Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.

Ziva and Jacob had made it ashore before the Damocles went down. Africa was hot, dusty, and dry. While it was a dry heat, it felt more oppressive than the Israeli heat to Ziva. They had finally found the man running the terrorist camp, Saleem Ulman.

"What's the plan?" Ziva asked. Normally she liked to be in charge and make her own plans but since leaving NCIS she no longer trusted herself to plan and execute properly. So now, she left the planning to Jacob. He had known her before her time at NCIS and had worked a few anti-terrorist operations with her. He knew she liked to make her own plans and she liked to be the boss so it was odd to him that she'd withdrawn from planning.

"We go in, masquerade as people who want to be trained to be terrorists. We live in the camp for awhile, figure out how it works, and then use it against them to bring down the camp."

Ziva nodded. She cleared her throat before asking, "If we are caught?"

"We won't be," Jacob said.

Ziva nodded again and then stood, going over to the kitchenette of their hotel room and beginning to make dinner. This operation scared her more than any other one she had done. Including Ari. She always wanted a plan B and plan C just in case plan A failed. She liked to map out all possible outcomes of a situation before making a move. Living in a terrorist training camp in the Sahara desert with no back up plans did not seem like a good idea to Ziva. But she also wasn't ready to butt in and plan. Her head had been foggy since she'd left NCIS and Damon. At least when she left Damon she had the team to keep her anchored. Without Damon and the team she felt like she was just drifting.

"Was this Michael's mission?" Ziva asked Jacob. He stood and walked into the kitchenette doorway so that he could easily talk to Ziva.

"I think so, Ziva."

"But then why would Eli tell me that he suspected Michael of running a Hamas cell and selling intelligence to terrorists?"

"Maybe it was a test, Ziva."

"A test of what?"

"Loyalty."

"How is this a test of loyalty, Jacob?"

Jacob ran his hands through his black hair before answering Ziva. "If you could prove that Michael was not a terrorist then you would be loyal."

"So why are we here Jacob? Punishment?"

"Punishment and to re-think our priorities," Jacob said, giving a short laugh.

"What priorities?"

"I am supposed to put work before everything else. And I believe that you are supposed to put Mossad and your- sorry- Eli before everything else. Even Damon, Ziva."

"That is absolutely ridiculous!" Ziva cried.

And now, now it was September. The plan had utterly failed. At first, in May, when Jacob had broken their cover and gotten killed, Ziva had been beaten. She'd had worse, but her whole face hurt as well as her back. She'd been given lashes and she knew that there would be a web of scars on her back. Saleem had tied her to a chair, ripped off her Star of David, and held her by the hair, causing a gasp of pain to be drawn from her.
"Tell me everything you know about NCIS," he'd sneered, expecting her to crack. Ziva was tougher than that however and instead of talking, recalled all the good times she and Damon had had together.

By June her food supply had been drastically cut down and she grew so thin that Saleem and his men ordered her new pants and a new shirt as well as a jacket because the nights got cold and they did not have the intelligence they wanted from her yet. She knew she was slowly starving to death and yet she was all right with that. She had failed. She had failed Ari by shooting him. She had failed Gibbs by leaving him for Mossad. She had failed Jenny and now Jenny was dead. She had failed Tony by letting him take the fall for her actions. She had failed McGee by not recognizing his capabilities as an agent until she was without him. She had failed Ducky by not being the "niece" he could be proud of. She had failed Jimmy by not recognizing a friend when he obviously was. She had failed Abby with her lack of empathy and by not being a better friend. She had failed Tali by letting her go to the café in the first place. She had failed her mother by not being a girly girl. And finally she had failed her father by not being the daughter that he could mold into a son. Simply put she had failed in all kinds of ways. No wonder her father wasn't rescuing her.

By July she'd given up hope of being rescued and still refused to talk. She would not betray the agency that she'd come to see as home or the team she'd seen as family. The beatings continued and cigarette burns were added to the torture regimen.

