Sues Make the Mad King Madder

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the abomination that is "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha" and the abominations that are its OCs.

Tge mad king GALBATORIX paced the throne room mencingly.

"Galbatorix, there is no way that she spelled your name right," Angela interrupted.

"She did," Galbatorix lied.
"Doesn't she call you Galbrattleax?" Katrina inquired.

"She doest not!" Galbatorix shouted.

"If my name must be mutilated and it must be read that way, then yours must be too," Nasuada whispered dangerously.

"I will not…."

"You will," Angela declared.

"Fine," Galbatorix grunted.

Tge mad king galbrattleax paced the throne room mencingly. Wel he really look supid, but hs'es suppoed to oook mencing. Cp said so. Just roll with it.

"I will not stand for these insults!" Galbatorix shouted. "I do too look menacing."

Everyone except Angela seemed to concur with this statement.

"Keep reading," she said calmly as she examined her nails.

"Angela, you're amazing," Murtagh said, admiration in eyes.

"You do have Nasuada, remember?" Angela replied.

"Yes, remember me? The one you kissed in front of everyone? Twice!" Nasuada shouted.

Thorn started snickering.

Oh, shut up, Murtagh growled.

Thorn laughed even harder.

You're so mean to your rider, Saphira chided.

You're mean to me, Eragon protested.

Not that mean, Saphira retorted.

That's what I mean, Eragon whined.

Oh, shut up, Saphira said.

You are mean to him! Thorn said.

Oh, shut up, Saphira snapped.

Murtagh, we have somebody with your problem, Thorn teased.

"If you people don't mind, I would like to finish this insult to my majesty!" Galbatorix shrieked.

Everyone froze in place while Galbatorix continued.

He was thinking bout his daughters.

"Ooh, maybe she doesn't object to incest either!" Arya said with surprising glee.

Galbatorix shifted his gaze to her, eyes bulging, and spluttered, "List, elf. LIST! Oh, if only I had gotten you instead of Durza! You think that he was bad? You think that he was bad? Actually, you know what? I wish that Durza was here to torture you, and then I could torture you, and it could be really, really bad."

"Did you have to wish that I was here?" a lazy voice drawled.

"Durza!" Galbatorix, Eragon, and Arya all shouted at once.

"I killed you," Eragon insisted.

"Okay, one, you only killed me because your dragon was magically able to breathe fire at the right moment and because the elf was strong enough to break through that stupid ceiling," Durza retorted. "Second, I wasn't actually killed. The spirits and I were just transported to this really great place called Vegas. I tell you, if every place in the world were like Vegas, a man need never feel lonely. And if every actor in the world were as good as Johnny Depp, movies need never suck again."

"What's a movie?" Angela asked.

"I don't really know how it works, but it's pretty cool," Durza rhapsodized.

"I stabbed you through the heart with a flaming sword! How can you not be dead?" Eragon asked.

"Well, actually, you stabbed one centimeter of an inch to the right of my heart, which caused me to be transported to another world, and my hold on the Urgals to be broken. And then my ungrateful master finally wishes that I could be back here. Do you know how much that sucks for me? I had a chick waiting in the hot tub."

"Why did you have a bird waiting in a tub of hot water?" Roran asked.

"Well, Shades do have very weird fetishes," Trianna said. When everyone looked at her, she shouted, "Why does everyone think I'm a slut?"

"It's the story," Eragon replied. "It's corrupting us."

"A chick is a woman. A human woman," Durza said.

"And you're paying for her?" Arya asked.

"Why do you automatically assume that I am paying for her?" Durza asked icily.

"Well, why else would she go for you?" Arya retorted.

Durza raised an eyebrow at her and then said, "Now, master, why did you wish that I was back here? Because I'd really like to go back to Vegas."

"This is why," Galbatorix replied holding up the frilly pink abomination.

"What's wrong with it?" Durza asked. "Besides the fact that it's pink."

"There is nothing wrong with pink!" Trianna, Nasuada, and Katrina shouted.

Arya didn't bother to mention the fact that she didn't like pink. It had been said enough.

"What's wrong with it, you ask?" Galbatorix inquired, his eye twitching again.

