Chidori

Chapter 21 – Bittersweet memories

3 months later

The young journalist was smiling at Sasuke excitedly, completely ignoring the three other members of the band.

"Would you say this record, Bittersweet memories, is a lot different than your first one?" She asked.

Sasuke ran pale fingers through his recently cut raven hair, and gave his answer. "I'd say it's darker – well, the lyrics, anyway. There's more keyboard, more instruments mixing. It's similar, but our sound has improved, well I hope so anyway." He chuckled, a small smile on his lips.

The journalist was melting before him. "So t-the fans want to know, Sasuke-kun, do you have a… a girlfriend?" She stuttered.

"No I'm single." He replied and her smile widened.

"Oh, so, my next question…"

Shizune interrupted the interview. "Sorry, but time's out!"

"Thank God." Kiba muttered.

They followed their agent all the way to the back of the bar they had rented for the release party of their second album.

"Oh, so you didn't like standing there and being ignored either?" Suigetsu said sarcastically. "I thought I was the only one!"

Takumi was the only one who wasn't complaining. "I'm used to it." He shrugged, "You think we were asked questions in interviews with The black souls? No, it was just Kimi. And they were always the same damn questions. Do you like Sasuke? Are you his girlfriend? How is it singing with him? How is he like?"

Sasuke cut him. "We get it, Takumi."

"I bet she answered all sorts of bullshit." Suigetsu laughed, then imitated Kimiko's high pitched voice, "Oh yes I'm his girlfriend, and he's so wonderful, we're so in love!"

"Worst thing is," Takumi sighed, "you're not far from the truth my friend."

Sasuke made no comment and tried not to die of humiliation.

"Time for the show guys!" Shizune told them back stage, "Remember, you're filmed and diffused live on various TV channels, and watched throughout Japan of course, but also internationally on the internet through the official website."

"No pressure guys, no pressure," Kiba chuckled.

"Who's filming us for the website?" Suigetsu asked, curious.

"Konan," Shizune answered.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" The silver-haired guy asked, frowning, "She's probably gonna end up filming Yahiko in the crowd or something."

"Well…" Shizune started, but her boss appeared behind her.

"What the hell are you still doing here?" Tsunade shouted angrily. "Get your emo asses on stage! Now!"

"I'm not emo." Kiba protested in a little voice.

"Try again when you don't have black hair, eyeliner and skinny jeans! Now go!"

They did as they were told, and the little crowd cheered as loudly as humanly possible. It consisted of their friends and family, their recording team, the band Akatsuki, the former members of The black souls, some fans that had won VIP passes and the press of course.

Sasuke was nervous. Not because he was about to perform live, no, that he was used to, and actually it felt really good to be back on a stage, even if it was just for a few songs.

He was nervous because they had sent an invitation to Karin and Naruto to assist the party. For now they were nowhere to be seen, but they could very well be late if they had taken a flight from Kyoto. Sasuke hadn't seen Naruto in more than three months now…

He shook his head clear, and, listening to his band mates playing, he waited and focused, and then started singing…

Here is no one left to trust

Raise a light, one that I can see

Now reverse this enormous pain

For this life to remain…

While Suigetsu was singing – more like screaming – Sasuke noticed Itachi had gotten there. He had been a little late because of work – it was a week night after all – but he was here now, and they exchanged a little discreet smile. Sasuke turned his gaze to the rest of the crowd as he continued singing.

Hold me close, this is what I see, emptiness in me

This is how I feel, this is what is real

I can't move back (What is now turning black)

I can't replace (What is being erased)

The crowd cheered for their sound, their energy, and of course Sasuke's voice. He had been clean and sober for months now, and his voice and presence on stage was much better than at the last shows of their summer tour.

Like Tsunade had mentioned, they all pretty much had an emo style, even Kiba hadn't escaped the stylists. But his spiky black hair with bright red streaks looked really good, and he was wearing skinny jeans with a black t-shirt. As for Suigetsu, he would probably never change his style; sleek silver hair, striped violet and black tank top and black skinny jeans. Takumi's black hair was longer and he was wearing it loose, he had snake bite piercings on his lower lip now, as well as his eyebrow piercing, his outfit was all black and his guitar was vibrant blue and black. As for Sasuke, his hair was shorter, barely touching his shoulders now and the back was a little spiky – his stupid hair just did that – with bangs framing his face. His outfit consisted of pale skin tight jeans and a black v-neck shirt with sleeves up to his elbows.

