takes a deep breath.
Heather runs her tongue down Naya's neck and whispers in her ear, "it's okay, it's me, look at me." She positions her face directly in front of Naya's, "look at me." She leans down and softly kisses her, unzipping Naya's jeans as she does. She can feel Naya start to pull away, "Nay, honey, it's just me." She takes her hand and places it behind Naya's head pulling her closer so that their lips meet, her other hand is softly running down Naya's body and to her waist. She waits a couple seconds to see if Naya is comfortable and then lets her hand wander lower rubbing over the front of Naya's jeans. Naya instantly pulls away and grabs for Heather's hand.
"Heather, I…."
"Naya, look at me, I'm not going to hurt you, I will stop whenever you want me to," Heather says softly as she leans down kissing her and moving her hand back up to settle on the brunette's stomach.
"Heather I want to, so bad, believe me," Naya whispers as a tear runs down her cheek.
"Honey, don't cry," Heather gently wipes the tear with her thumb. "We will get there. Can I kiss you?"
Naya manages a small grin, "please." She reaches up and pulls Heather into a kiss. When she pulls away again she is staring into Heather's eyes, "you are so beautiful. I am so lucky to have you, thank you for understanding."
"Naya, I love you, I want to make love to you, but I will wait until you're ready." Heather lays her body back down on top of Naya's. There is a slight pause and then Heather asks "do you think that being here makes you think about that night?"
Naya wraps her arms around the blonde and runs her hands over her bare back. "I don't know, I haven't thought about it like that."
"After dinner why don't we pack some stuff and go stay at my place tonight, I am sure Ashley would love to see us anyways and it might help take your mind off of it," Heather suggests.
"Yeah, that would be okay, but can we lie like this for a while longer, I've missed feeling your almost naked body on mine?" Naya smiles at her girlfriend.
Heather wiggles her eyebrows and smirks at Naya, "Baby anytime you want me naked you just say so. Can we at least kiss and maybe fool around a little? I mean we both are already partially naked, seems like a waste."
Naya grabs Heathers chin and tilts her head so that she can kiss her, "I can do more if you want, you just don't have to return the favor, this time. But eventually I will expect to be paid back," she says with a big grin.
"I want to Baby, but I will wait, I want us to make love. It's okay, I am alright with just feeling you up for now." Heather smiles at Naya who smiles back.
After a little while things start to get heated again and they decide it would be best to get up and finish dinner. After dinner they pack a few clothes and things they need and head to Heather's apartment. Heather managed to text Ashley on the way and let her know they were coming, after all she hadn't spent a night there since they had been home from tour. When they arrived Ashley was sitting watching TV, they said a brief hello and went and put their things up in Heather's room and then came back into the living room. Heather plopped into her favorite chair motioning for Naya to come sit on her lap.
"So," Ashley said, "What's going on? I love you both but why would you choose to come here and hang out with me when you could be alone having sex all day and night?"
Naya's focus drifts to the floor and Heather can tell she feels bad about earlier. "Really Ash, is that what you think we do all day, just run around having sex?"
"Well…actually knowing you two and how you can't keep your hands off each other, yes." Ashley states bluntly.
"For your information, that's not what we do and Naya is having trouble sleeping so we thought maybe getting her out of that place would help," Heather responds.
"You still having nightmares?" Ashley asks looking at Naya who still has her head down.
"Yeah," Naya mumbles.
"You okay Naya, since when are you shy?" Ashley asks tossing a pillow at her.
Naya looks up to deflect the pillow, "I'm fine, just been a long day. Heather, do you mind if I go upstairs and change?"
"Of course not, you want me to go with you?" the blonde replies.
"No it's alright, I will be back in a couple minutes," Naya says as she stands and walks towards the stairs.
As soon as Naya is at the top of the stairs Heather hears Ashley whispering to her. "Come here." She says pointing to a spot next to her on the couch. "What's going on with her, she looks like someone killed her puppy."
"Well sex is kind of a sore subject right now and you managed to bring it up first thing." Heather says smacking her roommate in the shoulder.
Ashley flinches when Heather hand makes contact, "how was I supposed to know that? Why what's wrong, you not getting any Heather?"
Heather glares at Ashley, "you're an ass, you know that? It's not like that, she still won't let me touch her, I mean at least there. We fool around a little now and stuff but we haven't had sex. Look it's a sensitive subject okay, she thinks she is disappointing me by not being able to, and I don't care I will wait, but just shut up about it."
Ashley was about to say something else when they heard Naya coming back down the stairs. She notices they both stop talking and look at her. "So talking about me huh? Let me guess the poor messed up girl who can't have sex right?" Naya says angrily.
"Hey!" Heather yells at her as she stands up, "that's not what we were saying, I told Ashley to shut up about it."
"Naya, I'm sorry I had no idea, I didn't know what you have been going through or I wouldn't have said anything," Ashley says apologetically.
Naya looks directly at Heather, "yeah, well, you don't have to wait for me you know, you can go find someone else if you want."
"Whoa Naya! Seriously what is wrong? Why are you saying this? I had an amazing time earlier and I told you I didn't care if we had sex or not, why are you so angry now?" Heather walks closer to Naya, who takes a few steps back.
"Because I can't make you happy, all I do is make you sad. You cry when you don't think I can hear you, you try and be intimate with me telling me how much you love me and when I can't, you tell me how you're willing to wait, but seriously Heather, how long? How long are you willing to wait? I don't know how to fix this. All I do is hurt you. Jesus, he didn't even rape me, what am I so scared of?"
"You do make me happy, I am sorry you have heard me crying, I am crying because I love you so much and I know you're in pain and I can't help you. I want nothing more than to make you forget that whole night but I don't know how. And we will be together again, I know that, and I will wait forever to be able to make love to you again. Naya being with you like we were earlier is enough for me, as long as I can hold you close and tell you I love you, I will wait. And when you're ready I will be more than happy to rip your clothes off and make love to you all day," Heather says smiling at Naya, "but right now I am happy with what we have, because I have you."
Naya closes the gap between them and grabs Heather like her life depended on it. Heather nudges her with her head so that she looks up at her and Heather places a simple kiss on her lips.
Ashley clears her throat, "you both know I am still in the room right?"
"Unfortunately," Heather responds still holding Naya. "So what movie are we watching?"
"Pick one, it doesn't matter to me," Ashley responds switching places over to the chair so the girls could cuddle together on the couch.
That was the first time Naya managed to sleep through the night since the attack happened. However it did help that Heather made her stop on the way over and fill her prescription, she also managed to convince her to take one before bed.