Sorry for the long delay, I hope you guys are still out there. I took a cruise and was on vacation. I hope you guys like this one and please leave me your thoughts and opinions. Much love and happy reading!
Rachel
Rachel stopped kissing Santana once she realized the Latina wasn't responding. She pulled back slowly and Santana looked at her with sad eyes. Not the reaction she was hoping for. She quickly scrambled off of Santana's lap and began to head out of the room.
"Munchkin wait" Santana said pulling on Rachel's wrist.
"Let me go San" she responded aggressively, while yanking her hand away from her sister.
"No" Santana replied forcefully, while she held onto Rachel's wrist tighter, forcing Rachel to stop pulling, "We need to talk about this" Santana said quietly looking up at her.
"Talk about what? How I just made a fool of myself? How I fantasize about wanting to be with you all the time? How I knew you would never give me the time of day because you were too caught up and Brittany fucking Pierce's pussy to notice anyone else? What part do you want to talk about?" Rachel whispered yelled at Santana. She could see her sister recoil slightly at her words but she was too embarrassed to care.
"Why would you kiss me? Of all times, why do it now?" asked Santana quietly.
"Because I like you San, I've always liked you, even when you were being a total douche to me. I tried to ignore it but I can't help the way I feel. I'm tired of hurting right now…I just want to feel good and I know you can do that. I want you to make love to me…to help ease some of this pain that is constantly in my heart" Rachel spoke honestly.
"Rachel I can't be that person. You deserve for your first lady experience to be awesome…not just throw away sex because you're trying to avoid heartache. I've been there and it only works for a little while" Santana replied.
"Shouldn't I have a say on who it should be?" asked Rachel.
"Of course you should."
"So I've already chosen and I want it to be you. I need it to be you" replied Rachel getting emotional.
"We can't" responded Santana as she shook her head. Her eyes were becoming watery and this was the last thing Rachel wanted…to make her upset, "we're sisters."
"According to legal documents, not by blood" Rachel replied as she rolled her eyes.
"That's not true Rachel; it's by feeling as well. I love you like a sister. You, Quinn, Beth, and Mercedes are like the siblings I never had" said Santana.
Rachel looked down at Santana as she finally let go of her sister's wrist.
"So in other words you don't find me attractive" said Rachel sadly.
"What? I didn't say that Rachel" replied Santana.
"You didn't have to" Rachel said as she turned to leave for a second time. She was on her way out of the door when Santana stood in front of her and stopped her progress.
"Munchkin listen to me…please" whispered Santana as she cupped Rachel's face with both hands. Rachel trained her big eyes onto Santana's as she waited to hear her explanation. "I find you very attractive; I would be an idiot not too, you're beautiful Rach."
Rachel shook her head in disbelief; she still had a hard time thinking that she was beautiful. For so long several people have made fun of her looks, including the woman standing in front of her holding her face.
"Stop shaking your head okay, it's true" said Santana seriously, "you have a killer body Rachel. Your legs are amazing, and you have a great set of boobs for someone as tiny as you are. I've seen you in your underwear and I have to look away when you eat ice cream…it makes me have impure thoughts. Top that with how you look at me sometimes with your eyes, I would be an utter fool not to notice how incredibly attractive and sexy you are" said Santana. Rachel noticed how soft her voice had gotten as she continued to name all of the things she found attractive about her, "It's not just your body Rach, you have a one of a kind personality…it can be annoying at times, but it's what makes you, you. I love you Munchkin, but I just can't go there" said Santana honestly as Rachel watched her look down into her eyes.
Rachel rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Not good enough San, it has to be you or it won't be anyone" whispered Rachel so quietly, she saw Santana strain her ears to hear it.
"Why me?" came the quiet response.
"You're beautiful and I know you Santana. You try to be a tough cookie, but you're all soft in the inside. I know you would be patient with me and take your time. It wouldn't be clumsy and awkward, it would be amazing because you care about my feelings and you love me. I've crushed on you for years and it isn't going away. Becoming sisters hasn't lessened it at all, it's just made my feelings that much deeper and real" Rachel spoke truthfully from the heart.
The sudden softness of Santana's lips on hers caused Rachel to be startled. The shock eventually wore off in seconds and she responded eagerly. It didn't take long for Rachel to ask permission to deepen the kiss and when Santana granted it Rachel thought she could get lost in the ecstasy of it. For the first time she felt her spirits lift slightly and she wasn't surprised that Santana was in complete control and was directing them to make slow and deliberate movements with their mouths.
Rachel whimpered in frustration when she felt Santana pull away and they were both left breathless after the best kiss Rachel had ever experienced. She watched as Santana walked back over to the couch and sat down, the look of confusion written all over her face.
Rachel placed a loose piece of hair behind her ear as she watched Santana trying to process everything that had just taken place. Rachel was worried that she might have ruined everything with Santana; that she might have painted the Latina into a corner and she was now totally insecure about the prospect of Santana only kissing her out of guilt.
"That can't happen anymore Munchkin" said Santana quietly, breaking the silence that had surrounded them for a few minutes.
"Okay" was all Rachel could muster up.
"C'mon over here and let's try and get some sleep, like sisters do" Santana said looking at Rachel expectantly. Rachel felt her feet moving her towards the couch and she laid next to Santana who had moved over to make room for her. Santana placed her arm softly around Rachel's waist and Rachel curled into the small Latina like she normally did.
"Did you like it?" whispered Rachel.
"Like what?"
"The kiss…was I okay?" Rachel questioned insecurely.
"It was amazing" whispered Santana, "It freaked me out it was so good."
Rachel looked into Santana's eyes, checking for complete honesty and it was nothing but sincerity in them. "Go to sleep Munchkin" whispered Santana.
Rachel closed her eyes slowly and clutched onto Santana's oversized night shirt, trying to will her brain to stop thinking and fall asleep. Santana just told her she enjoyed the kiss and it only set Rachel's resolve that Santana should be her first lady love.
The next week was hard for Rachel after the kiss. Santana went out of her way to avoid spending anytime alone with Rachel, someone else was always around them and when it seemed to be just the two of them Santana would rush out of the room with some lame excuse on her lips. The tiny girl understood, but then again she didn't. Santana told her she enjoyed the kiss, now it's like nothing even happened. Whenever she wasn't thinking about the kiss, she was thinking about Joshua. It was like a never ending cycle of pain and confusion and Rachel found herself being more anxious than normal.
Elliot and Andrew showed up one day, wanting to have a meeting with her mom, Nana and Uncle Stephen, while Rachel found herself outside watching Beth.
Rachel wrapped her hoodie around her snuggly as she sat on the brown woodchucks watching Beth walking around and playing in her outside pen. It was getting noticeably colder outside and Rachel could feel the coldness inside of her as well.
She and Beth were ushered out and now they had been playing outside for almost an hour…well really only Beth was playing while Rachel watched. She helped Beth play on the slide a few times and clapped when the young blonde girl did really well. Beth would hold her hands up in triumph and look at Rachel with a toothy grin while screaming out she did it. Rachel laughed genuinely a few times and she wondered if this was how she would have been with Joshua. Would mothering have come just as naturally? Would she have been noticeably happier if he was still here?
Thinking about her son, immediately made her sad and she flopped down on the woodchucks and watched as Beth entertained herself with some ball she had possession of.
Her family kept whispering to one another that she was in deep depression, but the way Rachel saw it, didn't she have the right to be? She watched as her son took his final breath, which was enough to rattle even the strongest person.
"Ach, you sad?" asked Beth walking up to Rachel and placing her tiny palm on the side of her face. She looked into a set of familiar green eyes and smiled at the girl sadly. She had problems saying her 'r' words.
