May 10, 1996, 4:39 PM-Roger and Holly's House
Roger noted that Barbara didn't have any luggage with her, just her purse, but that didn't mean that she didn't have a suitcase or two in the car that was parked in front of the house. "Do you have any luggage I need to bring inside?" Roger asked then.
Barbara had been looking around the living room, but she turned to look at Roger then, her scowl still in place. "No, I'm staying at a hotel," she said. "I wouldn't be comfortable staying in the same house with you."
Blunt as ever, Roger thought, shifting Jack in his arms. Jack was regarding the stranger in their midst warily.
"Where is Holly?" Barbara asked.
"She's still at work, but she's off at five," Roger replied.
"Then what are you doing here?" Barbara asked archly.
Roger gave in to his impulse and replied, "I live here."
Barbara rolled her eyes. "I mean, why isn't the baby with a sitter or a nanny or something?"
"Because I'm here with him," Roger replied. "I've been here with him for the past few weeks, and I'll continue staying with him until such time as the day care center Holly and I chose is able to take Jack during working hours."
"You're staying home with the baby?" Barbara asked, shocked.
"Yes, I am," Roger said, "and the situation is working out well for all involved."
The look on Barbara's face said it all: she clearly didn't think too highly of Roger staying home with Jack, even temporarily.
It was Mother's Day weekend, and Barbara's unannounced visit was not part of Roger's plans at all. The visit had to be a surprise, because if Holly had known her mother was coming to see them, she would have told him.
Which meant that Holly was going to be even more blindsided than Roger had been. Barbara had called exactly once since Holly left a message on Barbara's answering machine the night Jack was born almost four months ago, and if she had given Holly any indication that she was coming for a visit, Holly would have told Roger right away. The fact that she didn't meant that Barbara's visit was crafted as a surprise on purpose. Roger had no doubt at all that Holly's mother was here to look for problems and to let her disapproval be known in person.
Jack squirmed in Roger's arms and began to fuss then, and after almost four months, Roger recognized that particular cry as Jack's "I need a clean diaper" cry.
"He's crying," Barbara said, and Roger could have sworn he detected a note of triumph in her voice.
"I noticed," Roger said. He carried Jack down the hall to the nursery, Barbara following behind. He laid Jack on the changing table and proceeded to change his diaper, which was wet.
"You're doing that wrong," Barbara said, peering over Roger's shoulder and watching him change Jack.
"I've been changing Jack's diapers since the night he was born," Roger replied, keeping his tone calm and even so as not to upset his son. "After almost four months, I think I've gotten pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. And it's not like there are a lot of different ways to change a diaper." He fastened the tapes, then refastened the snaps on Jack's short-sleeved blue romper with the bright green dinosaur on the chest. "There you go, little man," he said. He picked Jack up and Jack babbled and cooed at his daddy and smiled at him. Roger smiled back and gently bumped his nose against Jack's.
"I certainly hope you don't take my grandson to any of your romantic rendezvous," Barbara said haughtily.
Is she... She is, Roger realized. "My last romantic rendezvous was four nights ago, with my wife," Roger said, "and no, Jack wasn't present. And for your information, Holly is the only woman I have romantic rendezvous with now."
"The way you tomcatted around when you were married to her before, I'm supposed to believe that?" Barbara asked, arching one eyebrow.
"I don't cheat on Holly," Roger said firmly. "I have neither the desire nor the time to cheat on her. I'm not going to do anything to ruin what I have with her now. I have learned my lessons."
"A leopard doesn't change its spots," Barbara insisted.
You think I'm still the monster I was 25 years ago, Roger thought. Well, whatever you dish out, I can take, and for Holly's sake, and Jack's sake, and Blake's sake, I will take it.
"It's a good thing I'm not a leopard then, isn't it?" Roger asked benignly before turning his full attention to Jack once more.
Barbara frowned at this. This was not the Roger Thorpe she knew, but she didn't believe that anyone was capable of the vast changes necessary for his current behavior and demeanor to be true. No, this was obviously an act he was putting on. It couldn't be anything else, because the Roger Thorpe she knew wasn't capable of anything else. How could Holly have been so stupid and misguided as to have married him again? Barbara was definitely going to have a long talk with her daughter this weekend, as soon as possible, because these poor decisions on her part had to stop, especially now that another innocent child was involved.
"Okay, Jack, it's dinnertime," Roger said, his full attention on his son in his arms then. "And Mommy will be home soon." He carried Jack to the kitchen to get his dinner.
"Do you even know what and how to feed that child?" Barbara asked.
"Yes," Roger said simply. But he still spent the whole time he was feeding Jack his bottle listening to Barbara criticize the way he held Jack, the way he fed him, the amount of air Jack was taking in, and then the way he burped Jack when he had finished his bottle.
Whatever you dish out, I can take. For Holly's sake, for our childrens' sakes, I will take it, Roger reminded himself as Barbara continued her criticism of the way he cared for Jack. But I won't stand silently by while you constantly browbeat Holly all weekend. I won't throw you out, because it's not my place, and I won't get in the way of what she has to say to you, but if you treat Holly anything like you're treating me right now, you're going to hear from me, because no matter how much I deserve this treatment from you, she doesn't.
May 10, 1996, 5:20 PM-Roger and Holly's House
Holly had a smile on her face and a spring in her step as she got out of her car in the driveway that Friday afternoon. It was Mother's Day weekend, and she was looking forward to lots of time with Roger and Jack, and although Roger didn't know it, she had overheard him on the phone with Ross earlier in the week, planning something at Ross and Blake's house for Blake and Holly for Mother's Day. As Blake's pregnancy neared its end, the levels of physical discomfort involved in carrying twins were getting increasingly higher with each passing day (sometimes with each passing hour or minute, according to Blake), so she wasn't going out much these days. Whatever Roger and Ross had up their sleeves for Mother's Day would obviously be taking place at the Marler residence, and Holly couldn't wait to see what it was, because it was a gift for her and Blake, and because whatever it entailed, based on what she had overheard the other night, Roger and Ross had worked together to pull it off, which was something Holly had never thought would happen, though the obvious bickering back and forth that Roger and Ross were doing in that phone call hadn't proved surprising to her in the least.
