I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. I've been so busy. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please review!
Walking in the cold morning across Albert Square had now become a regular thing for Ronnie and Danielle. Helping her mother at the club made Danielle feel closer to Ronnie. Their relationship had blossomed but at the odd moment, Danielle still felt nervous, worried that Ronnie would turn around and hate her once again.
Every morning, Ronnie woke Danielle up, made her breakfast and they set off together like clockwork. It made Ronnie feel like a proper mum, helping her daughter get ready, waking her up, and getting her breakfast. Things she had wished she could do for so long and now it was part of her daily rituals. She often stood at the door of the spare room, which they had now adopted to become Danielle's permanent room, just watching her daughter sleep. Every sigh her daughter made, every twitch, every turn, Ronnie stood their watching. Learning new things about her daughter made her life that bit more complete, every day she learnt something new. No matter how small, everything was important to Ronnie. She laid out the cereal on the table, knowing exactly which one her daughter would choose but she still felt she should give her a choice. She watched her daughter eat whatever she put in her bowl and watched her drink her glass of apple juice. She tried to make her glancing subtle but she could tell that Danielle had figured her out long ago. Still, Danielle never mentioned anything.
Ronnie held open the door as Danielle smiled at her mother before walking inside RandR's. Ronnie beamed back, before gently shutting the door. Danielle cautiously stood by the coat pegs, daydreaming. She knew exactly what they did every morning, they both went into the office, Danielle helped Ronnie sort the files out, they talked and then they went for a drink at the Caf. She knew their routine like the back of her hand but everyday she still waited for Ronnie before walking into the office. Afraid that the day she did do it; they would do something different. Ronnie placed her hand on Danielle's shoulder before they went into the office. Danielle was a little bit more withdrawn than normally, Ronnie could easily see that but she didn't want to push her daughter into telling her anything. Danielle snapped back to reality at Ronnie's touch. She had so much on her mind but how could she tell Ronnie know? How could she ruin the relationship they had carefully built upon day by day? She couldn't, she knew that, but keeping such a big secret was causing her to become isolated. It had been two months since the family meal and Danielle's relationships with the Mitchells had dramatically increased. They had been on many day trips and they often came round to the flat; along with Stacey who stayed at the flat almost as much as Danielle did, but over the past two weeks Danielle had stepped back from the Mitchell's and Stacey. She didn't seem as open and it was worrying Ronnie. Ronnie ought to know what was wrong with her daughter but she didn't. She wished she knew that she had been there when Danielle was growing up but she couldn't change the past. All she wanted was to see her baby smile properly again. Slowly her speed as she entered the office, Danielle was trapped in her thoughts. So many different ways of telling Ronnie, of telling her mum; just like at the start of her stay in Walford. Except this was an even bigger secret than before, this would ruin Ronnie's life for sure Danielle thought. It pained her brain all this thinking, she just wanted everything to be ok.
"Danielle…" Ronnie whispered as they stepped inside the office. She stretched out her arm to place her cold fingers on her daughters pale face. Danielle shuddered as she felt Ronnie's cold touch, before jolting out of her thoughts. "Are you okay, baby?" She's never like this, Ronnie thought.
Danielle nodded slowly before walking past her mother, trying to prove that she really was ok. Fooling Ronnie was something she had never done before; she had done it to Lizzie all the time but that was in the past, something she was trying to forget. Not forget Lizzie, she never would, but try and forget the pain that had started after her death. Ronnie poised her lips, ready to say something. Causing pain was something she was so used to but she didn't want to push Danielle, or show her daughter that she knew something was up. Ronnie had never had the chance to be a proper teenager, she was too distraught at losing her baby, and so she wasn't sure if this was normal teenager behavior. She couldn't compare her daughter to a teenager Roxy; she didn't want to. Danielle turned to smile back at Ronnie before taking her seat opposite Ronnie's seat. The seat where just a few months ago she had so easily opened up to her then-unknowing mother. The first time they had sat in these positions since then had been difficult but with encouragement from Ronnie, Danielle had managed it.
"If you sit there baby," Ronnie indicated with her hand to the seat opposite hers, "Then I'll sit here." Ronnie beamed, thinking about how perfect things were becoming, she forgot the significance of that chair. She was overcome with worry when Danielle didn't sit down but instead just stood staring at the chair. Danielle thought back to the time when Ronnie had really smiled at her; the time she had so casually told Ronnie about her life. And then…and then when Ronnie had so cruelly turned on her and told her to leave Walford.
