Dear Order
Or, Twenty-One Letters to the Order of the Blindingly Bright Budgie
By SilverWolf7007
Letter Twenty-One – "Let me guess, no?"
The day Harry's last letter was due, Hermione and Ginny were woken by a delighted shriek.
Hermione jumped out of bed immediately, wand in hand, ready to defend against Death Eaters, Harry Potter, or cannibal plants.
Instead, her foot sank into the ground and she fell face first into the sand.
Sputtering, she pulled herself to her knees and looked around in shock.
Her bed was on a beach. Her bed was on a beach. "What the heck?" she muttered, still trying to spit out the rest of the sand.
"There is sand in my pants again," she heard Ginny sigh from behind her.
Turning, she saw that the redhead's bed was also on the beach, and she was sitting up in it looking bleary eyed and annoyed.
They shared a commiserating stare for a moment, before simultaneously remembering that they had been woken by screaming and quickly returned to scanning the area.
Luna was standing, barefoot in her nightie, ankle deep in the water. She was bouncing on her toes excitedly, pointing out beyond the waves. She turned, suddenly, and bestowed upon them a dazzling grin. "Look, isn't he precious!"
Hermione moved forwards, standing as close to Luna as she could whilst still keeping her toes dry. "Isn't who precious?" she asked warily, squinting out towards a dark blur.
Ginny had joined them, though she had fewer qualms about her feet getting wet, and was shielding her eyes to better see what Luna was staring at. She dropped her hand to her hip and gave Luna a deadpan stare. "That's a shark, Luna. How can a shark be precious?"
Grin fading to a pout, Luna turned to look at Ginny. "He's one of my babies, Ginny, of course he is precious."
"One of your- Luna, are you saying that huge potentially man eating shark is one of your goldfish?"
Luna smiled, eyes misting proudly. "Oh yes, I believe that is in fact Sushi. He's all grown up."
"You have seventy eight fish, Luna, how can you possibly tell which is which when they've been turned into sharks?"
"Oh, they aren't all sharks, Ginny. Some of them are still fish. I believe that Fido and Howard are now seagulls, and Severus, Marvolo, and Eggbeater are piranhas."
"Piranhas," Ginny repeated faintly. "Wonderful."
Luna just shrugged and began walking down the beach, kicking her feet in the water as she did. "Are you hungry? I think we're late for breakfast."
Hermione shared another look with Ginny behind Luna's back.
"I can see that."
They blinked. "What?"
She turned and smiled at them. "Eyes in the back of my head."
"You have no such thing," Ginny argued, catching up and passing her.
"Well, no," Luna admitted. "You two are just so predictable." She glanced back at Hermione, who was reaching for a nearby crab with the intention of putting it down Luna's nightie. Luna raised her eyebrows. "Well, maybe not that predictable."
Guiltily, Hermione set the crab down (gently as possible, given that it was probably either one of Luna's fish or one of her own books). "I am trying to be less predictable," she said. "As a defence mechanism. I am just about to spend another nine months in the company of Harry Potter."
Luna laughed. "I think that would be very, very wise."
"And I think we should be very, very scared," Ginny sighed.
They walked for a good fifteen minutes before the distant rock formations began to take shape, and Hermione had to admit she was less than surprised to see a table shaped rock, surrounded by chair shaped rocks, most of which were occupied by a selection of their housemates.
The table itself was covered in an assortment of breakfast foods, a large platter of what looked like cheese sandwiches and bacon taking pride of place in the centre. As they drew closer, they could see there was a sign in front of the platter, declaring it to be the sole property of Hedwig, 'so hands off!'. Hedwig herself was as yet nowhere to be found, though Kingsley was shooting covetous looks at the cheese sandwiches.
"Good morning!" Albus greeted, twinkling cheerfully at them as they arrived. He was wearing a long, sparkly, purple nightshirt. "Isn't this weather lovely?"
"Oh yes!" Luna agreed fervently as Hermione and Ginny shrugged and muttered unconvincingly.
"A crab tried to remove my little toe, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm not entirely sold on the beach," Tonks said, rolling her eyes. "First beetles, now crabs... I don't know what all these creatures have against me."
"I think you're just unlucky, my dear," Albus said, helping himself to some scrambled eggs. "I'm quite sure that it is not intentional."