I crawl my way through every day

Raise your light (One that glows for me)

Give me a sign, light my path take me higher

I am walking through fire

Standing alone, abandoned by fate

Walk me through, this is what I see, emptiness in me

This is how I feel, this is what is real

I can't move back (What is now turning black)

I can't replace (What is being erased, being erased)

He kept looking around the room, hoping and fearing at the same time that Naruto would show up. If Karin came it would be nice too; Suigetsu missed her so much. But they weren't there… He could see Kimiko; she was standing right beside Yoshikazu and Ino. Those two were still together, and Yoshi was doing well, according to what Sasuke had heard; he was giving guitar lessons, and he also had a stable job in the music band of a bar that offered rock shows every weekend. As for Ino she had started studying fashion and clothing design and a very promising career was awaiting her. Kimiko hadn't been that lucky though. Her attempts to pursue a solo career weren't working so well. She didn't play any instruments, and she couldn't write songs either, so it wasn't that easy.

Jugo and Hinata, faithful friends of Sasuke – and fans of Chidori – had also made it. They were smiling and clearly enjoying the song. Hiroshi and Deidara were right in front of the stage, cheering with the rest of the fans, the bassist, Hidan, was staying a little behind with Shizune and Tsunade, and Yahiko was staying close to Konan as she was filming. So far she seemed to be resisting the urge to film her beloved boyfriend instead of the band on stage…

Is this all that's left for me?

Hold me close, this is what I see, emptiness in me

This is how I feel, this is what is real

I can't move back (What is now fading black)

I can't replace (What is being erased)

This is what I see, emptiness in me

This is how I feel, this is what is real

I can't move back (What is now fading black)

I can't replace (What is being erased)

The crowd exploded in applauds and cheerful screams and Sasuke thanked them warmly. The song they had just performed had been written by him, but the next song's lyrics were Takumi's, and he informed their audience of that detail. The title was also the same as the name of the record.

As Sasuke listened to the drums and guitar, he glanced around in the room again – but still no sign of Naruto or Karin…

You turn me off by the push of a button,

Then you pretend that I don't mean nothing

I'm not a saint, that's easy to tell,

But guess what, honey, you ain't no angel.

You like to scream these words as a weapon,

Well go ahead take your best shot, woman.

I wanna leave you it's easy to see,

But guess what, honey, it's not that easy.

We get so complicated. (Complicated!)

These fingers full of memories.

So rip my pictures from your wall.

Tear them down, burn them all.

Light the fire, walk away.

There's nothing left to say so

Take the ashes from the floor,

Bury them to just make sure

That nothing more is left of me.

Just bittersweet memories

Memories… ahh…

I wanna run and escape from your prison,

But when I leave I feel like something's missing

I'm not afraid, that's easy to tell

This can't be heaven, feels like I'm in hell.

You're like a drug that I can't stop taking.

I want more and I can't stop craving.

I still want you it's easy to see,

But guess what honey, you're not that good for me.

We get so complicated (Complicated!)

These fingers full of memories

So rip my pictures from your wall,

Tear them down, burn them all

Light the fire, walk away

There's nothing left to say so

Take the ashes from the floor,

Bury them to just make sure

That nothing more is left of me,

Just bittersweet memories

Just bittersweet memories

Sasuke smiled as their friends and fans cheered for them once more. But this had been just a preview of the real shows. So he thanked them again, and then Shizune walked on stage and took the mike from him. He let her willingly – he had never been one for long speeches.

"Give it up once more for Chidori!" she said and the crowd, of course, exploded again. "The record Bittersweet memories is available tomorrow! But as a special tonight you can get your autographed copy right here, in the hall! Thank you all for coming, and enjoy your evening!"

Technicians helped them clear the stage, and the dj hired for the night put on some dance music for the party.

Kiba and Suigetsu made a run for it, going to see their friends and families that had come to see them. As for Takumi and Sasuke; they took their time. Takumi didn't have any family, and Sasuke had Itachi, but since he lived in Tokyo now they saw each other really often.

"Do you think they liked the songs, or they were just being nice because they're our friends mostly?" Takumi asked, chuckling.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "They liked it. You worry too much."

"Why'd you tell them they were my lyrics?" he asked and Sasuke stopped walking. "I didn't want her to know that."

"You're aware it's gonna be written in the album right?" Sasuke raised a fine black eyebrow.

