A/N: EDITED

R&R is appreciated- enjoy

The Reality

Gaara pov

The room is so intensely white, I squint as I take a moment to adjust my eyes from darkness. I feel slightly dizzy as I examine the ceiling momentarily. To the right is a heart monitor, to the left is a IV stand.

Beep beep beep

There are patches with wires taped to the side of my head, which lead to another machine behind the bed I am in. Pulling them off, I take in a deep breath as I sit up. My body feels sore and stiff in most places. I look over to the left and notice a bandage affixed to my shoulder. I touch it with my right hand. What happened? I wonder as I look about the empty room. Where is everyone? I ask as I pull the IV from my arm and flex it at the elbow. I wince as my shoulder gives off a sharp pain. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I realize my chest and ribs are also wrapped. I press my hand to my side and feel pain once again. The village... I think taking to my feet. Initially I stagger; I am a bit unstable so I use the furniture in the room to steady myself as I make my way to the window.

This isn't my office so the view isn't that good but still I could see some construction and rebuilding going on...there also appears to be fire damage to several structures. I place my palm to the cool surface of glass and gaze over the landscape.

"GAARA!" My name is called loudly causing me to turn and face the doorway.

"TEMARI come quick! He's awake!" Kankuro yells down the hall as he and a person dressed in white enter the room and rush towards me.

"THANK KAMI!" He says putting my arm around his neck and ushering me to the bed. "Gaara, buddy are you ok?"

I stare off into space as he touches my face with is hand.

"Does he feel warm at all?" Asks the guy in white as he writes things down.

"No just regular. Gaara, you had everyone around here worried sick...are you feeling ok?" Kankuro asked leaning forward to make eye contact with me.

"GAARA!" Temari screams as she walks into the room now. She approaches and throws her arms around me.

"Ahhh," I cringe.

"Jeez, ease up Temari before you break his other ribs." Kankuro warned causing me to look down.

Broken ribs?

"Oh I'm such a baka! I'm sorry Gaara, I'm just really happy to see you right now." Temari said as she wiped her eyes free of moisture.

"Temari-sama, you called?" Asked a shinobi from the doorway. "OH! Kazekage-sama you're awake?"

"Yes! He is awake! Quickly, take this and summon a meeting right away. Tell the elders it's an emergency." Temari said jotting down a few words onto a scroll before handing it off to the other ninja.

"Yes ma'am. Kazekage-sama-" He said bowing before making a quick exit.

Why was everyone making such a fuss over me being awake?

"Now back to you," Temari says as the medical nin flashes a light directly into my eye.

I quickly turn my head and raise my hand to my face.

"Hey, easy there. He just got out of a coma, you wanna be a bit more gentle?" Kankuro growls.

"Ah yes, sorry Kazekage-sama." The medical personnel says with a nod.

I look at Kankuro. "Coma?" I ask still unable to recant the happenings of the day before.

Temari looks at me then at Kankuro.

"Raise your arm please, sir." The medic says lifting my right arm.

I make a face.

"Gaara, you've been unconscious for...almost 3 weeks now." Temari speaks up.

I look to her for more answers.

"It's good that he is moving on his own after just becoming responsive. Kazekage-sama, please take a deep breath in and out." The medic said pressing a cold stethoscope to my back.

I inhale and exhale.

"Again." He repeats.

"Temari?" I question.

"Maybe you should explain Yousuke." Temari says as she folds her arms across her body.

"Well simply put, you suffered a linear skull fracture which resulted in said coma. We've been monitoring you to make sure there was no brain damage, pneumonia or internal bleeding as a result of your head injury and comatose state. Unfortunately with a coma there is no telling when the unconscious person is going to awaken so we set up this room to keep a eye on your condition at all times. Everything seems to be in order with your health but it would be wise to continue the testing. Also in addition to the cranial issue, you also have four broken ribs and a deep laceration to your left shoulder."

I looked down to my hands which were resting in my lap. It didn't feel like I had been asleep that long. I couldn't recall any falls or activities that would have caused such extensive damage. I really couldn't remember much of anything. "What happened to me?" I asked lightly.

Kankuro looked at the medic.

"Huhm, memory loss could be a side effect from the coma or brain trauma. It is hard to decipher." Says Yousuke.

"Can you fix it?" Kankuro asks as the medic holds his hands to the side of my head.

A green glow emits from his palms causing a shallow swooshing sound.

"You can't really fix someone's memory. He doesn't seem to have a serious case of amnesia because he knows names, he knows you two, he seems to know who he is and he is asking specific questions." The medic says turning to Temari now.