She fitted her key in the front door lock, opened the door, and walked inside, happily calling, "Roger, Jack, I'm home! And I'm ready for lots of snuggles with both my boys and a weekend of celebration."
Roger emerged from the nursery carrying Jack, and Holly wondered at the solemn looks on both their faces. She had never seen Jack look so solemn before.
But when she saw her mother appear behind Roger and Jack, that answered all of her questions. "Mom?" she asked, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to meet my new grandson," Barbara said, "among other things."
Holly inwardly winced but didn't show that reaction to her mother. She could guess the kinds of things her mother had been saying to Roger, though Roger had a placid, benign, if solemn, look on his face, so he wasn't reacting outwardly either. She could also guess what the "other things" her mother was here for were, and she could feel the beginnings of a tension headache clawing at her at the mere thought of the conversation certain to deteriorate into an argument with her mother that surely awaited her.
She walked over to her mother and gave her a hug, which was awkward because Barbara didn't hug Holly back right away, and when she did put one arm around her, it was only for a second. Physical contact was a part of Holly's daily life now: plenty of hugs and kisses shared with Roger and Jack, she and Blake hugged more too, and Holly had gotten into the habit of tucking Blake's hair behind her ears as a gesture of affection. But Barbara had never been much for hugs or physical affection, only once in a while and even then she wasn't very comfortable with it.
After letting go of her mother, Holly went over to Roger and Jack. She kissed Jack and he held out his arms to her so she took him from Roger, and as she held Jack with one arm, she put her other arm around Roger's neck and kissed him hello. "I didn't know she was coming," she whispered after kissing him, her forehead touching his, their eyes still closed.
"I know," Roger whispered back.
Holly drew back and stood beside Roger, Jack in her arms and happily babbling to his mommy. "You did?" Holly asked. "That's great, Jack."
"He's had his dinner, and I changed him right before he ate," Roger said. "I think I'll go out and get something for us for dinner. What do you feel like?"
"Pizza?" Holly asked.
"The usual?" Roger countered.
"Yes," Holly said.
Roger turned his attention to his mother-in-law then. "Barbara, will you be joining us for dinner?"
"I think not," she said. "I don't like pizza, nor do I particularly care for all of the company here."
Bulls-eye, Roger thought. He saw the flash of temper in Holly's eyes at the clear message that Barbara still hated him. On the one hand, Roger understood Barbara's hatred of him. If any man had done to Chrissy what Roger had done to Holly so long ago, Roger would have hated him in perpetuity too, even after killing the man with his bare hands.
But Barbara was even more unyielding than Roger's own father. He and Adam were at least in contact, with Western Union serving as their go-between. A few telegrams had been exchanged back and forth between them since Jack's birth, and a package from Adam had arrived earlier in the week with Mother's Day cards and gifts for both Holly and Blake and another telegram asking that Roger inform him when Blake gave birth. Roger had immediately sent a telegram back to Adam, promising that Adam would be his first call as soon as Blake's sons had arrived. Roger had been trying to get up the courage to call his father for the past few months, and had even started dialing the number a few times, but he was never able to complete the call, unsure of what to say and still retaining the fear that Adam would hang up on him, if not immediately then the first time Roger said something Adam didn't agree with or didn't want to hear. Roger reasoned that when he called his father after the birth of Blake's babies, he would at least know what to say, and since Adam wanted to be informed, he wouldn't hang up on Roger during that phone call.
Roger could live with Barbara hating him for the rest of their lives, and he could certainly understand it, on a certain level. He would take whatever Barbara dished out because Holly was worth it. He understood with new clairty what Ryan went through with Colleen's father not liking him. But Ryan said that his father-in-law tolerated him. Barbara showed no signs of tolerance toward Roger, and likely never would.
"Easy there, tiger," Roger said so only Holly could hear him.
She looked at Roger then, wanting to defend him, wanting to tell Barbara that she could not talk about Roger like that in their home, wanting some notice before her mother just showed up instead of a surprise visit. Before she could say anything, Roger said, again so only Holly could hear him, "I appreciate the thought, but she has enough ammunition already, don't you think?"
If you could only see how much Roger has truly changed, Mom, Holly thought then. There was a time when Roger would have exploded at Barbara's condescending remarks, at her blatant disapproval and disrespect of him. That was probably what Barbara was waiting for right now. But Holly knew that he wasn't going to do it, because he was not the out-of-control rage-a-holic he had been when he was younger. And Holly also knew that Roger was right: her mother clearly had enough ammunition already, and there was no reason to give her more. Still, Holly was determined to find a way to let her mother know that she would not speak to or about Roger in their own home that way. But if she got angry and yelled at Barbara for this, first of all it would scare Jack, which Holly did not want to do under any circumstances, and secondly, Barbara would chalk it up to Holly being the same flighty, neurotic, overwrought girl she was 20 years ago and more, and Holly wasn't that girl anymore. But she had serious doubts that she could make her mother really see that.
More tension clawed at Holly's neck and shoulders, shooting tiny arrows of pain behind her eyes. She was going to have one hell of a headache by the time this evening was over.
"I'll be back shortly with the pizza," Roger said. He gently pulled Holly and Jack into his arms, holding them both for a long moment.
"I'm so sorry," Holly whispered in Roger's ear.
"It's not your fault," Roger whispered back. He kissed her, then kissed Jack, and then he released them and headed for the front door.
"You didn't call and order the pizza," Barbara piped up.
"I'll just wait there while they make it," Roger replied, turning from the front door to look at Barbara, then at Holly and Jack once more, meeting Holly's gaze squarely.
Barbara noticed the look that passed between Holly and Roger, and was momentarily floored by it. Had it been anyone else but Roger Thorpe, she would have believed that that was love and support in his eyes as he looked at Holly. She saw no hint of posessiveness or rage in Roger's eyes, which was the biggest surprise of all. No, Barbara thought. No, it's impossible for anyone to change that much, especially him.
Jack was looking at Holly with confusion, because he wasn't used to this kind of tension and didn't know what to make of it. She cuddled him close and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Everything's okay, Jack," she said softly. "Mommy's here, and Daddy will be right back." Jack still looked confused, but he was assured that Mommy wasn't going anywhere again and that Daddy would be back soon, so he went back to regarding the stranger warily. At least she wasn't frowning anymore.