"Yeah Beth, I'm sad" replied Rachel quietly.
"Well don't be, cause I love you" Beth stated simply. Rachel pulled her younger sister into her body and gave a simple kiss to her curly head, "I love you too Beth" Rachel whispered. Sometimes it shocked Rachel at how well Beth could speak, but it made total sense; she lived in a busy house where someone was always around her talking
"Aren't you two adorable" she heard her mother say.
Beth looked up and squealed in delight as she held her arms up for Shelby to pick her up. Shelby grabbed the toddler and placed her on her hip and held out her hand for Rachel. Rachel grabbed her moms hand and allowed herself to be pulled up as well. Rachel wiped the woodchips off her bottom as her mom wrapped her free arm around her waist and began escorting them towards the house.
"The meeting go okay?" asked Rachel.
"It went as well as could be expected" replied Shelby as she helped Rachel and Beth into the kitchen.
"Everything okay?" questioned Rachel.
"Everything will be fine…eventually" Shelby answered.
Rachel knew her mom was being cryptic but she didn't have the energy to care or to find out what happened as she normally would, more important things were pressed against her mind.
"Rachel we have to make a few runs around town" said her mom placing Beth in her high chair. Beth didn't take to kindly to the restriction but her mom hushed the small child as she began taking off her jacket and wiping down her hands.
"Can't I just stay here mom? I'm not in the mood to go anywhere" replied Rachel.
"Actually I need your help with some things and before you reply this is a non negotiable. Go grab your purse and meet me by the truck" Shelby said in her no nonsense tone. Rachel huffed angrily and walked out of the front door without grabbing anything, slamming the door for good measure to let it be known she was not happy about being 'forced' to leave. Shelby and Uncle Stephen walked out of the house whispering in only the way siblings could. Rachel watched her uncle walk around the driver's side of the vehicle and hop in. He had been taking over the driving duties as of late that usually were reserved for Shelby or Nana. The doors were unlocked and Rachel quickly scurried into the backseat and to her great aggravation so did her mom. Once Rachel had placed her seatbelt on, the car began to move and she felt her mom reach over and grab her hand gently.
"I know you're not happy about leaving the house today but you scared Beth when you slammed the front door baby. Can you try to voice your frustrations instead of taking it out on the house?" said Shelby, admonishing Rachel for her behavior.
Rachel looked over at her mother in mild shock as her eyes began to water in frustration, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten her mom."
"I know baby, I know you didn't mean it but know that I'm here for you whenever you feel like you can't express yourself" replied Shelby quietly. Rachel felt Shelby pull her small frame towards her bigger one and Rachel instantly melted into the embrace. Tears fell out of her eyes silently and she didn't even understand why she was crying, she was just sad.
The truck went into motion and Rachel closed her eyes as her uncle began driving them to some unknown place Rachel wasn't sure about. Rachel felt the car slow down and she sat up, looking around at her surroundings. Her face frowned up in confusion when she noticed they were in front of McKinley. She looked at her mom for an answer but Shelby just told her she "would be right back", before exiting the vehicle. Rachel watched her mother walk through the front doors and sat back in her seat and sighed.
"Uncle Stephen, what is she doing?" Rachel asked.
"Handling business baby girl…don't worry you're pretty little head about it" he replied softly.
"How come I feel like it has something to do with me?" Rachel said, staring at the back of the man's head.
"With your mom, it will always have something to do with you. She loves you Rach. Since I've been here, I've seen the doubt in your eyes about how your mother feels, but she will do anything for you…anything" her uncle replied. He had turned around to look at her with sincere eyes and Rachel just nodded in response.
A half hour later Shelby got back into the car, while Rachel looked at her expectantly, "Well?" the small diva questioned.
Shelby took a deep breath before speaking, "I've talked to Principle Figgins and we both agreed that you could take the rest of the semester off."
Rachel took a moment to gather her thoughts before responding, "What about sectionals…and regionals?" was the first thing that spilled out of her mouth.
"Honestly Rachel, I don't think you can handle those things right now…you can barely handle being at home all day without crying or sleeping. I think this is in your best interest. Missing school won't count against you and the girls would be bringing your textbooks, classwork, and homework back to the house so you can do it there" explained Shelby in a soft voice.
Rachel rolled her eyes in aggravation.
"Talk to me Rach" Shelby pleaded.
"I don't understand why you're making all these decisions without my input. I'm not a psycho you know, I'm just going through mourning. I have a right to be depressed in upset. I'm so sick of everyone walking on egg shells around me and making decisions without me having a say!" yelled Rachel.
"That wasn't the intention, we all want what's best for you" replied Shelby desperately.
Rachel rolled her eyes once more and crossed her hands angrily in her lap. Her left leg was bouncing up and down in annoyance as she turned her head away from her mother and looked out of the window.
"Rachel-"began Shelby.
"Can we just go please?" Rachel responded tersely as she cut her mother off. The truck came alive and the family was headed into another clueless destination for Rachel. The small diva was just plain livid at the actions her mother had taken lately. Not that she wanted to be at school, but she wasn't even given the option to say no or yes. Hell she didn't even have a say really in the burial of her son. Everything, from the moment she entered that hospital, has been done for her or decided for her and it was beginning to crawl under her skin.
Her uncle pulled up in front of a familiar destination and Rachel sighed heavily in annoyance.
"If you want talk to me or Nana, please talk to her" Rachel heard Shelby say shakily. She hated when her mom was emotional. Rachel didn't want for the woman to be upset, knowing all the things her mom sacrificed for them all. Rachel quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car without any further prompting. She heard her uncle turn the truck off and she felt both their presences behind her as she walked into the building that held Marrisa's therapy office.
Marissa was there waiting by the office door with a soft smile and her ever present note pad. She pushed her glasses up her nose as she ushered Rachel into the office. Rachel could see in the corner of her eyes her mother and uncle sitting down in the waiting area, as her uncle grabbed her moms hand and squeezed it firmly. Their relationship was confusing to Rachel, but she didn't have time to focus on any of that right now…she had to get through this session.
"Would you like the chair or the couch?" asked Marissa as she went around her large desk and had a seat in the comfortable chair behind it.
Rachel didn't respond but walked over to the comfy couch and lay down, propping the pillows behind her head. The couch was right next to a large window with drapes to match. Rachel trained her eyes outside as she watched fall taking shape. She always loved the fall; it was something comforting in the change of the leaves and air. The feel that was given during this time of the year was hard to describe but she cherished the moments none the less.
Even though she was quiet her mind was running a mile a minute. Her thoughts immediately went to her son. She remembered him so clearly in her mind. The weight of him as she held him almost clutching him to her chest, the way his eyes were expressive, as if he was trying to tell her that everything would be okay, his dimples, his smile, the abundance of hair he had on his head. The final breath he took.
Tears were streaming down Rachel's face at a steady pace. It dawned on her that she had been in Marissa's office for at least fifteen minutes and the woman hadn't said one thing. Rachel glanced over and looked at her therapist through watery eyes, almost questioning silently why the woman hadn't said a word or asked a question. Marissa looked at Rachel over the top of her glasses and gave her a knowing look. The woman wasn't going to press Rachel in the least…if Rachel wanted to talk or get something off her chest; Rachel was going to have to make the first move.
The brunette beauty turned her face back towards the window and began looking at the trees swaying in the cool autumn breeze…leaves of ruby red, rustic orange and even dark violet where bouncing around as if they were dancing in harmony, not a care in the world. Free. No knowledge that they would be dying soon and if the tree did recognize its impending doom, it seemed as if it didn't give a damn.
"I feel guilty" Rachel said quietly as more tears spilled off her cheeks; some dropping onto her jacket and others rolling down her neck.
"And why is that?" was the quick response.