"Not even the mighty Gûntera himself could explain all the wrongs of this book," Orik said. "It's disgusting, obscene, revolting, contradictory..."

"One of her two overly perfect characters insults me, mutilates my name, and calls me a prudish hussy every time she mentions me," Nasuada said.

"The other one insults me every time she mentions me," Trianna put in.

"She insulted my race…" Arya began.

"…And mine," Orik added.
"She made me monosyllabic," Roran shouted.

"She killed me off so that her much abused sub-Sue could take my fiancée," Katrina said.

"She also executed me for no reason last chapter," Arya added.

"She killed me after having sex with me!" Orrin whined.

"At least one of her characters must have sex every chapter," Murtagh said.

And they continued to explain the abomination that you all have already read.

"Am I in it?" Durza asked.

"No," everyone admitted.

"That's good to know," Durza replied. "So, why am I here?"

"You are here to read this for me," Galbatorix replied. "This chapter is in my POV. Since you are my minion and don't count as your own person, that is your task."

Arya didn't bring up the fact that she thought that Durza was there to torture her. That had never been fun.

"Oh no you don't!" Angela shouted. "You are reading your chapter as it is your turn, and Durza's turn will only come after you are done with your turn. That's the rule, and even kings must abide by the rules."

"Damn you and your rules," Galbatorix hissed.

"And the same to you," Angela replied, smiling.

He was also thinking of their frind Raeynne. She was real hawt.

"NO! No, she is not! What is wrong with this girl?" Galbatorix screamed.

"Well, based on this, I'd say she's mentally impaired, somewhat illiterate, and possibly a nymphomaniac," Angela replied.

That was rhetorical question, Solembum remarked.

"Well, you know how I love answering those," Angela retorted.

"Keep reading," Nasuada ordered. "We need to finish this quickly."

"I can't wait for Durza to get his," Arya put in.

"Oh, shut up," Durza retorted.

"That's the best you could come up with? Has this Vegas place dulled your mind? Eragon, why couldn't you have hit him in the heart instead of one centimeter to the right?" Arya asked.

"I hate you all," Durza said, glaring.

"You hate me?" Galbatorix asked, puzzled.

"Oh yeah. I hate you. You brought me back from Vegas and claimed that I'm not my own person," Durza replied.

"Read for me, and I'll send you back?" Galbatorix offered.

"Done!" Durza said.

"Rules are rules, as Angela has said, so Durza does not read for Galbatorix, and he does not go back to Vegas," Nasuada interrupted sweetly. "Now, please, continue reading."

Angela gave Galbatorix a look that clearly said, "Do it," and Galbatorix did it.

He nw it was kidna sick to like a seventeen uear old girl, but he was sick. I men hes Galby.

"Galby? What kind of a nickname is Galby?" Galbatorix interrupted himself once again.

"It's better than Taggy Honey," Murtagh said with a shrug.

"He has a point," Nasauda added. "And at least your misspelling is consistent."

She ha that eamzin blond hair that was real too ple but Glby's weird and likes pale so yeah. And he hates multicolored heir.

"Which isn't at all natural," Trianna added.

"And yet I am supposed to like things that aren't natural," Eragon remarked.

"Isn't Amowiel partially pale?" Nasuada cut in.

"She's paleishly tan," Murtagh grunted.

"Well, I do like pale," Galbatorix remarked. Then he glared at the book and barked, "It's still disgusting."

And her skin was soooooooooooooooo white and her eyes were sooooooooooooooooo blue.

"Gods, why must I draw out these soooooooooooooos? It's soooooooooooooooooooo annoying," Galbatorix demanded.

Everyone in the room looked completely shocked.

"Did you hear that?" Murtagh asked. "Did you hear that? Did he just say something mildly funny that wasn't completely sadistic as well?"
He's making progress, Solembum conceded.

"Well, since we're all proud of you, keep reading," Angela ordered.

"Am I really that unfunny?" Galbatorix asked.

Angela nodded.

"Durza?" Galbatorix demanded, his eye twitching yet again.

"That's the first joke I've heard from you," Durza replied. "Then again, since I don't count as my own person, I don't know why you're asking my opinion."

