A/N: Sorry that it's taken me so long to update. I've being having laptop trouble but we're back on track now. I know I said a few months back that this should be finished but January but it turns out I was totally wrong on that one.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy and thank you so much – not only for reading – but for being so patient!
27
Returning to Kyle a week (and two years) later, Eric found himself where they had started.
An apartment block in Denver.
Bigger than the apartment Kyle had lived in when he was still a teacher in training, with cleaner carpets and fresh paint in the lobby. Eric had the floor and number memorized, but as he walked down the quiet hallway, he couldn't help but feel detached, a little lost. He had read the information in Kyle's file sure, but that was only dates and records. It wasn't conversation or memory or housewarming party. Eric tried to remember that his duty was simple: find out where Kyle was and try to get there… and here he was! So what was the problem?
The problem was he never stayed, couldn't stay. He drifted into Kyle's life like a twister to uproot him; or like flotsam on an ocean as wide as space, making cameos in Kyle's lighthouse glow; or like a ghost of youth's past, wrapping Kyle up in his phantasmal embrace. Cherished, yes, but invisible too.
Eric's fists clenched at the thought, wondering why it even entered his head. How could his love – their shared love – be invisible when it was so obvious? Unavoidable? Something neither of them could escape. Even if they wanted to, because it was so passionate, exciting, urgent and – despite the strange, impossible nature of their relationship – fulfilling. So it was irrelevant if Eric had Kyle for eternity, a day, or a lifetime, right? Eric still mattered to him, had always mattered. They were important, weren't they? And through the madness, the destruction of scientific laws, the utter absurdity, their love was real.
Emboldened and reaffirmed, Eric knocked the door to Kyle's apartment. The stubborn determination swelling in his chest quelled his nerves, his anticipating butterflies.
He heard the door unlock before it opened, and there was Kyle, grinning and tempting right in front of him.
Eric took a deep breath. "Hi-"
Before he could finish his sentence, Kyle had thrown his arms around his shoulders and leapt into a kiss. Eric stumbled, but gladly embraced Kyle; one hand at his warm back while another hand crept into soft, red curls.
So very real.
Eric felt a tug at his heart, his mouth as it attempted to smile into the enthusiastic kiss, and also at his neck, Kyle's tight grip pulling him forward. Once inside, Kyle kicked the door shut and Eric jolted in his arms. Kyle's chuckle suffocated in Eric's hot mouth, still melded with Kyle's.
"You'd swear it was my birthday," Eric said when they finally pulled away, panting.
Eyes gleaming and mouth flushed, Kyle chuckled again.
"Happy birthday," Eric murmured, forehead pressed against Kyle's, and both his hands were now fitted around Kyle's waist.
"Thank you," Kyle said, placing a gentle, chaste kiss to Eric's lips. "I'm so glad you're here."
Eric nodded, returning the kiss.
"So…" Eric blurted the word out in the comfortable afterglow of their reunion. "New apartment?" He then asked, as he studied the living room.
It was minimally furnished and cozy, the blue May morning pouring in.
"It's a lot bigger than your old place," Eric commented.
"Yeah, I love it," Kyle replied, eyes roaming around the room as well. "It's not so close to the school I'm teaching at but…" Kyle's voice trailed off, Eric's attention chased after it and drew their gazes to each other. "When has distance ever got in the way, huh?"
Eric grinned and squeezed Kyle's waist. "Exactly…"
The believing smile on Kyle's face thawed out Eric's faith too. His grin melted into a copycat smile.
"You, um, said you had something planned?" Eric asked.
"Yep," Kyle beamed, tugging at Eric's shirt. "We're going on a trip!"
"A, a trip?" Eric replied, tugging at Kyle's shirt too. Albeit, a little warily.
"I know, you have to go back in two days, but it's all taken care of," Kyle assured. "I've got a sub covering for me today, and we'll check out of the hotel on Sunday. So what do you say?"
Eric disguised his endeared smile by pursing his lips. Of course Kyle would have everything planned, have every possible setback taken care of.
"Yes?" Eric finally answered, kissing the tip of Kyle's nose which made them both snicker. "Thank you. Where are we going, anyway?"
Kyle held his finger up in a 'wait here' gesture, before slipping out of Eric's loose embrace. Eric watched Kyle leave the room and when he returned, he held a brochure that he wordlessly handed to Eric.
Tall, familiar mountain peaks capped with snow and spearing Eric's heart with nostalgia were on the front of the brochure. They barricaded a large, admittedly pretty ski lodge, under a banner that read Breckenridge Ski Resort's Mountain Spa and Lodge.
Eric's grip stiffened on the paper. He hadn't exactly packed for that, and he also wondered if Kyle had forgotten their skiing mishap when they were children. But it was undoubtedly a lovely gesture, and it was Kyle's birthday so…
"Skiing, huh?" Eric asked. "I haven't really-"
"No, you don't understand," Kyle interrupted, fingers atop the brochure and pulling Eric's gaze to his own. "We don't have to go skiing. But this lodge is supposed to be really romantic and luxurious and… I know our visits are always special but-"
"Kyle, it sounds awesome," Eric grinned now that he was sold.
"Really?" Kyle beamed, reaching up and kissing Eric again. "I knew you'd like it!" He added as he moved his fingers from the brochure, both hands now placed on Eric's chest. Eric's breath stuttered in his lungs under Kyle's electric fingertips.
"I thought it would be a nice birthday present for myself," Kyle said softly.
A segue Eric had been waiting for. He let a smirk tug at the corner of his mouth. "And speaking of," he began, bringing his backpack to his front and severing their connection. Kyle's eyes widened, stepping back and staring at Eric as he fished around his backpack.
Eventually he pulled out a small, crudely wrapped parcel.
"Sit down," Eric instructed, before he and Kyle both sat facing each other on the couch.
"Happy birthday," Eric smiled, handing Kyle his present. "Again."
Kyle smiled, amused, before he placed the parcel in his lap and unwrapped it. Sitting in the middle of plain, crumpled paper was a glinting, steely star.
"Woah…" Kyle whispered. He picked the tiny star up, holding it between his fingers and letting the sunlight pierce its corners. "What is it?"
"It's a star, welded from scrap metal," Eric explained, watching Kyle study his gift. "I made it at work."
"It's glistening," Kyle gasped, still staring up at it.