"Because…cause" started Rachel shakily. She paused and took a deep breath to try and settle herself, "I feel like I killed him, like I didn't give him a chance to live" Rachel stuttered out emotionally. "I was so angry when I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't believe that I had been so stupid. I kept thinking that he was going to ruin everything that I wanted and had worked so hard for. My future was no more. I berated myself constantly or I would pretend as if I wasn't pregnant so I didn't have to deal" continued Rachel not letting Marissa ask her standard questions of why or how come. Rachel heard the scribbling of pen working its way across the legal pad and continued. "My doctors told me that it was okay to keep up a vegetarian diet but being vegan wasn't the healthiest thing for me to do. I promised that I would change but I really didn't. It was like I was subconsciously sabotaging my pregnancy from the beginning" cried out Rachel.
"And it worked" she sputtered after taking another break, "My baby boy was born with a defect…he couldn't fuckin' breath on his own and it's all my fault" Rachel said as she began sobbing quietly. She turned her entire body away from Marissa and buried her face in her hands.
It took some time for Rachel to settle down again before the room was only penetrated with her sniffles. She took the sleeve her jacket and began cleaning her face off as best as possible. She heard Marissa get up; walking over the therapist handed Rachel a box of tissues, which the small diva accepted gratefully.
"What did you think when you first saw your son?" Marissa questioned.
"That he was the most perfect and precious thing I'd ever seen in my life" responded Rachel quickly and without much thought.
"What was his name?"
"Joshua" replied Rachel softly.
"Do you believe Joshua loved you?"
Rachel was taken aback slightly by the question but answered it anyway, "I hoped he loved me…he looked at me as if he loved me and he knew who I was" said Rachel quietly.
"That's because he did. He knew that you were his mom and he knew that you loved and cared about him" replied Marissa.
Rachel shook her head in disbelief, nothing this woman said would make Rachel believe she did what she was supposed to do for Joshua. She failed him and the guilt of that knowledge was eating at her constantly. Sure she could sense the love pouring from him and she hoped he could sense that same love from her with the short time he was here, but knowing internally and instinctively how Joshua felt didn't relieve the overwhelming guilt she felt about him leaving this earth before his time. Mothers are supposed to nurture and protect and Rachel felt as if she did neither.
"So you feel guilty because you feel like you didn't do enough during the pregnancy…is that the only reason?" asked Marissa.
Rachel chewed on her bottom lip as more tears sprang to the corner of her eyes. She started to wring her hands together nervously as she thought about the real reason she felt so guilty. She didn't do everything to carry Joshua properly and she was aware of that but it was a particular feeling that was causing her grief to be more pronounced and her guilt to grow daily.
Relief.
"Some days when I'm just lying in bed, I constantly think about his birth, his very brief life, and how he died. It was peaceful but it still gets to me. And for the shortest moment I feel relief that he's gone. That he's not in any pain or discomfort" said Rachel getting emotional. It was becoming increasingly difficult for Rachel to continue to speak but she had to get it out. "I feel relief because now my future is bright again because I don't have to worry about taking care of him" she cried out. "And I immediately feel repulsed. Joshua's dead and all I can do is think about my future in New York on Broadway or how I want so badly to be with someone I can't be with? How selfish can you get? I've always known I could be a selfish bitch but this takes the cake for me and for the first time in a really long time, I do not like the person I am."
A few minutes of silence surrounded the therapist and patient as Marissa was writing down what seemed like a paragraph of notes. She then suddenly chucked her notepad to the side and walked over to Rachel, where Rachel saw her squat down into her line of vision. Rachel saw through her watery eyes as Marissa began to wipe her face gently with tissues that the small teenager just noticed. As Marissa was cleaning her face, Rachel noticed for the first time that her therapist eyes were quite watery as well. This behavior was very odd to say the least, but Rachel didn't get freaked out about it. It brought some much needed solace to her in that moment.
"Putting all my psychology training aside for a moment…feeling relief is nothing to be ashamed about Rachel. It's a human emotion and honestly a quite normal one after someone passes away, especially when that someone was in some type of physical pain" Marissa said tenderly.
Rachel shook her head in disagreement; she couldn't understand why she felt that way. She tried hard not to bring that feeling of relief up but it kept creeping into her body and parading all of her senses. Guilt immediately followed behind it.
"You don't have to agree with me but it is true. You aren't the first person to experience that type of feeling after the death of someone. My honest advice is that you don't deprive yourself of your emotions. You feel what you feel and its nothing wrong with that…what you have been doing wrong is pushing everyone away and bottling it all up inside. That's the easiest way to make yourself worse before you get better" said Marissa.
Rachel heard the woman and was grateful, but she knew the road ahead to being okay was a long one and honestly she couldn't see it happening anytime soon. Rachel cried harder as Marissa sat close to her on the couch and began rubbing her back softly. Rachel placed her head on Marissa shoulder and just let it all out. She honestly was tired of crying but she couldn't stop herself from doing it. Once Rachel settled, Marissa walked back over to her desk and grabbed her notepad.
"Is the person you want to be with the same as before?" she heard Marissa question. Rachel nodded her head in agreement. She began explaining what she wanted from Santana and how it hurt to know she wouldn't possibly be getting it. Rachel talked about how her family was making all these great sacrifices personally but it wasn't doing anything but making her feel guiltier. At the end of the session, which lasted longer than normal, Marissa prescribed Rachel a really strong anti-depressant medication. Rachel had stopped taking the other ones because she didn't like how it made her feel and she knew she wasn't going to like how this new pill either.
Marissa handed her the script and Rachel walked over and grabbed it from the woman reluctantly. Before she could pull away she felt Marissa grip her hand as Rachel looked down at her questioningly. "I really am sorry about your lost Rachel, but I think if you want the guilt to go away, you really have to live for him…for Joshua. You were given a gift that not too many people get Rachel…a second chance. Don't throw it away because of what you perceive as being inadequate. Anyone with eyes can see that you love him and from what I gather, I know he loved you as well. Go through this mourning process. Mourn him and your fathers…but don't let it define you. Take this new opportunity, grab it by the balls, and live. I know that's what Joshua would want and I definitely feel like that's what your dads wanted" said Marissa strongly as she looked up at Rachel through her spectacles.
Rachel nodded her head and pondered on her therapist words as she made her way out of the office. Her mom and uncle were still there and they both engulfed Rachel into a tight hug once Rachel made her way over to them. The ride back home was silent as she thought about all that transpired. Once she came in the house Nana directed her to sit down and partake of some lunch. She ate as much as she could before excusing herself and going towards the room she shared with Mercedes.
As she lie in bed Rachel realized that she had been pushing her family away slightly and she hadn't even recognized it. Mercedes had been tucking her into bed every night since they began sharing rooms. She would make sure Rachel was comfortable before placing a tender kiss on her head and reminding her how much everyone loved her. Quinn and Santana would follow not long after and sit on her bed and watch television until Rachel dozed off. Rachel would act like they weren't even there most nights. Nana had been quick with her hugs and meals. And her uncle would cradle and coddle her, as if she were a baby. Every night she would pop up from some horrible nightmare and Shelby was right in the bed with her and she would sing Rachel back to sleep while clutching Rachel tightly to her.
She had dismissed Finn, because he was too much of reminder of Joshua. She couldn't handle it quite yet. Marissa said all this was normal behavior, but her family always seemed so concerned about her and she couldn't understand why they just didn't let her be, yet she was still grateful they were there. A bag of mixed emotions is what Rachel was, a complete and utter mess.
"Hey Munchkin!" greeted Mercedes happily as she sort of burst through the room.
"Hey Mercedes" responded Rachel quietly.
