hi all! look its a quick update! yay! and it's longish YAY! so yeah thanks to everyone whos reading, review, favourite , following I love you all!
The rest of the camping trip went by pretty quickly for Alec. He avoided Magnus at all costs, whenever Magnus came near Alec would walk away or hide, he sat the furthest away when they were eating dinner and he waited until Magnus went to sleep before he went into the tent to sleep. Jeffrey tried to talk to him a few time during the trip but Alec avoided him as well.
Alec trudged up the steps into his room. He opened his door and threw his bag down on the floor and flung himself onto his bed.
"Alec" Vicky said, she was standing in the doorway, "can you get your dirty clothes out of your bag and give them to Magnus, he's doing the laundry"
"Sure" Alec mumbled, Vicky smiled and walked away. He got off his bed and zipped open his bag, he tipped it upside down and shook out the clothes.
Magnus walked in with a basket full of dirty clothes, "I see you're getting your dirty clothes out."
Alec looked up at Magnus, "yeah…" he mumbled.
He heard a clang and looked down at the pile of clothes, he saw the knife he used to "ease himself into death" next to the pile of him clothes. He heard Magnus drop the basket filled with clothes and walk over. Alec went to pick up the knife but Magnus quickly swiped away.
"Is this what you used to hurt yourself?" Magnus asked, holding the knife up.
Alec nodded and made a grab for it but Magnus pulled it back, "I'm throwing this away."
"You can't!" Alec yelled trying to get the knife back, "I need it."
"You don't need it" Magnus said, putting the knife in his pants.
"I'll just get another one then" Alec said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"No you won't" Magnus said.
"I will and I can" Alec said glaring at Magnus while picking up his clothes and throwing them into the basket.
"You won't" Magnus said, picking up the basket, "Even if it means that I have to watch you all day so you can't get another one."
"You can't do that" Alec said.
"I can and I will" Magnus said, "I'm only trying to help you" he said softly.
"I don't need help" Alec mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting down on his bed, "I'm fine."
Magnus dropped the basket and shut Alec's door. He walked over to Alec and stood in front of him, "Alec you may think you're fine, but you're really not" Magnus said softly.
"I'm fine" Alec said stubbornly.
You're not fine, the little voice hissed, that's why you need to die.
Magnus squatted down so his was eye level with Alec, "Alec please just let me help you, you don't have to go to some stupid counsellor, I just want you to be okay."
"I am okay" Alec said, "I don't need help."
Magnus sighed and stood up, "please just think about it" Magnus whispered, he placed a soft kiss on Alec's lips and picked up the basket full of dirty clothes and walked out.
Alec stared at where Magnus was in shock, Magnus had kissed him! Alec could feel a smile forming on his lips but he quickly shook it away. Magnus was trying to help him, he didn't need help. He was fine, he was perfectly fine.
Alec was itching for the knife he needed it. He shook the thought away and walked out of his room.
"Alec" Jeffery yelled from down the hall.
Alec groaned and turned around and walked into his room slamming the door shut. He leaned against it, hoping that it would keep Jeffery out.
Jeffery pushed open the door, hard, causing Alec to fall down and hit his head on the floor. Alec groaned and stood up, rubbing his head.
Too bad that the hit wasn't hard enough to knock you out, the little voice said.
"Sorry" Jeffery said, "You're coming with me."
"Why?" Alec asked.
"I'm taking you to see a doctor that specialises helping kids like you" Jeffery said.
"I don't need help" Alec said, crossing his arms over his chest, "And I'm not a kid."
"You're going" Jeffery said, "you don't even have to talk to the doctor, just show up and let her give you some advice."
"Fine" Alec said.
Jeffery nodded and Alec followed Jeffery out to the car. They got into the car and drove off. As they drove to the place Alec fiddled with the buttons and dials on the radio changing stations and the volume every five seconds, He was trying to annoy Jeffery and it was working.
"Alec, stop touching the buttons" Jeffery said, softly tapping his hands away from the radio.
"But I don't like this station" Alec said, "it's too boring" he flicked onto another and opera station, "I don't like this one either" he flicked onto another station which had people screaming out of the speakers, Alec saw Jeffery's annoyed looked so he turned the volume dial up high. After a few seconds Jeffery leaned over and switched the radio off.
"I think we don't need to listen to music anymore" Jeffery said, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.
Alec shrugged and looked out the window, the neighbourhood looked familiar and saw some familiar graffiti on the side of a building.
"Stop the car!" he yelled, taking off his seat belt, "stop the car right now!" He screamed kicking the dashboard and hitting Jeffery in the face.
"Okay Alec, calm down" Jeffery said, pulling over to the side of the road.
Alec opened the door and practically fell out of the car He got up off the ground and ran to the lamp post with the familiar bunch of dead flowers a few hundred metres away. He could hear Jeffery yelling at him to come back but Alec ignored him and ran to the post.
He skidded to a stop in front of it, he turned around and looked on the road.
"Alec" Jeffery huffed, coming to a stop beside him, "what is it why did you want to stop?" Jeffery asked.