"Can I get you anything, Mom? Some iced tea, coffee, anything?" Holly offered.
"No, thank you," Barbara said.
"Then let's sit down," Holly replied, carrying Jack over to the loveseat and sitting down with him in her lap. Barbara sat down beside them and reached out to stroke Jack's hair. Jack looked at her, still somewhat wary but accepting her presence as long as he was safely ensconced in his mother's arms.
"So, how have you been?" Holly asked.
"Fine," Barbara said. "But I want to know what's going on with you."
"Going on?" Holly asked. "I'm a new mother, I'm about to be a first-time grandmother, I'm back at work, I'm happily married to the man I love and who loves me. I'm doing really well, Mom."
Barbara looked at Holly critically, taking her measure, clearly not believing her daughter. Holly bit back a sigh as she waited for her mother's first salvo in the battle they were going to be fighting, in which Barbara picked apart every aspect of Holly's life and marriage, and Holly defended her actions and decisions to the one person who had never trusted her judgment on anything. Just like old times, Holly thought miserably as the muscles in her neck and shoulders tightened even more with tension.
May 10, 1996, 5:34 PM-Ross and Blake's House
Ross knelt beside the bathtub and rinsed the soap from Blake's back. "Mmmm," Blake murmured contentedly. The hot soak was doing wonders for her aching feet and back. She opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder at Ross. "I really wish there was room in here for you," she said. "But with these babies on board, I'm lucky there's room for me in here." She looked at her large belly protruding above the water. "They're actually not kicking very much right now, at least not to the point where it's really uncomfortable. Maybe my sitting in this bath has something to do with that, since they were conceived in water."
"That could be," Ross agreed as he gently washed Blake's belly. "But we're never going to tell them that, right?"
"I don't think most parents tell their children the 'where you were conceived' story," Blake said. "That's not exactly something most people are eager to know."
Ross rinsed the soap from Blake's belly and gave it an extra stroke before leaning in to kiss her cheek. "Lean your head back and I'll wash your hair," he said.
"You spoil me," Blake said as she leaned her head back.
"I love you," Ross countered as he poured water in Blake's hair. "And at the risk of sounding like a caveman, I love taking care of you. I am so completely in awe of you, Blake. Going through this pregnancy with you, watching our babies grow inside you...It has been humbling and overwhelming and the most incredible experience of my life."
"Do you think you'll still feel that way after we've been through labor and delivery?" Blake asked, a hint of insecurity in her voice.
"I know I will," Ross replied as he worked the shampoo in his palm into a lather and massaged it through Blake's hair, massaging her scalp in the process and drawing a low, satisfied moan from deep in her chest.
"I love your hands," Blake said as she leaned back so Ross could rinse the shampoo from her hair. "I'm serious, Ross. It's going to be...well...disgusting. Blood and guts type stuff, and seeing...well...certain parts of me in...well, a not very flattering way, to put it mildly."
"A little blood and guts, and an unflattering view of certain parts of you, won't bother me in the slightest," Ross pledged. He finished rinsing the shampoo from Blake's hair. "I've waited a long time to be a father right from the start and to have a family of my own, and the fact that it's happening with you makes me happiest of all, because I have never loved anyone the way I love you, and I'm so excited to meet our sons." Blake looked at him, seeing his heart in his eyes. She craned her neck toward his and he leaned down to meet her lips...
...but before they could kiss, they were jolted by the insistent, repeated ringing of the doorbell. Whoever was ringing the doorbell was leaning on it. "Who could that be?" Blake wondered.
Ross quickly rinsed the remaining shampoo residue from his hands and dried them. "I'll go and see," he said. "I'll be right back."
When Ross opened the door, Roger was standing there, by himself and clearly perturbed about something. "I knew you and Chrissy had to be home because both your cars are in the driveway," Roger said. "Where is she?"
"In the bathtub," Ross replied, not understanding why Roger had shown up on his and Blake's doorstep alone and agitated.
"Then you'll have to tell her," Roger said.
"Tell her what?" Ross asked. "If this is about Mother's Day, I thought we had that all settled."
"We do. It's not," Roger said. He took a breath and said, "Holly's mother is in town. She just showed up unannounced at our house a little while ago. She hasn't mentioned Chrissy yet, but I can't believe she won't come to see her...and therefore you."
Ross wanted to get back to Blake in the tub, but couldn't help noticing how agitated Roger was. "I'm guessing she doesn't approve of you and Holly being married again," Ross said.
"She doesn't approve of anything about me," Roger replied, "and I'm sure she's giving Holly an earful right now on all of the things about me she disapproves of. She thinks Holly and I are both the exact same people we were in 1979, so consider this a friendly warning that she will, in all likelihood, think the same thing about you."
"I think even you would agree now that my representing you at that trial was not my finest hour," Ross said, "but as I recall, Holly shot you and you then faked your death and skipped the country before the jury came back with a verdict, and then...well, you know."
"That won't matter to Barbara," Roger insisted. "You represented evil incarnate-namely, me-and in her eyes, and as I recall, you did everything to keep me from being convicted and you might have won the case if I hadn't... The point is that Barbara thinks that's still the kind of man you are. As far as she's concerned, none of us have changed in the least since then, not me, not Holly, and not you."
Now Ross understood why Roger was so agitated. "Blake can't get upset, not now," he said firmly.
"You know as well as I do that Blake will defend you, and Holly and me, with everything in her once Barbara starts in, and make no mistake, she will start in," Roger warned. "She can say anything she wants to say about me. For Holly's sake, for Jack and Blake and my grandsons-to-be, I'll take it. I deserve it. But the rest of you don't. And since Holly will have the tension headache from hell by the time I get back, it's going to be up to you to keep Blake from getting too upset over what Barbara has to say about the rest of us."
"Is she staying with you and Holly and Jack?" Ross asked.
"No," Roger said. "She said she's not comfortable staying in the same house with me. She's at a hotel. I don't know how long she's planning on staying in town, though."
Ross ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Blake really doesn't need the stress," he said.
"I agree," Roger replied. "Neither does Holly. But we can't make her leave town. I'm not going to kick her out of the house."
"You're not?" Ross asked, surprised. "Even with the number she's doing on Holly right now?"