Takumi glanced away. "Yeah but… I'm sure she's not gonna buy it."

"And I'm convinced she will," he replied. "Come on, let's go with the others. Don't stay here sulking on your own because you're too scared to see her!"

Sasuke grabbed his friend's arm and dragged him along. He went to see Itachi first, and Takumi left him to go talk to Hiroshi.

"That was great! I liked the first song better though," Itachi smiled.

"Well, it was written by me so," Sasuke said half-teasing.

"Little prick," his older brother teased him, but then he frowned slightly, "Is everything all right? You seem nervous."

"I'm fine it's just…" he muttered as he glanced around the room again, "I was wondering… did you see… Karin, or…?"

"No I didn't see them," Itachi replied sadly. "Sorry, I don't think they're gonna come."

"Yeah…"

"Hey I'm sorry but I gotta head back," the older Uchiha sighed, glancing at the time on his cell, "it's getting late and…"

"You have work tomorrow," Sasuke finished for him, "I know," he smiled.

"See you later all right?"

Sasuke's smile disappeared as he watched his brother walk away. Takumi was with Hiroshi and Deidara, Kiba with Sarah, Suigetsu with his family that had come from Konoha to see them play, and Sasuke felt lonely…

He had been nervous since Suigetsu had told him Karin and Naruto had been part of the invitations list. And that was two weeks ago. All the anticipation, the anxiety… all that for nothing. Hell, he had even tried to prepare a stupid speech to tell Naruto, overall it pretty much said, 'hey, I'm clean now, I've been for a while, I've written all those sappy love songs for you, so would you please take me back now?'

Of course he wouldn't have said that. He had no idea what he would've said, actually. But he would surely have come up with something, anything… He sighed and headed to the bar, even though he didn't drink anymore. But Jugo was there and he wanted to at least thank him for coming.

"Hey man," the red-head smiled when he saw him.

"Hey," he smiled back as he leaned on the counter.

"I was gonna get some beer for Hinata and for me, do you want one too?" he asked.

"No, thanks," he declined.

Jugo ordered and they talked a little bit as they waited. Hinata was sitting at a table nearby with Kiba, Sarah, Yoshikazu and Ino.

"The songs were great, I can't wait to hear the whole record," Jugo said honestly.

"Thanks man, I appreciate," Sasuke nodded slightly.

"So how are you doing?"

"I'm… fine I guess. Better. You?"

"I'm doing great," Jugo shrugged, "Hinata's all I ever dreamed for," he added as he glanced at her fondly.

"I'm really happy for you, and sorry again for being all drugged up for your wedding," he said in a low, shameful voice.

Jugo grabbed the beers and started walking towards the tables, "I told you, it's okay, it's in the past now. I'm just glad you're doing better." He stopped and glanced back when he realized Sasuke wasn't following, "You're not joining us?"

"I'm sorry I think I'm gonna go home. I'm really tired," he said apologetically, "you enjoy the party all right?"

"You sure you're okay?" his friend frowned slightly.

"Yeah don't worry 'bout it," he made a little smile, "see you man."

"Yeah, take care," Jugo smiled back.

He sighed, quickly returned back stage to grab his black coat, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked out of the bar, barely glancing at the little improvised store where they sold both their records and some t-shirts too.

He shivered and pulled his coat tighter around his thin body as he walked in the cold February night. He could've just taken a cab, it wasn't like he didn't have enough money, but he felt like walking. He needed to clear his head, and also to stop obsessing about Naruto…

Easier said than done, he chuckled to himself darkly. As he walked faster on the sidewalk, trying to get a little warmer, he couldn't help but feel disappointed that Naruto hadn't showed up. He hadn't admitted it to himself before, but he had really been hoping to see him, and maybe, just maybe, become friends again, start over…

But no, of course he hadn't showed up. He was filming a movie; what had Sasuke been thinking anyway? How foolish of him, he thought bitterly. Naruto probably had a new boyfriend now. Maybe he had gotten back with Sai.

These dark thoughts made his heart sank… his heart that was broken and couldn't be fixed. It started snowing, and he closed his eyes for a moment, letting warm tears roll down his cheeks.

- Chidori -

The ringing of his cell phone woke Sasuke up from a well deserved morning of lazy over sleeping, and he growled as he checked the caller id. Tsunade… he'd better answer it.

"Hello?"

