CHAPTER 21

"Stephanie Michelle Plum! Why on earth haven't you called?" my mother insisted, ushering me into the house. Dillon had given me a ride to pick up the Buick and I had decided damage control was the order of the morning.

"My cell phone broke, and I just needed some time to myself after…everything. I'm sorry Mom. I guess you've been filled in." I said, plunking down at the dining table. I could see the ironing board down the hall. Not a good sign.

My mother bustled about the kitchen, plates and utensils clanging. "The phone hasn't stopped ringing for a solid week! Your Grandma's just about taken up permanent residence at the beauty shop and funeral parlor because she's in such high demand. Two major new stations, three magazines, and Maury Povich all want to interview you!" she exclaimed, plopping a coffee cake, plate, and fork in front of me.

"I really am sorry for taking off like that Mom…I was kind of upset." I said glumly, digging my fork into the piece of coffee cake she'd cut for me.

"Of course dear. I can understand that. Well now I the time to make amends then for walking out on his proposal. First thing you need to do is talk to Joe and straighten this whole thing out." she said adamantly.

The woman sure didn't waste any time when her future grandchildren were at stake. "That's not going to happen Mom. It's really over this time." I said, shoveling coffee cake into my mouth at an alarming rate.

"And why not?"

"Mom…he broke up with me, in front of the entire Trenton police force! He said horrible things to me. He threw the ring at my face, and it almost hit me. I've never seen him so angry, and it scared me." I said truthfully, watching her reaction.

This gave her pause, but she didn't look convinced. "All men lose their temper from time to time, and he's a good man. I'm sure it was an accident, and he's very sorry. He just must have been so crushed when he thought you didn't want to marry him. Just explain to him why you walked out on…"

"Mom! He already knows…and that isn't enough for him. He doesn't think I ever should have gone over there that night. I tried to explain to him that I had no choice, but he won't listen."

"Surely you could have just told him and let the officers handle it Stephanie. You don't need to risk your life when there are trained professionals who…"

"No Mom." I answered defiantly. I wasn't used to speaking to my mother like this, and from the look on her face you could tell she was certainly not used to it either. I sighed and tried to make her understand. "It's not like I knew for sure she was there. I just had one of my hunches and nothing more to go on. I know Joe wouldn't take it too seriously and he would need more for a search warrant, so I had to know more first before he could help me. So I had to go. I had to know for sure."

"Then why didn't you call him for help?" she persisted, hands perched on her hips.

"Believe me I would have been happy to! But my cell phone broke and the kidnapper was going to come back at any minute. It would have been too late. When he got back he was going to molest her, and if he figured out that I'd been there he could have taken off. Besides, my car was stuck in a mud puddle and I was in the middle of nowhere."

"I see, but…"

"He was going to kill her Mom. He already dug the grave and he confessed. I just finished talking to the detective on the case. I had to do it, and I'm even surer of it now. It was worth any risk and everything I lost. Joe's the one that turned it into an ultimatum."

"Oh God. That poor little girl. I'm so glad she's safe." she uttered, wringing her hands together.

"I got a thank you card from her today. She's doing well." I said quietly, eating the last bite of coffee cake and sucking in a deep breath. Suddenly I felt very tired.

My mother sat thoughtfully on the other side of the table for a while. "Stephanie, I'm just sure Joe would understand all that if he would just listen."

"He might. But he wants me to be somebody that I'm finally understanding I can never be for him, and this is just his excuse. It's over." I offered with conviction. She sighed, I hoped in resignation. Something told me that was too much to wish for.

"I just hate to see you hurt…taking all these risks. It scares me." she said softly, staring at the table.

"I know Mom. It scares me too. It scared Joe. But sometimes it's just what needs to be done." I decided now was as good a time as ever to drop the bomb. "Marvin Petrie had three pictures of Mary Alice at his house, along with pictures of forty two other children he'd been targeting. Most of them from Trenton."

"W…what!" she gasped, her hands covering her mouth.

"The detective is informing Valerie right now. He approached Mary Alice on the playground and said something…scary. This was about two weeks ago. The detective interviewed her this morning at school."

"Jesus Mary and Joseph! Oh dear…" she exclaimed, her hands quivering at her mouth.

"I need you to keep the TV set off of local news and hide any of the newspapers and magazines around here that covered the story. You might want to check Grandma's room. Mary Alice doesn't know who the man was and we don't want to scare her." I said calmly, though underneath the surface the anger I felt at Petrie was simmering.

"Of course…of course…" she repeated, her eyes blinking rapidly in continued disbelief.

"The important thing is that she's safe, and he'll probably be in prison for the rest of his natural life." I reassured her.

She closed her eyes and nodded, clasping her hands together on top of the table as she took a few deep breaths. Her mouth was drawn in a tight line.

