I know...okay? I know it's been a long time, I was suffering from this incurable thing called being an adult and one of my favorite things to do got put on the back burner. I hope you'll all bear with me as I try to get back into the swing of this. Anyway, thanks to everyone who's been sticking it out for this long, I hope you all enjoy this chapter.
As always, please forgive my lack of ability to catch grammatical mistakes.
Chapter 21: A Deal With the Devil
Mis broke away from Snape and considered him thoughtfully.
"Can I just tell Draco I'm in love with you, or something?" Mis asked him, half serious. Snape blinked slowly.
"If your wish is to die slowly and painfully, then by all means…tell him that." Snape said dangerously.
"Why can't you ever be the Goose to my Maverick?!" Mis demanded of him in a low whisper.
"Fuck you and Top Gun, I'm not your goddamn wingman. Just bloody tell him, coward." Snape replied without heat, going back to lean against the counter.
"Come on…be the hero, do me a solid, thread the needle, take one for the team, be a pal…I can probably go on if any of these cliches are helping convince you." Mis said hopefully. Snape stared at her.
"How many languages can you say 'No' in?" Snape asked, almost pleasantly. Mis cocked her head to one side in thought.
"Well, there's about 6500 known languages right now, but that number doesn't account for dead languages, undiscovered languages, and fictional ones like Vulcan or Elvish. I'll make an educated guess that you could, hypothetically, tell me 'No' in about 7000 or so different ways." Mis answered just to be an ass. "Was this an actual question or were you just being facetious?" Mis asked with a saccharin smile. Snape gave her a very unamused look
"Why don't you make an educated guess?" Snape grit out, a muscle in his jaw jumping in agitation. Mis smiled even wider.
"Based on our previous interactions, and what I know about you as a person…I suspect you were being facetious…" She said sweetly.
"Top marks, Holtzer." Snape deapanned. Mis sighed, dropping the joke, and leaned back against the counter next to Snape. She folded her arms, and bowed her head heavily.
"Seriously, though, could you do me a favor and call him in here? I don't really know how to do this." Mis asked, looking back up at him with a humorless smile. Snape considered her briefly.
"Not used to this sort of situation?" He asked. Mis snorted.
"Not entirely inexperienced." She said with a smirk. "But I feel more protective of Draco, I don't want him to be hurt, especially by me." She said seriously. Snape nodded thoughtfully.
"Alright…but I'm not staying in the bloody room while you speak together." Snape warned her, holding up a stern finger.
"Not even for moral support?" Mis asked, smiling.
"I'll support you from the hall. You'll be just fine." Snape said in a voice that Mis found kind despite the disdain in his tone. She looked at him tenderly, suddenly immensely grateful to have him there.
"Yeah, that sounds like you…always in the shadows, letting everything think you're cold when really, you've got the single most steadfast heart I've ever known. Always supporting us from the hall." She said with a chuckle. "You don't get told this enough, Snape, but without you…this whole damn opera would've fallen apart a long time ago." She said, her dark hazel eyes sparkling and her voice gentle as she stared at his hooked profile. It was such an austere face, so naturally inclined to sneering, but she didn't pay much attention to that, it was the look on Snape's face that almost made her smile falter, it was so serious and there was a sadness in it that seemed insidious, but that was not what caused her heart to squeeze. There was a heat in his black eyes that Mis had never seen there before, and they were searching her…looking for something in her own eyes. He looked at her as if trying to decode her, and Mis wondered if he doubted what she had just said.
"I'd never lie to you, Snape, ever. I believe what I said, I believe it with all my heart." She said suddenly fierce as she gripped his forearm.
"I don't get told that." He said softly.
"What?" She asked.
"No one's ever said what you just told me." He clarified, looking strangely vulnerable, so very different from his normal evasive sarcasm. Mis moved her hand to his and held it with a smile on her face.
"Then I'll just have to tell you everyday to make up for lost time." She said with a decisive nod. He didn't smile, but his eyes flickered to a different kind of light, a softer more affectionate light. It was moments like this that made Mis feel as though a little more love had been added to her heart, making it surge like a splash of lighter fluid on an open flame. She couldn't help but think of how he'd been when she'd first met him, and how she'd always wanted to show him love, and how impossible it had seemed for him to accept it back then. Mis smiled at him brightly. She'd gotten her wish. He looked at her now with trust and affection, and she was thankful for that, and she wondered if he knew just how much she cared for him…if he could ever possibly know.
"Holtzer…can I ask you a question?" Snape said softly. Mis smiled and nodded.
"Of course." She said easily. Snape stared at her for a moment, and his coal black eyes looked so unsure and afraid, as if he felt he was taking a risk.
"I know you think I'm a good man, but why?" He said with genuine wonder. Mis's heart squeezed painfully, how could the fool not know?
"Because of the way you love." She said simply, staring into his coal black eyes that had never seemed cold despite their color. "I know for a fact that you love me, and that I'll always have it. It's unconditional, and to me anyway, that makes you good." She chuckled at herself. "I want to learn to love like you." She said with sparkling, adoring hazel eyes.
"God, I hate it when you get all sentimental on me." Snape said, looking away from her. Mis smiled even brighter because she knew he was lying, she could tell by how his eyes seemed to smile even though his mouth was straight.
"Yeah…sure, whatever you say, man." Mis replied with a smirk on her face. Snape scoffed.
"Oh, bugger off." He replied without conviction, pushing himself off the counter and walking away from her. "This ought to be interesting." Mis heard him mutter to himself as he left to go fetch Draco. She shook her head at him fondly, Snape would never say what he felt outright, he was a person that had to be read with a careful eye, like a dense work of poetry, he said what he felt in riddles and evasion.
With Snape out of the room, she felt anxiety at what she had to say to Draco creep slowly back into her body, she stared at the floor, still leaning on the counter with her arms crossed. She heard a soft knock, causing her head to shoot up to look at the doorway.
