Chapter 21 – Teetering

"So…if you don't know that guy, do you want to?" Angela asked me unexpectedly.

"Huh?"

"Let's go over there and talk to him. I mean, he's a little hairy for my taste, but who knows, he might be seriously hot under all that scruffiness."

I took a deep breath and somehow found the strength to crawl out of that hole I was falling in. "No, I don't want to go talk to him, I should probably find Garrett."

"I thought you said you and Garrett weren't like a couple or anything."

"We're not."

"Then why don't you go talk to Mountain Man Hottie over there?"

I bit my lower lip. "I think that's Edward," I admitted.

"Edward? Wait, you mean…"

I nodded. "The guy I lost my mind over… I mean, it wasn't his fault, I take responsibility for my actions, but…yeah."

"Wow…Uh…Wow. But…you said you 'think', does that mean you're not sure? It's probably not him Bella, I mean, what are the chances you ended up at the same school?"

"There's at least three other people from my small high school that go here," I said robotically.

"Oh…well, I think we should leave then….or go talk to him…or leave. I think we should at least verify if it's him. I mean, you could be freaking out over nothing, right? You don't want to have to worry about running into a guy who's not even here."

I shook my head. "I'm not ready to talk to him…I don't know if I'll ever be."

"Well…he does keep looking over here," Angela said carefully. "He either recognizes you, or caught you staring at him and he's freaked out and or flattered and wants to meet you."

I huffed. "I have to get out of here."

But that was the moment Garrett and Ben came back with drinks…except they stopped to greet Edward first.

Uh…

Garrett man hugged Edward, as did Ben, and then they continued their way back to Angela and me. Edward stayed with his group of friends, but he kept glancing at me as if he was just as nervous about my presence as I was about his.

"Hey, hope you ladies didn't miss us too much," Ben said as they approached us.

"Hey… Who was that guy you were talking to over there?" Angela asked him.

"Who, Eddie?" Ben asked. "I don't know him very well, but he seems cool. I mean, he'd have to be if he can date the captain of the cheer squad, right."

Angela glanced at me sympathetically, and Garrett noticed. "Bella, what's going on?"

"You…You know him?"

"Ed? Yeah, my friend Liam was roommates with him last year. Why?"

My breathing became labored as I fought to maintain control of myself. "I told you everything that happened with him…Why didn't you tell me he was your friend?"

Trusting anyone after my ordeal was difficult, but the fact that Garrett had sat by my side and listened to me cry over my stupid issues and said nothing, only made me that much more untrusting of him. What kind of ulterior motive did he have? Did Edward ask him to date me for some kind of revenge thing? My mind was racing in a million different directions, and I could honestly feel myself begin to teeter on the edge of sanity.

"What are you talking about?" Garrett asked, sounding sincerely confused.

"That's the guy that just about ruined her life," Angela stepped in and said.

"Huh? Eddie?" Gar replied staggered. "No, you said the guy's name was Edward…Okay, Eddie-Ed could be short for Edward, but the last name is completely different."

"It's not Masen?" I asked hesitantly.

"No, it's…Fuck what is it? Um….Collins! That's it, his name is Ed Collins."

My heart sank into my stomach. "You mean Cullen?" I asked no louder than a whisper.

"Oh, yeah it could be," he conceded. "Wait…That is him? Why'd you say his name was Masen if it's Collin…or Cullen –whatever?"

"Cullen was the name of the family he was living with. He must have changed it…" I explained feeling sick. I risked another glance at him, and when he returned the look I had to fight back the sudden rise of bile in my throat. "I have to get out of here," I told them before running towards the closest bus stop; I only wished Garrett would have just let me go…

"Bella, hold on! Why are you running from this?"

"Are you kidding?" I cried frustrated. "Were you only pretending to listen when I told you what happened to me when I was with him?"

"Of course I was really listening, but I was also listening to the part where you said that your ex-boyfriend visited you in the hospital and it helped you. I really think you need the same closure with this guy."

Without my permission, I felt my head slowly shaking no. "I'm not ready. I need to…I don't know, work myself up to it, or something. I just…I never thought I'd see him again, and I'm a coward."

"You're not a coward," he said strongly.

"Yes, I am! Look at me, I'm shaking. How pathetic is that?"

"It's not pathetic. You just really need to search within yourself and try to figure out why seeing him again is so much harder than it was to see Jack."

"Jake," I corrected him. "And I don't know why it's harder…Except…when Jacob came in…it didn't still hurt. I mean, I was angry and closed off to him, but it didn't feel like this. I feel…I feel like I'm drowning. I don't know, maybe I've been doing nothing but treading water this whole time, but now…now I'm sinking again. He's pulling me under," I said hopelessly with a tear spilling over my cheek.

Garrett shook his head. "He can only do that if you let him."

I bit my lower lip as I considered what he was saying. "You're right," I admitted. "I don't really believe he came here to hurt me..."

"Uh, I don't want to upset you more or anything, but he was actually here before you were."

I nodded, and then took another deep breath. "This is just some…insane coincidence, and I'm not going to let it ruin my time here. I need to do it….I need to talk to him and make peace, and then maybe I'll finally be able to let him go once and for all."

"Maybe you'll even become real friends," Garrett suggested.

"Don't push it," I said with a humorless laugh. "I think what scares me the most is…I have no idea how I'm really going to feel around him. Knowing he's this close…it makes my entire body tense, and I don't know what that means."

"It means that you thought you were in love with him, and he broke your heart, and now you're tensing up to protect yourself from that type of pain again. But listen, I know him…I mean, I don't know him well, but well enough. He seems like a decent guy. Maybe he grew up in the past year and a half just like you did." Garrett reached out and rubbed my arms supportively. "Just give yourself a little time to get used to the idea of seeing him again, and then go find him and talk to him. I'm sure it will make you feel so much better. In fact, I think it's the key for you to finally recover fully."

I hesitated, but even though I wasn't completely confident about it, I agreed. "I think so too, but I'm absolutely terrified."

"Being afraid is a normal emotion…It can be crippling, or it can be empowering. Make it powerful, Bella."

I pressed my lips and fought back my tears as I nodded. "You know, you're a really good guy, Garrett."

He smiled somberly. "Yeah, well, unfortunately most of the time it's not the good guys that end up winning."

I looked at him perplexed and wasn't sure what he meant by that, but I didn't ask him to elaborate either. I supposed I didn't really want to know because it was just one more thing I was scared of. But Garrett was right about everything; I needed to find some courage, even if that courage was derived from fear. I would give myself a little time to visit my therapist and try to get ahold of my emotions, but then I needed to search Edward out. I deserved some closure; we both did…

***A/N: I know, you all wanted the first meeting in this chapter, so I'm so sorry to disappoint you, but it will be coming up next! :o