*rises from the dead* hey all ;v;
My writing has gone to rubbish so I pray I manage ahah
Disclaimer: I don't own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi.
Credit to white . affection !
Recommended BGM: Sekaiichi Hatsukoi OST 1: Track 15 - Koi Wa Setsunaku (funny cause the title means love is painful :^))
- two weeks later -
"Good to go?" Misako asked after Takano opened the door for her. She walked into his apartment, noticing how everything was tidied up and the last few bags were placed by the lounge area. Takano had already moved most of his work items to a spare room in Masaru's house, which would become his office and bedroom space. Shiori's room was beside Takano's, separated by a sliding door. Many of her school items were already moved over and placed in the house, now it was time to bring over their last bits of clothes.
"Yeah, just double-checking a few things, but I should be fine. I can do the laundry anyway." Takano said as he kneeled down to straighten up Shiori who had just placed on her jacket. Tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear, Takano kissed her forehead before grabbing his bags. "Shio, are you able to take your bag?"
"Mm, I can do it." She piped up as she lifted her bag. Takano smiled a little as he ruffled her hair a little.
"Good girl."
"So, you just want me to keep checking this apartment whenever I'm able to right?" Misako asked, having checked the entire apartment in case the pair had left anything behind.
"Every second day if possible." Misako hummed in response before realising how scarce the apartment had become.
"Wait, are you moving everything over to Father's house?" Misako asked, confusion fluttering through as she turned to look at Takano. "You're going to come back in like two months. Actually, less than two months by now, so why?"
Takano lifted the bag strap and slung it over his shoulder, before amber eyes looked straight into deep brown ones. He wanted to say something, but decided against it as he turned away from the woman.
"What?" Misako's question was left in the air as Takano ushered his daughter out into the hallway, before Misako came rushing after them.
"Masamune, what are you planning?"
"It's nothing serious, don't worry." Takano dismissed as he walked on to the elevator. "Look after my apartment, okay?"
"Yes…" Misako could only say as she watched Takano and Shiori enter the elevator. Silence had soon enveloped her, and she brought out her phone to check the time.
"Well shit, I'm gonna be late for work."
"Wait, what are these?" Onodera asked, watching his mother push a stack of cards into his hands as he headed out of the house.
"You're heading out, aren't you? So why don't you drop by your old work to hand these invitations to your co-workers?" 'Invitations?' Onodera looked down to see the details briefly, eyes widening slightly at the date.
"Mother, the wedding is in less than two months…" 'Has a lot of time really passed…?'
"We've finished most of the preparations, and decided on inviting people who were close to us. It will be a small wedding, like you requested. You were in that conversation, remember?"
"I was?" If the brunet had to admit, he couldn't recall many things since he left Marukawa. Much of everything until now was a blur. He wasn't formally taking over at Onodera Publishing yet, since his father still was working on how to pass things over properly to his son, and was planning on heading out to the library to clear himself of his thoughts.
If Onodera was honest with himself, he would know the main reason why he couldn't focus as much as he used to.
"Ritsu," Kaya admonished, taking the invitations out of his hands and placing it to the side. "Really," Onodera suddenly grew nervous when his mother took hold of his hands gently, her thumbs caressing the back of his hands. Knowing where the conversation was going, the brunet interjected.
"Mother, I'm fin—"
"No, Ritsu, tell me what's going on." She insisted, concern washing over her features. She knew she often controlled much of Onodera's life at times, but it was with nothing but the best intentions for her son. She loved him very much, and was even surprised at Onodera's change of heart when he resigned from Marukawa. She knew Onodera was an indecisive person, unless he had truly set his mind on something. And so by this, she concluded that something was on his mind as of recent.
"Ritsu, what's wrong? You've been spacing out recently and I want to know what's on your mind."
"No, it's nothing…"
Onodera let his eyes travel down to their hands, sighing as he tried to think of a response. Before he could continue, Kaya interjected,
"Is there someone else?"
Onodera's heart dropped and he grew cold. His hands felt frozen in Kaya's hold as he stared at their hands.
"…Ritsu?"
'There is.'
'He's the reason why I've been spacing out.'
'He's always on my mind.'
'I can't bring myself to forget him.'
'I don't want to leav—'
"T-…There isn't." Onodera forced out, finding it difficult to voice out those words.
"…I'm just nervous, about everything. But I do want to marry An. It's just a really huge change for me." He continued, swallowing the lump in his throat. Slipping his hands away, Onodera was quick to gesture to the discarded invitations, not wanting to have this conversation any longer.
"Here, pass me the invitations, I'll go to Marukawa."
