A few days later, Lucy sat at Tibby's uncomfortably in her chair with her eyes frozen on the street outside the window. Her back was stiffly postured a few inches away from her seat and the tension in her tightly crossed ankles made it impossible for her to relax.
"I'll have water and soup," said David to the waiter.
And not to mention, David sat right next to her.
Lucy felt a balled-up piece of napkin hit her cheek. The distraction made her break her nervous concentration and her gaze shifted to Jack sitting across from her.
"What's with you?" he asked, tearing his napkin again.
"Nothing!" she replied in an overly cheerful voice, one that might draw even more attention to her strange behavior. "I'm fine. Just fine."
Sarah's eyes met Lucy's, questioning without speaking if she was really okay. Lucy shook her head. Not now.
David leaned back in his seat and sighed tiredly. On any other day Lucy would have asked what was wrong since she and David could converse so easily, but her jaw was locked this time and she refused to unhinge it. She was too afraid the question would just fall out of her mouth, Did you see me with Spot?
"What's with you?" repeated Jack, this time to David.
David shrugged. For the first time Lucy looked at him: his face was hard and tense, his gaze fixed upon nothing ahead of him, unmoving. All the tension in him settled in his firm jaw line and stiff brow. It was the first time she saw David act this way, for usually he was polite and talkative and she enjoyed his presence. But now – sitting right next to her, inches away – he was cold.
"Gettin' harder to keep up with school,' he finally replied. "I missed a lot because of the strike and now…with everything else starting to happen, it's just a little overwhelming."
Jack nodded briefly but said with a hint of resentment, "You don't gotta wear ya'self out with the newsies then. I got a handle on things with Chase 'n Brooklyn."
Lucy and Sarah glanced at one another with the surprisingly bitter tone of Jack's voice.
"It's not like that," countered David defensively.
"No, you'se got more shit on your mind, I got that."
"Jack, I can do both, it's not like I'm abandoning you."
"Who said anythin' about abandoning?
"You just implied I was bitching about being tired!"
"'Cause you are, you'se about to pass out on the table!"
"Because of school, not from this –"
"Then maybe we should eat fast so you can go home an' go to bed –"
"It's six in the eve—Alright, I'm not doin' this," stopped David, more rational now. He sat up and adjusted in his chair, shaking his head downward. Jack loosened his red handkerchief around his neck.
Sarah and Lucy looked around awkwardly, trying not to make sudden movements. Lucy tried to figure in her mind why Jack was so tense as well; searching her memory she questioned whether or not they had heard back from Spot about his decision to "align" with them. She nervously tapped her foot against the ground under the table as she then thought of why David was so tense.
Was David really tired from school? Or was he really stressed out from the newsies? Was it Jack? She tapped her foot even harder and in her mind she pictured David turning around to see her with Spot in Brooklyn. Was he acting this way as an excuse not to confront her about that?
Taptaptaptaptap.
Had the possible knowledge of her secret relationship made him conflicted about everything else? Was she to blame for his acting and feeling this way? And this fight?
Lucy felt a hand grip her knee suddenly and she stopped tapping. It was David.
"Stop."
She looked at him and his intent expression. Her mouth went dry.
"Okay, who had the soup?" asked the waiter, suddenly appearing with their meals.
David turned away from Lucy to retrieve his food. The meal was unpleasant as if the food absorbed the tension in the air. It was uncomfortably silent, the only eye contact being between Sarah and Lucy, speaking through their expressive gazes.
Moments later, a respite came interrupting everyone thinking intensely to themselves, and Jack looked out the window and put his food down. Neither of the girls looked outside, too nervous. Jack muttered to himself, "Bettah be what I think it is," and scooted back his chair without excusing himself. He turned to walk away, stopped, and wheeled around as if forcing himself.
"You comin' er what?" he asked David presumptuously.
"I think you got this one," he replied sourly in a low voice.
Sarah kicked him under the table and motioned with her head for him to go. David sighed and threw down his napkin as he rose to join Jack. Once they were outside Sarah let out an irritated laugh and shook her head.
"My goodness," she said with a sigh.
"So dramatic."
Sarah leaned closer to the table, her tone shifting to curiosity. "What's really going on with you?"
Lucy cringed and looked around to make sure no one else was in earshot. She did not want to tell Sarah for she did not want to cause any more possible tension, but if she did not get it out to someone she would implode. "I think David knows about me and Spot," she finally spat out.
Sarah gasped. "Are you sure?"
"No, that's the thing…" Lucy's head fell into her hands and onto the table. "I was in Brooklyn with Spot when David and Jack came to talk with him. I hid in an alley with fuckin' rats and trash, and when I came back out again when they left – or thought they left – David looked back at where we were standing and I think he saw me…"
"Oh no…" Sarah's stiff form crumpled and she held her face in her hands.
"Oh, please don't act like that, it only makes it worse…" pleaded Lucy, shrinking further into her seat. "Has David said anything to you?"
"No, he's not said a word. I mean, he's been away from the apartment a lot lately, we haven't gotten a real chance to talk."
"Is it even something he'd tell you about?" Lucy was desperate. Now that someone else possibly knew she wanted to know every angle to explore it. To obsess over it.
Sarah shrugged helplessly. "I don't know, I'd like to think he would."