"Barbara is her mother," Roger said. "There has always been a distance between Holly and her mother, with Barbara disapproving of pretty much everything Holly has done, at least since I arrived on the scene, and back then, she had a point, but she doesn't anymore. I'm not going to let Barbara browbeat Holly the entire time she's here. She's saying her piece now. She verbally attacks Holly while I'm around, she'll be hearing from me. But the ultimate decision on what to do regarding Barbara is Holly's, and whatever she decides, I will support. And I hope I can count on you to be just as supportive of Blake."
"You know I will," Ross replied.
Roger nodded once. "I just wanted to let you know she's here," he said. He turned to leave. "I'm heading out to pick up dinner for Holly and me, but I wanted to give you a heads up so you and Chrissy aren't as blindsided as Holly and I were."
"Thank you," Ross said, because it seemed to him that that's what he should say.
Roger raised a hand in farewell as he walked away from the Marler house, and Ross closed and locked the front door and returned to Blake in the tub.
"Who was at the door?" she asked.
"Your father," Ross said. He knelt beside the tub again. "Your grandmother's in town. She's over at your parents' house now."
"Grandma's here? Mom didn't tell me she was coming."
"She didn't know. It was a surprise visit."
Blake snorted. "More like an ambush," she said. She struggled to stand up, and before she could ask, Ross helped her up, then wrapped her up in a big, fluffy towel and helped her dry off. "Mom and Grandma have never been close. Even as a little girl, I could see that. Do you know I never remember seeing them hug each other, even once? Grandma doesn't approve of Mom's choices in life. She never has. And the thing she disapproves of the most is Mom loving and marrying Daddy."
"She had a valid point the first time around, Blake," Ross reminded his wife.
"But she doesn't have a valid point anymore," Blake retorted. She wiped the steam from the bathroom mirror and then began combing her wet hair out, talking to Ross all the while as he knelt to dry her legs and feet for her. "You know, she and Mom and I lived together for a few years in Europe when I was growing up, and she was constantly picking at Mom, disapproving or disagreeing with just about everything she did and said. And if I had to guess, I would guess that she thinks neither of my parents have changed at all since the first time they were married, so she is expecting, and maybe on some level even hoping to find Daddy cheating on Mom and lying to her and worse, so she can say 'I told you so' to Mom and light into her about what a mistake it was for her to marry him again. She won't want to see that Daddy has changed so much. She won't care that he would lie down in front of a train for Mom, or that he loves her more than anything in the world, and she certainly won't care that Mom is happier than she's ever been in her life, because she's never been interested in Mom's happiness."
"Those are some pretty serious accusations, Blake," Ross said as he stood up and wrapped the towel around Blake after he finished drying her legs and feet. Still, what Blake was saying matched up with what Roger had told him about Holly's mother, so there had to be at least some truth to it.
Blake met Ross's eyes in the mirror and said, "I didn't and don't have a warm and fuzzy grandma, Ross. I invited her to our wedding, did you know that? I invited her to our wedding, and all she did was send the RSVP card back saying she wouldn't attend. She didn't give a reason, she didn't even call me to congratulate me, although she was probably scandalized by the fact that it was my third wedding, never mind that it's the only time I got married for the right reasons, and to the right man."
Ross followed Blake to their bedroom. "No, I didn't know that your grandmother turned down your invitation to our wedding," he said. "I don't know her. I only know of her. But one thing I do know: it isn't good for you or the babies to be getting so upset."
"You can't expect me not to react to her, Ross!" Blake exclaimed as she got dressed.
"Of course not," Ross said. "But the strength and magnitude of your reaction to her concern me. Roger and Holly are certainly capable of defending themselves and their marriage to your grandmother."
"You can't expect me not to defend my parents, either!" Blake continued, her chin up and her eyes flashing.
"You've always been their staunchest defender, so no, I don't expect you not to defend them at all. Just please, for yourself and our boys, stay as calm as possible while you're defending Roger and Holly," Ross replied.
"I will stay as calm as I can," Blake promised as she finished dressing, "but I'm not going to let her just rip my mom and dad to shreds right in front of me without saying something."
Little did Blake or Ross know that it wouldn't be Holly and Roger that Blake would be defending the most.
It would be Ross.
May 10, 1996, 5:42 PM-Roger and Holly's House
Holly had moved to the floor with Jack, letting him play on the rug (and hearing "Are you sure the rug is clean enough for him to play on?" from Barbara) with his activity center. Barbara watched them together for a couple of minutes, seeing for herself how good Holly was with the baby, how much they clearly adored each other.
Finally Barbara spoke. "Jack has your eyes."
"He does," Holly agreed.
"The rest of him almost entirely resembles Roger, though," Barbara continued.
"Are you going to hold that against him?" Holly asked, then mentally kicked herself for sounding too defensive. Holly knew that Barbara had loved her and her brothers and done her best for them, but she was not very emotionally open, and she was very critical of the choices her kids made in their lives, heavy on the disapproval and censure, and even when she was supportive, Holly, Andy, and Ken had known that beneath the support was a wellspring of disapproval over their actions. Holly was the first one to admit that she had made plenty of mistakes in her life, and some of them had been catastrophic. But she had finally gotten to a place where the mistakes that she made were not catastrophic. Still, her mother was not the type to give any quarter, or to see how deeply and how truly Holly had changed. Barbara would always see Holly the way she had been as a young woman, when she had been at her worst almost all the time, and when she made mistakes with far-reaching, catastrophic consequences that affected not only her own life but the lives of others, many of whom were caught in the fallout of Holly's actions. She wasn't that girl anymore, but she believed she would never truly convince her mother of that fact.
"Of course not," Barbara answered. "I was just stating an unfortunate fact."
"I don't think it's unfortunate at all," Holly replied evenly.
"Holly, why?" Barbara asked.
And here we go, Holly thought. Reminding herself once more to remain as calm as possible, for Jack's sake if not her own, she rejoined Barbara on the loveseat, Jack playing at their feet, and waded into the fray. "Why don't I think Jack resembling Roger is unfortunate?"
"Don't be purposely obtuse," Barbara scolded. "Why did you ever marry that man again?"
"Because I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him," Holly replied.
"He raped you, Holly!" Barbara exclaimed. "He faked his death and let you go to prison for it, and then he tried to kidnap Blake, and failing that, he kidnapped you and he dragged you through the jungles of Santo Domingo and nearly killed you!"
