"Every time I turn around..."
There You Are, Martina McBride

"Well. I don't know who this guy is, but he is certainly not the man I raised."

Lucas lifted his head from the pillow, swallowing nothing, because his mouth felt like the damn desert. Surely he wasn't hallucinating, but he could have sworn—

"Christ, son. When was the last time you showered?"
"Mom?"

Lucas rolled over, blinking harshly at the light, eyes widening when he saw his mother standing before him. Karen Roe had her hands on her hips, one eyebrow raised, and even with him being forty-five years old, she still put the fear of God into her son. Lucas lifted a hand to rub at his eyes, trying his hardest to ignore the dull throb in his head.

"What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same question."
"What the hell is that noise?"

Karen crossed her arms over her chest.

"That would be your baby sister, disposing of every alcoholic beverage in this filthy place. And she's a mini you, Lucas Scott, so even your hiding places are being emptied."

Lucas' mouth fell open and he sat up, wincing at the pressure in his head.

"I'm a grown man. You can't come into my home and—"
"Oh, come off it. This isn't your home. This is a crappy motel room. Your home is my old one, where your wife and daughters are. You remember them, don't you?"
"Ma, don't start that."

Karen let out a laugh.

"Oh, Luke. This is going to be fun."

"When I'm lost and when I'm found ..."
There You Are, Martina McBride

Sawyer winced as she shifted in the bed. She held the pillow against her abdomen, letting out a hiss of a breath. Davis winced right along with her, until she'd settled down. She let out a long breath, opening her eyes to meet his.

"I'm all right, Davis."
"You sure? I mean, that's a gnarly scar, and you're acting like …"
"What? Like I was practically gutted, then put back together? 'Cause that's what happens."
"Remind me never to sign up for that."

She laughed, letting out a whimper at the ache it caused in her stomach. She sighed, then met his eyes again.

"So where was I?"
"Oh, your surprise visitors."
"Right. Apparently, during everything with … with Gabe, Ellie really needed someone to talk to, and decided to call Grandma Karen."
"Lucas' mom?"

Sawyer nodded.

"Gran's always told us we can call her whenever and for whatever, and she's an excellent listener. Great when we need to complain about Mom or Lucas or any angsty teenage things."

Davis smiled, nodding his head.

"Next thing Ellie knows, Gran's hopped on a plane and shows up at the hospital this morning. Just in time to spring me from the joint."

Davis laughed quietly, then spoke up.

"Yeah, and apparently, my mom saw your Aunt Lily and now they're talking about … some girly thing. I honestly zoned out."

Sawyer laughed, holding the pillow to her stomach.

"Aunt Lily's a graphic designer or something. She makes bank and still gets to travel all over the world with Aunt Karen. I don't know why. I'm pretty sure they've been everywhere there is to go. They've been traveling since Aunt Lily was like, born."

Sawyer shook her head, pushing a hand through her curly hair. Davis watched her, then took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Sawyer looked over to him, taking a deep breath of her own.

"Hey, Dave?"

He looked up.

"What's on your mind?"

He smiled, an absolutely forced, fake smile.

"Nothing."
"Bullshit."

He blinked, and she smiled at him.

"We may not be dating anymore, but I like to think that we're friends."
"We are friends, Saw."
"Okay. And because we did date, I know you. Fairly well, might I add."

Davis didn't blush. Okay, maybe a little.

"Therefore, I can tell when something's on your mind."

He let out a sigh, blue eyes looking up to meet hers. Sawyer smiled softly, then reached out and took his hand.

"Whatever you want to ask me, go ahead."
"Saw—"
"I mean it. It might be tough, but … Some things have got to change around here."

Davis nodded, taking in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"The baby … Gabe."

She nodded, and he went on.

"He wasn't mine."
"I know."
"So whose was he?"

Sawyer swallowed.

"Honestly?"

Davis nodded, and she shook her head, speaking so softly.

"I don't know."

Davis' eyes widened just a bit, but he didn't say anything, didn't offer any judgment. Sawyer was grateful for that, and it gave her the strength to continue.

"I kind of … I don't know."

She shook her head, lifting a hand and pushing it through her hair.

"I was in a really bad place. Everything with Lydia, then you left—"

She lifted her head, blue eyes wide.

