Sam
I was pretty sure I was in the early stages of labor. I head into the infirmary to have Janet confirm it. On the way I see SG-1 come through. They were on a diplomatic mission, and they are back way early. I go toward them, but Jack stops me.
"Carter, stay away, radiation."
"Radiation?" I ask worriedly.
"Don't touch me!," Daniel says looking really concerned. I give them lot of space, but follow them into the infirmary.
"Let's get him scrubbed down," Janet says.
My water breaks. I drop a towel down discreetly to wipe it up. I don't need people fusing around me. I need to be near Daniel. Radiation poisoning.
"They were making a bomb, sir," the Colonel says to General Hammond. They let me sit in on the briefing, something they would definitely not do if they knew I was in labor.
"They were far from achieving a deliverable weapon, but if successful it would have been as powerful as a naqahdah-enhanced nuclear warhead," Dr. Miller, my temporary replacement says.
"The Kelownans claimed they were under threat of oppression from their neighboring nations and the weapon would only be used to ensure their freedom," Teal'c offers.
"Sounds like a situation we would have to be very careful about getting involved in," General Hammond cautions. This is a road we've been down before after all.
"I'm not sure we need to worry about that, General," the Colonel says.
"How so?" the General asks.
"I don't think they want our help any longer," the Colonel says.
"Something to do with how Dr Jackson was exposed to that much radiation?" General Hammond asks cautiously.
"We were touring the city. Daniel was at the research facility with Jonas. As I'm sure you can imagine, he was pretty passionate about trying to convince the Kelownan people that building a big bomb wasn't going to be the answer to their problems." Dr. Miller says looking crushed. But he can't begin to understand. He barely knows Daniel.
"Still, we don't know," the Colonel says.
"Colonel, what do you know?" the Colonel looks at me with concern on his face.
"Sir, they're claiming Daniel tried to sabotage their research," Dr. Miller says reluctantly.
"They're lying, General," the Colonel says grumpily.
"I also do not believe this to be true," Teal'c says still looking at me.
"They let us bring him back home on compassionate grounds," Dr. Miller says.
"The fact is, they just didn't want us around there anymore," the Colonel says slowly.
"But they are demanding that he be returned to face the charges if he survives," Dr. Miller adds.
Daniel
Sam knocks on my curtain.
"It's ok, Janet cleared me to be around others. I'm not radioactive anymore. I even asked about the effect on the baby," I offer.
Her face looks really grave, "How are you?"
"Well, I'm fine for now," I say. I can tell by her face she wants me to give her the truth so I do, "The nausea will be followed be tremors, convulsions and something called ataxia. Surface tissue, brain tissue and internal organs will inflame and degrade, I believe that's called necrosis. Now based on the dose of radiation I got, all that will happen in the next ten to fifteen hours, and if I don't drown in my own fluids first, I will bleed to death, and there is no medical treatment to prevent that."
"Maybe not that we know of," Jack says coming into the room behind me.
"Jack, we don't go running to our off world allies every time an individual's life is at stake. And don't go telling me that this is any different, because my life is no more valuable than anybody else's," Jack says.
"What happened?" Jack asks.
"It doesn't matter," and it really doesn't. Either way I die. What does it matter what they think of me.
"Yes, it does. You didn't try to sabotage anything," he says. Absolute confidence in me. When the hell did that happen?
"There was an accident. I guess the scientists figured the government would hold them responsible. I guess they figured it was easier to blame me." I say.
"And you're okay with this?"
"No. But there's not much I can do about that." I say. In my experience you can't really influence other people's views of me.
"Yes, there is," Jack says angrily.
"If they really want to blame me, denying it isn't going to change anything. Ten thousand years ago, a Goa'uld tried the same experiments that they're trying and he nearly blew the entire planet to bits. I tried telling them that, they wouldn't listen. They're gonna build that bomb and nothing we say is gonna stop them."
Sam
I'm really hoping I can do this. I have to do this. There is not a lot of evidence that I can do this. I mean we saw Karan do this, but she was host to a Gou'ald for years. But I may be Daniel's best hope.
"Daniel, I didn't suggest this before because, well, the truth is, I'm not really sure what I'm doing with this thing. I could make things worse," I say holding the healing device in front of him. Daniel nods his head. I give a nervous look to Janet who gives me a thin and grim smile. I hold the healing device as over his body. I close my hands.
It is the strangest experience I've ever gone through. I can feel a million tares. I try to mend them, but there is so much damage. Daniel starts to shake.
