Chapter 21

Shannon was lying on her stomach on the lounge chair by the pool, her sunglasses dramatically large against her delicate features. She flipped the pages of her Elle magazine with attitude, as if the contents of the pages weren't worthy of her attention. Her legs were crossed behind her, and she swung them back and forth, drawing Boone's attention to her long, smooth legs and the rest of her practically naked body – each swimsuit she had worn throughout the summer further tested the limits of what was respectable. Since it was early September, this one was implausibly skimpy, especially now that she was tanning topless with only inches of towel covering her bare chest. He let his eyes trail over her bare back momentarily, not allowing them to drift to her bikini bottom, that sloped dangerously low on her hipbones.

"Boone!" Boone drifted from his reverie as Erin called his name.

"Yeah?" He turned towards his girlfriend, who was in the pool next to him, wearing a much more modest bikini.

She smiled girlishly. "It's getting a little cold, do you wanna go inside?"

Boone looked back at Shannon, who stretched languidly on the chair, momentarily exposing the side of her breast, just barely covered by her towel, and shivered. He wanted her so badly now he had to bite his lip from saying anything, dig his toes into the concrete bottom of the pool to keep from approaching her, clench his fists to keep from touching her. "Boone?" Erin said again.

"Yeah, sorry," he swam towards her, feeling guilty for ignoring her, and after they stepped out of the pool he wrapped a towel around her shoulders and hugged her to his chest to keep her warm, making sure Shannon took note. Erin, on the other hand, looked a little uncomfortable with displays of affection in Shannon's presence.

"You want to go inside now?" She suggested.

"Yeah, sure." He said, taking a towel for himself and drying his hair with it. He gave Shannon a final seething glare, as if she had done something wrong, and followed Erin up the stairs and into his room. Moments later, he found his hand cupping her cheek, and his lips on hers. Shannon, Shannon, Shannon. Erin giggled in surprise, and kissed back, letting him slip his tongue into her mouth. As their kisses became more involved, they threw their towels on the floor and fell onto the bed, Boone pulling her towards him. He felt her smile against his lips, and he rolled over so that he was on top of her, kissing her softly.

"Wow, feeling a little excited today, Boone?" She pulled back.

"Am I going too fast?" He asked her, running his hand through her blonde, wet hair.

She shook her head. "Not too fast, not too slow." He looked at her, relieved, and she kissed him again, rolling on top of him so that she was straddling him. He sat up halfway to reach her, and wrapped his arms around her lower back, easing them slowly towards her chest, slipping his hands underneath the fabric of her swimsuit top. Erin sighed, and he thought of Shannon's annoyed sigh when she flipped a page in a magazine, though Erin's sigh wasn't one of annoyance. She pulled back for a moment to untie the halter straps on her swimsuit, and then fell into the kiss again. Boone tugged at the shorts that she had thrown on over her wet swimsuit playfully, but Erin pulled back, holding a pillow to cover her bare breasts.

"Sorry," Boone apologized. "I shouldn't have, I'm sorry, I…"

"It's okay," Erin said. "It's just that, I've never done this before. I mean, I've never had sex."

"Oh," he responded. He had suspected this. But if she wanted to do this, he resolved, he would not pretend she was Shannon. He would try as hard as he possibly could not to, he didn't want to cheat her out of her first time. But he wasn't sure if he had the self control, honestly. "Do you wanna wait?"

"No," she said.

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to push you into doing something you don't want to do, Erin."

"No, I want to do it. I mean, I really, really, like you, and as long as we're careful about it, I think we should. We've been dating for like two or three months, and I feel ready." She paused, shifting the pillow against her chest. "Why? Do you not feel ready?"

"No, I feel ready," he smiled, praying that he could remember who this was, and not pretend she was Shannon. "As long as you want to." She responded by removing the pillow from her chest and returning to kissing him. After taking proper precautions, he kissed her long and leisurely, and carefully eased down her shorts. He remembered Shannon's denim shorts that she had worn many days that summer as he did so, and how they clung to her hips so well… no, he argued with himself, this wasn't Shannon, it was Erin, his pretty, sweet girlfriend who didn't deserve to be cheated out of her first time. When he unbuttoned the button on her shorts, she gasped, not at all like the gasp when he had felt up Shannon in the taxi cab in Australia, no, because Erin wasn't Shannon, she wasn't at all like Shannon.

Once they were naked and under the covers, he rolled on top of her, guiding his hand over her breasts. She sighed softly as he lined up his body with hers. Not Shannon, not Shannon, not Shannon, he told himself. "You ready?" He murmured. She closed her eyes and nodded quickly.

"I think so," she said. "Um."

"Yeah?"

"Is this going to hurt?" She asked, sounding tense.

"I don't think so," he said. He kissed her neck. "You sure you wanna – "

"Boone," she opened her eyes. "It's fine. Just go…"

He slowly lowered his body against hers, and then into hers. She moaned softly, arching her back as he pressed deeper into her, moving in and out of her. Not Shannon, not Shannon, not Shannon… he told himself. He thrust himself harder and deeper into Shannon, no, Erin, he begged himself to think. "Boone," she whispered.

"Is this okay?" He asked Shannon… Erin.

She nodded, digging her fingers into his sides. "God, Boone," she gasped, pressing against him harder. Shannon moaned, whispering unintelligible half-sentences under her breath, and as her moans amplified, she dug her nails deeper into him, and when she climaxed, he came soon after, telling Shannon he loved her, and then he rolled off of her… It's Erin, you fucking piece of scum, he said to himself.