Jack looked up from his activity center at Barbara's sharp tone. "It's all right, sweetie, everything's all right," Holly assured Jack. Then she turned her attention to her mother again. "I know, Mom. And I would appreciate it if you would keep calm in front of Jack."
Barbara ignored Holly's remarks entirely. "And yet you married him again and had another child with him." She shook her head. "You have this gigantic blind spot when it comes to Roger Thorpe, and you always have. You don't have any more sense now than you did when you were 19."
"That's what it always comes back to for you, isn't it, Mom?" Holly asked. "You still see me as that 19-year-old girl with stars in her eyes and few if any realistic expectations about life in general and Roger in particular. But that's not who I am anymore."
"You still have stars in your eyes when it comes to Roger," Barbara disagreed. "I have never understood the hold that man has over you."
"The same hold that I have over him," Holly said, keeping her tone even. "Love."
"How you can love that man after everything he did to you is beyond me," Barbara said, sitting back on the couch. "You should hate him. You have separate bank accounts, don't you?"
"No," Holly said.
"Tell me that you signed a prenuptial agreement," Barbara said.
"No, I didn't," Holly said.
"You're doing absolutely nothing to protect yourself and Jack?" Barbara asked, upset.
"I don't need protecting from Roger. Not anymore," Holly said. "He and I went into marriage this time with our eyes wide open and as equal partners, and believe it or not, we have both changed a lot since we were young. If we hadn't both changed, then we never would have been able to get back together, to get to where we are right now. But we did. Thank God we did."
"But he's so volatile, Holly," Barbara fretted.
"Not anymore," Holly said. "Oh, we have our arguments like everyone else, but they're just ordinary, run-of-the-mill arguments now."
"He's not cheating on you all the time?" Barbara challenged.
"He's not cheating on me at all," Holly replied.
"You sound so certain of that," Barbara said.
"I am," Holly said as she helped Jack with one of his books. She opened the book and Jack batted at the buttons that made animal noises. Holly looked up at Barbara. "Mom," she said, "Roger and I are happy together. We love each other, we love our kids, we love being married to each other, and neither one of us is going to do anything to screw it up this time."
"I can just imagine what other people think of you for marrying him again," Barbara said with a disapproving frown.
"I don't care what other people think, Mom, because I know. I know Roger's faults, I know his fears, and I know his heart, and he knows mine," Holly said. She looked right into Barbara's eyes, determined to make her feelings crystal clear to her mother even though she was certain before she even started speaking that it would not do anything to change Barbara's mind, or her opinions of Roger, and of Holly having married him again. "I remember what Roger did to me. I remembered it and hated him for it so much for twenty years that it almost destroyed me. For twenty years, hating Roger was my job. I wore it like a badge, and I showed it to everybody who tried to get close to me: to my daughter, my friends, anyone who tried to love me, including Roger, and he does love me, no matter how you try to devalue it, and him. So after twenty years, I took off that miserable badge and I forgave him. I wasn't planning on being with him again. I just wanted to get on with my life.
"And then, while I was getting on with my life, Roger got hurt, he got hurt very badly, and he went missing and was presumed dead. And while he was missing and presumed dead, I realized that I still had feelings for him that had been buried under all that hate for all that time. And when it looked like he was really dead this time, I was consumed with regret, thinking that he didn't know that I loved him, and by that time we had forgiven each other for the past and finally moved beyond it, but now any chance for us to try again and get it right this time could have been lost forever, and when I thought it was, I felt such a deep, sharp pain..."
Holly trailed off and took a few seconds' pause to gather her composure again before continuing. "But he didn't die. Thank God, he didn't die. He survived, and that's when I realized that nothing...not what other people think, not our past, which we had forgiven each other for long before this anyway...nothing mattered anymore except the two of us being together, the two of us seeing if we could make it work the way we couldn't when we were young. I was alone and empty inside for so very many years, Mom. When Roger and I found each other again, when we got back together, we made a commitment not only to each other but to our relationship, that we would do whatever it takes to make it work this time. And we are making it work this time. For the first time in my life, I am truly happy. And I really wish that just this once, you could be happy for me, or at least be happy about the fact that I'm finally truly happy."
"A leopard doesn't change its spots," Barbara insisted stubbornly.
"Then it's a good thing I didn't marry a leopard, isn't it?" Holly countered. "I married a man. A flawed but loving man. He does have good inside of him, Mom. I know you've never believed that. There was a time I didn't believe it either. But I know now that he does have good in him. I know who Roger is, and I love him. And he knows who I am, and he loves me. You know that I've been with all the good doctors and all the good lawyers of Springfield, and it never worked with any of them, and I finally know why it never worked with any of them: because when I was with them, I was twisting myself up in knots trying to be everyone else's version of the perfect woman. But with Roger, all I have to be is myself. He loves me for who I am, faults and all, and that's the way I love him. And I know you think I'm lying to myself, but I'm not. I can't say it any plainer than that, Mom. I'm not lying to myself. I stopped lying to myself, because it's Roger I love and it's Roger I want to be with, and I finally am."
"I think you need your head examined," Barbara grumbled.
"Roger and I have been in therapy together for almost two and a half years," Holly said, and then thought, Oh damn, I shouldn't have told her that without talking to Roger first. No one but Dr. Janssen knows...knew we're in therapy.
"And how in the world did you get him to agree to go to therapy?" Barbara wanted to know.
Jack interrupted then, babbling to his mommy and holding up his jack in the box. Holly set Jack in her lap and adjusted him before turning the handle on the jack in the box until the clown popped up, making Jack laugh. Then she looked her mother in the eye once more and said, "I didn't. Therapy was Roger's idea."
Barbara didn't know how to respond to that. She knew Holly wasn't lying, but she couldn't wrap her head around the concept that Roger Thorpe voluntarily sought therapy and kept going for two and a half years, so she switched tacks. "Well, what kind of quack therapist would think that the two of you being together again is a good idea?"
"Our therapist knows everything about our relationship through all the years," Holly replied, "and she doesn't judge us. That's not what she's there for. She's there to help us, and she has helped. She does help, every week." Barbara stared at Holly then, and Holly stared back, not blinking and not flinching. "I married Roger because I wanted to," she said. "And I'm going to stay married to him for the rest of my life because I want to. It's that simple."