"I have to go to work Mom, but I'll drop by for dinner soon okay?" I said, getting up from the table. She didn't say anything, so I turned to leave. When I reached the front door, I felt a hand at my shoulder. When I turned around, my mother grabbed me and hugged me. When she let me go, I stood there in shock staring at her.

"Stephanie…I'm proud of you. You did a great thing. And if Joe can't see that, then he doesn't deserve you." she said softly, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Okay.." I croaked out, not trusting myself to say anything else. The Plum family did not discuss or display emotions like this. My mother's declaration confounded me, like gravity had just stopped working or something. I gave her a finger wave as I drove off, trying not to accidentally drive into a tree as I headed towards the office. I expected her to sell me into indentured servitude at a third world tampon factory, not support and embrace me. Hopefully this was a sign of things to come.

So much for signs of good fortune…when I arrived at the office Joyce Barnhardt's car was parked out front. With a sigh of reluctance I entered Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, bracing myself for the onslaught of gossip. My eyes were greeted by the sight of Lula in a canary yellow tube top with lime green pants. The tank top had assorted pictures of fruit on it, but it was stretched so tight all the produce looked like it had been stepped on and the lemons looked more like bananas. Her hair was bright yellow to match, with lime green hoop earrings dangling from her ears that were big enough to be bracelets. Connie was painting her nails and her hair was sculpted to about a two foot circumference.

"Hey Lula, hey Connie!" I greeted, sounding unnaturally cheerful.

"Well well well…guess who be sauntering in like it ain't no big thang." Lula clucked, folding her arms across her chest.

"Looks like somebody stirred up a hornet's nest and left town." Connie grumbled, leaning back in her chair and looking none too pleased with me.

"Didn't even call…had to hear 'bout it all secondhand." Lula chided.

"It all just hit me so hard guys…I needed some time to sort things out. If I promise to tell you anything you want to know, will you forgive me?" I begged.

"I suppose we would consider it." Connie answered. But before I could get hit with a round of twenty questions, Joyce Barnhardt in all her leather clad glory came bounding out of Vinnie's office, her bustier pushing her cleavage line so high that it approached her adam's apple.

"Stephanie Plum! I'm shocked you're actually back in town and showing your face in public after the cop dumped you on your ass." she said with a big grin, leaning against the wall looking very smug.

"That's not exactly…." I started to defend myself, but it occurred to me that of all people Joyce was the last person I should be justifying myself to. "That's none of your business! What the hell are you doing here anyway?" I asked accusingly.

"Well somebody had to pick up the slack when you ran off with your tail between your legs, so I've been taking care of FTA's all week. Maybe I ought to pick up the slack elsewhere for you. What's the matter? Not enough woman to keep Joe satisfied? I can take care of that…" she sneered.

"I don't think he's interested in joining the STD of the month club." I snarled.

"Skank!"

"Slut!"

"Witch!"

"Whore!"

Joyce sprung across the room towards me with her claws extended, and I put my hands up and braced for the impact. Bitch was gonna go down! She was only a few feet from me when a lime green leg stuck out from the side of the desk and tripped her. Joyce landed flat on her face with a satisfying smack, and I gave Lula a look of pure gratitude.

"You fat fucking bitch!" Joyce screamed, struggling to get up.

"Ain't nobody calls me that! I ain't fat neither…I'm just full figured. I'm what you call Rubenesque, like in them fancy paintings at the museum." Lula declared with pride.

"All you are is a fat tub of lard from eating too many ruben sandwiches!" Joyce spat out, rising to her feet. Before she could steady herself, Lula was all over her. They were kicking and grabbing and pulling, and files were getting knocked onto the floor.

"Good afternoon ladies." I heard a deep voice announce from behind me as a warm hand laid itself on my shoulder. His choice of words couldn't have been more ironic.

"Ranger! You better stop these two before somebody gets hurt!" Connie exclaimed, noticing the clumps of hair flying out from the tussle in the middle of the room.

"I'm just here for a file. Besides, shouldn't you step in and stop your friend?" he asked, looking right at me.

"Now why would I want to do that?" I asked innocently.

"Ladies, don't make me separate you two…" Ranger announced with a shake of his head. That would usually work, but this time they were both too far gone to give Ranger much notice. But then it finally happened.

After years of being stretched to within an inch of their lives, the strained threads of spandex finally snapped under the intense pressure. Lula's tube top flew off with a high pitched ripping noise, and the fruity fabric landed right on top of Ranger's head like a Cuban Carmen Miranda. Lula's Rubenesque boobs sprang forth, barely contained by a strapless hot pink animal print bra. Joyce and Lula both froze mid-wallop, and their eyes both snapped to attention in the direction of Ranger crowned with a spandex tube top. Lula looked down at her bazooms, then back at Ranger, then her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fainted dead away. Good thing Joyce was there to break her fall.

"Oomph! Get this fat naked ho off of me!" Joyce gasped.