"Varnish," Eric replied. "The sparkly stuff was a bitch to find, but you're worth it."
The admission appeared to break Kyle's enchantment, for he neglected the star and looked at Eric instead. A tight, grateful smile was on his face, and his eyes gleamed once again.
Eric wished he could keep that look forever. It was so beautiful on Kyle.
"And I have one too," Eric added, suddenly remembering himself. He reached into his pants' pocket and pulled out his own small star. Kyle gasped and chuckled softly, rousing a small smirk from Eric.
But when he looked down at the star, all that it was supposed to represent, he sighed.
"I couldn't stop thinking about the conversation we had back in London," Eric admitted, trying hard not to mumble. He didn't want to dampen Kyle's birthday. "When I told you about my visits… you took it so well, Kyle."
Kyle blinked, fingers curling around his star.
"Sobbing in my kitchen is taking it well?" He asked with a small, flat laugh.
"Well, at least you were honest," Eric considered. "And brave. Those aren't qualities that everyone can say they have."
Kyle had been staring at his fist, but he lifted his gaze and slid an appreciative smile Eric's way.
"Not to mention, you made me feel better," Eric continued, and Kyle brightened. "You made me feel relieved and hopeful and… I think it made us a little stronger, you know? We both know what the situation is now and we can make it work together. I don't ever want to lie to you again, no matter what my intentions."
Kyle nodded slowly, absorbing Eric's words, perhaps extracting more strength from them. But his smile never crumbled, never buckled, and it made Eric want to vow to do the same.
"But I guess these stars are also like reminders?" Eric said, shuffling closer to Kyle. "To keep believing, to keep strong… whatever. I just want us to always have a piece of each other."
"Eric, thank you," Kyle said, clutching Eric's forearm.
"You're welcome," Eric replied, his eyes meeting Kyle's.
"These are incredible but…" Kyle stopped again and sighed, shaking his head. "You don't just have a piece of me."
Eric's heart strummed a little faster at the admission he never knew he needed to hear.
"I don't?" He asked, a lump in his throat.
"No," Kyle smiled simply, before kissing his cheek. "You have all of me."
Their room at the Mountain Spa and Lodge decimated the rustic, wood-furnished image of the place Eric had in his mind. For one, it was huge, some would say too big for only two people. Everything about the room seemed to be larger than life, decadent, though still fashionably understated. The walls were tall and cream, housing the type of roaring fire you'd expect to find in a ski lodge. A sunken, black leather couch sat in front of the fire and a king-size bed with metallic covers - padded with matching plump throw cushions - was behind that. They also had a view of snowy mountains dusted with conifer trees from their balcony, so quietly beautiful.
While Eric had been marveling at the plush room, he caught a glimpse of a cross-armed, beaming Kyle who clearly had spared no expense for this special trip.
"You know, I didn't really pack 'romantic evening' clothes," Eric said, now laying out his outfit options on the bed, whilst ruffling his wet hair with a towel. "To be honest, I don't own any."
"Who cares?" Kyle asked, buttoning up the shirt to his suit Eric knew was going to be mind-meltingly sexy. "I mean, most of the diners are still probably going to be in their ski wear."
"Can you guarantee that?" Eric asked, laughing.
It eased his annoyance somewhat. Kyle had put so much effort into every aspect of this trip and it frustrated Eric that he couldn't fully return it. This is why he wasn't exactly fond of surprises.
"No, but, I'm positive you'll look handsome no matter what," Kyle replied, looking up at Eric with a small grin.
"Alright, alright, prince charming…" Eric teased, trying to distract himself from how hot Kyle looked when he grinned at him like that… with his shirt still undone…
Kyle chuckled under his breath and shook his head.
"Do you have cologne I could borrow?" Eric asked, revealing himself to be more unprepared. He could've cringed.
"Yeah, there's some in my toiletry bag," Kyle nodded.
Eric smirked at Kyle knowingly, but when he thought of their first reunion, their first tentative, brittle weekend, his smirk softened with fondness.
"What?" Kyle asked, noticing Eric's smile.
But Eric didn't respond, he simply rolled his eyes and reached for Kyle's toiletry bag on the nightstand. Unzipping the bag, Eric's eyes widened and his steady heartbeat jumped at what he saw.
"Well?" Kyle asked, not paying too much attention to an unresponsive Eric. "Did you find it?"
Eric shook his head, thoughts whirling, before he recovered his voice.
"No," he replied, too shaky, too soft. He cleared his throat and pulled out the surprising items. "But I did find these."
Kyle looked up and froze at the box of condoms and the bottle of lube in Eric's hands, shrinking back as if denying responsibility.
"Shit," Kyle muttered. A flush crawled up his throat. "I forgot about those…"
It was strange, but Kyle's panicked, embarrassed reaction was a calming influence on Eric. So amusing was it to see Kyle like this that it allowed Eric to look past his initial, freaked out haze.
There was a bed between them.
Eric needed to close that gap.
"Kyle?" Eric asked, smiling as he moved slowly from his side of the bed.
"Y-yes?" Kyle replied, struggling to be measured when his face was still burning.
Eric already knew the answer to the following question, but he wanted to hear it come from Kyle's mouth. "What are these doing in here?"
Kyle wrung his hands together, shoulders hunched. "Well, I wanted- I hoped we could-"
"You're ready?" Eric interrupted softly, unable to help it. He was at the foot of the bed, closer to Kyle now. Hopefully that was a comfort.
Kyle nodded, his eyes wide and apprehensive. He had been so sure before… Did Kyle want to bring this up over dinner? Articulating his desire, their love in the way only Kyle could? Did Kyle want to lull Eric with a romantic evening, filled with purposeful touches and lingering looks? And then when they strolled back to their room, hand in hand, collapsing on their bed with melded mouths, tugging at each other's pesky clothes, would Kyle make Eric an offer he couldn't refuse?
Eric had potentially ruined all of that with his discovery. But his disappointment paled next to the knowledge that Kyle wanted him, and that however this next phase was initiated, Kyle wanted it to be special for the both of them.
"Hmm…" Eric dropped the condoms and lube on the mattress.
"What?" Kyle asked.
Eric tried to be graceful, seductive, when he continued his slow, deliberate steps towards Kyle.
"So you wanna fuck me, huh?" He teased, smirk just as velvety as his voice.