Barbara looked at Holly in disbelief. "You married him because you wanted to," she repeated, shocked.
Holly wasn't sure what the bigger insult was: that her mother thought Roger had somehow conned her into marrying him again, or that her mother was so shocked that Holly married Roger again because she wanted to. "Yes, Mom, I married Roger again because I wanted to, because I love him and he loves me and I wanted to make a life and a home and a family with him and Blake, and Jack."
"Then Jack was planned?" Barbara asked. "Because at your age...You do realize how old you'll be by the time he graduates high school?"
"Jack was a wonderful surprise," Holly replied. "Completely unplanned, and very much loved, very much wanted, and very much the light of our lives. And 63 is not ancient, not the way it once was considered to be."
"And yet you're not staying home with him," Barbara said, letting Holly's age go for now.
"I took three months of maternity leave," Holly informed her mother.
"But you're not staying home to raise him," Barbara said.
"It's 1996, Mom. Most women work nowadays. And the fact that I wasn't working when Blake was little was part of the problem," Holly said.
"Well, I just hope Jack doesn't suffer for not having you at home," Barbara said. "You certainly complained mightily for quite a long time because I had to work when you and your brothers were growing up."
Holly took a deep breath and looked at Jack, who stuck his fist in his mouth to chew on it as he looked up at her. She had to stay calm for his sake. "Jack will not suffer for not having me at home full-time," she said. "Not for one second. And my circumstances are vastly different than yours were. I'm not raising Jack by myself. I have a loving and supportive partner to share everything with this time around. I work because I enjoy it, and because I'm good at what I do, and because it gives me fulfillment. I was never cut out to be just a housewife and mother. It took me a long time to learn that, but I finally did, and we do our share of juggling, but Roger and I are both here for Jack, and we always will be."
"If you say so," Barbara said. "It just strikes me as selfish of you to put your career ahead of your child."
A sharp arrow of pain shot across Holly's forehead then and made its way down her neck to her shoulders. "I am not putting my career ahead of Jack," she said, fighting to keep her tone even so as not to scare or startle her son, "and finding professional fulfillment is not selfish," she said.
"It is when it comes at someone else's expense," Barbara retorted.
Holly bit the inside of her cheek and took another deep breath as she felt more pain piercing her forehead and the muscles in the back of her neck. "I am not doing anything at Jack's expense," she said tightly, her carefully cultivated composure starting to slip. "I was miserable when Blake was a baby and when she was growing up. I didn't know how to be happy, and I didn't know who I was back then. Well, now I do. Now I know how to be happy, I am happy, and I know who I am. I have a life that is so much better than I ever thought I would have, than I ever dared to dream I would have."
"If you say so," Barbara said. "I just hope you know what you're doing, Holly. With all of it."
"I do," Holly said firmly, and she thought she did an admirable job of keeping the defiance out of her voice.
Roger walked in then, carrying a pizza box. "Dinner is served," he announced. One look at Holly told him that she had had a very stressful conversation with Barbara. She looked relieved more than anything else, but Roger could also tell that she had a terrible tension headache.
"Yes, well, I believe that's my cue to leave," Barbara said. "I'll be back tomorrow, for lunch."
Gee, I can't wait, Holly thought as she shifted Jack in her arms. At that exact instant, her nostrils were assailed by the telltale unpleasant scent of Jack's dirty diaper. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then, Mom, around noon. If you'll excuse us, I need to change Jack before we eat."
"I'll get everything ready," Roger assured Holly. While she took Jack into his room to change him, Roger carried the pizza over to the kitchen table, moved to the cupboard to get plates for himself and Holly, and then he poured them each a glass of water.
Barbara wordlessly watched Roger the whole time, and as he was pouring the second glass of water, she finally spoke. "You certainly have Holly fooled, but don't think you're doing the same to me."
"You really don't think much of your daughter, do you, Barbara?" Roger asked.
"Holly has never had good judgment, especially when it comes to you," Barbara said.
Neither Barbara nor Roger heard the door of Jack's room open, and neither of them saw Holly, carrying the freshly diapered Jack, emerge. Holly stopped at the edge of the hall when she saw her husband and her mother staring each other down, and neither she nor Jack made a sound.
"You don't deserve her," Barbara informed Roger haughtily.
"You're right, I don't," Roger agreed, shocking Barbara by agreeing with her. "But she loves me anyway. And I love her, more than any words could ever adequately express."
"Well, I remember what you claiming to love her did to her before," Barbara retorted.
"I didn't know how to love anyone back then," Roger continued, "and I certainly didn't know how to love Holly."
"And now you do," Barbara said sarcastically.
"Yes, now I do," Roger replied earnestly. "And as for fooling Holly, it's impossible for me to do that anymore. She knows me too well, and she's the first person to call me out on everything." Roger returned the water pitcher to the refrigerator, then turned to face Barbara once more. "Maybe if you took the time to really get to know her, you would see what a remarkable, intelligent, vivacious, feisty, loving, forgiving, beautiful woman she is, Barbara, because your continued refusal to acknowledge Holly for the person she is now is a great disservice and injustice to her. She deserves better from you, she really does."
Holly knew full well that Roger felt that way about her, but hearing him say it to her mother now made her heart swell with happiness.
Her mother did not react similarly, however. "How dare you," Barbara said coldly. "How dare you presume to tell me about my daughter. I know my daughter!"
"You used to know your daughter," Roger corrected. "And you still think of her the way you did twenty and more years ago. Do you honestly think she hasn't grown or changed at all in all that time?"
"She's still tangled up with you, isn't she?" Barbara retorted.
"And that makes me the luckiest man alive," Roger said. "But leave me out of it, Barbara. Look at Holly for who she is as an individual. Because as long as you don't do that, you're really missing out on an amazing person."
"A person who doesn't learn from her mistakes, because you're the biggest mistake she ever made, and she fails to see that now just as surely as she did all those years ago," Barbara spat.
"You have every reason in the world to hate me," Roger said. "And I can live with you hating me for the rest of our lives if I have to."
"I don't need your permission to hate you!" Barbara exclaimed. "Don't you stand there and condescend to me!"