"Now why would I want to do that?" I asked innocently.

Ranger sighed and shook his head again, while Connie ran to the back room to get something to cover Lula up with.

"I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later." I observed, plucking the tube top off of Ranger's head. "But I don't think all the king's horses or all the king's men will stitch this thing back together, and I have some spare clothes in my trunk but I doubt they would fit her." I commented, watching Joyce strain under the weight of Lula's very full figure.

To my shock and delight, Ranger smoothly slid his shirt over his head, handed it to me, and knelt down to help prop Lula up, giving Joyce a chance to lay there and catch her breath. With his help I managed to slide the shirt over Lula's head until she was decent again.

"Hey, I think she's starting to come to…" I declared. Lula's eyes fluttered open, and I stood to help her up as it seemed her strength had returned. Ranger stepped to the side to give us room, but before I could move her Connie came rushing back in the room.

"Don't worry honey I got an old coat I found in the back room and…" Connie started to say as she reached the pile of bodies in middle of the room. At the same time, Connie and Lula both noticed that she was wearing a large black Rangeman T-shirt. Their eyes traveled behind me and locked onto the muscled mocha man who had graciously donated the shirt. Ranger had one eye brow raised, but it was hardly worth noticing as our eyes all traveled across the wide expanse of his hairless chest, then down to his sculpted six pack, and then further down to his…

With a loud thud Connie passed out and landed right on top of Lula, who had fallen back onto Joyce, who was still at the bottom of the pile wheezing.

"Well…destruction, pain, and chaos. Looks like my job is done here." I proclaimed, turning to walk out the door. However, a firm hand on my ponytail prevented me from doing so.

"Not so fast Babe." Ranger commanded, steering me back to the pile. We both drug them off of each other and lined them up side by side. So far Joyce was the only one conscious, but from the glazed look in her eyes I could tell that she wouldn't be up and swinging anytime soon. Vinnie opened the door to see what was going on, and when he saw the row of bodies laid out on the carpet he quickly slammed the door shut and I could hear his deadbolt clicking.

"Well I think it might be good if you were gone by the time they came to." I told Ranger. He didn't answer, but grabbed his file from the top of Connie's desk and headed towards the door, grabbing my hand and pulling me along behind him. When we were outside he opened the door to his Bronco and threw the file in the passenger seat, then fished a spare black T-shirt from a duffel bag hidden under the seat and put it on. I must have looked disappointed, because he broke into a 200 watt smile as he tucked the shirt into the narrow waist of his SWAT pants.

"So I see things are getting back to normal around here." he said, leaning back against the Bronco.

"Cute. I would say things are about as upside down as they could get, and if I get one more shock today I think maybe I'll pass out too." I replied honestly, knowing that I hadn't had time to process anything that had happened since this morning. "It isn't even noon yet, and already I found out more about Petrie than I ever wanted to know, my mother actually hugged me and suggested that I deserved better than Joe, I got in a fight with Joyce Barnhardt, and I watched two of my friends go unconscious at the sight of you half naked!" I blurted out, instantly turning red at the naked part.

"Big changes Babe. You'll adjust." he said, reaching out his hand and tucking away and errant curl behind my ear.

I sighed. "It's scary Ranger…my life feels like one big question mark." I looked at the ground, not able to meet his eyes.

"Regrets?" he asked quietly, putting a finger to my chin and raising my head to meet his gaze.

"As far as Petrie goes, definitely not. I found out this morning he had three pictures of Mary Alice in his nightstand. And Morelli…no. I want a future with someone, but with every passing day I realize it was never going to be him." I answered honestly.

"And me?" he questioned, his eyes searching mine.

My heart contracted painfully while I looked into his dark brown eyes, at his beautiful face, and felt his warm hands sliding up and down my arms. I wanted him so badly, but I knew I couldn't have him. All I had was the memory of him touching me, the feel of him inside me, and the look on his face when he came and cried out my name. I wished I was strong enough to give a different answer.

"No…never." He pulled me hard against his chest and leaned down to kiss me roughly, one hand tight at my waist and the other caressing the side of my face. Our bodies reacted together so quickly that it caught us both by surprise. I moaned into his mouth, the dampness spreading between my legs when I felt him harden against my stomach. My hands found their way to his leather tie and I tossed it aside so that I could run my fingers through his hair as it spilled down around his shoulders, mixing with mine as a breeze blew across us. I pressed my body into his against the Bronco, and his hand wandered higher by the side of my breast.

At least one of us had the self control to remember we were in broad daylight, and Ranger broke the kiss and held me tightly against his chest. I was breathing fast, and I could hear his heart beating almost as quickly. It took a moment, but I gathered myself and pulled away. I was afraid if I let him hold me any longer I wouldn't be able to let go. I offered a weak smile, and turned to walk back in to the bonds office.

"So did you really tell the entire Trenton police force to go fuck themselves?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Babe."