Lucy felt her face heat up and the familiar waves of panic surging through her body. She hated this feeling, the fearful nerves upsetting her stomach and making her head ache from all the racing thoughts. It had all the ingredients of the rush she so desperately sought, but oh, how different this feeling was. This rush was wrapped in fear, not thrill. The adrenaline that flew through her blood was from being afraid of getting caught, not harmless rule-breaking. She knew there was nothing good that could come out of this particular rush – people could get hurt.
Sarah scooted Lucy's glass of water into her line of sight. She took a few sips and caught her breath. She studied briefly the way Sarah was looking at her; it was no longer her usual understanding look, but pity. It seemed worse than Sarah's obligation to take her side, to pat her shoulder and tell her it would be alright.
"I don't know what's gonna happen if David tells Jack," said Lucy.
Outside the window the two boys came into view walking toward Tibby's and one boy was with them: Spot. The closer they got to the restaurant the more Lucy's thoughts became confusing. She was unsure how to respond to the sight of all three boys there together, two of which possibly keeping secrets from the other. A moment later, Spot glanced up in Lucy's direction. He did a double-take upon the surprise but with the slightest hint of a smile, he winked.
Lucy's body reacted automatically: she felt butterflies flutter in her stomach, overtaking the panic, and she hid a blushing smile that wiped away from the worrisome look.
"Well, this sure gets interesting," interrupted Sarah in a deliberate tone.
"Huh?" Lucy looked at her face and the smile vanished.
"Do you see what just happened?"
"What?"
"A moment ago you were practically in hysterics over this and the second – the second – you see him it's like nothing bad ever happened. Don't you see it? What he's doing to you?"
"Okay, wait." Lucy held up a hand defensively. "Don't blame all this on him. It ain't like he's been screwin' himself, alright?"
Sarah was speechless, trying to hide her shock. Lucy realized Sarah had no idea they were now having sex.
"I mean, there're two people involved in this relationship, it's not just him callin' all the shots."
"Ya sure about that?'
"Yes, Sarah, I'm sure about that." Her tone was deliberate and defensive.
Lucy flickered her gaze back to the boys at the window. The way they were standing, David and Jack faced each other while Spot was at their sides, facing Lucy. He noticed her watching innocently though he made no obvious acknowledgement of it. Instead he let the tight grip he had on his black, gold-tipped cane slide suggestively down the phallic object. She snorted an embarrassed laugh and turned her face away. Sarah's cold stare stopped her giggles immediately.
"You need to stop."
"Oh, c'mon, I'm not even doing anything…" Lucy let her eyes drift toward the boys again. Jack was spit-shaking with Spot and as soon as Jack and David turned to walk back inside, Spot motioned for Lucy to come outside. Without thinking twice, she threw down her money for the meal and got up.
Unexpectedly, Sarah jumped from her chair and stepped right in front of Lucy. "I'm perfectly serious, Lucy. You need to stop."
Without thinking, once again, Lucy's words shot like a bullet right out of her mouth: "I can't stop, Sarah, that's the point. You don't see what he's really like with me. I can't just give him up. And that, Miss know-it-all, pure-as-air, would-never-harm-a-fly, is something you will never understand. Get out of my way."
Not checking for a reaction of giving Sarah time for a comeback, Lucy breezed past her. She put on a sad, pitiful face when she ran into Jack. "Hey, I'm sorry, I've just come down with somethin', I'm not feelin' too good. I'm gonna head home."
David said nothing and stared at her.
"Ya sure?" asked Jack.
"Yes."
"Don't need anything?'
"No."
"Okay."
She could not get out fast enough. Just as she opened the door Jack called out, "I'm gonna stop by later, I gotta talk to ya!"
Lucy absently waved in response and rushed out. She followed Spot who was yards ahead of her for a few blocks, never once taking her eyes off him, her adrenaline pumping with the anticipation of what lay ahead of her. She bumped into strangers rudely and even knocked someone completely over but did not look back. She could have fallen into a bottomless pit and the pure excitement of chasing Spot would have lifted her right up to the ground again.
Eventually they ended up close to her apartment at the restaurant – their restaurant. Spot went into the alley and down into the basement where they once had drinks and Lucy had confessed that Sarah knew about them. She trotted down the stone stairwell into the ground, viewing from the outside of the building that the inside was completely empty.
As soon as she stepped inside Spot had his arms around her, catching her from the doorway and kissing her hungrily on arrival. Lucy became so lost in him, in this blissful oblivion, that all memory of his rudeness towards her in Brooklyn, the possibility of David seeing her there, and now the tension with Sarah were all put on hold. Besides, she could never will herself to think too much with Spot now anyway, and that's why sneaking around with him felt so good.
"Missed you," he said quickly, unfastening the buttons of her blouse in record time.
"You too," she said just as hurriedly, stepping out of her shoes and yanking the straps of his suspenders down.
"Good day?" He swiftly wriggled her out of her blouse and unzipped her skirt.
She threw his shirt over his head and arms. "Sure."
The conversation was finished the more the layers were shed and the more the kissing replaced the talking. Lucy forgot all about how painful the panicked rush was that she had earlier, for the rush she had now was overtaking it all.
That's the thing about addiction – nothing else matters when you've come back to that high. All the problems associated with it come to a screeching halt when you give in to give up, no matter how short or long the high will last. With Spot, all the tension Lucy could ever have was suddenly vanished to the point where she was numbingly high in his presence and the real world just did not exist. It did not help he possessed so many addictive qualities that she could not get enough of -- he was exactly Lucy's kind of drug, and there was nobody in the world who could make her give him up.