Rachel watched as Mercedes walked over to her side of the room and chucked her book bag on the ground. Mercedes walked into the bathroom and Rachel heard her washing her hands before the brown beauty came back into the room and forced Rachel to move over. Mercedes scooped up Rachel and snuggled against her.
"I missed you today Rach" said Mercedes quietly, "schools not the same without you."
Rachel buried her face into Mercedes shoulder, "I missed you too" she whispered in return, "unfortunately it seems I won't be returning back to school anytime soon."
"How come?"
"Mom and Figgins thought it would be best if I stayed home" Rachel said still annoyed by the decision.
"Well...is that such a bad thing?" questioned Mercedes. Rachel lifted her head slightly to look at Mercedes, "I mean Munchkin you barely want to be around us…would you be able to manage being around all those people all day?"
"No" answered Rachel honestly as she laid her head back down on Mercedes' shoulder.
"I know you're getting frustrated with us, but honestly we all want what's best for you" Mercedes said quietly.
Rachel sighed, she understood that but it still felt as though they were suffocating her, "and what's best for me?" she questioned.
She felt Mercedes hunch her shoulders, "I think that has to come from you" replied Mercedes. Rachel hummed in return and buried her head deeper into the crook of Mercedes' neck.
"Why'd you break up with Sam?" asked Rachel quietly.
She heard Mercedes take a deep breath before responding, "He crossed the line."
"How?"
"He kept saying underhanded comments about Santana. Like, 'if she hadn't touched Brittany in the first place, she woulda never been arrested'. I had enough and cursed him out in the worse way. We kept arguing and then he said that 'I would always choose the family over him' and I agreed and dumped his ass" she said.
"Don't you miss him?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah, I miss him a lot but we were arguing all the time. I don't deserve that and neither does he. I honestly just want to be around family" said Mercedes, "Do you miss Finn?"
"Sometimes…but I can't be around him" replied Rachel.
"How come?"
"He reminds me too much of Joshua, of what my life used to be and my life will never be that way again. It hurts too much to be around him" said Rachel honestly.
This time Mercedes hummed in return, "plus I keep thinking about being with her" Rachel said.
"She told me ya'll kissed" said Mercedes in an amused tone, "it freaked her out."
Rachel felt a blush creep up her neck and towards her face, "Did she tell you she initiated the second one?" asked Rachel.
"Yeah, that's what freaked her out. That and she said you're a good kisser" laughed Mercedes.
"Why is that so surprising to her?" Rachel wondered out loud.
"I dunno" said Mercedes.
A comfortable silence surrounded the sisters as they both were lost in their own world.
"I really want her" said Rachel breaking the quiet.
"I know you do, but realize you pursuing her is going to be difficult for all involved" replied Mercedes as she wrapped her arm tighter around Rachel's waist and adjusted the both of them to a more comfortable position.
"Why would it be, it would only be difficult if we made it that way" Rachel said.
"Well for one she has strong feelings for Sage and you know that" started Mercedes. Rachel fought hard not to roll her eyes in response. "And her last sexual experience ended horribly Rach. She ended up hurting Brittany and she has this fear that she's going to hurt you as well…no matter how irrational and misplaced it is. It's not gonna be easy for her or you" said Mercedes.
"Honestly I'm not looking for a relationship or for her to be my girlfriend. I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. I just really want to have sex with her" said Rachel softly.
Rachel felt Mercedes chuckle, "what happened to that crush?"
"Oh, it's still there…I just can't handle more than just sex right now. My last sexual experience wasn't all that great either" said Rachel.
"Sex is never just sex though Rach" Mercedes replied in a warning tone.
"I know" said Rachel simply, "but sometimes you can't help the way you feel."
"You're so right" replied Mercedes, "just be careful Munchkin and woo her. Brittany never like made any of their encounters romantic. From what I hear from Santana, they just happened. If you're gonna go through with it make it special at least. And don't let Shelby find out…or Nana for that matter" said Mercedes.
"Thanks" Rachel said quietly while clutching her sister's shirt. She realized how much she appreciated just talking about everything with Mercedes. The brown beauty was always a good listener when they weren't fighting for solos in glee. Speaking of which, "Mercedes you have to keep them in shape…we have to get to nationals this year. If anything else we have to get there and I won't be able to help out during sectionals and I might miss regionals as well" said Rachel.
"Don't worry about it…I'm on it as is. We've got a lot of new members this year and I'm gonna stay on Mr. Schuester about song selections and rehearsals. It's time for Kurt and I to step it up as leaders. New Directions will be ready once you return" said Mercedes emphatically.
It was true; there was an influx of new members in glee. More than Rachel ever thought would be in the group, even with some of the losses the group went through. Lauren quit focusing solely on sports and Santana couldn't participate for obvious reasons. Quinn just recently quit and now Rachel found herself on a sabbatical. But they gained Sage and her brother Tyler. A whole slew of freshman joined the group this year; Marley, a big eyed girl who reminded Rachel of herself slightly. Kitty, who clearly was hell bent on being like Quinn used to be and Noah's younger brother named Jake. Rachel sure was going to miss glee but if she were being totally honest, she hadn't felt like belting out any songs and quite some time.
A knock on the door broke the duo out of their stillness. Rachel turned to see Quinn and Santana walking through the door and climbing into the bed with her and Mercedes. Quinn flopped on the bed and turned the television, while Santana climbed in on Mercedes other side giving, both of them kisses on the head.
"How was practice?" asked Mercedes to Santana.
"Eh, it was practice…how was your practice?" countered the Latina.
"Same" laughed Mercedes and Rachel could hear the laughter vibrate through her chest.
"How was your day Munchkin?" asked Santana.
"It sucked" replied Rachel honestly as she closed her eyes and continued to use Mercedes as her personal pillow. Rachel reached over and grabbed for Santana's hand and intertwined their fingers together. She felt Quinn tangle their legs together so all four of them could be comfortable on the bed. Rachel dozed off slightly while the Santana kept playing with her fingers and they were watching some stupid reality show on television. It was the most comfortable she had been in quite awhile and Rachel knew she was being spoiled by her family, her sisters especially. Although she was a bag of mixed emotions she was going to revel right now in the attention she was getting.
Mercedes
Mercedes tightened her jacket around her as she looked out onto the football field as the McKinley team was in the midst of a serious practice.
Mr. Schuester decided to give them all a free day saying he needed to rethink some things after realizing Rachel wouldn't be back for awhile and Quinn had quit glee. Normally Mercedes would have run off with Sam, but that definitely was a no go as the both of them were still avoiding one another. She should have gone straight home to bond some more with Rachel but she and Quinn decided to wait for Santana's practice to end. By the look of things they were going to be waiting for a long time.
Mercedes thought that Quinn was going to wait with her in the bleachers but she saw Quinn walk into the locker room behind that freshman girl Kitty. Leave it to a Corcoran to try and fuck their feelings away. Kitty was a social climber and Mercedes knew Quinn was aware of that fact, but it didn't seem to stop her blonde headed sister. It wasn't lost on Mercedes that Kitty reminded Quinn of Brittany in some ways. Hair color, eye color, and Kitty bust a split in glee one day before Quinn quit. Mercedes watched in amusement as every boy eyes darkened with lust, as well as Quinn's.
Mercedes watched her Latina sister kicked the football over and over again through the goal post. A smile spread across her face as she watched the care free way Santana was moving about the football field. She hadn't seen that expression on her sister since they were kids or the rare moment when they were in glee together. She missed that about Santana. Her sister had become so apt at building up walls that it was a rare occasion that you could see Santana just being herself. Mercedes enjoyed these moments almost like a proud parent.