"He's seizing. Get the crash cart; give me five of Valium," Janet says.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I practically sob getting out of the way.
"Help me get him on his side. Valium's in. Stand by with the ambu bag, draw two grams of magnesium sulphate. Put him back, easy," Janet continues.
I may have just killed one of my best friends. Suddenly a contraction doubles me over. I look up, thankfully they were too distracted with Daniel to notice.
Daniel
Sam was trying to heal me, but it felt more like a pain stick than a sarcophagus. Of course, I've never actually had someone use a healing device on me before, so maybe this is what it is supposed to feel like.
Suddenly I am standing in the gate room in front of the gate. I'm dressed in my BDU's. There are so many familiar things in the room, but there are also so many things that are unfamiliar about it. The lighting is very different. A woman dressed all in white is standing on the ramp.
"Your fate is in your hands," she says.
Jack
God Daniel looks awful. His whole body is wrapped up in bandages, to the point that I wouldn't know it was Daniel if there was more than one mummy in the infirmary. I sit down next to him. I suck at this touchy feely stuff. But Daniel means enough to me that I really need to try.
"Hey, Jack," Daniel says softly.
"Hey. I uh, I just wanted to… I'm really bad at this," I might as well admit it right away.
"Yes, you are," he says with a little laugh. He's my friend, so of course he knows that I am really bad at this. He even changes the subject for me, "I hear that Sam thinks the naquadria might be an important discovery."
"Yeah, apparently. If we can get some. For what it's worth, I tried to get your point across to Jonas."
"He's in a tough position," Daniel would defend someone framing him for a disaster.
"You're not gonna take the fall for this. I don't care what's at stake," I say angrily.
"Why do you care?" he asks.
"Because, despite the fact that you've been a terrific pain in the ass for the last five years, I may have, might have, uh, grown to admire you a little, I think," I say.
"Now that's touching," he says sarcastically.
"This will not be your last act on official record," I repeat.
"Oma…" he says.
"What?" I'm thinking he's not really with me anymore. I think she's in another place.
Daniel
"Oma Desala. I felt like I knew you, like we'd met before, but… you look different," I say suddenly realizing who she is.
"Lightning flashes, sparks shower, in one blink of your eyes you have missed seeing," I really wish I could understand what she was saying.
"Right. What did you mean when you said my fate is in my hands?" I say taking a note out of Jack's book, and being direct.
"When the mind is enlightened, the spirit is freed and the body matters not," she continues. This sounds like the offer she made Sha're before. It sounds like it might involve death. Of course, death is probably going to happen to me anyway, so what does it matter?
"You're talking about ascension, right? Rising to a different plane of existence. Are you saying that I could do that? Become like you?"
"You must complete the journey you began at Kheb. Only then will you be able to find your way to the Great Path."
If I have to die, perhaps I can help others. God, I don't want to die, what about my family? "What do I do?" I ask with reservations.
"Release your burden."
"Okay, well, consider it released. What's Step Two?"
"A tall man cannot hide in the short grass."
I don't want to spend my last moments trying to figure out nonsense statements. "You know, I really, I don't have time for one of these kind of conversations."
"One cannot reach enlightenment by running from death."
That was more or less my plan, "Tell me what to do."
"Many roads lead to the Great Path. Only the willing will find their way."
"Okay, well, I'm willing. So let's go. I mean, you know, do your thing. Glow me," I think Jack has been rubbing off on me.
"The river tells no lies, though standing on the shore, the dishonest man still hears them."
"Right. I didn't think it was gonna be that easy."
Sha're
"Daniel," I say softly. He turns his head to me, but I can't see his facial expression. He's wrapped in too many bandages. "They told me you were going to die," I say trying not to sob.
His bandaged hand grabs mine even though I see him flinch as he does it.
"I'm so sorry Sha're."
"I'm the one who is sorry," I can't stop the tears now that I hear how unbelievably sweet he is being. "Daniel…I found something out while you were on your last mission. Perhaps I should not tell you, but I think you would rather know."
"What?" he asks fixing his eyes on mine.
"We're having a baby."
His mouth breaks into a grin I can see even under the bandages. But then the grin turns into a scowl. "Sha're…I'm sorry. God, I didn't mean to leave you like this. You're going to do this all on your own. Sha're…"
"You're going to be fine, Dan'yel," I assure him.
"Sha're, I'm not going to be fine," he says.
"I'm not going to be doing it on my own. You didn't do it on your own with Shifu did you? Everyone was there for you. I'll be fine."