"No. Oh, god, no, I don't mean it like it … like it was your fault. Please, Davis, don't take it like that."

He nodded, and she sighed. She shook her head as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Shit."
"Saw, hey."

She shook her head, and Davis sighed, reaching over and taking her hand. She sniffled, shaking her head again.

"I don't mean to cry. I just … my hormones and everything are so out of whack."

Davis nodded, and Sawyer let out a breath.

"It's not your fault. It's mine."
"Sawyer—"
"No, hear me out."

Davis nodded, and she went on.

"When Lydia went away, I blamed myself. And I guess I couldn't cope with the blame I placed on myself? I don't know."

She let out a sigh.

"I couldn't keep it in. Mom sent us to see Jenny, and Jenny suggested I keep a journal, so I did. It helped, for like a week. And then I got invited to one of Amanda Green's parties."
"Oh, boy."

Sawyer laughed.

"Seriously. And while I was at that party, I got drunk. And for a little while, I didn't have to worry about anything. My problems didn't matter, because I forgot about them. So I went back the next week. By the time school let out, I was the party girl of Tree Hill. And then you told me you were leaving."

She sighed, shaking her head as she looked down at her hands.

"It was easier for me to blame you and to break up with you than it was for me to face my issues. So that's what I did."

She pursed her lips as she fought back tears.

"I shouldn't have said those things to you. I didn't mean any of it."
"Hey."

She blinked and looked up, and Davis gave her a smile as he took her hand.

"I know you didn't."
"I said some awful things to you."
"Well, I shouldn't have just up and left like that."
"Davis."

He shook his head, and she squeezed his hand.

"Please don't blame yourself. I was spiraling out of control, but it wasn't your fault."
"I should have seen it, though. I should have been here to—"
"To what? To save me? You think I would have let you?"

Davis sighed, pushing a hand through his dark hair. Sawyer smiled, and when he looked back at her, she spoke softly.

"I don't blame you. You needed to cope, and the best way you could have done that was by leaving. You did yourself a favor, Davis, trust me."

He nodded, glancing down at their hands.

"And I don't hate you, no matter what I said."

He looked back up at her, smiling.

"Good. Because I need you in my life, Saw."

She blinked back tears.

"I need you, too."

He leaned over, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her as best he could. A knock sounded at the door, and Davis looked over to see Ellie standing there. She smiled at him, then looked at Sawyer.

"Mom said Gran and Aunt Lily are on their way over. How are you feeling?"

Sawyer shrugged.

"Sore. And tired."
"Well, I think that's my cue to go."

Sawyer smiled, and Davis leaned over to kiss her forehead. They smiled at each other before he walked over to Ellie, wrapping an arm around her.

"Merry Christmas, Saw."

Sawyer smiled.

"You too, Davis. And tell Aunt Brooke from me?"

He nodded, squeezing Ellie's shoulder before walking away. Ellie glanced at the watch on her wrist.

"It's almost time for you to have some more pain medicine."

Sawyer nodded.

"I can tell."

A knock sounded behind Ellie, and the girls turned to see Peyton standing there. She walked into the room with a cup of water and the medicine bottle. She set them down on Sawyer's nightstand, then leaned over to run her hand through Sawyer's bangs.

"How are you feeling?"
"Lousy, to be honest."

Peyton smiled and nodded. She opened the medicine bottle, doling out two pills, putting them in Sawyer's hand. Sawyer took them with a few sips of water, then settled back against the pillows. Peyton sighed, smiling softly as she continued to brush her fingers through Sawyer's bangs.

"Mom, I'm sorry."
"Shh."
"I feel awful about everything, and—"
"Hush, baby. We can talk about it when you feel better."
"Do you hate me?"

Peyton closed her eyes lifting a hand to rub at them. After a moment, she opened her eyes, looking down at her daughter with red-rimmed eyes that were quickly filling with tears.

"There is nothing in this world you could ever do to make me hate you. I love you, Sawyer Brooke, with an undying love. Okay?"

Sawyer nodded, tears dripping down her cheeks. Peyton reached over and thumbed the tears away, then squeezed Sawyer's hands.

"I love you forever, okay kid?"

Sawyer smiled. That was something she used to tell her parents when she was little.