"This is where the car crash was" Alec said, not taking his eyes off the spot on the road, "I saw the wall full of graffiti and I remembered it so I wanted to stop." Alec looked back at the dead flowers, "I was wanted to come replace the flowers when I was younger, but each time I asked they said no, the people at the orphanage wouldn't let me."
"Alec" Jeffery said, "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" Alec asked, "It's not your fault that my parents died here, it's mine."
"It isn't Alec" Jeffery said.
"It is" Alec said, he turned to look at Jeffery, "We should go to that doctor, don't want to be late for the appointment."
Jeffery nodded and the two of them walked back to the car and drove off to the doctors. Alec needed his knife right now, but because he didn't have it he stuck to digging his nails into the palm of one hand and biting down on the other.
"Alec stop doing that you'll break the skin" Jeffery said.
Alec bit down harder on his hand, the coppery taste of blood trickled into his mouth from the bite mark. He could also feel the blood trickle down from the palm on his hand and down his wrist from his other hand.
"Alec!" Jeffery yelled, "Alec stop it you're hurting yourself!"
Alec took his now bloodied hand from his mouth and placed it on his lap, he wiped his face on the sleeve of his shirt getting rid of all the blood from his mouth. He still dug his finger nails into the palm of his hand.
"Alec" Jeffery said softly.
Alec felt the car being parked and he looked up at the building it said: Alicante doctors.
"Alec lets go inside" Jeffery said opening the car door, "We can get you cleaned up before we see the doctor."
Alec stayed in his seat and looked down at his bloodied hands.
You deserved that, you killed your parents, you visited where they died you shouldn't have done that, the little voice said.
Alec felt the tears pooling in his eyes. The voice was right he deserved it, he did kill his parents. He shouldn't have made Jeffery stop the car so he could visit the place where his parents were killed. It wasn't right, they were dead and he wasn't it just wasn't right.
"Alec come on" Jeffery said, snapping him out of his thoughts.
Alec shook his head, "I'm not going."
"We're already here, so we may as well go inside" Jeffery said.
Alec shook his head again, "No, I don't want to" Alec said.
"You're shaking" Jeffery said, sliding back inside the car and putting a hand on Alec's shoulder.
Alec looked and Jeffery and blinked, he felt a few tears slid down his cheek, "Sorry I didn't notice" he whispered, more tears falling now.
"Okay, you're not going to see the doctor today maybe some other time" Jeffery said, getting out of the car, "I'm just going to tell them that you're not going to come in today and I'll get something to clean up your hands."
Alec nodded and looked down out his hands again. His tears fell down and mixed with his blood. Jeffery came back to the car, after a few minutes of waiting, with some tissues in his hands.
Jeffery got in the car and handed Alec the tissues, "this is all I could get, because I have a feeling that you don't want the people there to know about this."
Alec nodded and mumbled a small "thanks". Jeffery started the car and they drove back home, Alec realised that Jeffery took the back roads instead of the main ones, probably to avoid where his parents died.
Jeffery parked the car in the driveway, but locked the doors so that Alec couldn't get out.
"Unlock the doors please" Alec said while he pulled at the door lock with his bloody fingers, he didn't really try to clean the wounds.
"Alec I just wanted to talk to you for a bit" Jeffery said.
"Well I don't want to talk to you" Alec said, he tried opening the lock again, the blood from his hands was wiping over the window and it was all over the lock.
"Alec, please it doesn't have to be about any of this it could be about puppies or something" Jeffery said.
"Just let me out!" Alec yelled, he kicked at the door and hit the window with both his hands, leaving two bloody hand prints on the window.
"Calm down," Jeffery said, "just calm down."
"Not until you unlock the door and let me out!" Alec yelled, hitting the window again. Alec heard the unlocking of the doors and he quickly opened it and got out of the car. He ran up to the house and opened the door. Vicky must've left it unlocked.
He ran into the kitchen, nobody was in there. He quickly searched for a knife sharp enough to do real damage, he slid into his jean pocket and ran upstairs into his bedroom. He slammed his door shut and locked it.
He sat down on the floor in front of his bed and grabbed his little black book and writing a few things down in there.
It'll probably be hard to read because of all the blood smears, Alec thought but he quickly pushed the thought away.
Alec pulled out the knife and pulled up his sleeve.
You don't really deserve to live, Alec darling, the little voice said, it'll be easy just a few cuts and it'll all be over.
There was banging at Alec's door, he heard Jeffery asking him to open the door.
Alec took a shaky breath in and bought the knife up to his wrist, where all the main veins are. He made two quick slices at the top of the wrist so it looked like a V. they were deep and blood was rushing out from the wounds, he repeated the action on the other arm at the same place and in the same shape.
He knew that he had severed major veins and he was glad, because that meant a quicker death. Alec lay back against the bottom of the bed and shut his eyes and it wasn't that soon until the darkness over took him.
so yeah... tell me what you think... don't kill me and eat your pies :)
-Kate.