Suddenly a large shadow was blocking out the warmth of the sun and Mercedes looked up to see Finn walking over to her and sitting down. Mercedes was pretty sure the giant teenager was supposed to be on the field but she saw that his uniform didn't even look as if it had any wear or tear to it. Finn was sitting next to her and was eyeing the practice much like she was. It was obvious that he wanted something, but Mercedes wisely stayed quiet until he was ready to talk.
"How is she?" Finn asked gruffly.
Mercedes paused for a beat before responding, "She's managing" replied Mercedes quietly. Mercedes turned her head to take a good luck at Finn. She could tell from his appearance that he wasn't managing well. His beard was out of control, he had dark circles under his eyes and they looked sunken in slightly. Not only that, Mercedes just realized she hadn't seen him in glee for the last few weeks.
"How are you coping Finn?" asked Mercedes with clear concern. The tall boy looked over at her briefly, before turning his eyes back to the field without answering. They both sat in silence while watching a few plays being practiced over and over again. Mercedes caught wind of Sam leading the offense at quarterback and she raised her eyebrows in confusion. She was sure that was Finn's position.
"I couldn't concentrate, so I've been bumped to second string. I can only think of him and her" said Finn quietly as if he was reading Mercedes mind, "How come she won't talk to me or see me?" he asked her, pain evident all through his voice.
Mercedes sighed deeply, "You remind her too much of him Finn, of what she used to have and who she used to be. Her life before her dads died…it's all too much for her sometimes" she said looking over at Finn hoping that he could see reason and understand. Mercedes heart broke as she watched silent tears fall out of his eyes.
"You think she still loves me?" he questioned emotionally.
"I know she still loves you" Mercedes replied without a second thought, "yo…you're not what she needs right now though Finn."
She watched the gigantic boy nod his head, "What if I need her?" he asked as he looked at Mercedes brokenly.
"I dunno" Mercedes said looking at him. She reached up and wiped a few tears of his cheeks, "Eventually it will get better."
"How? How does it get better" he asked, "I feel so stuck. Joshua and Rachel is all I can think about…I can't function" he confessed.
"You have to live your life. You're supposed to think about them because everything is so fresh; it's still all new. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my family still, but I know that they would want me to live life to the fullest, and I wouldn't be able to do that if all I did was think about how miserable I am without them" Mercedes stated honestly. She could tell that the tall boy was listening so she continued "Focus on the things you're good at Finn, the things that make you feel happy."
"Rachel made me happy and I'm not good at anything besides fixing cars" Finn stated in disgust.
"I'm not gonna participate in a pity party Finn" Mercedes stated harshly, "I've been there and done that and it doesn't do anything but make you feel worse. If Rachel isn't around, than respect her decision and move on. There are plenty of girls in this school who would want to date you. Focus on glee; I need help with getting us through sectionals and regionals. You're our male lead Finn, and if you're not the quarterback do everything in your power to get McKinley to a championship. If cars are really your talent, then focus on opening up your own business or helping your stepdad with his. Live life Finn, don't throw it away" Mercedes said finishing her mini speech fiercely.
Finn nodded his head, "I hear you Mercedes, it's just not as easy as your saying it is" he said.
"Psft, don't I know it. I never said it was going to be easy, but it's necessary for you and your future. If you and Rachel are meant to be, than it definitely will happen again, until then, focus on you and getting better" said Mercedes encouragingly.
"Hudson! The hell get back on the field" Mercedes heard Coach Beiste scream at Finn.
"Gotta go, but thanks Mercedes" Finn said getting up.
"No problem…if you ever need to talk, you have my number" said Mercedes quietly.
"Yeah…thanks" said Finn awkwardly as he walked away with a grateful look on his face. Mercedes watched as Finn lumbered his way back on the field and she saw Quinn adjust the black beanie on her head as she made her way over to her.
"Hey" Mercedes said, once Quinn was seated next to her, "I thought you would be in the locker room defiling that freshman girl Kitty" joked Mercedes.
"Naw, I convinced her to let me defile her later on tonight. We just kissed a little bit" responded Quinn in a nasally way.
Mercedes shook her head as she chuckled, "Did you tell Shelby you were going out tonight?" she asked.
"Yeah, I've got permission. I'm just waiting for Santana to finish practice, so I can go home and at least shower" Quinn stated.
"Why you messing with that girl?" the brown beauty asked after a few minutes of silence, "I know you miss Brittany."
Mercedes witnessed the pained expression on Quinn's face at the mention of her ex girlfriends' name, "The simple answer is I want to get laid. I haven't gotten any in awhile and I'm not dating anyone. She offered and I said yeah…well she didn't offer, but I'm getting some tonight" said Quinn with determination. "Don't you miss Sam?" the blonde beauty asked smartly.
It was Mercedes turn to make a pained expression. At that very moment, the blonde headed boy took off his helmet and their eyes connected for several moments before he looked away with a hurt expression. "Of course I miss him…we just aren't good for each other right now" stated Mercedes.
"So you understand" replied Quinn.
"I sort of do…I can't say I understand your need to go spread it around" said Mercedes.
"I'm not spreading anything around alright" Quinn responded forcefully, "you're my sister, don't judge me" Quinn snapped angrily.
"I'm not judging Quinn, you know me better than that. I'm just concerned is all" said Mercedes; "sorry if that was what you thought I was doing" she apologized earnestly.
"Did you give this same talk to Rachel, whose hell bent on fucking Santana?" Quinn asked.
"I've tried but you bitches are stubborn" said Mercedes seriously, "wait a minute how do you know that?" she asked in clear shock.
"Santana and I share a room. Rachel came in the other night trying to fool around with her and Santana kept blocking her advances. They kissed a little bit but Santana wouldn't let it go any further. Then mom came in and forced Rachel back in her own bed…luckily they both stopped the kissing" laughed Quinn.
Mercedes shook her head, "what am I going to do with my sisters" laughed Mercedes.
"I don't know…we are the crazy Corcoran's" replied Quinn.
"According to whom?" questioned Mercedes, feeling slightly insulted.
"Lima, Ohio" said Quinn as she hunched her shoulders nonchalantly.
"Them kissing didn't bother you?" Mercedes questioned.
"Naw…I've kinda always known that Rachel had a crush on San. She used to look at Santana the way I used to look at Britt…I never thought anything would come of it, but it is what it is" hunched Quinn.
The final practice whistle was sounded and Santana walked over to them carrying her duffle bag, saying she would shower at home. Quinn made a smart comment about her funking up her car and Santana responded in kind with a middle finger. Mercedes couldn't help but laugh. It was true that her family had been through so much within this last year, but it did bring the four of them closer in ways that only they could understand, if they were going to be known as the crazy Corcoran's…then so be it.
They got home and Santana ran into her room so she could shower as Quinn made another comment about having to Frebreze her car before she went out that night. Mercedes saw Rachel and Beth in the kitchen helping Nana with dinner. She walked over and placed sloppy kisses on her sisters before Nana embraced her in a hug. She felt the love in this home and she honestly thought after losing her entire family that she would never experience this type again. Sure it was different, it felt different because the family members had changed but at the end of the day…love is love.
"How was your day love?" asked Nana.
"It was good, no complaints. How was it at home with those two over there" Mercedes questioned.
"Same" Nana replied.
"Where's Shelby, I have something to ask her?" questioned Mercedes.
"In her room, she wanted a moment's peace and your uncle is in the family room watching television" offered Nana.
"Thanks" Mercedes said as she made her way towards Shelby room to go and talk to the woman. She knocked on the door and waited for the answer to come in. Mercedes walked through the door and saw Shelby wrapped in her blankets, reading a book and looking quite comfortable. Mercedes watched as Shelby's face lit up when she saw her and the woman motioned for Mercedes to climb into bed with her. Mercedes obliged and before long she was wrapped in the tight embrace of the woman who was now taking on the duties as her mom.