"Which is exactly why I am not accepting your opinion right now," Galbatorix retorted after a moment of shock. He hadn't remembered Durza acting this defiant before. Maybe this was what Vegas did to people. Maybe this was Murtagh's problem. But then again, maybe not.

Feeling more confident in himself, the mad king began to read again.

And Galby little people. Amowiel was too tall of rhim.

"She's my daughter! I mean, she thinks she's my daughter! I shouldn't be judging others' beauty by hers," Galbatorix protested.

Do you think she cares? Solembum asked.

"Even I can tell that she doesn't, and I just got here," Durza put in.

Galbatorix gulped and read through gritted teeth.

He rpretit figure with its little pretty tits little hips skinny body and short boby really truned him on. He didn't like taller girls like Amowiel and Estelena with bigger boobs cause pedos like kids and he was a pedo.

I always knew he was a pedophile, Thorn joked to Murtagh. The other managed to keep his face perfectly straight.

"I still heard that!" Galbatorix shouted.

He wanted Raeynne. He needed Raeynne.

"Oh, I can't do this!" Galbatorix complained.

"Stop whining. Are you a king or not? Okay, you're a very bad king which is why my country is fighting this war against you, but I've suffered as much if not more than this," Orrin retorted. "Just keep reading, damnit. Not all of us of very powerful evil minions waiting to be summoned back from…well, I guess it wasn't the dead…to read in our places. You don't deserve it either."

"Well, then, may I go back to Vegas?" Durza asked, rising.

"No!" Arya and Galbatorix shouted at the same time. Galbatorix looked at her curiously, and Arya explained.

"I'm suffering. I've already suffered at his hands, so now he must suffer because I have helped to make him stay here and read his share of this abomination."

Durza's lips slowly curled into a feral grin, and he said, "Now you're sadistic."

"It's their fault," Arya retorted, pointing at the book.

And everyone knos that Galby's tast sucks, but what would you expect? I mean, he's Glaby.

"Oh, my taste does not suck," Galbatorix shouted.

"Well, not architecturally," Durza agreed.

"The prisons weren't so nice, but the rest of it was," Murtagh added. "I mean, Urû'baen is the greatest city in the empire even if that just is because he destroyed the rest of the competition."
"We're talking about my taste in women here!" Galbatorix interrupted.

"What women?" Murtagh asked.

"Never you mind," Galbatorix said, brushing Murtagh away with his hand.

And now Galbrattleax had a new msion beside destroying his much awesomr daughters and their bfs. He wanted to fuck Raeynne, the muc less awesome.

"Well, now you know how I feel," Roran said to Galbatorix.

"Excuse me?" the king asked.

"Well, we've both been given to the supposedly lesser Sue, and our intelligence is seriously undermined," Roran replied.

Galbatorix refused to admit that he had a point and continued to read.

And then that stpid no-sentence sayng cousn of Eragon's had gotten in her pants. It was soooooooooo not fair.

"I just wish that I could have one crown for every o that she puts in her so's," Nasuada remarked.

"I do too. Then we could stop making lace," Trianna added.

"But you like pink," Eragon said.

"Well, yes, but it would help if we had more time for other things," Trianna replied.

"It's still pretty much the same thing," Eragon continued. "Why don't you make pink lace?"

Trianna then realized that he was teasing her, and she glared at him.

Galbrattleax gessed that he'd kill Roran along ith Gon-Gon and Taggy and Leni and Amowiel. Then he'd fuck Raeynne. Just a shame that Ary awas already ded. Oh well. Least Estelena had done one good thing of rhim.

"Though what good she has done any of us, I cannot say," Orik stated. "Now read the part where she brutally insults all those who do not worship her story."

"I hate being dead," Arya said.

"Actually, being dead means that she can't torture you anymore than she's already done," Orrin remarked.
"That's why I'm glad that she doesn't know that I'm not quite dead," Durza put in. "I just hope that she doesn't bring me back for some reason."

"It would be a good punishment for you disobedience," Galbatorix said.

"What disobedience? Isn't he the disobedient one?" Durza asked, pointing at Murtagh.

"I'm just glad that I didn't get screwed this chapter, and I got tortured by him," Murtagh said. "I think I've been punished enough."

