Drifts of white blanketed the ground. Up above the midnight sky was twinkling with diamonds. The moon was swollen full of light that fell soft upon the snow-strewn scenery, illuminating the snow drifts and gently danced over the still dark mirror of the Loch Dubh. It was the start of January and almost colder than it was in December. Shivering I pulled my winter robes closer about me. A stirring in my abdomen refocused my attention. Lightly rubbing a hand over where my baby kicked a smile appeared briefly upon my face. But, it soon fell. I didn't know what to do about Harry. He wanted more than just to be cousins. He wanted a relationship with me. What I wanted was a life with Severus and our child. I sighed. My eyes swept the chilly landscape. I was beside Loch Dubh. The silent ripples glowed silver in the dancing moonlight. A twig snapped behind me. My heart pounded in my chest. My wand appeared in my hand. Slowly, I turned around. All that greeted me were shadows. Peering in the darkness, I would swear that shadows were moving towards me. Involuntarily, I took a step back. Another step and I was on the Loch Dubh. I could hear the sharp report of a crack. Warily, I looked down. A hairline crack had appeared beneath my feet and begun spreading. A scream tore its way from my throat as I plunged into chilly depths laced with shards of ice. A shadow darted forth. I couldn't make out what it was as I succumbed to the icy fingers of the Loch Dubh.
Professor Severus Snape kicked off his shoes and socks. Then slid his black robes off. Wading in he dove under and swam to me. Grabbing me in a swimmer's hold, he pulled me back to shore.
" Absynthia !? Abbi !?! Lord, no ! " The Potions Master shouted. Standing up he pulled his socks and shoes back on. He slipped back into his robes, but, left them open. Then, bending down he scooped me up in his arms. Professor Mcgonagell and Professor Dumbledore were standing at the castle door.
" Oh, no, Albus. "
" Relax, Minerva. It is probably not as bad as it seems. We must get her to the hospital wing quickly, though. " Professor Dumbledore said. Professor Severus Snape carried me to the hospital wing with the two trailing behind him. Slowly, he lowered my still form onto a bed. Madam Pomphrey was already in attendance,
" What happened, Albus ? "
" You must ask Severus. "
" Well, Severus, what happened ? "
" She fell into Loch Dubh. "
" What !?!! " The mediwitch was incredulous.
" Thank you for finding her and bringing her straight to me. " Madam Pomphrey dismissed them and turned back to me. The headmaster tucked Minerva McGonagall's hand in the crook of his arm.
" Now, my dear, I believe we were in the middle of something. "
" But, " Soft blue eyes cut to my dripping wet, still form on the bed.
" She will be all right, " Professor Albus Dumbledore reminded the Transfiguration Mistress once more.
" After all she is in the capable hands of our own Madam Pomphrey. " The headmaster led his deputy headmistress out of the hospital wing. Leaving me alone with the Potions Master and the mediwitch.
Muttering a spell, Madam Pomphrey gave me a quick physical. Then, she started gathering and preparing what she would need. Hmm . . . Going over to her big cupboard she got down a draught.
" Severus, she shall be all right, " Madam Pomphrey said without looking up. He sighed, watching the rise and fall of my chest. " I promise, " Nodding, he turned weary dark eyes to the school nurse.
" I'm holding you to that. " Looking up from the various draughts before her, she was shocked by what she read within the dark orbs.
" It wasn't some imbecelic schoolboy, was it ? " She asked gently. He just stared at her. Then, finally spoke.
" Don't tell Albus, please. " The hurt, the feeling, the pain was evident within the timbre of those words.
" You have my word. " The Potions Master took a step towards the doors. " Severus ? "
" Yes, Poppy ? "
" You're in luve with the girl, aren't you ? "
" Look at her left hand, Poppy. You tell me. " With that the hospital wing echoed with the slamming of the wooden doors as the Potions Master left the wing.
Moonlight poured in the window falling over my sleeping features, illuminating already porcelain skin. Soft lips brushed against mine, lightly. A hand stroked down my cheek hesitantly, reverently. Lines etched his pale brow, his dark eyes full of worry.
" Why is it I keep finding myself in this position ? " Professor Snape muttered softly into the darkness. " God, if there is one, let the babe be all right, please, " He whispered brokenly. Standing up, he looked down at my still form.