How could he do that? He felt like such a terrible person, using a sweet, innocent girl he respected and pretending she was Shannon. She deserved so much better than him, she deserved someone who actually appreciated how great she was… and the worst part was, she didn't even know what he was doing. She was cuddled into him, half-asleep and content, unaware of the battle raging inside of Boone's head. "I love you, too," she murmured into his ear, and Boone almost wanted to tell her what was going on. He wanted to tell her that he liked her, but was in love with his sister, the one who was tanning topless downstairs, not the one who he had just said he loved, who was lying next to him… he was tired of tricking her… but he bit his lip and was silent. "I feel the same. I mean, I thought that not being a virgin would like, change me, but I don't think it did." She said quietly.

"Oh," he winced, feeling like the worst person who had ever walked the earth.

I have to go soon," Erin whispered, burying her head into his neck. "I'm having dinner with my grandparents." She smiled. "Kind of ironic, don't you think?"

"Yeah. My mom will be home soon." He kissed the top of her head, disgusted with himself.

"Okay," she stirred, opening her eyes. "Can you please hand me my top? I would, but I can't reach it."

"Sure, of course!" He said too heartily, as killing her with kindness would change the reality that he pretended she was Shannon during sex. Erin took a quick shower to wash the chlorine off of her, and returned back to Boone's room.

"Are you just going to stay in bed all day?" She laughed.

"Oh!" He said in realization. "No, I'm getting up!"

"Well, okay," she said slowly, and kissed Boone on the lips softly. "See you on Monday, or if you want to call me, we can do something this weekend."

"I'll call you," he said, and then got up to take a shower and drown himself in guilt.

Late that night, Boone tried to fall asleep unsuccessfully. Maybe it was the guilt that had spread through his body as the hours passed, and the fact that he had just cheated his girlfriend out of her virginity without her knowing. Then again, maybe it was the two hushed voices of Anna and Shannon from her room, gossiping over popcorn and nail polish. Shannon and Anna used to have sleepovers all the time, but as they got older, they substituted sleepovers with each other with sneaking to guys houses, and especially after Boone and Anna broke up, Shannon didn't invite Anna to sleep over very often, because it was still a little awkward between them. Tonight, though, it sounded as if they were having a lot of fun, considering it was almost two in the morning and they had just turned off their blaring hip-hop music. Sabrina and Adam hadn't heard, because they were in a whole different wing of the house.

"Would you turn off the damn music?" Boone had yelled across the hall. "Some people are trying to sleep!"

Shannon came in about thirty seconds later. "Were you saying something?" She had flicked his lights on, practically blinding him because he wasn't accustomed to the light. "I couldn't hear, we were listening to music."

"I know," he tried to make his tone sound dangerous, but Shannon looked so luminous and happy, wearing her usual pajamas – a camisole and boy short underwear from Victoria's Secret, he couldn't bear to sound harsh. "I heard it."

"Okay," she had said impatiently. "So, what's the problem?"

"I'm trying to sleep."

"Aw, poor Boonie baby is twying to sleep?" She asked in baby-talk. "Is it past poor Boonie's bedtime?"

"Shut up, Shannon," he had said, annoyed.

"Did you want me to tuck you in? Or give you a kiss goodnight?" She mocked. "Or sing you a lullaby?"

"No," he said, though the kiss goodnight sounded quite appealing. "You could turn off the music though."

"Ugh," she had rolled her eyes. "Fine."

Now Shannon and Anna were talking in hushed whispers, but Boone could hear pieces of their conversations if he strained his ears. "How's Gabe?" Anna asked Shannon.

"Good," Shannon whispered back. "Sometimes I think he's just using me for sex, though." Boone tensed. How dare some stupid, immature, high school pervert use his beautiful, amazing sister just for her body! How dare he! Boone clenched his fists, anger seeping through him like the guilt about Erin had hours before.

"Well if you think that, he probably is," Anna responded. "Is he good?" Boone cringed, not wanting to picture them doing anything.

"Pretty good, I guess. I've never really had that great sex before." Boone frowned, imagining her in bed with that pervert. Imagining her having an orgasm from that pervert. Oh god, he thought. He had to make her stay away from this Gabe guy.

"You will." Anna convinced Shannon. "The best sex I ever had was your brother," Anna said. "He was so… like, oh my god, I couldn't ever think about anything else for days. But don't tell him I said that."

"Sssshhhh, he's probably listening to you!" Shannon whispered, giggling.

"Oh, whatever," Anna replied. "So," she lowered her voice. "Is it just me or does Boone's girlfriend look exactly like you?" Boone shuddered. Was Shannon going to find out? What would she do? What would she say? And why had Anna said that? She was the only one who knew about how Boone felt, and to mention that… Boone felt betrayed as well as apprehensive, and angry about the dickhead who was using the girl he was in love with.

"Maybe a little. She has the same color hair, I guess. Whatever." Shannon seemed to shrug off Anna's comparison, and Boone's muscles relaxed slightly.

"Sometimes I miss him," Anna changed the subject, but Boone didn't really care about what she was saying now. He was more concerned about Gabe, and Shannon, and if he was going to hurt her. He didn't want his sister getting hurt – he didn't want to find her crying one day because Gabe was cheating on her, or because he had pushed her into something. He wanted to see her laughing, natural and calm. He just wanted her to be happy. That was all he wanted, he thought, rolling over and dozing off to sleep.

Uh, I hope the sex scene with NotShannon wasn't too painful. It seemed like people liked her, so I thought it was okay. Please review, and say what you especially liked or didn't like! Thanks!