"I love you forever, too, Mom."
"Get some rest."

Sawyer closed her eyes, feeling a sense of peace wash over her when Peyton gently kissed her forehead.

"Like an angel standing guard, there you are."
There You Are, Martina McBride

Tree Hill had a white Christmas this year. The ground was covered with a thick blanket of snow, and fat, fluffy flakes fell all day long December twenty-fifth. Jude smiled as he stared out the window, watching the snow fall. Meg had been outside most of the day, running through the snow with the gift that had shocked Jude most of all.

A puppy.

How Brooke Davis managed to get a puppy, keep it a secret from her children, and surprise them with it on Christmas Day was beyond Jude's comprehension. But he wasn't complaining.

The dog was tiny, some kind of spaniel mixed with God only knew what else. Brooke said someone had left a box of puppies at the pound, and every one of them had been adopted except for the little guy.

Girl. Little girl puppy.

Jude shook his head, taking another sip of the hot chocolate Brooke had fixed. Christmas tradition and all.

"Jude, look!"

He turned from the window to see Meg sitting on her knees, the puppy in her lap.

"She's the perfect size for this doll sweater!"

Christ, he was one-third owner of a dog that wore clothes.

"Looks great, Meggie."
"I'm going to make her all kinds of clothes on my new sewing machine."
"Yeah, remind me to call Dad and 'thank' him for that."

Jude snorted as Davis walked into the kitchen, shaking his head and going for the pot of hot chocolate. They'd already Face-Timed with Julian and Alex and the baby that morning, as soon as Ever had woken up. She was growing too quickly, the boys decided, even though she was only three months old.

Jude finished his hot chocolate and moved to set the cup in the sink. Meg ran into the kitchen, the dog still in her arms and a huge smile on her face.

"Kid, she's going to forget how to use her legs if you carry her around everywhere."
"Leave me alone. We're about to watch the Grinch, and if you ask me, that movie could be about you."
"Oh, that's it."

Jude started for Meg, who squealed as she ran back into the living room, jumping onto the couch beside Brooke, who was laughing out loud.

"Come be with your family, Jude! It's Christmas!"
"Yeah, Grinch!"

Jude shook his head, smiling anyway, and started to walk to the living room. He stopped though, when his phone rang. He reached for it, rolling his eyes at Meg's voice.

"No phones!"

Jude narrowed his eyes at the unfamiliar number, then glanced at Brooke.

"Please?"

Brooke rolled her eyes, but smiled.

"Make it quick."

Jude slid his finger across the screen to answer the call.

"Hello?"

There was nothing on the other end of the line. No breathing or anything, and if Jude hadn't been forced to sit through endless amounts of horror movies with Davis, he probably wouldn't have been as nervous as he suddenly was.

"Is anybody there? Who is this?"

He heard an intake of breath on the other end of the line, just before his heart stopped.

"Hey Jude."

No. There was no way. Jude swallowed, and it was useless, since his throat was suddenly dry. He shook his head, finding his voice, scratchy and quiet though it was.

"Lydia?"

After a few heartbeats, she spoke again, just as quietly.

"Merry Christmas, Jude."

He laughed. He couldn't help it. Tears filled his eyes, and his smile felt like it would break his face in half.

"Lydia. Oh my god. Baby. Hi. It's so good to hear your voice."
"I miss you."
"Oh god, baby. I miss you, too."

Jude closed his eyes, clutching the phone close to his ear. Tears dripped down his cheeks, and he didn't know that Brooke and Davis were standing back, watching him, since Davis had been in the kitchen to hear the first part of the conversation.

"Are you … Are you doing okay?"

He could hear her smile, he swore to God.

"Yeah, I … I'm doing a lot better now."
"That's great. I'm so glad."
"I really miss you, Jude."
"I have missed you every second of every day that you've been gone."

He heard her hitched breath, knew then that she was crying, too.

"Sweetheart?"
"Jude, I …"
"What? What is it, baby?"

After a quiet moment, she spoke again.

"I love you."

He went still, gripping the edge of the counter. His voice sounded strangled when he managed to speak again.

"Say that … Say that again."

She honest-to-God laughed on the other end of the line.

"Jude Baker, I love you. I have for so long."