Draco stood there, his hand still raised slightly after having just knocked on the door jam. At that most inopportune moment, Mis realized that Draco was almost precisely her type. Blonde, with an angular face, blue eyes and a bit of a sordid past. She scanned her eyes up his lean body and wondered whether she was, in fact, making the right decision or if…Mis mentally shook herself roughly. It would be pure vanity and selfishness if she were to accept his declaration, she couldn't have a relationship like that with him. Nothing could be closer to her heart than her mission, protect them…that was what moved her muscles and burned inside of her. Nothing was more dear to her, and Mis didn't want Draco to have to play second fiddle to that when she knew there would be someone else in his future who would put him first.
"Hi, Draco." Mis said with the smile she used when trying to distance herself. Draco smiled back.
"Hello." He said, stepping farther into the kitchen. "Professor Snape informed me that you have something to tell me." He said formally, smoothly walking over to her with his hands plunged into the pockets of his black slacks. Mis nodded, and steadied herself.
"First, I wanted to thank you for the flowers you sent me…they were beautiful…but you see…Wait, let me start by saying I didn't know the meaning of them until Ginny and Hermione told me, so I'm sorry if this is belated…or…or whatever." Mis stuttered. She growled at herself and ran a hand through her hair. She looked up at Draco. He looked so nervous and unsure of himself and Mis felt like the lowest being on the face of the planet. "Look, I like you Draco, I don't want to you think I don't. You're very attractive, rich and basically everything…but this…" She said gesturing between the two of them. "…Can't happen, for a hundred reasons." She said keeping her voice as gentle as possible. Draco stared at her for several moments that felt like an eternity. Just looking at her as if she were inscrutable, unknowable, and beautiful. Mis wondered why he had to look at her the way he was, it was only hurting himself and her.
"I see…" He answered. They fell into silence…a silence that Mis couldn't handle. She took a step away from him, shook her head and waved her arms around as if she couldn't take it.
"Ok, ok…shit, that look on your face isn't helping me right now…I'm not the…"Mis paused and her eyes lit up. "Oh!" She exclaimed, and laughed. "I'll tell you something that'll make you feel better, ok?" She said, thoughtlessly reaching out to grab his wrist. He suddenly looked very confused, and Mis nearly laughed. "Dude…you're not supposed to be in a relationship with me, because I already know who you're gonna marry." She said with sly smile.
"Are you seri…?!" Mis quickly clamped a hand over his mouth, and looked at the doorway for several seconds before sighing in relief and letting Draco go.
"Never say that word again, it summons that man-child like a satanic incantation." Mis whispered.
"Right, sorry, but you just said you know who I'll marry…" Draco said again, totally ignoring Mis and her desire to avoid 'Sirius' puns.
"Yep. You'll have a son too." Mis said brightly.
"Can you tell me who it is?" Draco asked. Mis paused and thought…would that be ok, or would it stop him or something, would she screw anything up by telling him? Mis shook her head, realizing she sucked at making decisions.
"Snape!" Mis called. "Come in here, I need to ask you a question. I promise the worst is over." She called, knowing he was in the hall outside the kitchen.
"What now?" Snape asked walking into the kitchen and looking put upon.
"Do you think I can tell Draco who he's gonna marry, or is that like…fucking with the space/time continuum?" She asked as Snape came to stand beside her. He blinked several times.
"Has my hair gone white? Am I in a lab coat? Do I drive a goddamn Delorean?!" Snape asked her, his voice rising with each question.
"Believe me, Snape, I'd much prefer if Doc Brown were here so I could ask him, but since he's not, you're it…so just, shut up and advise me already!" Mis replied heatedly.
"I hope you die in a fire." Snape spat leaning closer to her face so that Draco couldn't quite hear.
"Now's not the time!" Mis whispered back murderously. Snape huffed and straightened up.
"Just tell him, what difference will it really make?" Snape said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Are you sure?" Mis asked him with concern. Snape looked at her with his eye twitching slightly.
"Is this a fucking bit you're working on?! I advised you, now make a decision, Holtzer." Snape growled in irritation. Mis held up her hands.
"Fine, fine, christ, don't get so pissy." Mis mumbled. Mis turned to look at Draco who had a strange expression on his face, almost like he understood something he hadn't before, Mis ignored it and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"You're gonna marry Astoria Greengrass, and you'll have a son…actually he'll be the same age as Harry's youngest…" Mis held herself up with a smirk. "But let's not get too far ahead of ourselves." She said with an knowing chuckle. Mis watched a Draco's face went through a myriad of emotions.
"I see." He said with a nod. "But what if I don't want her? Do I have no say in my own fate?" Draco asked, even toned. Mis felt her eyes widen and her brain scream at her to 'abort mission.' Mis swallowed.
"Of course you do…but I think you'll be happy with…"
"You do not get to dictate who I'll be happy with." Draco replied, still not raising his voice.
"No…I didn't mean it like that." Mis said, hastily trying to backtrack. Draco moved a step closer, close enough for her to smell his cologne. Mis felt her face go pink as she stared at the floor, trying to remind herself that she wasn't a blusher. He reached his hand out to tilt her chin upwards and look at her face square on.
"I reject your rejection, Mis." He said, in a deep voice that made Mis's mouth go dry and her heart pick up. He smirked and Mis felt as though she might have a heart attack. "Besides, it's no fun if you don't give chase a little." He said leaning in to whisper in her ear. He held himself there for a moment longer than necessary then straightened up and left the goddamn room. Mis stood frozen, watching the doorway he'd just disappeared through. Mis held up a finger as if she were a chemist who'd just realized she'd just mixed something she shouldn't have.
"I think I did something wrong…because that went off on a tangent that I had really not anticipated." Mis said, her body still frozen.
"Smooth, kid." Snape commented, almost admiringly. Mis's whipped her head around to glare at him and opened her mouth ready to let him have it for advising her wrongly. Snape held up his hand for her silence. "Fuck off, please. It's not my fault that you made the wrong decision."
"You're fired!" She spat at him as if that were the cruelest phrase in the English language.
"Good." He replied, almost pleasant. Mis stomped her foot petulantly.