"You guys may have to take your time and explain things to him. Such as, cause and effect, time frames and some other personal matters. He should pick it up no problem." Yousuke says dropping his hands. "The fracture is healing fine and no signs of swelling or bleeding in his brain. Also, his vitals all check out. The vestibulo-ocular reflex seems to be good and his respiratory signs are well too, no fluid on the lungs or blockage etc. I'll go to the medical center to prep the trauma room. We need to get some new CAT scans and body x rays right away now that we can move him freely. Can you two have him to the medical building in a half hour?"

"Yeah sure thing." Temari agrees.

"Ok then, I'm off." He says exiting the door.

Kankuro looks at me as if I grew another head. "So what exactly do you remember?"

I look to the side. "Waking up."

"Nothing about before? Like how you went to sleep?" Kankuro probed deeper.

I tried. "No." I turned to the window. "Fire? There was a fire?"

Temari's face tensed. "There was fire..."

"I saw construction outside. And fire damage."

Kankuro nodded at her.

"We were attacked, Gaara." She spoke up causing me to look directly at her.

Attacked?

"Almost four weeks ago, the Mist and some other rogue ninja's infiltrated Suna. We fought them off then they came back and took you." She paused. "We left the village-"

"You left the village?" I asked a bit shocked by her confession.

"Gaara, we had to. We had to retrieve you...there was no other way." Temari explained.

"But what about the villagers?" I ask realizing they had been left in harm's way. I always told Temari and Kankuro, no matter how much they feel they need to protect me, think of the village first.

"Baki was here, everyone was fine, they were all evacuated to the safety shelters before we left."

"Temari, you should not have risked it." I scold her as I stand from the bed and reach for a shirt.

"Gaara, you expected us to do nothing?" Temari asks with a pout.

"There was no way that was happening." Kankuro spoke up as well.

My brain was moving a thousand miles a minute now. "I need...the incident reports from the attack. I want to meet with the elders first and then I need the plans for reconstruction." I start giving orders as I walk around the wheeled bed. "Mhmmm-" I grunted as I reach for my chest.

"Please be careful!" Temari says rushing over to my aide.

I hold my side with my hand after having bent forward too fast to put on my shoes.

"Gaara, you are going to have to take it easy. The doc said you weren't at full healing capacity while you were knocked out so your injuries may still feel fresh." Kankuro said taking me by the elbow and leading me to a nearby chair.

"There is no time for me to sit by idly." I speak as I catch my breath.

"Temari-sama, the council is gathered," the messenger nin says as he pops into the doorway.

"Good," I say standing.

"Wait, Gaara...stay back. We have to get you to the hospital." She said raising her hand to me.

"Temari-" I went to say.

"Please...I'm asking you, not as your adviser but as your sister." She said sincerely.

I exhale in frustration.

"This will be 10 mins I promise. We need to get you to the hospital for the other tests." She continued.

"I'll stay here with him." Kankuro said.

"No. Please, go with her. I will be fine. I will wait for you here." I said to him. I didn't want to cause them pain or worry any longer.

"No, I think someone should stay with you at all times-" Temari began.

"Temari-chan, I will be fine." I say to her sternly.

She looks to Kankuro and nods.

As the two make hast down the hall, I listen with closed eyes to their fleeting footsteps. I breathe deeply as I reform random pictures in my mind. I am seeing, fires and explosions also there is plenty of blood. The ground is spattered with red. The sand from my gourd is heavy and soaked with the scent of death. What did I do? How many lives did I claim this time? I open my eyes to escape the despair of my face with my hands I stare forward as another feeling overwhelms me.

There is a nagging sensation deep down inside of me. As if there was something that I had forgotten. Something that was begging to be remembered. I can't quite get a grip on the idea but it is becoming increasingly persistent. Going to the door, I glance both ways and proceed to my office. I gaze into the room from the hall. I look to the sofa and note its emptiness. There is nothing else that sparks interest. I make my way to my chamber. As I study the room, the bed causes me an unsettling vibe. I walk to the object and take the sheets to my face. They cause a strange reaction, a mix of sorrow and elation. I was forgetting something joyous yet heart breaking at the same time. What could it be?

Finally, I stand on the edge of the Kazekage tower overlooking the village. Whatever it was I was forgetting was surely a thing of great importance. Watching the sun take its leave for the night, I focus all my energy on one building in particular. It is just beyond the hospital and the school yard but still it's so close. I feel a draw to this place...a familiarity. Could this be what I am missing?