"No!" Kyle snapped, flustered. He met Eric's eyes and couldn't deny him. "Well, yeah, but that's not what - that doesn't sound like what I want to do."
"Then what do you want to do?" Eric asked, grinning victoriously when Kyle shot him a shy, knowing smirk.
"Huh?" He pressed, reaching out for Kyle now that he was close enough.
"What do you want to do to me, Kyle?" He held Kyle's wrists, bringing Kyle's hands to his clothed chest.
"You want the details?" Kyle asked, his eyes on his own hands as they travelled to Eric's hips.
Eric bit back a gasp. He was all the more sensitive now he knew what those touches could lead to.
"I'm not that crude," he replied with a chuckle.
Kyle stared up at him fondly, lovingly.
"Except you totally are," he teased, squeezing the soft hips in his hands. "You're not exactly a saint, are you?"
Eric thought of their last encounter and prickled head to toe with arousal. "I can't keep that up anymore, huh?" He replied with a faint, humid snicker.
"You never could," Kyle chuckled, before his hold grew lax and his gaze trailed off. "Unless..."
"What?" Eric asked, a crease in his brow, wondering how and when their flirtatious conversation had veered into this suddenly nervous territory.
"Unless I assumed," Kyle mumbled, releasing Eric and backing away. "Oh God, Eric, I'm sorry-"
Confusion smothered Eric's disappointment. "Sorry for what?"
"That I brought condoms and lube thinking I was going to need them and I didn't take your feelings into account! If you were ready!" Kyle exclaimed, but he was scolding himself. Glancing at the items on the bed, he winced and ran a hand through his curls. "I mean, this is something I've thought about for a while, but for you this must all be happening so fast. I forgot that! I completely forgot-"
"Kyle, relax!" Eric couldn't help but laugh at a worked up Kyle. He hoped his gentle grip and soft voice would be calming. "I'm ready. I want this."
A dent in his brow, Kyle's widened eyes searched Eric's face.
"How do you know?" He asked. "This is your virginity we're talking about! It's a big responsibility and I'm... I'm more than happy to have that, to have you." A smile rippled in the midst of Kyle's rambling, and he managed to reach up and stroke Eric's cheek. "But I don't want to rush you, or pressure you, or just idly accept that you want this when you're not entirely sure."
Eric may have found Kyle's worried moment a little exasperating and jarring, but it was also undoubtedly sweet and considerate. It was something a lesser man wouldn't have done. But Eric hadn't fallen in love with a lesser man, he was lucky enough to have fallen in love with Kyle.
"Kyle, trust me, I'm ready," Eric said, trying to be tender but firm. So Kyle would have no more doubts. "Yeah, it's happening fast for me, and yeah, it's my first time…" Eric paused, he thought of those lonely, teenage nights that had projected rich fantasies. So vivid that they had reached this far into the past, that now appeared to be shaping Eric's future. "But I've loved you for so long, I-I've thought about this for so long too and… if anybody's going to be my first then it should be you," Eric pulled Kyle closer when he smiled wetly up at him. "It feels right, I want you and it feels right."
Kyle responded by pressing himself to Eric's chest, wrapping his arms around him and clutching him tight. Eric smiled into Kyle's hair and folded himself into his embrace.
"So?" Eric murmured into red curls. "Come on. Tell me the details, Kyle."
Kyle lifted his head, and Eric dutifully met his eyes. With a tentative look, Kyle held Eric at arm's length, but it was still close enough.
"We're going to have an amazing dinner, and when it's over I'm going to bring you back up here," Kyle promised, voice quiet but scintillating. "I'll kiss you and hold you and undress you and then I'll make love to you."
Eric's breath hitched and he found himself nodding. Kyle's vow, their evening sounded so wonderful that Eric didn't want to spoil it with a reply.
But he took Kyle's words and let his heart do what it may with them:
In a gorgeous hotel room, with the snow falling outside, the love of his life, his soulmate, his boyfriend was going to make love to him.
Not even the sound of a ticking clock could drown out his happiness.
Dinner was fantastic, though rushed. Eric's stomach was floating under the wings of a thousand butterflies who craved something (rather, someone) other than food. In a move very uncharacteristic of him, Eric had replied an immediate 'no,' when the waiter asked if the pair wanted any dessert. Kyle had laughed adorably behind his menu, reminding Eric that he was the one to savor.
As predicted, Kyle looked unfairly sexy in his suit, and his eyes – already a lush, abundant green – held Eric's curiosity and reverie with care all evening. The kind of care Eric admired and was accustomed to now that he truly had Kyle's affections. Touches were coy, looks were promising and words were weakly veiled distractions for the much anticipated event that would follow dinner.
Kyle's hand was placed on Eric's lower back during the elevator ride, where they chatted about their lovely meal and chuckled at the observations they had made of some of the diners. But those gentle fingers and warm palm reminded Eric that he was Kyle's, and that tonight he was going to give Kyle a piece of himself. Admittedly, it was overwhelming to the point of nerve-wracking. But trusting somebody so deeply was exhilarating and empowering too and he wanted Kyle to see that. He wanted Kyle to see how strong he had made him and, in turn, how strong their union was despite the complications.
The lights lifted automatically when Eric and Kyle entered their hotel room and it illuminated the soft, persistent snow outside. Still in awe of their fantastic suite, Eric found himself staring and wandering into the center of the room without Kyle by his side. When he glanced at the door, he saw that Kyle was fixing the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the handle.
Eric wondered who would want to knock on their hotel room door at ten thirty at night, but he was grateful for Kyle's caution.
He was still staring when Kyle turned around, their surprised smiles melting into those of gentle excitement; the kind of excitement that glimmers to the surface when your heart is pounding and your nerves are rattling.
"So…" Kyle began, soft voice bubbling eagerly as he took a step forward.
"So…" Eric echoed, because nothing else he could say seemed good enough.
Kyle's smile creased with endearment and his eyes shone with certainty as he made his way over to Eric. The growing intensity of Kyle's expression as he neared him rooted Eric's feet to the carpet, his slightly widened gaze drawn to the twinned black holes Kyle's eyes were morphing into. Kyle had surpassed excitement and was now offering Eric hunger and need, sublime but terrifying and when Kyle had reached up to cup his cheek he inexplicably found himself shaking.