"You supposed to say 'you can't fire me, I quit.'" Mis whined before sinking down on the kitchen table bench and putting her head in her hands. Mis felt Snape sit down next to her, but she didn't look up.
"Firstly, I made it quite clear that we are not a bloody comedy duo, I will not be playing along with your little skits. Secondly, you can't fire me, because I was never hired, so shove off and get your jokes right." Snape said crisply. "I'm sure Black has a bottle of fire whiskey around here if you feel like favoring a less sober consciousness at the moment." Snape said with a snort. Mis's head shot up, and Snape realized that he shouldn't have said that. "Don't you dare, Holtzer, it was a joke. I take it back, ok? your…being on alcohol is the single most annoying thing ever conceived." Snape said quickly, though he knew it was already too late. Mis nodded thoughtfully.
"Well, looks like you'll have to get just as fucked up as me, then." Mis said with a serene smile.
Mis had the good sense to wait until everyone had gone, and Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy had retired to their room. After hearing of the whole incident from Mis, Sirius decided to support her in her need to get shit faced, and Remus as well. Snape was dragged along against his will, and he found himself sitting in the living room with Mis, Sirius and Remus at 2 o'clock in the morning, and Mis was about five drinks in.
"Sirius…" Mis whined at the equally drunk animagus. "You're not doing it right!" She said, her speech slow and slurred. She was standing about ten feet away from Sirius in the middle of the living room that had recently been cleared of it's obstructing furniture, save the couch and a plush chair that Remus and Snape were sitting on respectively.
"I'm trying, but you're heavier than you look." He groaned, matching her whining tone.
"You're not running fast enough, you need to get more momentum." Remus advised, slightly tipsy himself but nowhere near Sirius and Mis. Mis nodded clumsily before pointing to Snape, cueing him to put the music back on.
Now I've…had…the time of my life…
and I never felt this way before,
yes I swear, it's the truth…
the music played from the small speaker of Mis's phone. Sirius clapped his hands and nodded for her to run at him. Mis giggled softly, before shaking herself to look more serious.
"You're not going to drop me, right?" Mis said, half joking. Sirius held his hand over his heart clumsily, trying to look offended but not quite managing.
"I'd never let a lady fall…" He said with a hiccup. Mis nodded as if that explanation was good enough for her before taking several steps backwards then launching herself forward and going into a barrel run towards Sirius. Mis jumped just before colliding with him and he caught her stomach and hoisted her over his head with a painful sounding grunt. Snape couldn't help but snort at Mis as she flailed like a deranged goose over Sirius's reddening face.
"I told you we could do it, Snape, didn't I? Me an Sirius are graceful as hell…look at this shit, Snape! Snape, are you watching?" Mis babbled, as Sirius's face got redder and redder from exertion.
"How is your weight scientifically possible? You're the size of a malnourished squirrel." Sirius said his voice strained as he set her back to the floor.
"Whatever, man, it's all muscle, Peggy's got me down to like 12% body fat…that's like on the level of a freaking olympic track and field bitch. Check this out…" Mis said, fumbling with the hem of her shirt then yanking it off, leaving herself with only a light blue sports bra and black leggings. "They're like marble…" She said, very pleased with herself as she thrust her stomach out in Sirius's direction. Sirius bent lower to inspect her muscle tone at eye level, with his hands supporting himself on his knees.
"Mmmm…" Sirius uttered, nodding thoughtfully. He reached out a hand to feel her stomach, but Mis caught his wrist and held it away from it.
"The hell you think you're doing? hands off the merchand- the march- merchandees-…" She huffed at herself. "…hands off the goods." Mis said, her tongue thick and her brain unresponsive. Sirius furrowed his brows and looked up at her with confusion.
"Huh?" He said intelligently. Mis bent low to whisper in his ear.
"I'm ticklish, and if I have a laugh attack right now, I'm gonna blow some serious chunks." Mis whispered.
"Please don't ever use the words 'blow' and 'serious' in the same sentence again…ever…ever." Remus said looking slightly ill. Mis stared at Remus for a solid ten seconds before giggles began bubbling up from her mouth. It took Sirius another ten seconds before he got the joke, but when he did, he began laughing too. The two drunk morons wilted to the floor, clutching their spasming stomachs as laughter overtook them. Mis turned her head towards Sirius, sprawled next to her on the ground, and seemed to think very hard about something for a moment, before she shot up and squealed.
"Lassie!" She exclaimed, crawling over to him and shaking his shoulder. "I've never seen your animagus, turn into a dog!" Mis said, her voice full of childlike enthusiasm. Sirius nodded and held up a finger.
"Sure, gimme a sec, everything's spinning." He groaned. Mis sat back on her calves and folded her hands in her lap like a patient child, waiting for Sirius. Several moments later, Sirius squinted as if consentrating very hard before morphing into a huge, scruffy black dog. Mis covered an overly enthusiastic gasp with her hands, and giggled while clapping her hands.
"Oh my god, Sirius, you're so cute! Mr. Doggo pupper friend!" She exclaimed lunging at him and wrapping her arms around his furry black neck. "Snape! Look how cute he is!" Mis practically screeched.
"Yes, Holzter, I can see." Snape replied patiently.
"Snape, he's still wearing boxers…"She giggled looking down at Sirius's furry dog legs inside red plaid boxers.
"So he is." Snape nodded.
Mis giggled again before she felt the canine go limp in her arms, followed by heavy, slow breathing.
"Alrighty, then." Remus grunted standing up from his chair. "Looks like it's bedtime…I'll take him upstairs." He said walking over to Mis. She smiled up at him.
"Awww, that's so cute, taking care of your drunk doggy friend…Moonshine you're so sweet, how are you so sweet?" She asked, slurring her words. Remus chuckled at her and picked up the large black dog.
"It's all the chocolate I eat." He said with a smile. Mis blinked in confusion then beamed at Remus before turning to Snape.
