I feel I should point out after last chapter that I do not, by any means, condone suicide.
Also, as you might have gathered from the title, this is the end. I hope you guys enjoyed reading and I apologize once again for all the weeks at a time I went without updating. Thanks to all of you that stuck it out all the way through.
Epilogue
"I'm so proud of you," I exclaim as Grace approaches me. She has just been talking to her friends from the soccer team. Grace has taken up sports, since she now has the endurance of anyone her age, more even, since she is required to stay healthy. Soccer is her favorite. She jumped into it with both feet, and all those weekends in the back yard with the soccer ball allowed her to make up for her late start. She played four-year varsity.
Her sleek light hair hangs past her shoulders and her cheeks have a healthy pink glow. I dodge her flat hat as I hug her. Her tassel brushes my face. Below the collar of her dress and gown, the tip of her scar is just visible.
I did not go to Shawn's house right after he committed suicide to save my daughter. In fact, I didn't go within blocks of it until the noose had been taken down and the overturned chair removed from the kitchen. When I finally made myself go in, I took Gus with me. Shawn left three notes: one for Henry, one for Gus, and one for me. I have never parted with it. I carry it in my wallet, and sometimes, just by looking at the crooked, hastily scrawled words that were the last thing he ever wrote, I can hear his voice.
"You look so gorgeous," I say. I marvel at my daughter in her cap and gown, mostly because, for most of her childhood, I never thought I would get to see this day.
"Better than I did at prom?" she asks, narrowing her eyes. "Grace wore a long, lavender dress to prom. I have pictures of her with her boyfriend. Looking at them, I can tell how eager they'd been to leave for the friend's house where they were meeting the limo.
"Grace," we both turn our heads toward the sound. Gus is walking towards us. "Congratulations."
"Thanks," Grace says. She can not stop smiling. That is one thing that took a lot of getting used to, her smiling again.
"Where is she?" I ask, looking around.
"I left her with Henry," Gus informs me. "She wanted to go to the playground." Gus gestures toward a jungle gym where I can see Henry helping a nine-year-old girl with long, brown hair, stunning smile, and a singsong laugh across the monkey bars. "Don't worry, Juliet," Gus says, when he sees me fiddle with my ring, as I always do when I'm nervous.
The ring is something Gus and I found when we went through Shawn's apartment. It was in a drawer. Gus found the little velvet box. I remember the anticipation in his voice when he called me into the room and handed it to me, without a word. I remember the disbelief when I popped it open.
"I wish he was here," I say. It is a phrase I once uttered all the time, but as the years have progressed, I've said it less and less often, not that the thought doesn't run through my mind all the time.
"I know," Gus says. "I do too."
"Hey guys!" Grace calls towards the playground. "Let's go eat!" Henry helps the girl off the monkey bars and they start towards us. Henry has been with us from the start. The girls are all he has left of his son.
"Where are we going?" Henry asks as he approaches. I turn to Grace. It is her day.
"Let's forget lunch," she says, smiling as if she is a child again, a regular child. "Let's just get ice cream."
It is times like this that I am so grateful to Shawn for what he did, more so than I am on a regular basis, if that is possible. I miss him horribly, but because of what Shawn did, I am finally able to dream again, to dream of Grace graduating from college, on her wedding day, visiting with children of her own, rather than living from day to day wondering if she would still be alive in a year, in six months.
"Cool!" the little girl exclaims, wrenching her hand from Henry's grasp. "I'll race you to the car, and she starts running. I glance from Grace to Gus for a second, before taking off running, trusting that everyone will follow as I run after Shawn's daughter, run after Faith.