"Abbi, please. " He watched me for a minute before turning to leave.
My eyes fluttered open in the dark room. A swish of dark robes caught my attention. I would swear that Severus' lips were just upon mine. I groaned.
The sound stopped Professor Severus Snape right in his tracks. His mind must be playing tricks on him. Did I just . . . ?
The man flew back to the bed that I was in. Deep dark brown eyes roamed over my still form. Maybe I'm hearing things. He turned again. A moan sounded this time. Whipping back around deep dark brown eyes collided with emerald green ones.
" Absynthia ? "
" Not so loud, please, " I asked weakly.
" What the damned bloody hell were you doing out-
side !?! " Professor Severus Snape thundered.
" Gee, I luve you, too, " I said sarcastically, but, the weakness was still there.
" You should have been in the library, not outside ! "
" I will do as I damned well please ! "
" Twenty points from Gryffindor for the careless lack of judgement you seem to have. "
" From Gryffindor ?! Lack of judgement ? I do think you are daft. If you were worried about me, then, say so. " I snorted.
" Yes, " He hissed, his dark eyes narrowing. " Lack of judgement. If you don't want to care about yourself that's fine with me. But, when it comes to the new life that you carry, it does and will concern me greatly ! " His words hung between us. Then, finally they began to sink in. When it comes to the new life that you carry, it does and will concern me greatly. The words echoed throughout my head. I leaned back on the pillows weakly, defeated. My eyes closed, wanting to erase the image of the dark Potions Master before me. How could I be so bloody stupid ? Tears filled behind closed lids. I turned away from the dark man hovering above me. I didn't want him to see the tears. I didn't want him to know just how much I cared, how deep his words cut me.
Immediately deep dark brown missiles were seeking out potential problems and creating ones when a problem couldn't be found.
" Absynthia ? " The Potions Master asked tentatively.
" Just, leave, " I breathed, my voice shaky, weak and laced with the threat of tears. I didn't see the shattered look within the dark brown depths. His lips hardening, he turned, cape billowing. Then, stalked out of the hospital wing.
" Where is she ? Why isn't Abbi here ?" Harry said.
" I'm worried. "
" I don't know, Harry. " Hermione admitted.
" But, surely Professor Dumbledore would know where Abbi is, wouldn't he ? " She asked, looking at Harry.
" He 's supposed to know about everything that goes on inside the castle, " He agreed.
" Harry, we'll find her, " Anna said. " Or at least her whereabouts. "
" I hope so, Hermione. " Tears pricked at his emerald green eyes. Harry willed them not to fall.
" I know so, " She said optimistically. " Let's go ask the headmaster, " Hermione suggested. Harry was right behind her. Leaving they went in search of the headmaster.
" Severus, " Headmaster Albus Dumbledore asked, strangely calm, " Have you seen Miss Blackwood
today ? " The headmaster raised an eyebrow, questioning the Potions Master.
" Why do you ask ? I saw the girl last just the other day in the hospital wing as you, yourself did. "
" It appears that the young Mr. Potter is inquiring after her. It seems that they haven't seen her at all since the holidays have ended. "
" Come to think about it, Miss Blackwood has not been in attendance in any of her classes. " Professor Snape frowned. " Hmm. The last occurrence as this she . . . " Just as the thoughts began to form, the Potions Master paled considerably. " Nooo . . . !" The man leapt to his feet and nearly ran out of the Great Hall.
A mist clouded my mind. I searched everywhere, but, couldn't find him. Dark clouds rolled in. Lightening striking from them. I glanced upwards, worried. I could hear voices coming from the other side. I was so tired. Tired of searching for something that I didn't know what I sought. Pain pierced through me, sharp, stabbing. Grabbing my belly, I saw that I was huge. Something wet trickled down the sides of my legs. Gasping, I looked down. A bright red trail trickled down my legs, gushing from my womb. NOOOOOO !!!!!!!!
" NOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!! "
The sound chilled the man's blood. His hand fell to his side. He started ramming the door for all it was worth with his shoulder. Panting he collapsed against the door that wasn't budging an inch. The bathing room ! Hurrying, the Potions Master prayed it wasn't too late. Opening his chamber door he felt the temperature plummet to frosty degrees. An ethereal vision filled his eyes. Lily !