Kyle had stared at his lips, lowered his lids and leaned in to kiss him when Eric blurted out: "I've messed up your plans, haven't I?"
"What plans?" Kyle asked, the only change in his expression was the dent in his brow.
"Come on, Kyle," Eric said with a sigh. He lowered his head. "You probably had something totally romantic planned and I ruined it."
An unhelpful silence, followed by a sigh, before fingers graced Eric's other cheek and he found himself staring into Kyle's – still lusty but imploring – eyes.
"You didn't ruin anything," Kyle promised him.
"Alright," Eric acquiesced; he was finding it harder and harder to deny Kyle. "I spoiled the surprise then."
Kyle rolled his eyes and grinned in exasperation.
"Will you quit it?" He laughed, before his eyes roamed to the light switches on the wall. The corners of his mouth tugged into a smug smile. "Besides, there's still one surprise left."
"There is?" Eric asked, and he could feel those shivers dissipating.
Face still fixed in that arrogant smirk, Kyle practically slithered out of Eric's embrace before he made his way to the numerous light switches on the wall. In the newly imposed distance, Kyle's eyes signaled Eric's like pearlescent moons, encompassing everything else that made up his hopeful, eager expression. When Kyle lowered the lights, that vulnerable glint was the last thing he saw.
The art deco chandelier, huge and hanging low on the ceiling, spat out a projection of supernovas like burst cosmic bubblegum, splattered on the walls in coral, electric blue, fuchsia and neon shades of pink, purple and green. Eric gasped, Kyle's pleased smile was now shrouded in celestial colors as he stared around the room; hologram planets narrowly and steadily dodged the wayward explosion of the giant stars as they orbited… what?
Eric was at the center of the room, so was it him? No, he wasn't grand or important enough, not magical enough. He could've been, with the mini galaxy circling his golden gaze, but something was missing. There were soft footsteps behind him and a knowing hand at his back, and when he glanced to his side, there was Kyle's beautiful face.
Missing and now found.
Remembered and now cherished.
The only person, the only force in the universe that made him feel powerful, wanted…
Whole.
The supernovas combusted in their presence, the planets orbited them because they were so important and they mattered, if only to each other.
"What?" Eric gasped; his ability to speak was slow and uneven when recovering from such awe. "What is this?"
"A space room," Kyle replied, as he joined Eric in marveling at the projections. "The hotel offers tons of themed rooms like this one. Some of them are a little corny but this… I don't know…"
Perhaps distracted and suddenly bashful, Kyle took a moment to think while stars bobbed on the surface of the sky, the walls, like fireflies tethered to a lake.
Constellations,
Eric thought of the atrium, of loneliness, of timeless devotion and the exhausting complexities of time itself. He thought of the enormous, random puzzle of time and space that still somehow makes sense and connects everything. Most of all, he thought of Kyle, who represented it all.
Perfectly.
"It felt right," Kyle continued with a relieved sigh, "Like I shouldn't get any other room."
When he hadn't responded, Kyle took Eric's hand and asked, "You like it?"
"I love it," Eric nodded, squeezing Kyle's hand, the stars blurring. "It's perfect."
Eric turned to him, thumbed at this cheek and added, "you're perfect, Kyle."
Eric saw his tiny, starstruck reflection in Kyle's gleaming eyes, hand still on Kyle's cheek as his boyfriend pressed his lips together in a creased smile. Even if it was only temporary, Eric's trembles had disappeared despite the enormity of the night. After all if he could control the movement of the planets, if he could play jump rope with time, then kissing his boyfriend was easy, right?
And it was. Emboldened, Eric guided Kyle's lips to his own, wrapping an arm around Kyle's waist and pulling them closer together. The soft press of their lips, the warm security of each other's bodies and the finesse of their tongues as their kisses grew heated dulled and melted the initial sting of overjoyed tears.
Kyle's hands that had been roaming Eric's back and clutching his sides moved to his own tie; his body hot, eyes hooded and lips flushed when he loosened the strip of material and threw it to the floor. Eric was back on Kyle immediately, lips at his neck. Savoring Kyle, but also rewarding him for taking the first (admittedly chaste) step in undressing.
As he kissed, sucked and nipped at the pale skin, Eric wrapped himself up in Kyle, both of them now pressed flush together; like they were both entangled in the intricate knots of time; like they still couldn't believe they had found each other again; like they were both bracing for an impending storm.
Eric made sure to catalogue the perfect coupling of his lips and Kyle's skin, the feeling of Kyle's fingers woven through his hair and those whispered, lilted moans twice over.
"Shall we, um?" Kyle let the question hang, and when Eric pulled his head out of Kyle's kiss-bruised neck, he saw his boyfriend glancing at the bed.
It was pristine and neatly made, as beautifully cold as the steel, silky sheets.
Eric saw it rumpled, damp and imagined his skin searing against the fabric as he was fucked into the mattress.
A shiver, like a phantom bead of sweat, rolled down his spine and he nodded. Kyle nipped his own lower lip, excitement trembling like green flames in his eyes. Anticipatory giggles, adolescent and warm, conspired between them. When Eric felt fingertips skid against his arm, his eyes fell to the offending digits, slipping into his own and Kyle knitted their fingers together.
A gentle tug and Eric found himself walking backwards, being guided to the bed blindly but he always trusted Kyle. His legs touched the end of the bed and he gave into the comfort of the soft, plump mattress. Kyle stood over him, their hands still intertwined before Eric pulled Kyle forward with a shy, wicked smirk of his own. It appeared he was the one leading them to this new, feverish world.
Their mouths quickly found each other, their reunion hot and deep. Kyle found purchase on the mattress, thighs either side of Eric's hips, keeping Eric anchored to the bed; Eric's own exhilarating force of gravity.
The kiss unwound as Kyle moved to unbutton his shirt, and a disheveled Eric propped himself up on his elbows to watch. He let Kyle pop the first two buttons uninterrupted, but by the third he was antsy, he was so close to Kyle now (to hold, to kiss, to touch) that it ached to sit there idle. Reaching up, Eric pecked at the small window of skin, stamping a kiss on Kyle's thorax. Another button, another affectionate, clumsy kiss. Eric felt the tremor of a wispy chuckle from Kyle, and when another button was undone, he decided to be a bit more playful and possessive, nipping at the skin. Kyle gasped and jolted at the initial sting, but ran a hand through Eric's hair as he made his mark.