"Snape, that was so smooth, did you hear what he said?" Mis asked happily. Snape covered his hand with his face, that girl was already loose tongued and said every thing that popped into her head…and alcohol only made her worse. Remus left the room with Sirius, leaving Mis to sit on the floor and stare blankly until she seemed to get an idea and jumped up a little too quickly making her falter slightly and clutch her spinning head. She smiled at Snape and walked over to him with wobbly steps. Snape heard her move and watched her as she pranced forward and threw herself onto him, making Snape grunt loudly in pain beneath her weight. She fidgeted for a moment before curling into his chest and sighing as she got comfortable. Snape held his arms upward in slight shock, though really he knew he shouldn't be, she was affectionate enough when she was sober.
"Comfortable?" He asked, equal parts irritated and sarcastic. She either didn't catch his tone or ignored it.
"Home…" She hummed contentedly. "You're like home…" She said. Snape felt a soft warmth in his heart at her words and couldn't help but close his arms around her. "Do you feel that way about me too, Snape?" She asked, sounding surprisingly coherent. Snape felt his entire body freeze, how was this the question her drunk mind conjured? Snape relaxed a second later and smiled to himself…It'd been a long time since he'd thought of home in the abstract sense. A place of rest, where he could be sure that he was safe and welcomed unconditionally…he'd never known such a place existed…until now. Home was wherever Holtzer happened to be, and although she was fallible, silly and sometimes reckless, he was certain of one thing…She would love him; she would always love him. He leaned his head down and kissed the top of her head, then rested his cheek there.
"Shut up, Holtzer." He said softly, with a smile on his lips.
"I love you too, Snape." She replied with a yawn, snuggling even closer. He smiled down at her, strangely proud that she understood him perfectly.
"Oi, Holtzer…" He said, shaking his arms around her slightly, trying to rouse her. He sighed, the little moron had gone and fallen asleep on him, and Black was right, she was far heavier than she looked. She didn't stir in the slightest. "What the hell am I supposed to do with you, eh?" He asked, knowing she was out like a roman candle.
Shortly after opening her bleary eyes, Mis realized that it was a mistake to do so. She sat up, and realized that was a mistake too.
"You drank like an unemployed goblin last night, and I do not envy the pain in your head right now." She heard Mrs. Malfoy's voice, which sounded stern and reproachful and way too loud. Mis clutched her head and moaned. Mis shrieked as Mrs. Malfoy flung open the dark curtains of her room, sadisticallly allowing the blazing sun to beat onto Mis's head and blind her. "Do not expect me to coddle you." The woman said. "Get up, now, brush your teeth and come down, it's after 11." She said, then with a swish of fabric left the room in a huff.
"I hate you…" Mis muttered crossly as she threw the covers off her body, and clutched her pounding head again.
"I heard that, Artemis!" She heard Mrs. Malfoy inform her crisply from down the hall. Mis truly did hate that woman at that moment in time, but she wasn't fool enough to ignore her orders. In only a thin camisole and boy shorts, she lumbered to the bathroom. With her teeth brushed and her bladder no longer screaming at her she stomped downstairs, then stopped stomping as that was only exacerbating her vile headache. She zombie walked into the kitchen with her eyes closed.
"Miss Holtzer! What are you wearing?!" Mr. Malfoy shouted the moment Mis walked in. Sirius leapt about a foot in the air at the sound of Mr. Malfoys shrill voice. Mis cracked her jaw.
"You see these…?" Mis said grabbing her boobs. "…49% of the population has them Mr. Malfoy, everyone in this room as seen a boob before, there is no mystery, and I will not be subjugated because I happen to possess them! Yeah, I was too lazy to put on a bra, if this offends the Lord above, may he strike me where I stand!" She exclaimed, holding her arms out as if inviting God to shoot a bolt of lightning at her head. "Oh look at that, Jesus doesn't mind that my boobs aren't imprisoned right now…So you know what? I'm fine with it too." She said heatedly, plopping herself down next to Sirius at the kitchen table.
"Artemis, I don't care how bad your hangover is, you will not speak to your elders with such disrespect." Mrs. Malfoy said sternly, putting a plate a fried eggs in front of her.
"Thank you, Cissa." Mr. Malfoy said pointedly glaring at Mis.
"Why don't you talk to your son? He's the one that drove me to drink. Tell him no means no while your at it." Mis muttered, picking up the fork beside her petulantly.
"If you keep talking, I will end you." Sirius said with a raw voice. Mis looked at him.
"Me specifically, or is that a catch all for everyone in the room?" Mis asked like the smart ass she was.
"You specifically, at the moment." He growled. "It's your bloody fault my head feels like it's stuck between two wrecking balls." He said, flicking her in the arm. Mis gave him a derisive snort.
"Oh sure, it's my fault that you decided to shotgun the last fifth of whisky while beatboxing the Seinfeld theme song, and while we're on the subject, your Jerry Seinfeld impression sucks." She said spitefully, dipping a piece of toast into the yolk of the fried egg in front of her as if it had offended her merely by existing.
"Wait one moment, now…" Mr. Malfoy said, holding up the spatula in his hand as if it were a gavel in a courtroom. "Whatever do you mean by my son drove you to drink…what did he do?" Mr. Malfoy said, extremely interested.
"He propositioned my little girl!" Sirius said, slamming his hand down on the table, making Mis cover her ears and glare at him.
"He did not!" Mis said, appalled at Sirius.
"He drove you to drink!" Sirius fired back quickly.
"It's not his fault that I'm bad at coping with awkward situations!" She said in Draco's defense.
"Would you two give it a rest? Every time you speak my soul leaves my body and vibrates in the nether." Remus muttered clutching his head. Mis and Sirius gave each other a look, then turned on Remus.
"You barely even drank, pansy." Sirius said.
"Yeah, we're the ones that drank like idiots." Mis said, supporting Sirius. Remus glared at them.
"I'm old…hangovers affect me differently." He ground out. Sirius scoffed.