A few weeks had long passed since Onodera's last interaction with Takano, and the brunette was nothing short of worried as he entered Marukawa Publishing, hoping that nothing serious would happen while he was there.
'I guess, Mother set the wedding two months in advance, and the first month's nearly over.' Onodera thought as he chewed at the inside of his mouth.
'God, I don't want to see Takano-san.'
Looking up, Onodera sighed as the sign lit up the floor number he pressed on earlier, signalling that he arrived at his designated floor.
'If only I was able to mail these to the department…' He fidgeted with the cards he held in his hand as he stepped out of the elevator and hung his head low as to not cause a fuss amongst all the familiar faces he passed by. He bumped into someone because of this and was quick to apologise to whomever he walked into.
"Oh, no that's okay! Don't worry about it—eh?! Ricchan?!" Onodera lifted his head up to see his old co-worker, blinking a few times in surprise and with a dorayakiin hand.
"A-Ah, Kisa-san…" Onodera started as he gave a small smile as he shuffled through the cards he held in his hand, intending to pass one over to the raven-haired male. "I—"
"Guys, look who's here!" Kisa quickly grabbed onto Onodera's wrist and pulled him into the editing department where everyone was, except Takano, who was absent from his desk.
"Ah, Onodera-kun! How've you been?" Mino greeted warmly, his usual smile plastered onto his face. Hatori greeted him as he passed by the pair, saying that he had to quickly head out to 'set Yoshikawa-sensei straight'.
"It's good to see that you're well." Hatori commented before he made his way out. Onodera laughed lightly in return, recalling the last encounter he shared with Takano a few nights ago. He was brought out of his thoughts as Misako called his name.
"Why are you here, Onodera-san?" Misako questioned, frowning at him slightly as she placed her manuscript down. The brunette in question faltered slightly before composing himself as he held up the cards in his hand.
"Ah…my parents wanted me to give you guys invitations to…my wedding." His voice was barely audible as he explained himself, but he was drowned out nonetheless due to Kisa's cheers.
"I can't wait! Must be wonderful, finally being able to spend the rest of your life with the one you love the most!" Kisa complimented, giving Onodera a few hard pats on the back as he handed out the invites.
"Did…did you get one for Takano-san?" Misako asked, staring the brunette down. She kept her tone rather light, though her hand was tightly clenching the marker she had in her grasp.
Emerald eyes drifted over to her figure, before closing them as he took a deep breath.
"…yes, one for Takano-san as well." Onodera murmured softly as he placed an invitation on Takano's empty desk. Onodera could tell that Misako wanted to say something about it, but decided against it, and he was glad.
'I honestly don't know what I'll do if I think about Takano-san anymore than I already do.'
"Obviously he'd get one for Takano-san!" Kisa laughed. "Imagine, I wonder how he'd react if he found that he wasn't invited along." Mino laughed along to that comment, adding, "Onodera-kun might get a scolding if he ever did that." He joked. Onodera stiffened as he gave his last invite to Misako before making his way to the entrance of the department.
"S-Sorry that I can't stay any longer…I-uh, I've a few plans for today." Onodera chuckled a little, hiding his nervousness. "I hope to see all of you there." Misako's grip on the invite tightened as she chewed on the inside of her mouth, stopping herself from saying anything unnecessary.
"Yeah, I look forward to it." Misako commented quietly, her eyes never leaving her desk. Onodera watched on as he fiddled with his shirtsleeve before turning his attention to the other two editors.
"Count me in, that's for sure!" Kisa smiled warmly as he waved his old co-worker goodbye. "Can't wait!"
"I wonder if it'll be big…" Mino wondered. "Is it alright if I bring my son along? No one else is looking after him at home, so…"
"Ah, that will be alright!" Onodera reassured as he put on another smile, surprised that Mino had a child. "Well, I'll take my leave, I'll see you soon."
"See you soon, Onodera-kun!" Mino smiled as he watched the brunette leave hastily, before returning back to work.
"Wow…he seems so busy nowadays." KIsa smiled as he sat back at his desk.
"Mm, he is back in Onodera Publishing, after all. Can't be helped." Mino replied back as he read through his manuscript once again. "That's his job."
"Can you believe he had the nerve to walk into the department like that?!" Misako exclaimed in aggravation as she paced around her apartment. After Onodera had paid a visit, Misako decided to call Takano that night about what had happened.
"It can't be helped. I'm going to assume his parents made him go, since it's unlike him to decide on coming to Marukawa, if it meant there was the possibility of seeing me." Takano responded over the call as he pushed his glasses back up, eyes focused down on the manuscript he had in his hands rather than his computer. Misako's eye twitched slightly as she stopped to look at her computer screen. She sighed loudly, resuming her pacing.