But when the time came for another button to be popped, Kyle paused and Eric waited. Eric watched Kyle toy with the button until his infamous impatience flickered and he nosed at Kyle's chest in a silent plea. Finally, Kyle undid the button and Eric's mouth dove to claim the newly released patch of skin.
"Jesus…" Kyle chuckled, tugging at Eric's hair and lifting his head. "Can't you wait?"
It was then Eric realized that he couldn't. Even with the comfort of his mission, even with the knowledge that he needed to be on his best behavior in order to see Kyle again, he never could.
But he didn't need to wait anymore. Liberation swelled in his chest and scorched his lungs like the most purifying light.
"No," Eric's giddy laughter was simmering as he shook his head. He leaned in and pressed a sloppy kiss to Kyle's lips. "I don't want to wait anymore"
"Me neither," Kyle smiled, unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it from his shoulders.
Eric had no time to admire Kyle, before his own shirt was being tugged at, and it amused him that Kyle could be just as impatient as he had been. Lifting his arms compliantly, Eric let Kyle pull his shirt over his head. Shirt removed, Eric blushed and ducked his head instinctively. Kyle's laughter cooled his embarrassment, as did the welcome hand in his hair that slid down his warm cheek.
A whirlwind.
Eric had never thought of Kyle being such a thing before, but he was. Before Eric could even comprehend it, he felt a pair of lips on his own and Kyle exercised his gravity, his pull over Eric until he felt the silk sheets against his bare back. Quickly, roaming hands travelled to their trousers, fingers swift as Eric ridded himself of his pants while Kyle unbuckled his belt and kicked off his trousers.
Eric froze and jolted when he felt Kyle's clothed erection press and rub against his own. The most obvious and pertinent reminder that Kyle was going to fuck him soon, or make love to him, whatever breathless, romantic phrasing they had chosen that had made them so bold. It had gotten them this far; kissing, writhing, near-naked on top of each other.
Eric thought of their previous sexual encounter, on a simple Sunday in Kyle's bed. He remembered how big Kyle was, and how he felt even bigger when Eric's mouth stretched and his lips fitted tightly around him. Of course it felt great, especially when Kyle was sobbing his name and panting into the nearest pillow when it seemed that Eric had completely drained him. But it was also difficult; nervous and inexperienced as Eric was.
Now he had found himself in a similar situation, but with a nerve-wracking role reversal. Control had been transferred to Kyle, leaving Eric exposed, more susceptible to hurt. What was difficult before seemed near impossible now… What Kyle wanted, what Eric had wanted…It was achievable… But not without a considerable amount of pain.
Before Eric could be crushed by mounting anxiety, Kyle – sweet, oblivious Kyle – pressed down on him again with a roll of his hips. Eric groaned, the sound shuddering in his throat as his and Kyle's lips were still sealed. But he lifted his hips, pleading for more of that sensitive cotton friction. Kyle complied, picking up their pace and grinding his hips harder until Eric's cock was straining against his boxers and he wanted to be free of that last, pesky article of clothing. He wanted both of them liberated, to feel all of Kyle.
Somehow, despite their persistent rhythm and fierce closeness, Eric managed to slide his hand between his and Kyle's slippery bodies. It was an awkward move, unexpected but Kyle didn't protest when Eric's clumsy fingertips brushed against his chest, then his stomach and finally his bulge.
"Hmf!" Kyle's muffled noise of surprise signaled the end of their aching kiss and he was panting, trembling when Eric cupped and squeezed at him through his boxers.
Eric reveled at what he had done to Kyle, and balked at the reality of the evening which was fast approaching.
His hazy, hooded eyes were concentrated on his hand that was still teasing Kyle's arousal. But Kyle could only see him, Eric realized this when his gaze rose and he saw Kyle's flushed mouth hovering over his and smoky emerald eyes enraptured with his own. Kyle's stare, the prickling warmth of his body, was so intense that Eric withered. His hand slowed as he realized anxiety had indeed gotten the better of him. For one, it was inhibiting him from admiring the beauty staring him in the face.
Kyle's sweaty, disheveled hair fell into his darkened eyes, and his full, kiss-plumped lips shone, doused in Eric's saliva as well as his own. Eric's heart pounded to a surer beat, strong enough to quell his anxiety. This was all he had ever wanted; no matter how much it scared him.
Kyle shifted on top of him and Eric let his limp hand fall to the sheets. He fixed his gaze on Kyle, that reassuring splendor so close to him that it blurred brightly, like Kyle was indeed the prepossessing star that made their tiny universe possible. Unlike Eric, Kyle was unwavering. Caramel and emerald gazes locked as Kyle pulled down his boxers and slid them from his calves.
A hand rested above Eric's head, fingers sinking into a plush throw cushion. Eric had always been in Kyle's thrall, even before he knew what it meant, but now he could feel it viscerally. He could feel their connection; tight and precarious, strong and desperate, invigorating and debilitating, pulled taut between the two of them. He could feel it constrict is heart and weigh down on his skeleton when he stared at Kyle, bare and beautiful and real. Eric was awed by the sight, in love with the man but still frightened.
He didn't know to what extent, if he even cared to look further, but he supposed that his present fear would not be assuaged until he admitted it to Kyle. Kyle, who was honest with him even when Eric didn't want him to be. Kyle, the most compassionate person to grace a life as fraught with selfishness and severity as Eric's.
But maybe voicing his worries would be enough to convince himself he didn't want to go through with this? When he did, in magnificent, quiet moments like this, he knew he did.
Perhaps they didn't have to time to mull things over? To postpone? When their time together was limited and the future was so uncertain? Despite Eric's determined dreams and Kyle's belief in him.
"Eric?" Kyle asked, a crease in his brow. "Is something wrong?"
Eric had been so immersed in his muddled thoughts that he didn't realize he was witling down Kyle's confidence.
"What?" Eric responded absently, before it clicked and he shook his head. "No!"
"It's just that…" Kyle began, his gaze wandered to the cushion, fingering the black velvet. "It looked like you had something on your mind."
"I was thinking," Eric replied honestly.
Kyle smiled, reminding Eric just how endeared Kyle was to him.
"About what?" He asked.