Galbatorix was just staring at the book. He couldn't believe what he'd just read.

"You have to read the review responses, you know," Angela told him.

He continued to stare at the book. Then he got up and started stomping on it.

"Ow!" he shouted.

"What?" Durza asked.

"It hurt my foot," Galbatorix whined.

"All that power, and he stomps on it," Durza muttered. For once, Galbatorix didn't hear him.

"Let me see that," Orik said, drawing his axe. He raised it and brought it down onto the book. The axe bounced off of the book.

"Everyone stop trying to hurt it!" Nasuada shouted. "It's invulnerable."

"I noticed," Murtagh said.

"Do you want me to Arya you?" Nasuada asked, brandishing the book.
"You like me too much to do that," Murtagh replied, grinning slightly.

Nasuada sighed and handed the book back to Galbatorix.

"Oh, you've become a verb," Orrin said brightly.

Arya glared at him, and Orrin silently thanked the gods that Nasuada had the book.

"Trianna, were all of the Sues fics that you found invulnerable?" Katrina asked.

The sorceress nodded.
"Did you actually read all of them?" Eragon asked.

Trianna nodded grimly.

"She's a braver man than you are, cousin," Roran teased.

"As it should be," Trianna said smugly.

"Hey!" Eragon shouted.

Trianna leaned over and kissed him.

Galbatorix glared at them, and the anger gave him the guts to continue reading.

Yeah, I know he's sick, but whajiya expect?

"I am not sick! I am not a pedophile! She knows nothing!" Galbatorix shouted.

"You're just realizing this now?" Arya asked.

Galbatorix's eyes bulged, and he shouted, "List!"

"See, the trick with him is to shut up and not say anything or think it too loudly," Durza whispered to her.

"That's the first smart thing you've said this whole time," Galbatorix remarked.

"He's almost as mean to you as he is to me," Murtagh remarked.
"He still hates me the most," Arya put in.

"Shut up!" Galbatorix shouted.

Anhoo her are the revie responses.

Lime green frogz: I am not! An dthey eat frogzg in Franfe! Hah!

QueenOfTheUnknown: They would too do that! their so obviousy bedophiles. God. You're soooooooooooooo dum. (That misspelling is a tribute to the high school boys whom my friend once saw arguing over how to spell the word dumb. And no, not one of them guessed dumb.)

ILUVERAGON: I know right? And I'm glad you agre. Non one else agrees.

I heart Amowiel: Thanks so much. You'v ehat a great dhnge of heart.

"No, my supporter is gone," Trianna wailed.

"I still support you," Eragon said.

Trianna grabbed him and pulled him into a very deep kiss.

"Hey, no sucking face while I'm reading!" Galbatorix shouted.

They broke apart disappointedly.

GreenTeaHoney: roran ins't quick thianking.

"He saved a village and me," Katrina protested.
"I helped a bit," Eragon added feebly before Katrina's glare shut him up.

And sex isnt' the only tin in their reliationsphip.

Murtagh started laughing hysterically.

He sounds so cynical, Solembum said. I'm almost proud of him.

And why us a dictionary.

Brix: Wat's worign with that? And I am not insecure. And I don't fel threatened by Naduad and Arya and Tiranni.
"At least it's not Anunada," Murtagh said.

And he was so close to being as cynical as I am, Solembum remarked sadly.

"You're right," Nasuada said. "You're right."

"I'm always right," Murtagh said.

Nasuada rolled her eyes at him.

Sailors are col! I'm produ to swere like one. And if you the my story stop reading.

Saddend Fae: then stop reading sin ceyou can't appreciated it.

Zartcthedrakone: So what? And I didn't.

NacthRitter:I I'm fifteen good. And generalizing deatial is a contradiction right? Ha. Hypocrit. And they are not wet dreamsn. NAd those sare healthy.

Kitty and Amythest: You burn in hell! Rudker

Adi Sagestar: Dito

Jedi Master Evenstar: the pet name are qhtouhg out. Fukc of.

"They are not well thought!" Murtagh protested.

Spiritual Bob: Least im' not fucki goffic.

DaveDieMotimiya: FinallY! You're like my borther/siter/thingy. Thanks go much.