Suddenly it hits me as my eyes double in size. It wasn't a thing, it was a person. Matsuri!

Matsuri pov

I can't believe how pathetic I turned out. I degrade myself as I had been doing all day. Not only was I not strong enough but to top it off I was apparently crazy too. I had embarrassed myself and Temari and Kankuro...I was just thankful Gaara what's around to witness that incident although I'm sure he will hear of it. I just can't come to grips with what happened. I was sure I saw Anare. Well the girl, let's just say she was the spitting image.

Sitting up straight in the bed, I look towards the window. Looks like rain. I wonder how Gaara is right now. Chaaaaaa... Is my final synopsis. I can't wait to get back to the tower. Though I have no idea what to say to him, I can't wait for him to-

Bang bang bang bang

"It can't be..." I speak softly as I hold my breath. Something must be wrong.

The first thought to my mind is a bad one. I go to the door immediately throwing it open without hesitation. If something has happened to him, I could not forgive myself for not being there. No matter what we are going through, he is my one constant. As the door swings open, making me vulnerable to any intruders or malice, my heart thumped wickedly as it felt like it were going to leap from my chest at any moment. There he stood.

"G-Gaara..." I stutter as he stood before me breathing hard. His shoulders rising and falling rapidly, his skin flushed with pink hues. I move to the side still not believing my own two eyes.

He walks in and turns to me. The door shuts causing me to stir.

"Mat-suri," he spoke between deep breaths.

"Gaara, you're ok." I said as I felt tears stream down my face. I couldn't help it. The love of my life, the object of my desires and the reason for all my despair stood before me, looking me in the face. I knew I wasn't prepared for this.

"Matsuri, I-" He spoke reaching his hand out to me.

For lack of better judgment, I jump back. I don't know what came over me in that instant but the tears became more than I could manage. I broke down and buried my face deep within my hands as to shield my harsh reaction from his sight. "I'm sorry!" I say to him as I am at a loss for other words.

He stands before me, bewildered. "Mat-"

"GAARA!" Temari's thunderous voice can be heard calling from down the hall.

"He's here!" Kankuro yells out as he pushes the door open and rushes to Gaara's side.

"Oh, thank heavens!" Temari says with a look of anger and relief. "What were you thinking disappearing like that! You have no idea what horrid things ran through my mind!" She shrieks before realizing I'm in the floor in a puddle of tears. "Oi, Matsuri are you ok?" She asks bending down to my side.

I can't speak.

"Kankuro get him to the hospital, Yousuke and the medical team are waiting."

It's too much right now.

"But-" Gaara says only to be cut short.

"Gaara please, I'm begging you. Matsuri will be fine. We are just going to talk for a few minutes and I'll have her meet us back at the office, ok?" Temari says reassuring her brother as he is escorted out the door.

Temari doesn't talk for a few minutes. During this time I'm still crying my eyes out...so weak.

"He must have really missed you..." She breaks the silence as she sits across from me on the floor leaned back against the couch.

"T-temari gomenasai, gomenasai." I say still covering my face.

"You should be happy. Not apologizing."

I shake my head. "I just thought, I thought it would go away. I thought once he woke up I could forget what happened but...it's too hard." I confide in her. She was like my big sister. I had always wished that I had one. Then, poof, one day she was there. "He just looked at me, like he didn't know why..."

"Whatever it is...he doesn't remember right now, but it doesn't seem permanent. More like a temporary thing. He seems to recognize more when you tell him. He remembers being the Kazekage, he remembers the elders and the meetings, and apparently he remembers loving you." She smiled weakly as she spoke.

I can't hold it in any more. I had to tell someone. I had to tell Temari. "It was Anare's fault. She, she tricked him but I couldn't have stopped her...not even if I wanted to. I didn't have the drive nor the courage."

She looked as though she understood. "That's not true-"

"It is! As many times as I felt the evil inside her, I was always willing to look the other way...just as any coward would do."

Temari listened on.

"I only learned my lesson while tied up in the basement...that is when she broke the news to me. That night she had sex with him...she had succeeded in taking my place. And she told me he liked it...she told me he said that he loved her...I was furious with him when he came to save me but I didn't have the strength to do anything about it...and I hate myself for it. I wish he would have just left me down there!"

Temari was silent. She gripped her knees tightly as she too was in denial about the situation.

I realize now this is why I always have the same dream. The dream where I'm caught in a hall with nowhere to go. On one hand is Gaara, on the other is Anare. This is why I have the dream. DENIAL. I was caught between the two of them from day one. It was clear to see but I was blinded by love, something I thought was too strong to be broken. "I do love him...and I always will." I said before going back in time. Back to my conversation with Anare that day.