Eric sighed, his chest rose and deflated but no sound came out. This was his chance to voice his concerns, to ask the questions he hoped Kyle could answer. But Kyle had gone to so much trouble, and during these short visits all Eric cared about was making Kyle happy. That was his new mission and just like his previous one, he would rather die than abandon it.
So instead he sat up and nestled Kyle into his lap, before resting his palm against Kyle's cheek. It was their recently acquired physical indicator of comfort, of adoration, of love.
"How lucky I am that you're here with me," Eric finally answered. It wasn't a lie, just an omission. "I was thinking how you're the most beautiful person in the universe."
Kyle smiled, and Eric adored the way his cheek swelled in his palm just as much as he adored the smile itself. A pair of soothing hands was placed on Eric's chest as a pair of lips found the crook of his neck.
Again, he was back on that mattress, where he belonged with Kyle, where he knew he wanted to be deep down. Those concerns – half formed and hideously panicked – were close to spilling from his lips now that Kyle had relinquished them. But amidst those shaky starting syllables were genuine moans, in response to the kisses and bites Kyle was leaving on his neck.
The hands on his chest moved treacherously slow down his body, Kyle applying an adequate amount of possessive pressure until he reached Eric's hips.
"Can I?" The question was humid and stinging in Eric's ear and he nodded.
Kyle was so assured and in control when his fingers hooked onto the waistband of Eric's boxers and tugged them from his hips. His cock was red and stiff when it met the cool air of the room and Kyle's body heart on top of him, and Eric whimpered quietly at the liberation. Kyle slid the now useless, damp material down Eric's thighs, his calves, before pulling the underwear from Eric's suspended ankles. Naked now, save for the blue time tether on his wrist.
Kyle loomed over him, powerful and mysterious in a way Eric had never considered before and he gulped as Kyle spread his legs a little wider, lifted them higher. Charged fingertips skimmed his thighs aloofly.
"Ready?" Kyle hummed the word, inches away from Eric's mouth. His hand reached for Eric's cock while expertly keeping his confident hold on him.
Eric bit back a relieved shout when Kyle's bare fingers touched his bare, pleading flesh. He couldn't speak, couldn't move because he didn't trust himself or his opposing thoughts waging war. He longed to be touched and kissed and for Kyle to bring them together, but he also feared the unrealized outcome of such fantastical expectations. Kyle appeared to believe in Eric. Why couldn't he believe in himself?
"Eric?" Kyle asked, moving his hand and loosening his hold. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"I…" Eric gasped. Had his breathing been this labored all evening? "I don't know…"
Kyle's eyes flashed and his brow knitted together. He backed away from Eric to allow him some space, but stayed close enough. Distance was always an all too pressing issue with them.
"What's the matter?" Kyle asked, and when Eric looked up at Kyle concern was painted on his face; sympathetic blush, imploring green irises and the simple sketch of an understanding smile.
"I don't…" Eric began, and then stopped. Kyle didn't need an excuse, he needed honesty. Eric looked to the rotating stars on the ceiling. "I'd feel stupid telling you, Kyle."
Kyle shook his head.
"Eric, that's…" Kyle began, before he looked to the constellations as well. "Whatever's wrong, I want to help you with it."
Eric fiddled with the silvery sheets when he asked with a small smirk, "you won't laugh at me?"
Kyle's smile peeled back a gleaming crescent moon.
"Of course not," he soothed, running a tentative hand down Eric's chest.
Eric nodded at the answer he already knew. Why was he even questioning himself when the faith he had in Kyle was ingrained in his heart, spurring on so many of his actions?
Still, he considered his questions so they wouldn't have to stumble over them for any longer than they should.
"You've – you've been in my situation before, right?" Eric asked, trying his hardest not to cringe.
"What?" Kyle responded, trying equally as hard to mask his perplexity. He chuckled, "well, obviously I've been a virgin-"
"No!" Eric interrupted; a flush steadily crawled up his body. "That's not what I meant…"
Kyle chuckled again, the dent in his brow deepening. "Then what do you – oh…" Kyle's gaze and voice trailed off to the space behind Eric's head.
"Well?" Eric pressed, more eager for an answer than ever. "Have you?"
Kyle took a short breath, looked in Eric's eyes and replied, "Yes…"
"Does it hurt badly?" Eric asked, and he couldn't help but squirm at the possible discomfort.
Kyle's eyebrows twitched and he broke his gaze with Eric to contemplate his answer. After a couple of seconds he returned to the question, but before the words came out of his mouth, Eric cut in:
"And be honest, Kyle," he warned with a smile.
Kyle cocked his head and grinned, "Would I be anything else with you?"
Eric shrugged and smirked, cheeks burning, "I guess not."
"Yeah, it does hurt," Kyle answered.
Eric's Adam's apple bobbed in his throat unexpectedly.
"But when you're with the right person, they'll make sure you're not uncomfortable for too long," Kyle continued, smiling down at Eric. "Once you get used to it, it feels amazing."
Eric nodded, but it didn't shake off the dreadful thought of Kyle's perfectly planned weekend ruined by his inexperience. He wanted to cherish his first time with Kyle, not to forget it.
Evidently, that nod wasn't enough to shake off the unsure expression on Eric's face either.
Kyle's gaze switched between Eric's face and the invisible loops he was drawing on his wide, soft chest.
"You're really that worried about it?" Kyle asked, illustrating the stringy cosmos on Eric's skin.
Eric looked up and Kyle and felt totally torn.
"I… Science, I don't know. Kyle," Eric softly despaired. "Don't get me wrong, I still want to do this and of course I trust you but I'm just… nervous all of a sudden."
"That's not a great start," Kyle responded, and Eric didn't know whether it was meant to be directed at him.
"No, it isn't," Eric agreed with a sigh. He rolled his eyes before bringing his hands to his face. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"
"Hey," Kyle said firmly, uncovering Eric's face before stroking his heated cheek. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you."
With that reassurance, Kyle thawed out an appreciative smile.
"Eric, I would never want to hurt you," Kyle said, as earnest as his touches.
"I know," Eric nodded.
"And I want to do this right," Kyle continued. "However that may be…"
Eric raised an eyebrow, embarrassment and nerves washed away by intrigue.
"So…" Kyle started, before glancing at the nightstand. "Go into my bag and hand me that lube."
Eric's eyes widened, confounded, and it was difficult to not look at Kyle as reached over, delved into the toiletry bag and pulled out the small bottle of lube. He handed it over silently and Kyle just as wordlessly opened the bottle before he started to apply a generous amount to his fingers.