"Danielle, I'm sorry…" Ronnie muttered when she finally realised the significance. Why did life have to be so hard on her? She had what she had always wanted but her past behavior made it so much more difficult. It was like she was always destined to fail as a mother. However hard she tried, something always made it so much harder; so many things to explain, so many apologises, so many bad memories. Ronnie stood up and took her baby in her arms whispering a thousand apologises into her ear. She felt Danielle's arms wrap around her back tightly as Danielle snuggled into Ronnie's hair. Danielle knew that she could trust Ronnie when she said sorry now, the past few weeks had proved that. Everything Ronnie had given up or changed for her, every sorry she had said, everything had changed Danielle's mind. The pain she bore was easing as their relationship became stronger. She did no longer have to try and trust Ronnie; she now believed her.
"These files Ronnie?" Danielle asked pointing to the pile in front of her. Ronnie nodded back before moving to take the seat opposite her daughter. She hoped that she would be able to push her daughter gently into telling her what was wrong. Stacey might know, she thought, but Danielle had spent little time with her best friend this week. Ronnie watched Danielle intently as her daughter sorted out the files in front of her. Danielle could feel Ronnie's eyes locked on her but she had become used to it. She even did it occasionally, watching Ronnie. She sometimes felt self-conscious, knowing that the most important person in her life was watching her, and now was one of those times. She could tell Ronnie was trying to see what was wrong with her and Danielle was worried she would figure it out, so gently tugged her jumper further down. Ronnie watched curiously at her daughter's actions, trying to see why Danielle had all of a sudden tensed up.
"Pass me some, sweetie. There's too many for you today!" Ronnie desperately wanted to see into her baby's eyes, check that she really was ok. And it gave her another chance to have contact with her, even if it was only a gentle hand brush. Her daughter's soft, gentle skin was something Ronnie had longed to touch since the day that her daughter was taken away from her. Danielle carefully passed Ronnie some files before quickly moving her eyes back to the desk, desperate to avoid eye contact with Ronnie. Ronnie took the files from her baby's hands before placing them on the desk. She was becoming desperately anxious as to what was wrong with Danielle. She had never known worry like this in her life; even the worry she had when Danielle was taken as a baby wasn't like this. They sat in silence for the next ten minutes, which was very unusual. Normally Ronnie couldn't stop Danielle talking; she didn't want to stop her. As Danielle got up to put the files, which were now organised, away Ronnie followed her every move. Danielle neareneed the cabinet and slowly proceeded to put the files away. She had acted so calm up to know but she wasn't sure if she could continue; she felt so guilty for keeping such a big secret from Ronnie, the person who had placed all her trust in her. Her hand slipped as a file fell out of her hand and crashed onto the floor, making paper fly everywhere. Danielle crouched onto the floor, her head in her hands. Ronnie immediately leapt up from her seat at seeing Danielle distressed. She knew her daughter hadn't had the easiest of years and was adamant that she was going to be there to support her daughter for the rest of the year. She bent down next to her daughter running her fingers through her daughters soft, golden blonde hair.
"Sweetie, please, tell me what's wrong, we can sort it out together…"
"No, no…we can't…" Danielle stuttered.
"Then just tell me what's wrong, I can help you. Whatever it is Danielle, if you've done something or taken something, then it doesn't matter. All that matters to me is that I have you,"
"I can't, I can't tell you. You'll hate me," Danielle avoided looking into Ronnie's eyes for their whole conversation. How could she look her mother in the eye knowing what a disappointment she was?
"Nothing, sweetie listen," Ronnie said cupping Danielle's face in her hands, "Nothing will ever make me hate you. I will never hate you, you are everything."
Danielle looked Ronnie in the eye for the first time today. Ronnie repositioned herself to sit on the floor next to Danielle, pulling her in to a tight embrace. Danielle lay there for a few minutes, content with lying in Ronnie's arms. Feeling the warmth of Ronnie's body on hers made her feel strong enough to tell Ronnie. At least now I'll know if she really does want me, Danielle thought. Danielle tightly closed her eyelids before starting to talk,
"I'm…I'm pregnant Ronnie,"