She stood behind me, where I could not see her. "Shhhhh, don't speak so loudly…it's still early." She said too calmly for my liking as she snatched the mouth tie off me.

"What do you mean? Anare, come cut me loose!" I demanded.

"Lovely, trusting, sweet Matsuri…are you that dumb? I'm not here to untie you…I'm here to kill you." She stated pleasantly.

It took a second for her words to register with me. "W-what? A-Anare this is no time to joke…this is serious. I've been down here for…well days I think." I said not really remembering how long I had been down there.

"Humph…" she grunted. "I can't tell you just how serious I am. I'll have to show you." She said audibly unsheathing her kunai from behind.

I froze with terror not knowing exactly what to do or what to say for that matter. Really I couldn't do much of anything. I was stuck there, like a sitting duck. "What is this about? Anare what have you done to Gaara?" I asked taking a deep breath. Seconds later I felt a blade press to the left side of my neck just below the jaw line.

"You already know…" Anare hissed.

At this point I could tell this was more than a game she was as serious as ever. "Why? What did I do?" I questioned.

"Why? Are you retarded? This isn't about you…you did nothing but exist. You being here kept me from fulfilling my passion but now…I'm fulfilled." She said pressing the blade deeper into my skin.

"Gaara? What did you do to him?" I ask again scared to death of her answer. I wasn't here to protect me, I was here to protect him, the thought of failure dropped like a rock into the pit of my stomach.

"Don't be silly…it's not what you think. I need him alive. You on the contrary, have to go." She said confidently. "Dear, unfortunate Matsuri…" she said touching my face with the tips of her fingers.

"Why Anare? Why are you doing this?" I ask as tears brim my eyes. She could see I was holding back. I shut my eyes.

"Because you're weak." She said hatefully.

"Anare, I'm sorry if I-" I began before she cut me off.

"Don't! Don't apologize Matsuri! I'm about to kill you and you apologize to me? Are you serious?" She asked squeezing the kunai extra tight. Grabbing a handful of my hair, she leaned down to smell me. After a long exhale she drops my hair and resumes her position. "Huhhn, Gaara was right…" she concluded.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Well, he said something to me after we...after we made love last night," she spoke softly. She wanted me to know. She wanted me to hurt.

"W-what?" I asked her with wide eyes.

"Oh, Gaara and I…he finally made love to me for the first time. It was freakin magical. He told me he loved me and that it was the best thing he'd ever experienced...ever. But anyway after, he said something about how you smelled like vanilla." She said rolling her eyes.

It hurt to even breathe. "You're lying." I immediately determined looking away.

She dropped her kunai to the side. "Why would I do that?" She shook her head. "Look at me." She demanded.

I shut my eyes again like a coward and blocked out all the mental images I was being shown.

"Look at me!" She yelled grabbing my face between her thumb and index finger.

Opening my eyes slightly the tears I had been holding back all morning came pouring out. "You're lying…" I murmured.

"I'm not. What have I got to lie about Matsuri? Think about it. You're tied up. I'm gonna kill you and have Gaara all to myself. Why would I lie now?" She reasoned.

"He wouldn't." I said staring at the floor.

She shook her head at me in disgust. "Pitiful." She mouthed. "You know, you aren't half as dumb as you pretend to be."

I sat in denial once again.

"All the sneaking around I've been doing with him. His late night visits first to my place, then to yours. Waiting in his chamber after you'd already gone home, the library, and oh man, when we went to Konoha he couldn't wait to get there and get his hands on me..."

"Stop..." I warned her as she made all my darkest worries actualities.

"That's right Matsuri, even after we were filthy and sweaty from training, all he wanted to do was kiss me and hold me...but no matter how much I begged him, he would never take it any further with me...all because of you."

"STOP!" I screamed at her. Her words had not only broken me mentally but also spiritually.

I stop there with the story. Temari looks as though she has been through a rain storm. Her face and hands were wet with tears. "At the time, when she was telling me all those things about them being together, about being with him behind my back, I tried my hardest to block out her words. Somehow, I knew what she was saying wasn't a lie, at that moment, I decided to only hear what I wanted, and I didn't want to hear the truth. I wanted it to be the other way around...the way I had pictured it all along in my head. I wanted her to love him and him to love me. I wanted him to turn down every one of her advances, no matter how many times she tried. In the end, when she left me there to wait for death, I knew what had really happened between them. I knew the man I loved had loved another and it made me want to die.