Eric gulped before he asked, "What are you-"
"Taking a ride on you," Kyle interrupted with a grin to make Eric melt. "Is that alright?"
Eric's enthusiasm and arousal stirred. He nodded and wished he could bite back the smile spreading across his face. But it didn't matter when his wide smile refracted onto Kyle.
He watched as Kyle's hand moved over his abdomen, bypassed his erection and dove between his sweat-slick thighs. Kyle's fingers that had performed manipulations grand and slight on Eric's body drew his gaze to them now.
Eric observed the pads skim and tease Kyle's opening before his digits pressed keenly and vied for entry. Kyle gasped softly, as if his deft fingers and his own desires were independent from his body's responses. His index pushed and Kyle gasped again, as if that one finger was a force big enough to make his spine stand to attention. He then added his middle finger, huffing and squeezing his eyes shut as he began to stretch himself.
Eric had sat up in the meantime, resting his head against one of the throw cushions and watching completely enthralled; fascinated, nervous and turned on beyond belief.
The two fingers moved rigidly at first as Kyle adjusted to their presence inside him, but they continued to make small, tentative thrusts, and Kyle rode out his discomfort. His propulsions eventually quickened, tripled, stroking and thrusting and brushing harder and deeper against the approaching collection of tight nerves while his body seemed to collapse around him; his thighs trembled, his shoulders quivered, his body rocked in time with his hectic hand, his breath escaped in phantom moans from his throat and his head was thrown to the stars. Still, Kyle remained tall over Eric, sturdy and infallible, a stunning, sultry idol for Eric to devote himself to; he'd go crazy if he didn't. He was going crazy just watching him now…
The mattress squeaked as Eric carefully sat up and reached for a condom with shaking hands.
"Kyle?" He asked. His mouth was dry.
A noise of acknowledgement caught between a whine and a gasp left Kyle's lips.
"A-are you ready?" Eric asked, fiddling with the condom in his hand.
Kyle slowed, blinking at Eric with bleary eyes and Eric felt just as dazed. It seemed they were both coming back down to Earth.
Wracked with lust, Kyle nodded.
The short, excited laugh left Eric's mouth before he could stop it, still a little giddy, but he returned Kyle's glowing smile. He tore off the wrapper mindlessly – it seemed easier that way – with Kyle watching him.
"Need any help with that?" Kyle offered as Eric studied the foreign object in his hand.
"No, I got it, thanks…" Eric replied distractedly, clumsily stretching and rolling the condom over his throbbing cock whilst searching his mind for any tips from those hapless Sex Ed classes they'd had in elementary school.
He snickered triumphantly when he stared at his now sheathed erection, and in the silence that followed he noticed Kyle's eyes were on it too.
So what now?
Eric felt the initial stabs of panic in his chest, it slithered like acid on his tongue.
"What do I-"
"Just…"
Kyle didn't finish before he was hovering over Eric, his hands finding purchase on the sheets while Eric's gaze refused to stay still. His eyes flitted from Kyle's placid face to his own cock, and he wrapped his fingers around the base while he waited for Kyle. Unlike sex, Eric was well-versed in that.
Kyle's opening skimmed the head of Eric's cock, a blind, purposeful initiation. Eric shuddered at the brief contact, he didn't know where his libido ended and his mind began and all he could think about was how warm and tight Kyle would be. When he lifted his heavy gaze to Kyle, he could see his concentrated face, his eyes firmly shut and he noticed their labored breathing was synchronized.
They would fit and mesh and achieve their own perfection, just like they had achieved their own universe.
Eric's smile trembled, but when Kyle pressed down on him again – stripped of all reluctance – Eric shut his eyes and raised his hips, encouraging Kyle, enticing him. His head managed to fit in Kyle's – indeed tight – entrance, but not without a whine from the man above him and a rustle of sheets as Kyle adjusted and clung to the fabric.
Slouching his shoulders and tipping his head back just so, Eric moaned and cursed under his breath in surrender. Kyle was slowly engulfing him, and Eric's body pleaded capture, to be held like this always and for them to dually promise to never let each other go.
They had both shut each other away in their vision and when Eric was buried deep inside him Kyle rolled his hips slowly. Kyle's panting was like faraway sea calls in Eric's ears, as if they were bound but separated and that's when Eric knew he needed to open his eyes to look at Kyle. His soulmate, his captor, his star, his boyfriend, his mission, his one true belief, his everything.
Eric blinked a couple of times before Kyle was fully formed in his vision, staring right back at him with hazy eyes and a loose smile. They seemed to be looking at each other with strange, delirious approval.
"How's that feel?" Kyle whispered, his voice a threadbare, enchanting whisper.
"Good… tight…" Eric tried to breathlessly get out his reply. "You feel amazing, Kyle…"
"Eric?"
"Yeah?"
"Move," Kyle huffed as he rolled his hips hard enough to make Eric cry out and arch.
How could he not obey that command? Eric's thrusts were gentle at first, eyes studiously fixed on his swallowed cock and Kyle's flushed, bobbing erection to gauge his reaction to his stilted movements. But the groans and whimpers that rained from Kyle's mouth, and how his dexterous hips responded to Eric's thrusts were the perfect encouragement Eric needed to fuck Kyle harder and faster. Although admittedly, he was the more subdued and submissive of the two when he had the vivacious, experienced Kyle on top of him.
Drowning in pristine pleasure, exuberant, and sticking to the sheets, Eric's shimmering gaze floated to the man responsible for all of that. He stared, slack-jawed, at Kyle like he was discovering him and his love all over again. His heart drank in the incredible, near celestial scene until intoxicated, because Kyle was above him, bare and glistening and enraptured and moaning and the stars adorned his flesh like diamonds that had to be drawn to him. He was so overwhelmingly, impossibly beautiful that a lump forced its way into Eric's throat and he could've sobbed in the cosmic darkness. And here they were, connected and aching, intertwined and throbbing which meant Eric was just as beautiful in Kyle's eyes.
A coalition or a collision? Coincidence or fate? A hurtling, destructive force or a decimating, explosion to make life happen? Were they in reach of an explanation or simply indefinable? Either way, Eric saw Kyle's name in the constellations and comets scrawling their initials.