"Two kids," he mutters.
"Dan'yel, I am so glad that there will be some of you will stay with me."
"I wish more could stay with you," he says regretfully, "Sha're, I need to talk to you logistic maters…"
"No," I say shaking my head fiercely.
"Sha're, I need to know you and the kids," the s makes him break into a wide grin, "are going to be ok."
I nod my head, and sit down for a serious talk.
Daniel
"Millions could still die," I complain to Oma. I mean I risked my life to save people. Two kids are going to be growing up without a father, and I have to leave Sha're alone, and still people are going to die. I'm thinking that I made a really bad deal.
"The future is never certain. You saved many without regard for your own life."
"Could have destroyed the device," I say bitterly. At least my death would have meant something then.
"You believe your journey is still not over."
"Of course I do! I have a family! What kind of father leaves his children to save people he never even knew?"
"You can never reach enlightenment if you do not believe you are worthy."
"Then I guess we may have a problem," I tell Oma.
Teal'c
I return to DanielJackson a statue that he once gave to me. He is not far from death. It deeply grieves me to see a friend in this state, "You once gave me this. You said that its spirit would one day serve its owner in the afterlife."
"Thanks. I'm not dead yet, but… I guess it doesn't look so good right now," Daniel says weekly.
"If you are to die, Daniel Jackson, I wish you to know that I believe that the fight against the Goa'uld will have lost one of its greatest warriors. And I will have lost one of my greatest friends." I give my friend the salute due a fallen warrior.
I am back in the gate room talking to Oma, "Because it is so clear it takes a long time to realize it. If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago."
"Yeah, yeah, a monk at Kheb said that to me. I didn't know what it meant then and I still don't know now," I say losing patience with the whole thing.
"Why do you feel you have failed on your journey? You opened the Stargate for your world."
"I cracked the code, a lot of other people made it work."
"You are a good father."
"But neither of my kids is probably going to remember me."
"The very next thing you did was help free the people of Abydos from evil."
I have a flash back to the day the Gou'ald's took Sha're, "I should have been able to protect her. I couldn't leave it alone. I was the one that unburied the Gate. What happened to her was my fault. Every Goa'uld I helped eliminate, another one took its place. Maybe I did something good every now and again, but nothing I've ever done seems to have changed anything.
"These tasks of which you speak were great challenges. Perhaps they were even impossible to achieve."
"Does that absolve me?" I say, that was too easy.
"You feel your journey must continue until you have found redemption for these failures?"
"No. Not anymore, not if I'm dead," I'm not sure exactly what matters now.
"Exactly true."
"You said I was the only one qualified to judge myself? So, how ever much I want achievement enlightenment or whatever you want to call it, what happens if I look at my life and I don't honestly believe I deserve it?"
"The success or failure of your deeds does not add up to the sum of your life. Your spirit cannot be weighed. Judge yourself by the intention of your actions and by the strength with which you faced the challenges that have stood in your way."
"What if I can't?"
"The people closest to you have been trying to tell you that you have made a difference. That you did change things for the better."
"Not enough," I say, there are so many things that I am leaving undone.
"The universe is vast and we are so small. There is only one thing we can ever truly control."
"What's that?"
"Whether we are good or evil," but I'm not entirely sure which one I am.
Jacob
Daniel looks awful. He's laying on the bed completely covered in bandages. His wife, Sammy and Dr. Fraizer are around him.
"Hey, Sam. I'm so sorry," I say giving my daughter a hug.
"I tried this, but it didn't work," she says handing me the healing device with a look of dejection on her face.
"We'll do our best."
I take the device and activate it over Daniel's body. Selmak takes over as he always does when we are using Gou'ald technology. I can see and feel all the damage in Daniel's body.
"His condition is grave. I do not know if I can save him. And even if I can, I do not believe I can restore his full healthy state."
"Do what you can," Sam says looking worriedly at me as I activate the machine again.
"Come back to me, my love," Sha're says holding lightly onto his hand.
Daniel
Oma is about to go through the Stargate, "You're leaving? You can't leave," I beg her.
"The rest is up to you."
"Why, why me? Why, why give me this chance?"
"Anyone can reach enlightenment. Anyone prepared to open their mind as you did when you first came to Kheb."
"They're trying to save me. They're healing me, I can feel it," I can also feel Sha're's hopes her desperate attempt to save me.
"Then your journey will continue as before."
"What if I don't want it to? Not that way. Not without my family."