"But still! Doesn't he get that he won't be happy? If there wasn't anyone around I'd tell him off for not settling things with you first!"
Takano lifted his eyes to look at his laptop, suppressing a sigh. 'There she goes again, thinking she can put her nose in other people's business…'
"If you were in his position, you'd do the same thing."
Misako turned her head to her laptop screen, sighing once again as she finds Takano on the other end of the call, working through his manuscript.
'Come to think of it, Masamune's responses have been really grating on my nerves. Why do they sound so…apathetic?'
Noticing the long silence, Takano lifted his head up to look at the video call, seeing Misako staring at him quietly.
"Everything's fine, Misako." 'I wish she'd just drop it.'
Misako chewed on her lip, worry flitting through her features. She knew that tone and line too well, having heard it once too many times in the dim early morning light where she'd find Takano resting against the wall of his college dorm after a long night of drinking and losing himself in the haze of partying and sex.
"You idiot…you're not fine…" Misako watched as Takano put his manuscript down and pulled off his glasses, seriousness colouring his eyes.
"It's stupid not choosing me over his parents' needs', but it's beyond stupidity to pour an entire career and years worth of education, experience and preparation for this very moment down into a drain." The woman frowned as she sat back down onto a couch, staring at the other silently, as if trying to decipher his feelings.
"I was just a high school love of his. It's nothing big, so we're better off moving on anyhow."
"But Masamune-!" 'God fucking damn it.'
"Misako, quit it." The woman stopped as she stared at Takano's irritated expression.
"I'm not talking about this anymore. Shut up." Irritation bubbled up inside of her, ready to retaliate at him.
"Now look here you assh—"
"Papa? Who are you talking to?"
"Hm? No, it's just your auntie. Do you want to say hi to her?" Misako watched as a small girl came into view and was lifted onto Takano's lap.
"Hi, obasan." She greeted shyly.
"Ahh, Shiori-chan, I'm not that old yet," Misako sighed. "Call me Misako-neechan, okay?"
"Ehh, but that's strange. Anyway, you should come visit us." The little girl smiled a little then. "Grandpa's been asking for you."
Misako gazed at her warmly. "I would, if only your father came back here and settled out his problems with his lover." She snapped, narrowing her eyes at Takano.
"Hey. Not in front of her." Takano cut in with a glare of his own.
"Eh? Lover?"
"Don't listen to her, she's just pulling your leg. Anyway, go eat dinner, I'll be there in a bit. Say bye to your auntie." Misako smiled and waved as Shiori jumped off of Takano's lap and waved goodbye before leaving the room. Bringing her gaze back to Takano, she noticed that there was some residual tension still between them. Not wanting to put Takano in a bad mood, she decided to change topics for both of their sakes, lest she'd want to cause an argument.
"So…what will you do now? Are you going to respond to the invitation? Or do you really think it's fine leaving things as they are?" Takano kept his eyes cast down towards his keyboard as he sighed.
"I'll come to his wedding. It's the least I could probably do." Takano muttered softly as he turned his gaze to his desk, sighing softly.
"…you don't have to push yourself like that—"
"No. I'll go. And…I'll give it to him."
"Wait, you still—"
"I was waiting for the right time…but, I guess better late than never." He said, falling into his thoughts for a moment.
"You know…when things were turning out right, all of this just had to happen." Takano started, looking off to the side.
"I wish I did this much earlier…" The raven mused, turning to look at his screen again.
"I'm gonna head off, I need to eat dinner with Shio."
"Fine…okay." Misako relented, giving a soft smile to Takano, trying to lighten the mood. "Say hi to Father for me."
"Will do. Talk to you soon." Takano said before he hung up.
Closing his laptop lid, Takano buried his face into his hands, resting his elbows on the desk.
"God…"
Takano remained like that for a while, his wounds reopening once again as he combed his fingers through his hair.
'Calm down, calm down…'
'Ritsu.'
He closed his eyes, the burning sensation becoming unbearable.
"…why?" Takano whispered, opening his eyes, his vision blurred.
'Why didn't you trust me?'
'Why did you leave me behind?'
'Why couldn't you choose me?'
Countless questions swirled around Takano's head, but no answer came to mind. He said he had given up, but his true feelings were far from that. Takano wished he could somehow change Onodera's mind, but he knew that the brunette wouldn't be swayed. He knew very clearly that the brunette had feelings for him, but they weren't enough to break past all their troubles and worries that shackled them down.