Roger shook his head sadly. "I'm not condescending to you, Barbara," he said. "I'm pleading my wife's case to you. Not because she asked me to, not because I'm trying to put anything over on you or to make you like me, but because I know Holly well enough to know that this lack of relationship she has with you, this inability to connect with you, bothers her. It took her a long time to get her life together, to figure out who she is and what she wants and what makes her happy, and contrary to what you believe, I'm only one part of that. It would be nice if you could acknowledge who Holly is now instead of continuing to hold the past against her."
Barbara glowered at Roger, then turned on her heel and stormed out of the house, slamming the front door behind her.
After Barbara was gone, Roger looked to Holly and Jack. "How much of that did you hear?" he asked.
"Enough," Holly replied. She pulled Jack's swing over by the kitchen table, strapped him into it, and set it gently in motion. Then she turned her full attention to her husband. "You had one thing wrong, though." At his questioning look, she continued, "You do deserve me. Love isn't about being deserving, Roger. It's about finding the one person who takes you as you are, the whole package, and stands by you and gives you their all through whatever life throws at you. That's what you do for me, and I hope that's what I do for you. I certainly try to do that for you."
"You do," Roger assured her. Holly rubbed at the back of her neck then, and Roger reached into his pocket and removed a bottle of pills. He poured two of them into his palm and then held his palm out to Holly. "For your headache." He had surreptitiously pulled the tension headache medicine from the kitchen cabinet when he was getting the dishes for dinner, knowing that Holly needed it. He then handed her one of the glasses of water from the kitchen table. She accepted both the pills and the water gratefully and took the medicine.
After she had taken the medicine, she lowered the glass from her lips and sighed. "I'm 45 years old," she said. "I have a nice home, a career that I enjoy, a husband I love who loves me back, two beautiful, healthy children, and I'm going to be a grandmother in another month or so. For the first time in my life, I am truly happy, and yet my mother disapproves of almost everything about my life. Why can she still push all my buttons?"
"The same reason my father can still push all my buttons: they installed them," Roger replied.
"At least you're getting somewhere with Adam, albeit with Western Union as an intermediary," Holly said. "I know Mom bashed you pretty good, and she definitely had a lot of unfavorable things to say about us and our marriage, but the truth is, she threw my whole life up against the wall and ripped it to shreds. Marrying you again was a horrific mistake. I'm an idiot for not protecting myself and Jack from you. I'm selfish because I'm working instead of staying home with Jack, and she hopes that he doesn't suffer for not having me at home full-time, and as her grand finale, she hopes that I know what I'm doing with everything...said in that way she has that makes it abundantly clear that she thinks I don't know what I'm doing with all of it, and everything is going to blow up in my face again the way it did when we were younger."
They sat down at the table with the pizza. "I have a pretty good idea of what she said to you. I mean, before I got home," Holly continued.
"She doesn't like that I'm staying home with Jack, even temporarily," Roger said. "She doesn't think I'm capable of taking care of him correctly when it comes to things like feeding him and changing his diapers. She accused me of cheating on you, and said that a leopard doesn't change its spots. She obviously thinks I'm the same monster I was when I was a young man."
"I'm sorry," Holly said.
"It's not your fault," Roger assured her.
"I'm not apologizing for that," Holly said. "I'm apologizing because I messed up when I was talking to my mother." Holly looked down at the top of the table before she continued, "She said I needed my head examined, and that made me so angry, and I really had to fight to hold on to my composure because Jack was right there and I didn't want to let loose and scream at her in front of him, but I...well, I ended up telling her that you and I have been in therapy for two and a half years." She looked up from the table at Roger sitting across from her. "I shouldn't have just blurted it out like that."
"You were provoked," Roger said. "I'm not mad, or upset, Hol, except over what she's doing to you."
"What she's doing to me is par for the course, sadly," Holly said. "And I wish I could change it, but I can't change it by myself. She has to be willing to meet me at least part of the way, and she doesn't seem capable of doing that. I just...I didn't mean to tell her." She rolled her shoulders then as Roger opened the pizza box, glad that Roger wasn't upset about her having told Barbara they were in therapy.
Frowning at the fact that she was in pain, Roger said, "I'll give you a massage after we eat. And it's true that we agreed that us being in therapy is not for pubilc consumption, but I doubt your mother is going to be announcing that to everyone. And if she does, so what?"
"I'm not very hungry, anyway," Holly said. "I mean, I'll eat something, because of the headache medicine, but most of this will probably go in the fridge." She gestured to the pizza with one hand while pulling the smallest slice she could find out of the box with the other. "I just want to snuggle up with you and Jack tonight until Jack's asleep, and then I'll take you up on that massage, and then I just want to sleep in your arms until I have to face my mother again tomorrow. She had her say today. I defended myself the best I could, as poor as my effort obviously was, but tomorrow, it's my turn." Holly looked more determined than Roger had seen her look in ages. "She is finally going to listen to me and really hear me," Holly vowed. Roger hoped that Barbara would listen to Holly and really hear what she was saying, although privately, he had serious doubts that it would make any difference in Holly and Barbara's relationship, or lack thereof.
May 10, 1996, 7:18 PM-Ross and Blake's House
When Barbara arrived at Blake and Ross's house, Blake was prepared for a fight, ready to defend her parents and their marriage to the death.
But it turned out that Barbara didn't want to discuss Holly and Roger with Blake. She was too busy expressing her disapproval of Ross and of Blake being married to him.
Ross figured it wasn't going to be a pleasant visit when Barbara completely ignored him to take Blake's hands, look her up and down, and declare, "Land sakes, girl, you're as big as a house!" as soon as she was in their living room.
"She's having twins," he said. Barbara scowled at him before turning her attention back to her granddaughter.
"Twins," Barbara said. "Do you know what they are yet?"
"Boys. They're fraternal twin boys," Blake replied. "And you haven't actually met my Ross yet."
"Yes, I have," Barbara said.
"When?" Blake asked.
And that's when Ross knew things were going to get a lot worse than he had imagined.
"When he was your father's lawyer at the trial," Barbara said as she primly seated herself on the couch.
Blake made the mistake of asking, "Grandma, come on, do you know how long ago that was?"as she plopped down in the chair.
"I'm the only one who seems to remember," Barbara replied tersely.
"Because everyone else got past it and moved on a long time ago," Blake said. "Mom forgave Daddy years ago, long before they ever even got back together, let alone got married. Do you really think she ever would have married him again if she didn't truly trust him?"