" What is going on ? Why are you here ? "
" Please, Severus. There's no time. " The apparation pleaded.
" I have to know. Lily, please, tell me what is going on. "
" The baby. What about the baby ? " The ghostly woman wailed. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.
" NOOO !!!! " He shouted. The transparent redhead in front of Professor Severus Snape vanished. He tore through the room.
" NOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!! " It came again from within the spellbound, locked room. Bursting into the bathing room, he reached for the handle on my door.
It turned under his hand. Yanking the door open, he just stared. Those deep dark brown eyes ran over my still form. Then, they lit about the room. Finally they fell to the bedside table. Light grey liquid still coated the sides and bottom of my cauldron.
" Abbi, no ! " The Potions Master cried. His mouth dropped open as his hand flew to his throat. I can't believe it. No ! How could she ? What has she done ?
" The Draught of Living Death, " He whispered shakily, his hand dropping. Advancing towards the bed, he drew in a much needed breath. It steadied him a bit, just a bit. Lord Merlin she's paler than usual. A frown marred Professor Snape's face. Bending down, he lifted me up into his arms. Striding over to the fireplace, he pointed his wand at the grate.
" Inciendo ! " A fire flared to life. Grabbing a handful of ash off the mantel, he threw it into the burning flames.
" The Hospital Wing ! "
Slowly my eyes fluttered open. Worried deep dark brown eyes greeted me. I managed a weak smile.
" Severus. " A bare whisper sounded. A frown appeared at the use of his given name.
" What were you thinking !?! Were you even thinking at all ? "With tears forming in the corners of my eyes, I turned away from him.
" Look at me, " The Potions Master demanded. " What the hell did you think you were doing ? " If possible his countenance paled even more.
" You idiotic, imbecilic, little girl. How could you ? What were you thinking ? Were you even thinking, at all !?!! " Professor Severus Snape thundered.
" I'm sorry. " My voice trembled at the rage in his voice.
" You are very lucky that this harebrained stunt you incurred has not cost an innocent life." His dark eyes glinted within the sunlight. They looked like death missiles set to seek and destroy whatever they landed on.
Tears filled my eyes and streaked down my face.
" I said I was sorry . . . " My voice trailed off as hysterical sobs racked my body.
" The next time you think to take your life, make sure you do not take anything precious with you. "
" Severus, " Headmaster Albus Dumbledore said, laying a hand on the younger man's shoulder. " Is there something that I could possibly do or say to help ? " The Potions Master's eyes shut at that. Just what he needed, the old man's interference. If he finds out that I impregnated the girl, we're both done for. And the baby would probably never know neither of us.
" If you wish, sir. " Professor Dumbledore sank down onto the bed beside me.
" Perhaps, Severus, there is something that will ease Miss Blackwood's state. Would you please ? "
" Very well. " His ebony robes swooped as he turned on his heel, stalking out of the hospital wing and back to the dungeons.
I looked up into the soft blue eyes of the headmaster. One of his hands covered mine.
" Did you not think that I know everything that goes on in this castle ? " He looked over his glasses at me. Panic started to settle deep within me. Swallowing back the bile that had started creeping up my throat, I met the headmaster's eyes. " Please, do, be careful in the future. Much more careful. Your life is such a precious thing, Miss Blackwood. Not to mention the one you now carry is so much more precious. " That did it. Tears streamed from my eyes as huge gut-wrenching sobs tore from my throat. I flung myself away from the headmaster down onto the pillow. A hand stroked my hair.
" What is so troublesome for one so young to wish to take their life ? " Those baby blue eyes peered intently at me over his spectacles. " Absynthia, I do not profess to understand what drives one to such intents. But, you must think what impact your death will leave upon others. Some impacts shall hit harder than others. I cannot begin to describe what I felt upon receiving the news that my wife and young son had been killed. I remember someone trying to reach out to me. But, I turned them away because I did not want anyone to see the hurt, the pain, the agony.
They both have lost so much, in so little time. I fear another death would devastate, nay, destroy them both. " I couldn't take anymore. Eventually, Morpheus granted me a reprieve from the sobs that continually wracked my body.