"Oh did I wake you up? Sorry." She said without waiting for his answer, and without sounding sorry at all. "Don't hate me, I'm actually calling to congratulate you this time!"

"Really?" He raised a brow as he sat up slowly.

They had a particular relationship with Tsunade; they had started off hating each other with a passion, but eventually they had gotten around, and they respected each other very much now.

"Yeah," she insisted, "the stores have only been opened a few hours, and the sells of the record are already very good! They're also probably already downloading it illegally on the internet, but oh well, record industry these days… Anyway, just to tell you that you did an amazing work on this record! Your three band mates too, of course, but I chose to call you only, partly because I saw you leave the party early, whereas they left at 4 am…"

"Oh," he chuckled, "well, I suppose I'll pass the message then."

"Good! Enjoy your few weeks of freedom, but as you know the tour dates will be announced soon!"

"Yeah I know, thanks Tsunade," he replied.

"No problem. And don't be so familiar you little brat," she said this almost fondly, and it made him smile as they hung up.

Sasuke fell back in his bed. His useless, empty king-sized bed. The apartment was the same as when Naruto had left. He hadn't changed anything. The furniture and blue paint on the wall were the same, the posters of their favourite metal bands and inspiration were still there…

He stared at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep again. He wondered if Naruto would even listen to the album. If he'd hear of it and be curious… if he'd listen to the songs, if he'd read the descriptions saying who composed the lyrics…

If Naruto was even thinking about him, at all…

- Chidori -

Try pretending to have sex with all those people and cameras watching all around you, Naruto thought nervously. They were in a room in a four star hotel in Kyoto, filming one of the last scenes of the movie – a sex scene. Oh it wasn't the first one; Kakashi's movie was full of them.

"More passionate, Naruto!" Kakashi insisted. "You have to touch her, to show me, and the audience, how much you love her – well, your character, anyway. Just like last time, you were really into it!"

Naruto closed his eyes. Like last time, huh? He fantasised about Sasuke, the way he was before. His mid-length raven hair, pale, flawless skin, toned and lean body, superior smirk, playful… but needy at the same time… Sasuke…

"Yes! That's good! That's really good!" Kakashi exclaimed. "Say her name."

"Kayla," he said in a voice as sensual as he could.

She arched her back, "Ryan," she moaned.

She was really good. It felt as if Naruto was actually fucking her; that's how good she was at faking.

"And now for the finale," Kakashi told them expectantly.

Fifteen minutes later the technicians and cameramen were cleaning up, and Naruto and Ariane were still in the bed, out of breath. Who knew pretending to have sex was actually very demanding?

"That was so weird!" she exclaimed, turning to look at him with deep green eyes, "Knowing you were thinking about a guy as you kissed me!" she laughed.

"Well," he said defensively, "Weren't you thinking about another guy as well?"

"No, most of the time when doing scenes like that I have to, but you're hot enough," she winked playfully, "So who's the guy?"

"Get dressed guys," Kakashi told them, "We're done."

"Yeah, yeah," Ariane started getting dressed, and Kakashi's gaze lingered on her a little longer than necessary.

Naruto also got up and put his jeans, shirt and black hoodie back on.

"I don't have the whole day guys," Kakashi said, leaning in the doorframe.

"Says the one who's always late in the morning," Ariane muttered.

"I heard that!"

The grey-haired man waited for them to be out of the room, then locked it and went to give the key back at the main desk in the hall. Naruto and Ariane followed him lazily.

"I'm curious Naruto, I wanna know who's the guy of your dreams?" Ariane insisted.

They had developed a rather unique friendship. They had spent a lot of time together because of the movie, and they had become each other's confident. Probably because they didn't have any friend in common, they just felt free to tell each other everything, without being afraid of being judged. Naruto had always stayed very private about his love life though.

"My ex-boyfriend," he finally admitted.

"Oh," she said thoughtfully, "what was he like?"

Kakashi spoke before he could answer, "Not that I don't want to hear the details about your love life Naruto, but I gotta run! See you guys tomorrow!"

"But tomorrow's Saturday!" Ariane complained, "Can't we have the weekend off for once?"

"You'll have the weekends off when the movie's finished!" He smiled behind his mask and left in a hurry.

"Do you want to come over to my place?" Ariane suggested as they left the hotel.

"Sure!" he smiled.

They did this quite often; she didn't like being alone in her tiny apartment and he didn't like being alone with Sai. His constant flirting was starting to get on Naruto's nerves.