"She's never been able to see the kind of man he really is," Barbara said.
"No, she's able to see exactly the kind of man he really is," Blake insisted. "For so long, that one night, that one event, defined them. It's like there was nothing before it and nothing after it. But they hashed everything out and dealt with it, and they found a way not to be slaves to the past. They found a way to build a life together and a future together, and I am so proud of both of them for doing that. There is so much more to my mother and father than just that one event. Why can't you see that?"
"I don't expect you to understand, Blake," Barbara said. "Look at who you married. You're following in your mother's footsteps, making the same mistakes she made."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Blake wanted to know.
Ross moved to sit on the arm of Blake's chair and put his hands on her shoulders just as Barbara said, "You married that ruthless, evil lawyer that defended your father all those years ago."
"Ross, ruthless and evil?" Blake exclaimed disbelievingly.
"Blake, honey," Ross said.
"No!" Blake said. "She can't say that about you!" She pinned her grandmother with a glare then. "You don't even know him! You know one thing he did almost thirty years ago. Ross is not ruthless and evil! He's the best person I know! If you want to talk ruthless and evil, you should have been around four, five, six years ago, because I was the ruthless and evil one then. I had no relationship at all with my mother. We lived to hurt each other. And I did so many terrible things to so many people who didn't deserve it, including Mom, that if I told you even half of them, they'd make your hair stand on end! And you have the nerve to come in here and sit in judgment of Ross when you don't even know him? That's not acceptable to me. You won't even give him a chance, and it's obvious that you're not going to give Mom and Daddy a chance, either. And as long as that's the case, I don't see where we have anything to talk about, so I think you'd better just go, Grandma."
"You're throwing me out of your house?" Barbara asked, shocked.
"I'm asking you to leave, yes," Blake replied.
Ross had been silent up to this point, but now he spoke. "Barbara, representing Roger in that trial was not my finest hour, I agree. But I'm not who I was all those years ago. Blake has certainly changed, and so have Holly and Roger. I agree with my wife, and as I believe that you have upset her enough for one night, I too would like for you to leave our home." He got up, walked across the living room to the front door, and opened it.
Barbara looked angry, and she glared at first Blake and then Ross before stomping out the door with all the wounded dignity she could muster.
After Ross had closed and locked the door behind Barbara, he returned to Blake's side. "Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.
"I'm really mad at her," Blake said, "but physically, I'm okay." She smoothed her hand over her large belly. "Where does she get off, coming into our house and talking about you like that? God, I can just imagine what she said to Mom and Daddy tonight."
"She's not a pleasant person," Ross agreed, "but there's some underlying reason for her feeling this way."
"What?" Blake asked.
"I don't know," Ross said, "but it's something."
"Well, it's not a good enough excuse," Blake said. "Nothing is a good enough excuse for her to say those things about you, or to think that Mom made a mistake marrying Daddy again and he hasn't changed at all. They've both changed. Mom is not the same mother I grew up with, or the same mother she was when she and I were constantly at each other's throats. And Daddy... He's a vastly different person now. Her judgmental attitude and her refusal to see how different everything is now is a real slap in the face to my parents, and she doesn't even know you and she's written you off as some ruthless, evil ambulance chaser." Blake picked up the phone then and punched in her parents' number.
It took several rings before Roger finally answered. "Hello?" he said cautiously.
"Daddy," Blake said.
"Chrissy," he said. He sounded distracted. "It's Chrissy," she heard him say, obviously to her mother. "Is something wrong?"
"Not really wrong," Blake said. "It's just...Grandma was just here. And the things that she was saying about you and Mom, and about Ross, were horrible. How's Mom?"
"Recovering," Roger replied.
Roger had been giving Holly the promised massage. She reluctantly moved away from him and sat up, reaching for the phone. Roger handed Holly the receiver. "Blake?" Holly said. "Are you all right?"
"I'm okay," Blake assured Holly. "What about you?"
"It wasn't pleasant," Holly began.
"That's got to be an understatement," Blake said.
"But I survived it," Holly said. "And so did you."
"She is just so wrong, about so much," Blake said. "It really burns me up, what she thinks of Ross, and what she thinks of you and Daddy."
"Well, she had her say tonight. She's coming back over here for lunch tomorrow, and tomorrow, I'm going to be the one doing the talking, and she's going to be the one doing the listening," Holly said.
"I want to be there too," Blake said.
"Honey, this is my fight," Holly said. "It's not good for you to get upset so close to the end of your pregnancy."
"It's my fight too," Blake insisted. "She thinks Ross is ruthless and evil, and she's trashing you and Daddy, all of which affects me."
Holly was silent for several seconds. "You can come," she said at last, "but I want you to stay calm. I mean it. And you let me fight my fight, agreed?"
"Agreed," Blake said. "I love you, Mom. And tell Daddy and Jack I love them too."
"We all love you too," Holly said. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."
"See you tomorrow," Blake agreed. "Good night."
"Good night, Blake." Then Holly hung up.
"I'm going to be there too," Ross said in a tone that brooked no arguments. "I appreciate how passionately you defended me to your grandmother tonight, but that's kind of what I do, and I'd like the opportunity to answer for myself to her tomorrow."
"Just one big happy family," Blake said.
"Well you and I and Holly and Roger are all on the same side," Ross reminded her.
"That seems to be happening more and more as time goes on," Blake reflected.
"Yes, it does," Ross agreed, "and it's starting to get less strange when it happens as time goes on, too."
Meanwhile, Holly stretched out on her stomach on her and Roger's bed after hanging up the phone, and Roger resumed massaging her shoulders and back. "So Chrissy and Ross are going to be here for the next showdown?" he asked.
"Yes," Holly said. "But it's not a showdown, although I'm sure Mom will see it that way." She sighed. "I don't know if it's even possible for her to understand how different everything is now from what it was back then, but I have to try to make her see that it is."
"Correction: we have to try to make her see that it is," Roger said. "All four of us."
"Not exactly the best kind of family bonding," Holly mused, "but if nothing else comes of this, Mom will have to realize that we really are one family now, that we stand together instead of attacking or turning on each other. At least, I hope she does."
Knowing how much it meant to Holly, Roger replied, "Me too."