By August she knew she would die here. One day they would get sick of her stubbornness and kill her. She was praying, readying herself for death, when Saleem came in to her cell. That was odd, usually she was passed roughly from guard to guard until she was bound in a chair and Saleem came in to interrogate her while his men dished out the lashings and the burns. Saleem stripped her even as she fought him. She was too weak to fight and a month ago one of the guards had accidentally broken her arm. Saleem had punished him and found a doctor to cast her. She was surprised at this, she assumed he'd just leave it to heal on its own. Saleem dropped his pants and then began to rape her. She bit down on her lip, not allowing herself to cry out, keeping her eyes closed so he wouldn't see her tears. He still asked questions about NCIS. Called her names, called her a dirty Jew and a whore. When he left, she curled up and cried. She would have gladly given up the use of her arm if Gibbs would come bursting through the door to save her.

By September, she no longer cared what happened to her. Every day just made her long for death. Rescue was never going to happen. Eli didn't care and Gibbs didn't know where she was. Until one day she was marched into the room with the chair again and she readied herself for the inevitable pain. Instead Saleem spoke.

"Questions are being asked in town about missing NCIS agents. One of you will tell me the names and locations of all the operatives in the area and the other one will die."

He tore the cloth from Ziva's head and she gasped. She was hallucinating now because there, cuffed to a chair, was Tony DiNozzo.

"I will give you a moment to decide who lives," Saleem said, walking away.

"Out of everyone in the world who could have found me, it had to be you," Ziva said. Of course it was Tony that found her. Tony was the one who had her back and who always covered for her.

"You're welcome. So are you glad to see me?"

Oh god, now that Tony was here, he would be tortured and killed along with her. And McGee too. And if by some miracle they did end up alive, she would end up back at Mossad. Back in Eli's hands. Death was preferable. "You should not have come. Are you all right, McGee?"

"Like hell we shouldn't have come Ziva. You're one of us. Course Gibbs'll be pissed that you lied to him but he'll get over it."

"I am one of you. Even after… everything?"

"Especially after everything."

"I'm just glad you're alive," McGee said.

"Listen, you should know that I've taken some kind of truth serum so if there's any questions that you, uh, don't want to know the answer to…" Tony told her.

And just when Ziva thought all was lost, Gibbs came through. If she could run, she would have run to him. As it was, she needed McGee and Tony to hold her up.

"Let's go home," Gibbs said.

On the plane, Tony let Ziva sit in silence. McGee kept trying to engage her in a conversation but she didn't feel like talking. Gibbs let her clean up a bit in the airport bathroom. Everything looked too clean, bright, over-real. Ziva was scared as they drove into the Navy yard. She jumped as Gibbs opened her door for her.

"Do we have to, Gibbs?" she asked.

"We do. We have case reports to write. And you need to see Ducky."

A medical assessment. No. Ziva bowed her head. "Gibbs… I…"

"Tony told me, Ziva. About the lie, right before we came to get you. I'm pissed Ziva. Why didn't you trust me enough to tell me the truth?"

"I trusted Ari. I trusted my father. I trusted Jenny. I trusted Tony. I trusted Damon. I could not afford to trust you," Ziva said, ashamed.

"It's okay now Ziver. You're home and you're safe. You need that arm checked out though."

"Yes Gibbs."

He held out his hand for her and she took it, walking on her own power to the building. As they took the elevator up, Ziva shivered slightly.

"Are you cold, Ziver?" Gibbs asked her.

"No."

When the doors opened, Gibbs motioned for Ziva to go first but she didn't feel safe doing that so she stepped back, allowing Gibbs to go first. The entire agency began clapping which scared Ziva until she got used to it. Abby stepped forward to wrap her in a hug. Ziva's body tensed but she allowed herself to be hugged. Tony had shoved past everyone to sit at his desk and look at her. He had a slight smile. Ziva was dreading the visit to Ducky. She hoped that it wouldn't be too bad. All she wanted was a shower and some sleep. At least she was finally home with the people who cared most about her.