"How was your day baby?" asked Shelby placing kisses on the top of Mercedes head.
"It was good but typical" said Mercedes. "All of us are back home and that's always a good thing."
"Hmmm I totally agree, but I knew Santana and Quinn were home. They've been bickering since they've walked through the door" laughed Shelby, "of course they both stopped to say hello to me, but then went right back to it."
Mercedes chuckled; those two would probably be ninety years old still fussing with one another.
"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" questioned Shelby, breaking Mercedes out of her train of thought.
"Oh, I wanted to know if I could spend the night at Kurt's. He invited me because we hadn't spent time alone together in quite awhile and he thought it was mandatory to get our diva on" asked Mercedes.
"Is Carol and Burt okay with it?" asked Shelby in a motherly way.
"I assume so and they never had problems with me staying there before" replied Mercedes.
"Are you going to be okay with Sam being there?" Shelby questioned.
Mercedes felt her mouth drop slightly; it hadn't even dawned on her that Sam would be at their house as well.
"Well, if it gets uncomfortable, you and Kurt can always move the party over hear. Plus I think it would be good for Rachel to spend time with friends" said Shelby knowingly. Mercedes nodded her head and laid it on Shelby's chest gently as the woman began stroking her hair, "what else is going on?" said Shelby.
Mercedes smirked; it was amazing how much this woman could read her. "Does…does it bother you that I don't call you mom?" asked Mercedes, suddenly really nervous. It was something that she had been pondering for some time. "I mean I do see you as a mother figure but…you're not my mom. I mean…this is coming out right" Mercedes sighed as she mentally kicked herself.
"I think I understand what you're trying to say. I'm not your mom like how Rachel is biologically mine, or how Santana and Quinn call me mom. Mercedes you had the best relationship with your mother that quite honestly the three of them didn't. Santana still questions if her mom ever loved her and so does Quinn. Rachel and I are still trying to adjust to our budding relationship. You never had any serious mommy issues" Shelby chuckled, "I have no problem with you calling me Shelby and quite honestly, that's all I've ever expected from you, with that said I still consider you my daughter" she said sincerely. "You don't have a problem with me acting motherly towards you do you?"
"No of course not!" Mercedes responded emphatically.
"Then it's all good…as you would say" laughed Shelby as she began hugging and kissing up Mercedes.
Mercedes laughed out loud and reviled in the attention she was getting, "I love you Shelby, I want you to know that" she said.
"I love you too Squirt and nothing's going to change that" stated Shelby.
The odd pairing of mother and daughter stayed in bed until Nana called them for dinner. Shelby announced to everyone before they had dispersed for the evening that she had a few announcements. All eight members of the Corcoran family were sitting around the table. Quinn was the only one who wasn't really eating because of her date with Kitty.
"So I have a few announcements for everyone but mainly you girls" said Shelby once desert was served. All eyes were on her and they were quite curious to figure out what Shelby had to say.
"Well first off Elliot and Andrew stopped by the house the other day, with a few legal things" started Shelby. Santana groaned out loud and sat back in the chair waiting for obvious bad news. Mercedes reached over and grabbed her sister's hand, pulling it to her face and placing a kiss on the back of it.
"Don't worry San, it's not bad…its actually good news. First off Judge Anderson was not happy about how things went down a few weeks ago. She felt as though you were treated unfairly Santana, not only you but the entire family during our most vulnerable moment. So with that said Santana you're no longer going to be monitored as strictly, all of your community service hours that you have acquired will be enough, there won't be as many drug tests, and the restraining order has been lifted. You'll still be on probation and you're license is still suspended but I think this is an amazing gift so congrats Peanut" said Shelby winking at Santana. Mercedes watched as Santana blushed feverishly as the family broke into a round of applause.
"Next set of news is that there won't be a trial for the man that was drunk driving and caused the accident that took away your family because he plead guilty" said Shelby quietly. Mercedes felt her breathing pick up as she tried to process what Shelby was saying.
"So that's it then…it's over?" said Quinn.
"Technically yes, there is a hearing that will decide how much time he'll get in prison and we're all invited to go. You don't have to if you don't want though" said Shelby. "Elliot also has stated that as soon as that hearing is over he's going to file a civil suit on you girl's behalf. This hasn't been this guy's first offense and apparently he comes from a family with a lot of wealth. You girls won't have to attend those hearings either but I'll be there on your behalves" stated Shelby.
"So does that mean, he's trying to get money or something?" questioned Rachel quietly.
"Yes baby. Elliot is going to sue that family for all the pain and grief he's caused you girls. According to Elliot the case should be a breeze because of his history and what he took away from you girls. Whatever financial compensation you girls get will go into the pot for when you all turn twenty-one" replied Shelby, "any questions?"
Mercedes shook her head 'no' as did the rest of her sisters. For her, she knew it was going to be a moment or two as she tried to process that the man who was responsible for killing her entire family was being sent to prison. She didn't feel immediate relief like she thought she would because of justice being served. In fact, it just brought up the memory that her mom, dad, and brother were no longer going to be with her. She wasn't even sure if she wanted this man's money. What she really was a chance to have her mother hold her again. What she wanted was to sit with her dad in his recliner and listen to him explain whatever sport he was watching to her. What she wanted was her brother to lift her off the ground and spin her and tell her how much he loved that she was his sister. Nothing in this world was ever going to be able to give her that…especially money.
Mercedes felt a strong pair of arms lift her out of her seat and clutch her strongly. She realized that she was now in the arms of the man she now considered her uncle; she also realized that tears had sprung out of her eyes. She felt Shelby enclose her in the hug from behind and the woman was getting emotional as she kissed Mercedes cheeks and gave her encouraging words of strength and perseverance. Nana was next followed by the rest of her sisters. They all were expressing the emotions of the situation and it was abundantly clear that the entire family was still in the process of grieving.
Quinn
Quinn sat in the back of her red car with the back of Kitty Wilde pressed tightly against her front. The freshman's legs were spread apart, while her panties were hanging around her ankles. Quinn was slowly exploring the folds in the Kitty's most private area, while Kitty was breathing heavily as Quinn was purposely taking her time making the girl climax.
Quinn was hell bent on getting some and since Kitty clearly admired Quinn, she felt as though she should take advantage of that admiration.
After the emotional breakdown of her family earlier, Quinn quickly cleaned her face and headed over to Kitty's in record speed. She didn't by flowers or anything cheesy like that because in all honesty, this wasn't a romantic thing. She wanted in Kitty's pants and since she couldn't have the love of her life at the current moment, why not get off with a hot girl who was eager to please.
Quinn took them to the bowling alley. They played a couple of games and Quinn brought them some cheese pizza as they tried to get to know one another. Quinn wasn't really interested in the girls back story but she made sure she paid attention, knowing that it would pay off at the end of the night, because after all this wasn't a real date in Quinn's mind. It was the means to an end.
She didn't even get dressed up properly. She kept her black beanie on, that covered her pink tresses in a cool way. She found her outfit from when New Directions did their 'Empire State of Mine' impromptu performance and threw on a pair of old Chucks. Make-up was reapplied and she was satisfied with the look she pulled off. After bowling, Quinn suggested they go to the drive in movies and Kitty was game. Once their Quinn purchased a couple bottles of water and got them settled in the back. Ten minutes into the movie, Quinn pulled Kitty's face towards her and initiated a passionate kiss and that was all it took.