There was nothing else that could bring him back, even though he hoped for so long that there was something else to keep him by his side.
And so, at the very least, he would see Onodera off, and let him go.
It was for the best, after all.
At least, that's what he kept trying to tell himself.
"Papa? Why are your eyes red?"
Takano walked in to see his daughter seated at the kitchen table, legs swinging idly as she placed her bowl of rice down, pieces of food stuck to the sides of her face. He gave a small smile and approached her, picking off the pieces of rice from her cheek and pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"It's just allergies, I'll get over it." Takano reassured, turning to place a duffle bag and a folder down beside the table.
"What's that?" Shiori asked, curiosity evident in her eyes.
"A change of clothes since I'm gonna be out for a day next week. The folder is just some boring papers."
"What are you going to be doing?"
"Mm, something important." The little girl huffed at her father's vague response. "Papa, tell me!"
"Secret." Takano smiled when he noticed his daughter's disappointment.
"I just need you to be a good girl to grandpa while I'm away. Can you promise me that?" Takano asked as he ruffled her hair. "I'll treat you out when I come back." He chuckled as he watched as his daughter beamed with excitement.
"Yup! I will!" She agreed happily.
"Thank you."
"How are you feeling?"
Onodera lifted his head to look at An, who had just entered the room and smiled a little at her. "Mm? I'm fine, don't worry." Onodera spoke, sitting down on the bed as he sighed.
"So…how did you go? Sending the invitations." An asked while she was closing the curtains, before turning around to face Onodera.
"It went smoothly," Onodera answered. "Takano-san wasn't there, he seemed to be away."
"Maybe sick?" An questioned.
"No, he's barely sick. And when he is, he still goes to work."
"He was probably absent for another reason." An responded, noticing how Onodera's hands, which were clasped together, tightened their grasp.
"…yeah, that was probably it." Onodera conceded, eyes lowering to the ground. He rested his head against his hands, feeling sick to the stomach.
"Look, I just…I wanted to do what was right. I knew we were probably thinking of the same thing about us back then, but I need to help Mother and Father, I can't just leave them without any sort of explanation." Upon saying that, he recalled his own situation with Takano, and cursed softly.
"Takano-san deserves an explanation too, Ricchan, you can't just—"
"I know what I said. But…he's different. I always get caught up in his actions, and I just lose control and don't think straight when I'm with him, so…it's hard." Onodera elaborated, unable to explain it any other way.
"Takano-san…he'll understand. I can't leave my parents alone, especially with a company like this. I can't just let everything they've worked hard for crumble to pieces." He gripped his hair, his shoulders shaking. "An-chan…I didn't want things to turn out this way. If I knew, then I would've done things better, or even taken this situation in an entirely different direction." There was a long pause as Onodera gathered his thoughts together, taking in a shaky breath as he raised his head up slightly to look at An.
"If things were different…maybe I would've…" Onodera stopped his train of thoughts there, unable to speak any longer as he placed a hand over his face, voice cracking. "Then maybe…maybe I wouldn't have hurt Takano-san like that…"
"Ricchan…" An rushed over to his side, sitting beside him and held him tight. "It's okay, you don't need to say anymore. I know everything points to you being at fault, but…" An bit her lip. "No one's ever had to make a decision as hard as yours. You had plans, you had an unsteady future, but you were ready to face it, and you were taking things one at a time, but things changed, and you were forced to make choices you couldn't bear to think about." An rubbed Onodera's back gently, resting her head against his shoulder. Onodera didn't say anything in response to that, wrapping his arms around himself to cease his shaking as he silently willed for the pain in his chest to leave him.
"I understand." An tried to emphasise, "You did your best, and no one else can ask for anything better than that, even if things didn't turn out in your favour. It's okay." An spoke softly. Taking in her words, the brunet gripped at his shirt as he kept his eyes on the floor. He shut his eyes, refusing to let the tears fall.
"I didn't want to hurt him." Onodera whispered, his lip trembling. "I never wanted to…"
"I know…"
"I wanted to…if this was the last time I could ever really face him…I would've…told him…"
"It's okay." An finished gently. "You don't have to say it, if it pains you to." Onodera could only nod in response to this, unable to describe the regret, frustration, longing and many more countless feelings that he harboured in his heart.
Only knowing that it was because he hurt the last person he ever wanted to cause pain to.
'If things hadn't turned out like this…then maybe I would've told Takano-san…how I really felt.'
my own fanfic made me cry what is this sorcery ;n;
anyway hope you enjoy this long-ish chappie!
hope to see you soon in the next one!