"Ok, gran, we'll try to keep it down so you can hear your stories on the wireless." Sirius said mockingly. Unfortunately, Mis had just taken a bite of egg that would've caused her untimely death by asphyxiation had Sirius not had the presence of mind to clap her on the back, dislodging said egg from her windpipe. Unphased, Mis proceeded to laugh as she imagined Remus in front of a circa 1940's radio hunchbacked in a recliner with a hideous quilt around his shoulders, round spectacles low on his nose, knitting a shawl and listening to a soapopera.
"It wasn't that funny, Mis." Remus said mildly, watching her chortle to herself.
"Might still be a little drunk from last night." Sirius supplied, though he was laughing too. Mis abruptly ceased her laughing as she felt Tom's soul frost over her lungs and heart. She clutched her chest and breathed deeply.
"Screw you…" She muttered to it, under her breath.
Mis woke up from her dream, and sat on the edge of her bed for a long time. Too many nights had been spent this way, of her dreaming of Tom's memories, reliving them as if she was there herself and had never left them. She watched the silver moonlight stain the dark green curtains, the wood floor and her own pale legs. In her heart she could feel the cold fluttering of Tom's soul, and she knew that she had to go to him. These memories might never stop, she might have them as a perpetual shadow on her heart, but there was a chance…albeit a slim one, that she could change something.
She sighed and put her head in her hands. It was never really been a question to her, she'd always known she would have to leave this home. She'd blinded herself to that truth, because it hurt too fucking much. It felt like some vital part of her would be ripped from her insides if she left, and she would hemorrhage internally from it and drown in her own blood. She sat on the edge of her bed and wondered if she'd been set up for this choice from the moment she stepped foot onto the Hogwarts grounds, if every action she'd taken had moved another chess piece into place. She'd always hated the poem Invictus and this moment made her realized why. She knew that she wasn't the master of her fate, or the captain of her soul. Her fate was not her own, and neither was her soul, so how could she command either? Her heart belonged to the Order, to Sirius, Remus, Snape, and everyone else. If they asked her to jump, she'd ask how high? She claimed them as her own, but what she'd only just realized was what that meant…she'd actually handed over her own heart. Her soul was bound to Tom's, and she was responsible for the piece inside of her…maybe for all of the pieces. Her fate was decided the moment she took the pin from Mrs. Weber.
There was only one thing she could control, her actions were her's alone and she realized that was a heavy place to be. With the wrong move she might break her own heart, shatter another's soul, or doom the fate of the people she loved. She had three things that she wanted to keep, but she could only choose two. She would not curse the Order's fate, that one was set, and the last two decisions was what caused her pain. She had to break her own heart, and leave them so that Tom's soul might have a chance. She had to go on alone, without them. Curtain call for her one woman show had just come up, and she knew it.
The scenes from her dreams kept replaying in her mind, and she wondered if they would always hurt to think about, she was certain they would…There are some things time can't really fix, she knew that now. Mis knew better than most, that it was always the little things that made a difference, the devil was in the detail, even the death of a little snake could be a catalyst, and much like how no single snowflake blames itself for an avalanche, she knew that others often didn't know how the smallest actions could create the worst of consequences.
Of course, knowing something and being able to use it are two very different creatures. She'd known all of these truths yet she'd sent that stupid letter, she showed her petty side, the side she wasn't proud of. She had to show Tom who she really was, the real her, who she only ever showed to the people she loved. The more she felt that cold shard of soul…the more she loved it in a strange way, and found herself wanting to cherish it and show it what its worth really was…its worth was beyond measure as every soul's is, and it made no difference who the owner happened to be. It had an innate value that nothing could change.
She could puzzle until her hair turned gray, but the fact remained that simply showing care for that little piece of soul wasn't enough, and it never would be. She could repeat 'I love you' forever, in constant loop till judgment and that didn't mean anything unless she showed it. Without action, love is empty, just a feeling as flimsy and changeable as any other. She had to go…she had to show him.
She ran her fingers through her dark hair and sighed wearily. Merlin had called Castus a wanderer, and perhaps that what Mis had to be as well. Though she didn't want that, she wanted to stay with them and laugh and cook and argue, but wanderers can't stay, otherwise they wouldn't be wanderers Mis supposed.
Mis flung the covers off of her body and figured there was no time like the present. Nothing could be accomplished by staying another day or night, it would only hurt anyway. Besides, they'd never let her leave…and that thought made her smile into the dark of her room.
With her hair in a ponytail, a warm pair of jeans and long-sleeve on she considered the scrap of paper in front of her, biting the end of her pen, wondering if she'd left anything out.
"I'm sorry for leaving like this, in the dead of night like I've stolen the silver, but I can't stay here…however much I'd like to stay. Take care of each other until I get back, and I will be back, cross my heart.
Sirius: Don't pick fights with Snape, eat your goddamn vegetables and try not to worry, I'll be fine. I love you, Lassie, I'll be back soon.
Remus: Make sure you take care of Sirius, and go on a proper date with Tonks for goddsake, I've been waiting too long for you to pull your head out, and so has she! When I get back, I expect to hear every detail about how stupidly in love you two are. I love you, Moonshine.
Mrs. Malfoy: Please take good care of my boys, and make the most of the time I've bought for you and your family (yes, feel guilty about that and do what I say and have a little fun, that's an order!).
Mr. Malfoy: You made a promise to me, entrusting to me your magic I'm calling on it now. Watch over my family, and keep them all safe…though god forbid not at the expense of those beautiful silver locks of yours, if it comes to a decision, I'll hold no ill will if you choose to save your own hair.
Love,
Mis
She laughed at herself humorlessly, and placed the letter on the dark writing desk where it was sure to be seen. She didn't write anything for Snape, there was nothing she could say that he didn't already know, and that thought made her smile while her heart was breaking. It wasn't goodbye forever, but it felt that way. She shouldered her backpack and crept lightly down the rickety stairs Mad-eye's stealth training keeping them silent. She walked through the dark kitchen, slower than necessary, committing everything to memory.
"Where are you going, Artemis?"