"Walking the Great Path brings great responsibility. You cannot fear it nor hesitate in your resolve."
"He won't be able to heal you completely."
"So cancer? In a few years? Do I at least get a few years with my family first?"
She takes a deep breath, "Do not think I will always save you," she says.
And for one second I can feel this thing she calls enlightenment. My physical body is gone, and I see how unimportant it was all along. I don't have access to all knowledge, like I thought I would. But I do see a lot more than I did before. I notice every detail of the room, and see their significance almost too the point of seeing the past and the future. I can also see inside of people's minds. They are all thinking about me, and they think a whole lot more of me than I thought they did. I can also sense people far away. People far away that are important to us. They are pulling at my attention. I can feel other people's pain. Sam has a lot of pain right now. Why is she in so much pain?
Then suddenly I'm back in my body. Well, not my body exactly, but one exactly like it.
"Daniel?" Sha're exclaims.
"Yes," I say.
"Oh my God, you disappeared, you were…just gone," Sha're says.
"It's like you turned into light," Sam offers.
"I really don't think I did that," Jacob says.
"It's ok, Sha're. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be fine. Oma healed me. She wanted me to ascend, but I couldn't leave you," I say sitting up and hugging her.
"Daniel I want to run some tests on you," Janet says.
"Yes," Sh'are nods enthusiastically, "Make sure he's ok."
I smile at her, "I want to make sure I'll be here for you, Shifu, and the baby."
"Baby?" Jack asks with a big grin.
Baby, that's it! "Sam are you in labor?" I ask. All eyes are on her.
"How did you know?" she asks.
Jack moves closer to her.
"When I was ascended there for a second, I felt her pain."
"Sam, I'll need you up on an exam table," Janet says.
"You have to take care of Daniel first. That's why I didn't mention it," Sam says.
"You didn't mention you were in labor?" Jack says in disbelief.
"Sammy," Jacob says nervously.
"I'm fine," she says with an eye roll.
Janet
How did I not notice my best friend was in labor? I'm a doctor for crying out loud! But of course I know the answer to that question. I didn't notice, because I was at the time completely distracted by the fact that another one of my good friends was dying. Still, Sam was in a really advanced state of labor by the I examined her. Good thing she didn't want an epidural, because it was too late for that.
Teal'c stands by the door of the infirmary shoeing away the stem of people there to see if Sam is really having the baby. Jack and Daniel stand one on each side of her. Daniel is holding her hand. Jack doesn't hold her hand, any fool can tell there is too much between them than that. But every once in a while he rubs her shoulder, and I'm pretty sure he's offering more support than Daniel's more obvious gestures.
It's less than an hour after I know that Sam is in labor when her son is born. She actually cries when I hand him to her. Sam doesn't cry easy, and this is the first happy tears I've ever seen her cry.
"So, do we finally get to know what you named him?" Jack asks looking at the kid with…seriously? This kid got the Colonel to mist up too?
"It was pretty tough to decide," Sam says, "But I finally decided on Jonathan Daniel Murray Carter after all four of my guys," she says grinning at the four of them around her bed.
"Big name for this little kid," Daniel says obviously touched by the gesture of the child being named after him.
"I'll call him JD," she says touching his cheek.
JD focuses his eyes on Jack beyond her.
"Carter, does this kid read minds…rather ask questions inside your mind?" Jack asks nervously.
"He can't talk yet, but…there is some mental influence there," Sam responds clearly with an unspoken 'why' at the end.
"JD," Jack says running a finger across his cheek, "I'm Uncle Jack." And we all know question the baby was asking non-verbally in Jack's mind. From inside the womb Jack must have sounded like Daddy. Jack was the most significant male influence in Sam's life.
"Hold him," Sam commands softly.
Jack gently lifts the little baby up, "Hello," he says. I wrapped the baby the way I was taught long ago in some class in med school. Something I haven't had to use since I learned tight they can't scratch there face. JD looks at the blanket's grumpily, and they unfold gently allowing his hand to come out. JD wraps his little hand around Jack's fingers, and we all know that Jack has been claimed.
Jack passes the baby around, and Sam's teammates, and Sha're each take their turn holding the baby gently in their arms. Finally he's back in his mother's arms. Suddenly one of Sam's breast juts toward JD. Sam blushes deep red. "JD, you are going to have to learn to control that telepathy," she scolds.
"Hunger," Sha're shrugs. The boys of SG-1, and Sam's father flee the room wearing various shades of red.