Kitty let out her first loud and sensuous moan of the night and Quinn refocused on what she doing, "That's it baby, relax and let it go for me" whispered Quinn in the girls ear. Kitty moaned in response as Quinn took the right hand that was in-between Kitty's thighs and began massaging the tight bundle of nerves a little more aggressively. Kitty began rocking her hips and rhythm to Quinn's fingers as Quinn kept whispering encouraging words to the girl, which Quinn could tell and feel was turning the girl on.
Quinn was amazed at how wet Kitty was and was mentally praising herself for having a blanket set up. Kitty's essence was all over Quinn's hand and the girls thighs and Quinn was glad she had the presence of mind to wear a skirt, as it was hiked up almost over her stomach. Quinn kept rubbing small circles around the freshman's clit, as Kitty was moaning her pleasure.
"You like that baby?" Quinn whispered into her ear.
"Yes" husked out Kitty as the girls thighs began to close, "Um um leave em open" Quinn instructed as she took her left hand which was massaging Kitty's breast and pulled Kitty's legs back apart. Quinn felt Kitty's head turn into her neck as the girl let out a strange moan. She felt the cheerleader's body jerk in ecstasy and a large amount of her juices flow over her fingers as Kitty climaxed. Quinn placed small kisses on Kitty's full lips as the girl was coming down of her natural high. Quinn ran her fingers through Kitty's slit causing the girl to jerk back a little. Quinn knew the girl was still a little sensitive but she didn't care, she wanted her essence on her fingers so she could taste the freshman girl. Quinn brought her hand to her mouth and began licking her fingers as Kitty watched her with interest. She taste good but it wasn't like her Brittany. Kitty was just a faux version of her Brit, but Quinn had to at least try and for right now, she would have to do.
Quinn took her finger and brought it back down into Kitty's folds, collecting more of the girl's juices. She took the fingers and placed in front of Kitty's mouth and instructed the girl to suck them. Kitty did what she was told and Quinn felt her eyes darken with lust as the blonde headed girl sucked Quinn's fingers slowly and was cleaning her own juices up. Quinn felt that familiar tingle and she knew it was time to take care of it.
Quinn looked around the drive-in to make sure they weren't being watched. It was pretty empty tonight, being as though it was a school night and Quinn took advantage of that solitude. She lifted Kitty off of her and instructed the girl to remove the rest of her clothing. Quinn pulled her shoes, pants, and panties off quickly. She reached around and unclasped her bra and flung it on the floor of her car, while keeping her t-shirt on. She looked over and Kitty was completely naked, looking at Quinn expectantly, waiting for the next set of instructions. Quinn smartly brought two blankets and she pulled the second one of the ground of the car floor and wrapped it around Kitty while pulling the blonde girl towards her and adjusting their legs so their centers were right up against one another. Quinn placed a hot kiss to Kitty's lips as she began to rub herself against Kitty causing the girl to moan into her mouth. Kitty began rocking in time with her as both girls were a jumble of moans, heavy breathing, and sensitive nerves. Quinn felt Kitty pulling up her t-shirt as the shorter blonde pressed their chests together. As their nipples rubbed against one another Quinn almost was sent over the edge but she was able to control herself.
Kitty unexpectedly put her mouth on Quinn's right nipple and began sucking as Quinn let out a loud moan. She began rocking harder as she felt both of their juices mixing together the harder they grinded to create the much needed and wanted friction. The feeling of the clits rubbing together made Quinn grind even faster and she was happy Kitty was following her lead as the girl hadn't let go the task of pleasing her boobs.
"Ahhhhhh...ohhhhhh" Quinn groaned out as she had finally reached her sexual peak, with Kitty following along right after. Quinn engaged Kitty and a slow and intense kiss as she continued rocking herself against Kitty, causing the girl to cum again. Quinn didn't give her a chance to relax; Quinn suddenly pulled her away and turned her around, forcing her to get in a doggy style stance. Quinn pushed her head down forcing Kitty's bottom up and Quinn was met in the face with Kitty's swollen and extremely wet labia. Quinn took her tongue and went to town. Again not Brittany, but it would have to do. The hazel eyed beauty took two fingers and eased them into Kitty, while her tongue went to work on her clit.
The two blondes continued their sex exploration for the next hour. Quinn found that she had to teach Kitty how to give some good head, but the girl caught on quickly and Quinn was the benefactor.
They now sat in front of Kitty's home in awkward silence. Once their sexual escapade was over, Quinn instructed Kitty to get dressed and they quickly were on their way to dropping her off. No talking occurred on the way home and Quinn was in such a relaxed state she forgot to turn on the radio.
Kitty sighed loudly as Quinn was waiting politely for her to exit the car, "I know what this was" said Kitty quietly.
"And what was that?" Quinn responded keeping her eyes straight ahead.
"A diversion…to forget Brittany Pierce" said Kitty quietly. Quinn looked over and saw that Kitty was looking down into her lap and she felt a pang of guilt. She didn't know how to respond so she stayed quiet.
"I mean, I kinda knew what to expect tonight and I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just wanted you to know that I understand and even though this was my first experience with a girl, I really enjoyed it" said Kitty finally looking up to give Quinn eye contact.
Quinn nodded and tried swallowing the lump in her throat that appeared out of nowhere, "Kitty I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry. You're a really nice girl but tonight I was only thinking of me and I'm sorry if I made it feel like I was using you."
"But you were" stated Kitty simply, "and its okay."
"It's not" said Quinn getting emotional, "I'm so sorry Kitty" Quinn apologized once again.
"It felt good Quinn and not once during did I feel like you were using me. You were aggressive yet gentle" chuckled Kitty.
Quinn groaned and fell back into her seat. She was a true asshole.
"Kitty your first time shouldn't have been like this" said Quinn.
"This wasn't my first time ever. I wasn't a virgin; I lost it to Jake Puckerman at the beginning of the school year" said Kitty honestly.
"Be that as it may, your first lady experience shouldn't have been in the back of a car" said Quinn clearly frustrated that she would even do that to somebody. Another awkward moment passed between the both of them, "You can always make it up to me Quinn Fabray" said Kitty.
"How?"
"Don't let this be the last time" she said.
Quinn thought for a moment before responding, "I'm not ready for a relationship after just getting out of one. At this point I'm just interested in sex."
"So am I" replied Kitty as she shrugged her shoulders. "You want sex and so do I, but we could both help one another."
"And how is that?" Quinn said with her typical raised eyebrow.
"I can look out for Brittany for you and I can use popularity that comes from being associated with you" said Kitty.
"I don't want people to find about this" said Quinn stronger than what she realized, "and why would you need to look out for Brittany?"
"She's floundering since you quit and ya'll broke up. There are girls on the squad who want to form a coup to take her head cheerleader spot. I can make sure they back off and I can make sure she's on her game" said Kitty.
It killed Quinn to hear that Brittany was doing so poorly. It was clear that their break up had a tremendous effect on the both of them. She wanted Brittany to do well and bring another championship to the Cheerios. She knew Brittany had the goods to make that happen, but when she was unfocused she wasn't good to anybody.
"Okay, look out for Britt. We can keep up the sex and I'll kiss you in front of everyone tomorrow, so that the rumor mill can get started, but you have to promise to really look out for Brit" said Quinn seriously turning her body towards Kitty.
"I promise" replied Kitty sincerely looking at Quinn. Quinn always knew when someone was playing her or at least trying to play her and she realized that wasn't the case with Kitty.
"C'mon let's get you in the house" said Quinn. Before she could get to Kitty's door to at least be gallant, Kitty was already out of the car and waiting for Quinn as they walked up to her front porch.
"Thanks for looking out for Brittany, it really means a lot to me" said Quinn honestly as they reached the front door.