Mis clamped a hand over her mouth to keep from shrieking at the sound of the soft hissing voice emanating from the terrarium on the windowsill. She looked over slowly, feeling cornered and saw Peaches, her small head held up and her intelligent, black dewdrop eyes scrutinizing Mis from behind her glass cage. Mis breathed out and clutched her chest in relief.
"Fuck, you nearly gave me heart failure." Mis breathed in the same hushed language.
"Apologies." Peaches replied mildly, dipping her small head. Mis walked over and stuck her hand inside the cage to let peaches slither on.
"I'm going away for a little while, don't worry, Remus will make sure you have everything you need." Mis said, tenderly stroking the snake's head. She felt peaches coil tightly around her wrist, and give a noise of displeasure.
"We are kin, we go together." Peaches answered imperiously. Mis smiled sadly.
"You can't come with me, where would you sleep? What would you eat? I can't take care of you where I'm going." Mis explained, feeling as though sandpaper was rubbing her heart raw.
"I faired fine long before you found me, Artemis. My kind do not abandon kin…it is not our way. Furthermore, you have taken me under your care, and I will not be thrown aside." The snake said with authority that belied her small form. Mis considered explaining herself further, but she knew this was an argument she was going to lose. Besides, having Peaches would be like bringing a piece of home. Mis sighed and shook her head in resignation.
"Fine…I'd actually be happy if you came, but it's not going to be safe, and I don't want you hurt." Mis said. Peaches made a contented hiss at having won.
"We are going to see the other half, yes?" Peahces asked. Mis was slightly taken aback by the certainty she heard in the snake's words
"Yeah, we're going to see Tom." Mis nodded. "Damned if I know what I'm gonna do once I get there, but then I never really know what the fuck I'm doing, so no real news there." Mis said with a chuckle.
"I will stay close to you." Peaches said decisively. Mis felt her heart warm.
"Thank you." Mis replied simply. Peaches made no reply, but merely settled into a comfortable coil around Mis's wrist as she went to retrieve her car keys. She vacated the house without a single noise, and the moment she was outside her heart broke again and the winter air that was starting to take hold rubbed against her face harshly. She got in her small blue car, and drove away without looking back at Grimmauld Place, she was sure that if she did, she'd lose what little nerve she still had.
"Oh dear heavenly father, baby Jesus, Blessed Virgin, St. Jude, St. Paul, St. Christopher, whoever the hell is listening, show me the way…because I haven't the slightest idea of where I'm going…" Mis muttered to herself as she drove through the confusing streets of a small seaside town. She vaguely recognized it as being near the Malfoy Manor, but damned if she could remember precisely how to get there. She felt a strange tugging in her chest, and suddenly spied the familiar beaten dirt road leading into a small dense forrest. Mis knew something strange had just happened, the soul inside her was leading her forward, there was no way she would've been able to spot it had it not been for the tugging sensation drawing her attention to it.
She pulled through and drove a small ways down before opting to stop her car and walk the remaining way, the same way she had when she'd visited with Snape. She cut the engine and stepped out of her car, immediately losing her balance when her ankle buckled into a small ditch that seemed suspiciously like the same one that had caused her problems before when she'd been in those godforsaken silver heels.
"What are the fucking odds?" she muttered to herself as she straightened up and shouldered her backpack, before kicking her car door shut aggressively. The ASU hoodie she had was too thin to offer any real protection against the chill as she began trekking down the dirt path. Despite the darkness and the cold, she heard the forrest all around her as she walked, the peaceful chirping of crickets and night birds, and the soft rustle of wind against the tall trees. Mis paused as she smelled dampness, it was probably going to rain soon, and she was already cold enough. Being caught in the rain on her way to Tommy's didn't seem like a good idea, she doubted he'd be very accommodating and might even make a snide remark about tracking mud into the goddamn foyer of the manor that didn't even belong to him.
No sooner had she wished against the rain than she heard a crack of thunder, saw a flash illuminate the dark forrest around her and rain started to drizzle softly. She sighed and shook her head before checking that Peaches was tucked away up her sleeve safe from the cold and rain, and found the little snake sleeping peacefully there. She pulled her hood over her head and began jogging down the dark forrest path. By the time she reached the large forbidding gates surrounding the manor, she was a bit water logged but mostly ok. Without thinking she unlatched the large gate, and smirked to herself. Wizards are so impractical, sure cover your estate with every cloaking and protection spell imaginable, but don't head to the goddamn corner store and pick up a 5 dollar padlock she thought to herself, both fond and annoyed.
She closed the gate behind her and looked back at the manor that seemed so much larger and colder than when she been with Snape. It was like she was walking into a prison and demanding to be put into a cell, and she couldn't help but chuckle at her own stupidity. The rain picked up, dowsing her with cold and wet and she made a beeline for the semi shelter of the large doorway. The moment she stood there, she felt him and knew he was inside. Her teeth chattered and she raised her fist to the door, pulled it back, considered fucking off to some remote location, a nice deserted tropical island in the pacific, then raised it again and knocked with force.
"Fuck me, fuck you, fuck off, fuck this, fuck that, fuck it all…" She chanted to herself while bouncing on the spot as she tried to warm herself. She sensed him on the other side of the door and stilled. Slowly it opened and a gold beam of light expanded on her as it did, and there he was. There was something different about him that she could put her finger on. He was wearing dark linen pants and a black satin robe slightly open and exposing his slender chest and showing that he wasn't wearing a shirt. His face looked the same, pixyish and androgynous with shoulder length dark wavy hair pulled away from his face in a knot. He was so damn pretty, and Mis thought not for the first time that it was such a waste to be so outwardly beautiful and so inwardly hideous.