StagneAeons; It wasn't' hiroible or boring and Cep desribes lots. Why can't it/And Erry and Taggy are alike. Cp says it. And Amowiel and Estelena are sister. Duh.

"We're not that alike," Murtagh and Eragon muttered simultaneously.

AppaAndMomoForever: Only that wouln't happen cause Leni and Amowiel are too awesome

(A/N: I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Heidi Klum's oldest daughter. My monstrosity shouldn't share her name as she is only four or something like that.)

Julia: yes and fuck you.

Leila: didtoo.

Amy: ditoo

Badinfluence: iddidn't do anything

"Besides Eragon, Roran, Orrin, Narí, Lifaen, and I," Murtagh muttered.

And Amowiel had a good reason for wht she did. Tiranni didn't. Duh.

"I did too," Trianna retorted. "Eragon's very attracted."
Both Murtagh and Roran pretended to gag.

The puetualnt Puprel princess: I hate you you're sick.

"And my torture is over," Galbatorix said, handing the book to Durza.

Trianna shook her head.
"What is it, sorceress?" he asked.
"I'm sure that it's only just beginning," she replied.

And I'm sorry that I couldn't update before I left. The last few days before were packing and cleaning the house so that the person who took care of my demonic cat and my very sweet turtle could see how clean we are. And we left for the airport six hours before the actual flight, which was delayed about an hour anyway. I'm so sorry. I tried, but I couldn't finish everything. And by the way, who loved The Deathly Hallows? I did. Well, here are my responses. I swear that they will be insult free and legible.

Invaderem: I probably will.

Cassie Winchester: I tried in this chapter. I hope you liked it.

Lime green frogz: I know. It's amazing. And you'll see about Eragon Ridher.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Well, I hope you liked it.

I heart Amowiel: You are truly brave, my friend.

GreenTeaAndHoney: Thanks so much. I will update Black on White soon. I feel really ashamed about that one. I don't know why it's taking me so long, really.

Brix: I do too.

Nyx92: Well, it is mainly to poke fun, but it does have an end. And there's a plot somewhere. I swear. Sorry that you don't like the fluff.

Mariano's-twins: I really don't know. That's a good question. Well, I'm happy for Atlanta.

Saddened Fae: Thank you.

Sunkistgurl10: I'm glad that you headache's gone.

Nacht-Ritter: Yeah, that would've been interesting.

Padfoot and Stacey: I'm glad that I surprised you.

Diedlaughing.bfd: I'm glad. Thanks.

Wannabeanauther: Yeah, I like Roran too. I'm glad that you liked him in this fic.

Subeiko: Yes, as a matter of fact, he isn't much older than that. But Eragon Ridher probably doesn't realize that. Oh, and I brought Durza back for your enjoyment.

Cheesey Goodness: Yeah, I'm trying to make it like an actual Sue-fic.

Lurker Anon.: Yeah, I know that.

Random Little Writer: Thanks.

Kitty Amethyst: Interesting. And, Amethyst, I'm sorry that she can never spell your name right.

Adi Sagestar: Well, they're pretty much the same person in different bodies.

ThePurpleRose: That will probably happen soon.

Rajion1: Well, Arya's dead, and Eragon Ridher doesn't like her enough to give her a Stu.

Darth Vyper: Thanks.

Za Webmaster Authoress: I did. Thanks. I hope that you liked this.

Whispering Lilies: I hope that you thought that his karma was cruel and funny.

Jedi Master Evenstar: Oh yeah. I loved that movie. Emo Peter was funny.

Spiritual Bob: Thanks.

Caramelboost: Thanks. Hope you like your food.

Du Shur'tugalar Freohr: Thank you so much. I'll try to include some of your suggestions. A scarySue is a good idea. And Nasuada making the Varden evil could be cool too. We could have another execution without a trial.

Weras12: I hope that you liked this.

AppaAndMomoForever: Thanks.

WWMTgirl: Thanks. I liked the social security number thing.

Mecha Scorpion: Yeah, you have a point.

Dagger Pen: Well, I hope that you liked it, and I'm so sorry about the lack of update.

The Petulant Purple Princess: Actually, that would probably sum this whole fic up.