"If it were anyone but you, Tonks, I'd disagree, but it probably really is just your bad luck," Bill said sympathetically.
She sighed, reaching for some toast and knocking over her glass of pumpkin juice. Several crabs floated out, which Charlie rescued and set free onto the sand. "Yeah, maybe."
Several other members of the household joined them over the next half hour, all in varying styles of pyjamas, the most interesting being Moody's sleep battle robes, the twins' bright green boxer shorts (that they revealed glowed in the dark), and Minerva's green tartan nightgown that, on closer inspection, had silver thread embroidered through it. For some reason, it seemed to intimidate Fred into hiding behind George, who seemed more interested in teasing their former Head of House about being a closet Slytherin supporter than protecting his twin.
By the time Ron and Neville stumbled out of the rainforest, ragged, barefoot, and hungry, only Remus, Severus, Molly, and Arthur were still unaccounted for.
"Where have you been?" Hermione asked Neville. It was pointless to ask Ron, who had spotted the food and fallen upon it as though he hadn't eaten in weeks.
Neville, who was also unusually enthusiastic about the food, swallowed a mouthful of eggs before answering. "Our beds are pretty deep in the rainforest, it took us this long just to find you guys."
"Really?" she said, surprised. "Ours were on the beach."
"We were in the rainforest," George said. "But not very far in. We could see the ocean easily."
"Ron and I wandered in circles a bit trying to work out which way to go," Neville admitted. "Eventually, he smelled food and we followed his nose."
"I wonder if that's why Mum and Dad are taking so long," Charlie mused. "I doubt they've slept in."
"Not to mention Remus and Professor Snape," Ginny said. "Unless they got distracted hunting Elmer again or something."
The elder Weasleys arrived a few minutes later, holding hands and smiling.
"We've just had a lovely stroll along the beach," Molly said as she sat down. "I think this is my favourite prank so far."
"How wonderful!" Albus exclaimed. "I am rather pleased that I am not the only one enjoying it."
Arthur looked around the table curiously. "Where are Remus and Severus?"
With impeccable timing, Remus stepped out of the forest, wearing brightly patterned shorts. "Severus and Crookshanks caught sight of Elmer on the way here, and naturally, they followed him."
"Naturally," Fred agreed.
"Those are, uh, some bright shorts, Remus," Bill said, eyeing them in amusement.
Remus shrugged. "I was wearing longer pants, but I thought I might go swimming, so I left them behind on my bed."
"I see."
They all jumped as Elmer suddenly loped past them, Crookshanks on his heels. Severus, in long black pants and singlet, wand in hand, followed after them.
Elmer veered toward the ocean and then back into the forest, but Crookshanks spotted something moving in the water and froze, staring.
Severus looked between the escaping camel and distracted tiger before throwing up his hands in defeat, pocketing his wand, and joining them at the table.
"Do you always have pockets in your pyjamas?" Charlie asked after several minutes of awkward silence and vicious toast chewing.
"Yes," Severus said shortly before taking another dramatic bite of his toast.
"Oh, calm down, Severus," Remus sighed. "I'm sure you'll get another chance."
"Stupid cat," the potions master muttered darkly. "Attention span of a goldfish."
"I don't know," Hermione said, feeling the need to defend her pet. "He's been staring pretty steadily at Luna's precious shark for the last ten minutes."
Luna's head whipped around. "My baby!"
As they all followed her gaze, the shark swam into the shallows of the ocean and Crookshanks pounced. Several seconds of needless violence later, he was dragging the dying shark onto the beach and chewing happily on its tail.
"Sushi, no," Luna whimpered.
"I'm sorry, Luna," Hermione said as sincerely as she could manage.
Luna sighed. "Oh, it's not your fault, Crookshanks is just following his instincts."
"I don't see why he couldn't have followed them to killing the camel," Severus snarled.
"More people would miss Elmer, I suppose," she said with a shrug. "Neville and I will miss Sushi, but that's about it."
Neville eyed the dead shark before shrugging. "Sushi bit me once. I'm not heartbroken."
Luna gave him a betrayed look.
Thankfully Hedwig chose that moment to distract everyone as much as possible from the crunching behind them, landing directly in her platter of bacon and sandwiches. She held her leg out to Severus, who raised an eyebrow.