She didn't realize till she looked up into his dark blue eyes that he'd been curiously surveying her in much the same way she was him, cataloguing her features as if searching for some significant change. Her dark hazel eyes met his own and she realized what was different. His eyes before had been so inscrutable, so deep and dark she'd had no bearing to read them, but now it was as if she could see straight through to him. As if the piece of his soul inside of her was interpreting them for her effortlessly. She stared at him in fascination, and saw everything behind his eyes, every emotion laid out for her like pages of a book. Happiness, undeniable but disturbed like a starving man seeing a banquet laid out for him. Suspicion, he didn't know why she was there and that made him uncomfortable. Mischief, but regardless he intended to have fun with this. The most curious one however, was the strange childlike confusion she saw…because she knew instinctually that he understood her emotions as well, and he didn't understand hers in the slightest. It was as if he didn't understand any emotion at all, not even his own…so seeing the sadness, determination and fear in her eyes, they seemed to him like equations in a foreign language. He righted himself and smirked.
"Do you intend to shiver on the stoop all night, or would you like to come in?" He said smoothly, breaking the silence. Mis had to fight an eye-roll.
"Sure thanks. Nice robe by the way, silk isn't it? Mustn't offend your delicate skin with crude materials like cotton I guesss." She shot back easily, stepping inside to the well lit foyer. He chuckled and closed the door behind her.
"I prefer the coolness of the fabric, and thank you for noticing. I'm flattered." He answered, standing in front of her with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. "May I take your coat?" He asked politely. Mis wanted to say no out of principle, but she was nothing if not practical. The wet fabric was chilling her straight to her bones, and being petty wouldn't help anyone. She unzipped it quickly and made to shrug it off, but before she could he reached his arms around her as if about to hug her and slipped it off her shoulders. Her face was level with his collar bone and she reminded herself that, much like being needlessly petty, punching him certainly wouldn't help anyone. When he lingered long enough for her to catch his smell, she jutted her finger to the center of his chest and gently pushed until he moved back, her wet coat over his arm.
"Stranger Danger." She said mildly, and a flicker of amusement caught his eyes before they latched onto her hand, before catching her fingertips and holding her hand up to eye level inspect it. It wasn't until that moment that Mis realized that peaches was coiled almost painfully tight around her wrist and emitting a soft but threatening hiss.
"Never a dull moment, Artemis. Care to introduce me?" He asked, not taking his eyes from the small snake. Mis cleared her throat.
"This is Peaches." She said in Parsletounge, his looked amused for half a second that she could speak the language.
"Peaches?" He asked disdainfully. Lia smirked at his mocking tone.
"Problem… Tommy?" She asked challengingly. She saw a flare of anger cross his face for half a second before he controlled it.
"What is your true name?" Tom asked the snake, ignoring Mis. Peaches pulled her small head up, high and proud.
"Peaches is the name my adopted blood has given me, and I have accepted it. It is my true name." The little snake answered imperiously, seeming almost disgusted by his question. "I kindly ask you release Artemis's hand. She is mine." Peaches said, soft but decidedly threatening. Tom chuckled, but didn't let go of Mis's hand.
"Serpents are always so possessive, aren't we?" He said to the snake. Mis didn't like the look on Toms face at that moment, it made her distinctly uncomfortable.
"You heard her. Let go." Mis said firmly, feeling annoyed. He looked down at her with amusement for half a second before letting go of her hand and holding both of his up lazily.
"Far be it from me to infringe on another's territory." He said with that predatory smile.
"I feel the need to remind you that I'm not anyone's territory, but I'm also afraid that such a concept might cause your head smoke with the effort to understand me. So I'll just thank you." Mis said, smiling sweetly. He smirked and stepped away from her, towards the open library to the left of the foyer.
"I'm growing fond of the venom you spit with a smile. Though granted, seeing it directed towards someone other than myself might be more preferable." He said surprisingly casual. Mis nearly laughed.
"Wow, the devil gave me a compliment, I'm not sure if I should say thank you or pray." She said. His eyes narrowed.
"There is no devil, little girl…evil is man's making and man's perception. The sooner you learn the truth, that good and evil don't exist, the sooner you'll be free. The devil belongs in stories to make children behave, and in poetry for existential musings, nothing more." He said coldly. Mis nodded at him thoughtfully.
"I disagree." Mis said simply with a shrug, before pointing at the open library door where she saw the promise of a warm fire flickering out of view. "Can I warm up a bit before we get into this meta-as-fuck conversation? I'm cold." She said blandly. She didn't wait for his reply, and instead turned to walk away. He caught her wrist in his cold hand and Mis turned back with a quirked eyebrow.
"Do not turn away when I'm speaking to you." He said in a low voice, it was threatening, but for some reason Mis didn't feel very threatened…she felt a little sorry. He seemed slightly pitiful to her at that moment, having been used to disrespect his entire childhood, he made it a point to demand it, whatever it took now. She didn't want to be needlessly obtuse, she had to learn to be gentler.
"I'll tell you something about myself that you've probably already guessed. If you command me to do something, there is a 99% chance that I won't do it out of principle. If you ask me to do something, you'll find I'm actually a pretty reasonable person." She explained, not fighting his hold on her wrist. So many emotions flitted over his face at her words, but the predominant one was outrage.
"I do not ask." He said harshly, through gritted teeth. Mis yanked her wrist out of his grasp.
"Then I will not listen." She spat, and turned to stride into the library. She spotted the fireplace crackling to her right and lunged towards it. She knelt down and held her hands to it, letting the warmth seep into her hands with Peaches now curling more comfortably around her wrist. She closed her eyes and let out a happy sigh. She jolted a moment later when she felt something heavy fall on her shoulders, her eyes shot open and she looked up to find Tom standing over her and adjusting the blanket more securely around her. She stared at him in wonder because it was such a tender thing to do, so out of place and jarring. She narrowed her eyes at him. Of course she knew he wasn't doing it out of kindness necessarily, everything he did was a calculated action and she knew it. Still though, nice gestures were nice gestures
"Thank you." She said, giving him a curt nod.
"My pleasure." He replied easily a smile in his eyes. He stared down at her for another beat of time before lazily walking over to the large red chair by the fireplace. He sat down, crossed his legs and laced his fingers together and suddenly Mis felt like she was at some kind of demented interview. He was so clearly posing, like a goddamn preening peacock that Mis had to fight the the irritation suddenly heating up her blood. He seemed to understand what she was thinking at least partially, because a triumphant flicker came into his deep, dark eyes. "So…" He said. Mis looked away from him and back to the dancing fire, wondering how in the hell she was going to begin anything. Save him…she nearly laughed aloud, she felt like she was staring at a centuries old stone wall, entirely unwilling to listen and certainly unwilling move. It was frustrating.