His face screwed up as he choked back the sobs that threatened to break free.

"It feels so good to say it to you. I used to think I wasn't good enough for you, that you deserved so much better than me. And while that still may be true … I know that the one thing I've always been able to count on has been you."

She took a shaky breath while he covered his mouth with his hand.

"You have such a beautiful soul, Jude. You've loved me through so much, and I was never able to tell you how much you meant to me. I still don't know if I can tell you. When I try to put it in words, all I can think of is … I love you."

Jude took in a ragged breath, swallowing. His voice was thick and rough, the slightest bit hoarse, but he managed to speak.

"I love you too, Lydia. I … I love you, too."

She laughed again, and he closed his eyes, soaking in the sound. After a moment, Lydia let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry, Jude. I—I need to go."
"Okay. If you have to."

She giggled quietly.

"I do."

He nodded, swallowing again, letting out a sigh.

"I love you, Lydia."
"I love you too."

He smiled, feeling a lightness come over him.

"Merry Christmas, Jude."
"Merry Christmas, baby."

He heard the click that ended the call, and pulled the phone from his ear. He set it on the counter beside him, then laid his head down on his arms. He felt a soft hand gently rubbing his back, and he moved to press his cheek against his mother's stomach. Brooke gently pushed her hands through his hair, and he let out quiet, gasping sobs. When he had control again, he leaned back, looking up at Brooke, smiling through his tears.

"It was Lydia. Lydia called me, Mom."
"I heard."
"She's getting better."

Brooke smiled, tears shimmering in her eyes.

"She … She told me that she loves me."
"Oh, honey."

Jude shook his head, letting out a laugh. He stood up and wrapped Brooke in his arms, holding her tightly while he smiled, laughing again when he saw the sun peek through the clouds out the window.

"Every time I take a breath, or when I forget to breathe, you're watching over me."
There You Are, Martina McBride

Quinn sat on the couch beside Clay, both of them with their eyes closed, feet propped up on the coffee table. Riley and Logan were in similar positions, on the floor and in a chair. Jamie stood near the kitchen, shaking his head as he sipped from a mug.

"Pathetic."

Groans answered him back, and he laughed.

"Why do you all stuff yourselves until you literally can't move?"
"It's the Holiday Feast."

Jamie rolled his eyes as Clay spoke again.

"It's a rule that you have to make yourself miserable."
"I didn't get the memo."

Quinn moaned before she spoke.

"It's the Scott in you. Keeps you from fully enjoying the Holiday Feast."
"Count your blessings, Jame. Ugh."

Jamie laughed again as he glanced over at Logan. Riley made a face as she tried to move, but then went back to her original position.

"We only get to do it twice a year, for Thanksgiving and Christmas."
"So, what, it's worth it to be this miserable?"

Four hands went into the air, giving him a thumbs-up. Jamie shook his head, walking back into the kitchen and setting his mug in the sink. He looked up as the phone rang, walking back into the living room to see Clay and Quinn, each with one eye open, looking at the phone. Jamie rolled his eyes.

"Oh, don't get up. I'll get it."

Clay gave a quiet grunt.

"You're a good man, Jamie Scott."

Jamie rolled his eyes again, then answered the phone.

"Scott/Evans residence."

The line was quiet, and Jamie pulled the phone away from his ear to make sure the call was connected.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

Just as he was getting ready to sigh and disconnect the call, he heard a quiet voice.

"Hi, Jamie."

The smile slid from his face.

"Lydia?"

His voice was quiet, breathless. Quinn and Clay sat up, while Logan glanced over from his spot on the chair and Riley lifted her head to look over the coffee table. Jamie stood frozen, eyes wide, breathing hard.

"Yeah, James. It's—it's me."

Jamie waved a hand behind him until he felt the back of a barstool. He sat down, blinking hard.

"You're … Are you okay?"
"Yeah, James. I'm good. I just … I wanted to call and tell you all Merry Christmas."

She let out a laugh.

"But I'm sure everyone's in their self-induced Holiday Feast comas, right?"

Jamie nodded as he laughed.

"Yeah, that's … pretty much right on the money."

Tears came to his eyes. It had been so long since he heard her laugh.