"No problem" said Kitty in return, with a genuine smile. The shorter girl reached around Quinn and gave her a tight hug, which Quinn returned. Quinn initiated another kiss, which Kitty deepened instantly, catching Quinn a little off guard. Quinn pulled away saying she had to get in before curfew and she heard Kitty whimper slightly. Quinn watched as Kitty unlocked her door and she gave Kitty's ass a nice slap before turning around and walking to her car.
On the way home, Quinn hoped she was making the right decision. She would do anything for Brittany to be successful and just be alright. If Kitty could look out for her then so be it. I mean she was a good lay and Quinn got off multiple times with her. Like she told the small girl she wasn't looking for a relationship, just a little bit of fun…and she already realized that Quinn was using her as a distraction. Quinn could only hope this wouldn't blow up in her face.
Santana ~earlier that evening.
Santana sat on her bed, controller in hand, enjoying playing her Call of Duty game. Nana had brought her a new controller because Rachel had refused 'to participate in the debauchery of your mind'. Santana rolled her eyes at the mere thought of Rachel being difficult after breaking her controller in the first place.
The Corcoran house was unusually quiet tonight. After the family had a 'hug it out' session in the kitchen, each member dispersed and did their own thing. Quinn claimed she had a date and Santana shook her head as she watched her sister leaving the house looking like the biggest lesbian in Lima. Mercedes had a lady sleep over with Kurt and Uncle Stephen had kidnapped her mom for the evening stating they needed some brother and sister bonding.
That left Nana, who grabbed Beth and headed for her room and Rachel.
Santana had been trying to avoid being alone with Rachel for the past week, but here the diva was curled up on Santana's bed, reading a book and sucking her teeth whenever Santana got excited about a kill streak or getting a gun she really wanted. It was no secret amongst the sisters that Rachel was trying to get Santana's goodies. She had spent a long time talking to Mercedes about it one day. Mercedes tried to get Santana to see it from Rachel's point of view and Santana understood to an extent. She understood how it was hard not to act on the feelings you have for a crush…especially when that crush was in close proximity. But Santana couldn't let it go any farther than the kissing; she was scared plain and simple. She just didn't want to hurt Rachel, her sister had been through enough all ready, they all had. Not to mention Sage was there…waiting ever so patiently in the wings.
Santana glanced over at Rachel, while her game was queuing for the next level. They locked eyes and Rachel looked at her with those large brown orbs. Santana turned her head quickly, she didn't want to get lost in those eyes and she didn't want to give Rachel a reason to come over and start a kissing conference.
"You ladies okay?" Santana heard Nana asking. Santana looked over at the door and she smiled as she saw Beth in her pajamas, obviously coming to say goodnight.
"Yeah we're good Nana" said Santana, "just chillin."
"Well we're here to say goodnight" said Nana as she sat Beth on the bed, so they could give her a kiss goodnight, "Don't be on that game all night Santana, you have school tomorrow" warned Nana.
"I won't…I promise" the Latina replied.
"Rachel, you can fall asleep in here but know your mom will be in to wake you up in the middle of the night" said Nana knowingly.
"I know" Rachel said quietly. The older woman gave them both kisses and wished them a good night. Santana put her attention back on her game after she watched Nana and Beth leave. Rachel got up suddenly, saying she would be back later because she needed to shower. Santana grunted a response as she was focusing all her attention on killing things.
A good stretch of time passed before Rachel came back smelling fresh. She closed Santana's door and locked it before coming back on the bed and curling back up.
"The hell you do that for?" asked Santana.
"So when mom comes back, she won't bother me and I can just stay sleep with you" said Rachel as she yawned.
"You're just determined to keep irking her huh?" Santana said.
"No, it's stupid that she won't let us sleep together. I'm comfortable with you and I'm a lot more well rested" Rachel said defiantly.
"Umm hmm, whatever you say Munchkin" countered Santana.
By the time Santana had gotten enough of her game, Rachel had fallen asleep. Santana cut her gaming console off and she turned off the lights. Turning on her iPod deck, she let the sounds of smooth r&b saturate the room. She lit a few candles and then climbed into bed next to Rachel. Santana blamed Mercedes for the need to have music and candles in order to fall asleep. Once rooms were switched Santana kept having horrible dreams about things she would rather forget. It was Quinn who suggested the candles and music and when Santana did it, she was able to sleep through the night without any interruption.
As soon as she was in the bed Rachel curled up against her and sighed in contentment. She watched as her eyes fluttered open and Santana immediately recognized that look.
"Not tonight Munchkin…no lady kisses" whispered Santana.
Rachel completely ignored her and began placing soft kisses on Santana's lips. Santana pulled away before anything could get serious…she wasn't falling for this again.
"No Rach" she said a little more strongly. Rachel looked heartbroken and she began to whimper, "Please San…help me to forget the hurt."
"That's a low blow" Santana stated.
"It wasn't meant to be" answered Rachel, "it's nothing but the truth. When I'm kissing you I forget everything else. I know you're afraid, but you won't hurt me Santana and I promise I won't hurt you" said Rachel earnestly. "Please" pleaded Rachel again as she kissed Santana's lips softly. Santana looked into those chocolate orbs and felt her resolve melting, Rachel leaned in to kiss Santana again and this time Santana returned this kiss. She didn't want Rachel hurting and she knew what it was like to want to forget something that was completely devastating.
This kisses were soft and sweet until Santana felt Rachel swipe her tongue against her bottom lip asking permission for entrance, which Santana granted. Rachel wasted no time deepening the kiss and Santana let a small moan escape from her lips. The kissing was slow and deliberate and Santana felt Rachel's hand under her shirt tracing small circles around her tight abs. Rachel's hand kept rising until Santana felt her small hand grasp her bare breast.
"Rachel, too far" said Santana breathlessly as she broke away from Rachel's lips.
"Please, please San" as Rachel was pulling up Santana's shirt to expose her breast. Rachel quickly swiped her finger across Santana's nipple and it hardened quickly. Before Santana could react Rachel latched her mouth onto her nipple, "oh shit" whispered out Santana. Rachel began softly nipping the hardening bud before smoothing it out with her tongue, as Santana tried to get control over her body. It had been months since she experienced anything remotely this good and her body was telling her it had been too long. Rachel was working the hell out of her boobs as Santana took her hand and gripped the blanket that was around her waist. She refused to touch Rachel at the current moment, and Santana suspected Rachel was taking advantage of the scenario. Santana watched as Rachel took her spare hand and made it disappear down her own underwear. Santana's eyes darkened as she watched Rachel masturbating. The small diva was working her hips sensually over her fingers as she kept licking and sucking Santana's breasts, taking turns with each. Rachel kept up movements until Santana watched her body stiffen and jerk from her climax. Santana squeezed her legs shut, trying to control her own orgasm. Watching Rachel was becoming too. Rachel removed her hands from out under her underwear and Santana could smell the sex on them. Before she could think Santana placed her mouth on Rachel's wet fingers and began cleaning them off. This encouraged Rachel to continue her assault on Santana's breast and before long Santana had to bury her head in her pillow to stop herself from yelling from her own orgasm.
After they both settled down, Santana watched as Rachel fell asleep quickly. She watched her sister sleep and wondered if what they were doing was a huge mistake. Rachel did look oddly at peace and quite comfortable as she snuggled closer to Santana unconsciously. Santana was scared and she didn't even put her hands on Rachel besides licking her fingers clean. She didn't want to do to the small diva what she did to Brittany and she was mighty afraid of this whole situation getting out of hand. Sex is never just sex, no matter how many times Santana tried to tell herself differently.
Santana looked down at Rachel and moved a piece of hair out of her face that had fallen and placed it behind her ear in an affectionate motion. 'Damn it…these girls are going to be the end of me' thought Santana as she watched Rachel sleep peacefully for the first time in ages.
Sorry for any grammatical and spelling errors.