So with Ariane they liked to just hang out, talk, watch movies, practice their lines and simply laugh together.

They took a cab because it was too cold to walk, and when they got there Ariane paid and they hurried inside. It was a flat with only one room and a bathroom, so she had a sofa bed, and much like Naruto the living room was also her bedroom. It was small, but it was only for a little while so she didn't mind.

"So you didn't actually tell me how your ex-boyfriend was like," she asked as she opened the fridge to see if there was anything edible in there.

"Ariane," he whined, sitting on her unmade sofa bed, "you know I don't like to talk about those things!"

"Oh come on! Don't be shy!" she glanced at him, "I tell you about my exes all the time! You'll see, it's good to talk about it." She glanced back at the fridge, then back at him again, "Should I order some pizza?"

"Yeah!" Naruto smiled.

While they waited for the food, sitting on her bed together, Naruto successfully avoided her questions and instead they ended up talking about the movie.

"… No it is a good love story. I'm not saying it isn't, but it's just not realistic, like at all!"

"How?" Naruto frowned.

"When Karin first told me about this movie, I didn't have the script yet, so I did my little research. She explained the story quickly, but I knew my character was drugged in some of the scenes, you know, when she's dancing at the club…"

"Yeah?" Naruto encouraged her.

She crossed her arms. "Well, assuming it's heroin, or maybe something even stronger, it's not that easy to stop!"

"I know that much," he replied, "you're addicted, and it makes you feel good…"

"No, you don't understand," she shook her head, some strands of curly black hair falling into her face, which she put behind her ears in annoyance, "When they run away together, it's just romantic, and fun, and crazy, and she's just fine, she's got no symptoms!"

"Symptoms?" Naruto frowned.

"Yeah! Withdrawal symptoms; fever, throwing up, scratching, sweating, name them! Most of the time people require medical assistance. It's no joke…"

"Wait…" Naruto suddenly felt sick, "You mean, heroin addicts have all those symptoms if they… if they stop?"

"Yeah!" she exclaimed, "I did my research, I wanted to prepare for the role, you know? But then I read the final version of the script, and there's no mention of symptoms whatsoever. And according to the story, my character's been constantly drugged up for at least a month! So I told Kakashi it didn't make sense, and he told me it didn't matter and that people would come to see me being hot and sexy, not sick and throwing up everywhere. He's got a point, you know, but still, it could've been romantic, maybe, if Ryan helped her go through that rough moment, it could've made their relationship even stronger, more intense… And personally I was looking forward to this challenge, as an actress, so I was a little disappointed. Playing sex scenes sure is fun but… Naruto, are you even listening to me?" she suddenly stopped her ramblings and frowned, worried, "Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah, sorry I… I'll be right back…"

He stormed outside without even picking up his coat. He wasn't feeling well. He was thinking about Sasuke, of course. He hadn't done much research, back then. He had just constantly given Sasuke shit for not stopping taking his drugs… Instead he could've informed himself, actually find ways to help him stop… Some tears rolled down his cheeks as he sat in the stairs, pulling his black hoodie tighter.

He hadn't even made any efforts to try to understand what Sasuke was going through. He hadn't been there with him when he had decided to stop… And of course Sasuke hadn't asked for his help, but that was just how he was – Sasuke never asked anyone for help…

Suddenly the door opened, and he heard his friend's voice. He quickly wiped off his tears, got up and turned to smile at her.

"Are you insane? It's freezing out here," she grabbed his arm and tugged him inside. "Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing I… I knew someone," he said slowly, "who was a heroin addict and… I just thought about him and it made me sad. But it's okay," he shrugged and made a little smile.

"Poor baby," she pulled him into a hug, "come on," she led him to her apartment. "Let's watch a stupid, old ninja movie or something."

"Yeah," he chuckled, "I'd like that. Enough talking about love and sappy stuff."

"Damn right," she smiled as she fumbled through the little collection of movies she had brought from her home in France.

Their pizza arrived soon after, and they sat comfortably in front of her laptop, just watching the movie on the little screen, eating, talking and just making random comments about the movie and laughing together. In the back of his mind though, Naruto kept thinking about Sasuke, and he longed for him more than ever now, and if he were completely honest with himself, he would say that he regretted leaving him when he was so vulnerable and just really needed help…

Songs:

Erased, by Dead by april

Bittersweet memories, by Bullet for my valentine