"Jamie, I … I just wanted to tell you that I miss you. And I love you."

Jamie closed his eyes, taking in a breath.

"I love you too, little sister."
"Can I talk to Aunt Quinn real quick?"

Jamie sniffled and nodded, walking over and handing the phone to Quinn. She looked at it with wide eyes, and Jamie nodded to her, a smile crossing his face despite the tears slipping down his cheeks. Quinn swallowed and lifted the phone to her ear.

"He—hello?"
"Merry Christmas, Aunt Quinn."

Quinn covered her mouth with a hand, closing her eyes. After a second, she let out a shaky breath.

"Oh, Lydia."
"I just wanted to call and tell you how much I love you. You've always been the best 'Mom' to me, and I don't think I've ever told you that."
"Honey, you don't—"
"I know. But I feel like I need to. You never turned your back on me, even when I was so awful to you. Thank you for believing in me and helping me. I—I'm really doing okay now, Aunt Q."

Quinn nodded, sniffling as tears slid down her cheeks.

"I'm so glad, baby."
"I've got to go, but … Will you tell Clay and Logan and Riley that I love them?"

Quinn nodded again.

"Yeah, I will."
"Merry Christmas, Aunt Q."
"Merry Christmas, honey."

The line went quiet, and Quinn set the phone on the table beside her end of the couch. She bent over, putting her face in her hands, crying softly while Clay moved closer to her, gently rubbing her back. Riley stood up and walked over, sitting at Quinn's feet. After a few minutes, Quinn lifted her head, glancing at Clay and smiling widely.

"She's okay. She's really okay."

Clay took her in his arms as she let out a laughing sob, and she clutched him close. Riley stood up and walked to Jamie, who wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Quinn closed her eyes as she rested her chin on Clay's shoulder.

"She wanted me to tell you and Logan and Riley how much she loves you."

Clay's arms tightened around her, and Quinn's smile grew. Logan leaned back in his chair, a wide smile on his face. He laced his fingers together, resting his hands on top of his abdomen.

"Merry Christmas, indeed."

"When I'm looking for the light in the middle of the night, searching for the brightest star...
There you are."
There You Are, Martina McBrde

Lucas stood at the bottom of the front steps of his house. It was weird, how that house didn't feel like home anymore. He'd fucked up royally, and he knew it, and his family was falling apart around him and he didn't know how to fix it. His mind went back to the verbal ass-kicking he'd received from his mother early that morning, when she woke to find him in that motel instead of the house with Peyton and the girls.

Lucas swallowed, shaking his head. He had no idea what to do to even begin to mend this. Peyton was cold towards him now, and who could blame her? He'd hurt her so deeply. Sawyer hated him; that much was obvious. His only ally was Ellie, and even that was frosty. Lucas shook his head again, putting his hands in his pockets.

He felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out, letting out a sigh when he saw he had a missed call. He slid his finger across the screen and tapped until his voicemail came up. An unfamiliar number had left him a message, and he groaned. Another publisher, angling for a new book? He pushed a hand through his hair, then touched the message, holding the phone to his ear.

"Hey, Uncle Luke. It's—it's Lydia. I just … I just wanted to call and tell you that I miss you. I've got so much more that I want to say to you, but my shrink's trying to get me off the phone. Just know that you're the best uncle that I could have ever asked for, and I'm sorry that I haven't treated you like it lately. I'll see you soon, okay? I … I love you. Merry Christmas."

The phone fell from Lucas' hand as the voicemail ended. He'd come to sit on the steps as soon as he heard the sweet voice. He ran a hand over his mouth, over the stubble on his chin and cheeks, shaking his head. He grabbed his phone, wiping off the snow, playing the message over and over again.

Finally, when it felt like hours had gone by, Lucas stood up. He brushed the snow off of his pants, took in a deep breath and walked up the steps. He stood at the door for a moment, then lifted a hand. He laid it against the door, closing his eyes. He blinked his eyes open, then knocked.

The door opened, and there was Peyton. Lucas looked up to see the same look on her face that he'd seen when Dan had stopped by to meet and hold new baby Sawyer for the first—and only—time. She was wary, guarded, and she raised one eyebrow. Lucas gave her a crooked smile, then cleared his throat.

"Could I come in?"