"I can't believe you're here…" Kyle moaned, as if spellbound, speaking over his relentless body. "I waited so long for you…. all of you… every part of you…"
That broken, heartfelt sentence was the combination needed to release Eric's tears. The rivulets slid down his cheek silently, as sensory overload deprived him of his ability to speak, to return the sentiment with the same fervency. He hoped his body would speak for him, but he still attempted a sentence
"Lo-love you…" He came up with, it was whispered, and he raised his crushed voice to make sure Kyle heard him. "S-so much, Kyle… I want to…"
"Huh?"
They were both clawing into coherency, as well as hoarding their heightened pleasure for as long as they could.
Eric supposed it was like Kyle's siren breathing all over again. They had traded in words for heated, vibrant conversations spoken in body language, rendering them deaf and inarticulate.
"Kiss you…" Eric managed, and Kyle smiled like he understood completely.
When Kyle's hips wound down, Eric sat up gingerly but it still caused Kyle enough discomfort to make him shout out.
"Shit," Eric gasped, wrapping his arms around Kyle. "Am I hurting you?"
Kyle shook his head, his smile quivering. He gripped Eric's bicep tightly for support and rested his drenched, near exhausted head on his shoulder.
"It's okay," Kyle murmured as he peppered strung-out kisses on Eric's skin. "I'm okay…"
Eric embraced Kyle for a moment, shaking and panting and sweating together.
"Let me kiss you," he whispered.
Kyle lifted his head from Eric's shoulder and smashed their lips together, another glorious ache to add to the others. Eric's hands slid from Kyle's back to his hips, fingers gliding down the lumbar rope of his spine, while Kyle chose to cup Eric's face, Eric's lips at his disposal. As their mouths melded and torrid tongues parted salty lips, their bodies rocked slowly, sedated and indulgent.
"Make me come, Eric…" Kyle moaned.
Another command Eric couldn't deny.
Eric picked up his pace as much as his hips would allow and he wrapped his hand around Kyle's cock that was already slippery with pre-cum. While Eric pumped and thrusted, Kyle's fingers clambered for Eric's broad shoulders and embedded themselves in his flesh. With his climax now hurtling, Kyle's hips rolled frantically and erratically as he fucked himself on Eric, crying out and throwing his head back to leave his neck exposed to Eric's teeth and lips.
Eyes a dark caramel, and mouth hungrily agape, Eric dove for Kyle's white neck, kissing and lapping up their mingled sweat and laving at sore lovebites. With Kyle so close to unravelling, it was Eric's duty to keep them both grounded. Still pumping at Kyle's cock, he slid his other hand from Kyle's hip to his ass, cupping a firm cheek and steadying Kyle's pace.
Kyle came first, lurching, and scrambling for purchase on Eric's back, searing his skin with pink impressions of his fingers and spilling all over Eric's hand. Eric came hard seconds later, shouting Kyle's name into his neck and stiffening like a lightning bolt as he held Kyle close and rode his orgasm out inside him. That strong, merciful shout petered off into failing, longing whispers, drowning echoes, and Eric rested his head on Kyle's heaving chest.
They remained tangled and intertwined for a while, in silence. Perhaps they needed time to individually reel. But when Eric nudged at Kyle with a nearly inaudible grunt, and when Kyle turned his head and nosed at Eric's ear, filling it with soft, deep breaths, they both knew they were finished.
Their eyes met at the same time and their mouths fused immediately, kisses sloppy from exhaustion and satisfaction. Kyle's hands glided from Eric's back to his arms, gently guiding them both back to the rumpled bed and they continued to kiss on top of each other as if time came second.
A rare notion in their relationship.
Eric's body was sore, numb and undoubtedly changed, but the constellations still performed on the ceiling and the pretend planets still rotated. Even if, only for a second, Eric could've sworn they had all stopped, like the world had ceased turning.
They continued to kiss until the mess they had made of themselves became difficult to ignore. Cringing at the cooling cum between them and exchanging bashful smiles, Eric and Kyle separated and went about cleaning themselves off.
Away from Kyle, Eric was reeling at what had transpired between them and his sixteen year old self felt like a devoid, lonely memory. Eric had blinked when Kyle reached out for him and touched his hand. When he turned to Kyle, Eric saw he had the most encouraging smile on his face, one that murmured that they should get under the covers.
Eric was now nestled under the sheets, with his head on Kyle's chest, while Kyle's arm was wrapped around his shoulder, fingers clutching and stroking his soaked hair. Conversation didn't disturb their deep, mellowed breathing until Eric asked:
"What time is it?"
Kyle shifted and craned his neck to peer at the clock on the nightstand.
"Twelve thirty," he replied before returning his gaze to Eric. "Are you tired?"
"I don't know if I feel tired or just spent."
Kyle chuckled, "there's a difference?"
"Yeah," Eric smiled, "you can be tired and not ridiculously happy and satisfied."
Eric felt the hum of Kyle's laughter, imagined his amused smirk. Kyle buried his nose in Eric's hair, planting a kiss on his forehead, his chest rising and falling contently and his eyes closed as he just lay there for a minute.
Eric loved knowing he could make Kyle feel so at peace.
"What do we do now?" Eric asked once the beat had passed.
Kyle lifted his head just slightly and fingered Eric's hair. "You mean tonight?"
"The rest of the weekend," Eric clarified, "besides skiing."
"I'm sure there are plenty of other things to do besides skiing," Kyle replied, and Eric tilted his body so he could look at him while he spoke. "They have a swimming pool and a spa and a woodland trail for walking…" Kyle paused then, mischief sparking in his eyes. "Or we could just stay in bed all weekend, order room service, and fuck each other's brains out?"
Eric's cock twitched, and he imagined what a delicious combination chocolate, champagne, whipped cream, strawberries and Kyle's naked body and tongue would make. Decadent and divine.
Biting his lip, Eric cuddled closer to Kyle. "Give me another couple minutes and we can go again, if you want?" Previous insecurities vanished.
Kyle grinned, resting his cheek on Eric's head. "Mmm, that's what I like to hear…"
But it seemed that exhaustion thwarted their eagerness, both of them asleep within minutes. Eric closed his eyes, under the stars, still sedated by coital contentment.
Before slumber could pervade him however, he made one last wish to the stars that he and Kyle could stay like this forever. And felt a small, sinister pang of reality while doing so.