"When he finally came to get me, I could hardly look at him. I told him I knew. I knew everything that went on between them and I knew they had had sex. He acted surprised, as if he didn't know he slept with her but I think deep down inside...he knew. I still went to war for him, I still wanted to save him, to fight for him. No matter what he did to me he will always be my most precious person!"

Just then, my eyes widen as Temari embraces me. Pulling me in tightly we cry together. I rest my head on her bosom as she makes me feel secure by stroking my hair. It felt good to finally tell someone what I was feeling. It felt good to know I wasn't crazy, that I hadn't imagined everything.

Gaara pov

"Ok, hold still." Yousuke said as he pressed the button on the machine causing it to rotate around my head. "And done!"

I sat up and looked at Kankuro. "We can leave?"

"Not quite yet, the psychologist wants to see you for a second just to discuss your short term memory loss." The medic says jotting things down on a form.

Kankuro shrugs his shoulders.

"Follow me, Kazekage-sama to the waiting room please."

As Kankuro and I sit in the room awaiting the next onslaught of exams to begin, Temari walks in with the most distant expression on her face. She doesn't look at me, she doesn't speak. She looks as though she's been crying.

"Temari," I call her name as she only then meets her eyes with my own. "If you know something...tell me. If I did something to Matsuri, I want to know."

"Gaara, what are you talking about?" Kankuro asked.

Temari knew. She had the look of guilt all over her face. "When she saw me, she said that she was happy. She said she was grateful I was awake...but her tears were tears of anguish...not happiness."

Temari looked away.

"She drew back when I went to touch her." I continued.

"Maybe this is something you should talk to her about." Temari suggested.

I stare down at my feet. Was it that bad? "I realize, I am a terrible person-"

"Gaara, you aren't a terrible person..." Temari counters me.

"Tell me then," I ask of her once more.

"Do you remember what you did with Anare?" She asks in a tone just above a whisper.

I look from Temari to Kankuro. That name was familiar...

I recall speaking with Kankuro a while ago on the roof top about Matsuri and some girl...

"Gaara," Kankuro stated walking up behind me.

"What?" I ask turning to him.

"Nothing, just wanted to talk." He said standing on the edge of the building next to me.

"About?" I asked hoping he'd say Matsuri.

"About, Anare." He said staring down at the earth.

My ears perked up.

"She seems to have taken a liking to you, huh?" He half joked.

"Has she?" I questioned.

"You've noticed it. I can tell." He concluded.

I didn't speak.

"It's really nice to have two beautiful girls in love with you huh?" He suggested.

I looked to him in confusion. What was he trying to say?

"Just make a clear decision. You don't want to hurt anyone, and you don't want to get hurt." He chuckled and turned around. "Two ladies fighting over a guy could definitely get ugly..."

I didn't speak as I examined the options.

He sighed. "Well, it's nothing I guess. I'm turning in. Goodnight." He said touching my arm before walking off

What he said back then...two girls in love with me?

Temari rested her hand on my shoulder. "Don't try to remember too much, just take it easy. We'll get you back home in no time." She reassured me as I continued to wonder what it was that I had done.

Later

Why hasn't she come yet? I question as I sit behind my desk, going through reports from the battle and missing nin files. As I pick through paper work, I come across a file marked high priority. The photo on the cover is of a girl with blond hair and light eyes. She holds a deviant smile in the picture, a smile that is all too familiar. "Rouge ninja," I read aloud. I began to read through her bio and find out she was working in the office with me and was formally trained by Matsuri. "Anare..." I speak her name while touching her photograph with my finger. I am processing thoughts and moments in time that seem so vague and hard to follow. Could this really be the other girl Kankuro said was in love with me?

A bell goes off in my head as I witness visions of us kissing. First on the practice grounds. Then the roof top. Then in Konoha then in the basement of the tower. Every chance that we had to be alone, Anare and I...we would sneak behind everyone's back...behind Matsuri's back.

I drop the folder in hand to the floor scattering papers about. At that moment everything becomes clear to me. I understand why I blindly choose to hear and see what I wanted at the time of my infidelities. Just as that night, as Kankuro forewarned me, I only took in what I wanted to but now I understand the conversation we had back then.

I was the one at fault. I was to blame for Anare's misbehavior; I was the cause of much unnecessary strife in Matsuri's world. I had become star crossed and lead on this young girl, prompting her hatred for Matsuri and disregard for Suna.

But why? I question my very right to love her. How could I do such a thing? How could I do that to Matsuri?