Ugh, I've had an annoying time of it in the last few days ($35,000 of funding for this next year fell through and I have only $1,000…trying to figure out what to do. Sigh). Sorry about the delay. This story is ALMOST DONE! Maybe two more chapters-ish?
For Tromana, Queen of Angst and Updating.
Chapter Twenty-one: Withdrawal
Lisbon and Jane had been tested to kingdom come and back.
Although it had seemed to take forever, she was happy beyond belief to be safe in her familiar home. Laying in the dark on her bed (why did it suddenly seem too soft and pliant?), she stretched in contentment.
Oh, it was good to be home.
Even though her place seemed extremely large, so open. She stared into the darkness of her room, seeing the dark shadow that was her open door. She quelled the urge to go shut it.
No, she had been shut in a room for far too long. It was ridiculous to feel weird now that she had lots of space and freedom to move around in.
She shifted. She couldn't seem to get comfortable in her bed. Her room was so…so quiet.
No creaking springs.
No clanking chains.
No pattern of breathing from the person lying right next to her.
Actually, no one lying right next to her.
Finally—was it hours later?—she dozed. Only to startle herself awake when she unconsciously reached out, hands seeking, and discovered that the space beside her was empty.
God, she was so frustrated with herself. Irritated, she slammed her fists to the mattress, wincing when the sharp movement pulled at her bandages. Pressing the heels of her palms to her eyes, she breathed deeply. It wasn't as if she had never slept alone before.
Damn it. Her body had become accustomed to sleeping next to Jane on that cramped mattress for the last few weeks. Briefly, she wondered if he was having trouble sleeping as well.
She laughed without humor. Stupid question. He always had trouble sleeping.
She thought about tomorrow and what she would do. She wasn't allowed back to the CBI quite yet. According to the Bureau, she needed recovery time. And a psyche eval, of course. Regardless, she didn't have to be at work tomorrow and she was suddenly struck with a sense of indecision.
As she reviewed options (all of them solitary), she felt very lonely, which was silly since she had spent many days alone in her adult life.
But she couldn't suppress the nagging sensation that she was really missing Patrick Jane. Getting over psychotic Genny and Steve? Done. After all, she was a state agent and had seen enough bad things (lived through enough bad things). She knew the only thing to do was to move on.
But going back to the way her life was before? She and Jane as colleagues—with a hint of something more, she admitted—seeing each other at work and then going their separate ways. It's the way it had been since she met him.
So why did it feel so wrong?