Hedwig hooted. Severus leaned back in his chair. She shook her leg at him. Severus crossed his arms. Hedwig glared at him pointedly.
"Just take the damn letter!" Remus said, rolling his eyes.
Reluctantly, Severus reached out and did so -and while his hand was there, he snatched a piece of bacon and a cheese sandwich, the latter of which he threw to a delighted Kingsley. Hedwig screeched, then ruffled her feathers in almost a shrug, as though saying 'well played'. She started nibbling her bacon, while Severus ate his own stolen piece before opening Harry's letter.
"'Dear Order,
Aunt Petunia has gone to the seaside to recover from some kind of stress she has apparently been suffering from this summer.'" Severus paused to snort. "Oh, yes, I know that stress. 'I will miss her while she is gone, though at least she will stop scolding me for eating Dudley's chocolate for breakfast.'"
"I want chocolate for breakfast," Ron muttered.
"When you live on your own and make your own breakfast, you can eat whatever you please," Molly told him. "Until then, you eat what you're given and you like it."
"'Uncle Vernon doesn't care about the nutritional value of my meals, so that's a relief. Though Dudley probably doesn't appreciate me eating all of his sweets.'"
"Not that he can protest from the bottomless pit," Fred said, grinning.
"'I wish I could have gone with Aunt Petunia, I've never been to the seaside. It's a shame, I've heard it can be quite lovely. I'm sure you've all been, you'll have to tell me all about it.'" Severus stopped to stare at the letter in disgust. "Ugh. That's it. I refuse to finish reading the rest of this." He thrust the letter at Kingsley, who shrugged and took it.
"'Oh, Professor Snape,'." Kingsley paused to look at Severus, who had rolled his eyes to the sky and was refusing to look down, "'could you please tell the Headmaster that he is now forgiven for that thing he did and that he therefore no longer sucks?'"
"Oh, that's a weight off my mind," Albus said, sounding genuinely relieved.
"'I really would appreciate it. Also, if you could give Luna some more of your Death Eater robes to make all sparkly, that would be great, we need a uniform for my new secret club.'"
Luna looked hopefully at Severus.
"No. Definitely not. Never in a million years."
She pouted.
"'Let me guess, no? Honestly, Professor Snape, you never let me have any fun.'"
"It is my life's goal," Severus said. No one was entirely sure how serious he was.
"'Ah well, we'll find something else to wear. Maybe something eye-wateringly bright. Or from the Headmaster's closet. Most likely both.
Love Harry'."
"I suddenly feel the need to set wards and booby traps upon my wardrobe," Albus said.
Luna turned to him. "It's certainly worth a try," she said. "But there's no guarantee we won't get into it anyway."
Albus sighed. "Alas, I am aware of that."
"Right then," Remus said. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I think I might go for a swim, especially now there is less danger of being eaten by a shark."
Luna sniffed sadly.
"You might want to watch out for piranhas," Ginny warned.
"No," Luna said. "They're in the pond in the middle of the rainforest. The ocean should be safe enough, now..."
Hermione turned to look at Crookshanks, who was lying contentedly next to half a shark. She grimaced. "I think I might take a long, long walk up the beach before I swim or sunbake."
"Ooh, we could go back to our beds and built a giant sand fort to sleep in!" Luna suggested, bouncing back from her sadness suddenly.
"Sure, that sounds fun."
"I'll come too," Ginny said quickly. "Between the three of us we'll have it done by bedtime."
Ron cleared his throat. "Any chance of Neville and me crashing on your fort floor instead of trekking back and forth to our beds?"
"Why not," Hermione agreed. "You can even have a spare blanket or something to sleep on."
The five of them set off down the beach, followed after a few moments by Crookshanks, who was likely hoping for a blanket of his own.
"I'm never going to catch that camel," Severus lamented with a sigh.
"Probably not," Kingsley agreed with a commiserating look. "But I'd be willing to come along if you wanted to have one last try."
Severus thought for a few moments, then shrugged. "We may as well."
With that, they left.
Was a tad longer wait than intended, but at least it wasn't a year? Now all we have left is the epilogue, which Wolfie shall put up soon.
Hope you all enjoyed this one!
Much love,
Wolfie