"So…what?" She asked, because everything has to start somewhere she supposed.
"What brings a young woman to my door at such a suggestive hour? A man could be inclined to suspect motives of a less than pure nature, especially after that interesting letter. Not that I'm opposed, little viper." He said with a wink. Mis wasn't angry, actually she pitied the poor moron for trying to get a rise out of her in such an obvious way. Mis snorted.
"Was I supposed to get all flushed at that?" She asked mildly. "How dare you imply such impropriety, Mr. Voldy?…I'd never!" She said prissily, overdoing a posh British accent to illustrate her point. "Please…" She muttered with an eyeroll.
"Well a man can only hope to achieve a chaste blush on such a sweet face." He replied back smoothly. Mis heaved a sigh and rubbed her temple, more weary than irritated.
"Can you like…just fucking chill? Like for ten minutes of your life? You have zero chill, and it's really exhausting to me." Mis said honestly. "Take a bath, eat a cupcake, or read a book for godssake." Mis said under her breath. Tom raised an eyebrow, and picked up a book that had been previously resting on the arm of the chair and held it up mildly. Mis scooted closer, curious to know what in the world he could possibly be reading. It was a book of poetry, Mis noted, an anthology covering the 18th and 19th century.
"You like poetry?" She asked suspiciously.
"I do." He answered evenly. Mis leaned away from him as if he was a experiment due to combust at any moment.
"Why?" She asked.
"It is a study in human frailty." He said smugly.
"While you're not technically wrong…" Mis said holding up a finger. "You might want to try just enjoying it?" She suggested. Tom stared at her as if she were quite insane.
"Whatever for?" He asked. Mis snorted, because she felt like if she tried to explain what she meant, it would be similar to trying to explain colors to the blind.
"Nevermind…" She said with a wave of her hand. "I'll explain some other time. Right now we've got a bit of a problem that needs sorting out." Mis said, switching to her business tone abruptly.
"Oh?…I'm wounded that this isn't merely a social call." He said with false hurt, daintily holding his hand over his heart as if offended. Mis gave him a look that indicated she wasn't amused.
"I've got something of your's, Tommy, and I want to give it back." She said clinically. He chuckled.
"I know what you have, little viper, but I won't be taking it back." He informed her with a smirk. Mis's eye twitched.
"Gotta be difficult, eh?" She said without much heat. "Why won't you take it back?" She asked him. He raised an eyebrow at her as if that was a stupid question.
"You make a marvelous horcrux, my viper. Magic cannot touch you, my enemies will not harm you, and you have sacrificed yourself to my whims without me having to make a call on you, which leads me to believe that there is some emotional connection that you feel to my soul. This works well in my favor, as it indicates you are attached to me in some way. Furthermore, you are a Slytherin and therefore I needn't fear that you would attempt to harm yourself in order to harm me." He said with a matter of fact shrug. "…and I thought you'd be difficult to catch, but it seems you wanted to be caught, not that I'm complaining as it certainly simplifies things for me. All I really have to do now is make sure you are comfortable, and content here…because I assure you, you will not be leaving." He said with that predatory smile twisting his attractive face. Mis blinked slowly.
"Ok, Hamlet, now that you've got the soliloquy out of your system, can you shut the hell up and listen, please?" Mis asked acidly, not in any mood to get backtalk. "Here's whats gonna happen." She said, scooting over on her knees to look at him straight on. "I'm going to offer you a deal." She said, causing Tom's eyes to brighten and a smirk to spread across his face.
"I'm listening." He said, shifting forward in his seat so his face was closer to hers.
"I'll stay here with you for three months, and I can guarantee no harm will come to either you or your followers in that time. In exchange, I ask that you do not threaten, curse, torture, kill or otherwise cause any emotional distress to anyone that I deem under my protection." Mis said crisply, staring him down without blinking. Tom narrowed his eyes. "In other words, you will have my undivided attention for three months and you may do with me as you like…or try to do with me as you like. I can't promise I won't beat the ever-loving fuck out of you if you get handsy…otherwise all phycological attacks, including bribery, threatening or anything else you can muster is fair game as long as it is directed solely at me." Mis said with a small challenging smile, that Tom matched easily.
"Hmmm, an interesting proposal. Though I wonder what you gain from this…" He said, sounding cheery. Mis kept her smile in place without any difficulty.
"What can I say? I just love the company of psychotic, mass-murdering, silk robe wearing men…we all have our weaknesses." She replied easily. Tom chuckled again.
"Allow me to summarize, just for my own purposes. You will spend three months with me, in this house specifically? Or will you be anywhere I am?" He asked.
"Anywhere you are." She answered. Tom nodded.
"…and I mustn't harm anyone under your protection?" He asked.
"Correct, and for the record just assume that everyone is under my protection…"Mis paused in thought. "I take it back, if you wanna kill Umbridge or Bellatrix, I'd be fine with that." She qualified. He chuckled.
"…and I can use any type of coercion on you?" He asked. "So I can threaten you?" He asked a smile playing around his lips.
"Only if it directed at me and me alone, threaten my family and I kill you." She said matter of factly. He rolled his eyes as if he didn't think that was humanly possible.
"I can bribe you?" He asked.
"You can try." Mis said evenly.
"Seduce you?" He said, the smirk on his face growing wider as he leaned closer. Mis snorted, genuinely amused.
"Yeah, good luck with that." She said with a short laugh. Tom leaned back in his chair, and looked her up and down.
"I accept." He said, offering his hand.
"If either of us fails to uphold our end of the bargain, the bargain is terminated." Mis said, extending her own. "Agreed?"
Tom took her hand and shook it, and Mis though it felt like dry snow.
"Agreed." She said, and wondered if she'd just made a deal with the devil.