Chapter 21

Tara pulled up to Sookie's place just as the sun began to rise. She grabbed a few things out of the car and climbed the porch steps, letting herself in with Sookie's spare key. She would go back for her other stuff in a minute.

Tara dropped her backpack and her purse on the floor and made sure to lock the door behind her. She looked around and didn't see Sookie, so she went upstairs to make sure she was all right. She checked Sookie's bedroom and was relieved to see her fast asleep. As she looked closer, she could see the remains of dried tears on her face – and a smudge of what looked like blood at the corner of her mouth.

Geeze, Sookie. I know you love the guy, but still...that's so gross..."

Shaking her head, she went downstairs and picked up her things, dropping them into the other bedroom. She looked around her. Although Sookie had finally removed most of Gran's things, the room still looked like she would come back any minute, and Tara had a moment of grief. Gran had treated her better than her own mother had, and she had never forgotten it. It wasn't just Sookie who'd made her feel like she belonged; Gran also had made Tara feel at home, never once questioning Tara's intermittent appearances on the doorstep, never asking awkward questions, never balking at providing for her like she had always been there. Tara was determined to do right by Sookie, for Gran's sake as much as for her friend's.

Tara went out to the car and brought in the rest of her things and added them to the pile in Gran's old room. She then headed outside, locking the door behind her and slipping the key into her pocket. She walked around to the back of the house and across the yard. Ducking beneath the clothesline, she walked to the shed and grabbed a shovel. She pushed her way though Gran's peony bushes and behind the shed. It wasn't that she didn't believe Sookie's story – she didn't think she was lying – but it was just so incredible she had to see for herself. She found the small patch of disturbed earth the morning glories had not yet covered over and began to dig.

Tara didn't have to dig too far down before she found a plastic bag buried there, and she pulled it out, brushing the dirt from it. Sitting down, she pulled it open and pulled out the contents.

It was Sookie's uniform.

The fabric was soaked with dried blood. Tara pulled the stiff folds of the knit top apart and examined it. It was torn and bloody. Dried blood was splashed and spattered across the front and down the sleeve, and there was a very large tear in the shoulder. She turned it over and saw marks on the back. Spreading it on the ground before her, she smoothed the cloth out with her hands and saw distinct boot prints, some merely dirty, others bloody. She turned back to the bag and pulled out the shorts. It was harder to see dried blood on the black denim, but they, too, were stiff with it. Bra and panties were next, and each bore evidence of the blood that had soaked through the outer clothing and onto them, as well. Even the socks and tennis shoes were stained.

Tara sat behind the shed, unable to move. She'd had no idea the Rattray's assault on Sookie had been so violent. She had been unable to imagine it. "...bad...almost killed me..." "Sookie's back was broken...paralyzed...would have died"

They had not exaggerated.

Tara felt her eyes fill with tears and she began to sob. She had almost lost the best friend she had ever had, and hadn't even known. It had been kept secret to protect Bill, who had saved her without even knowing her. To protect Gran, who would have been worried beyond imagining. And it only now had been divulged because she had unjustly accused Bill of a crime against that same friend.

Tara was in complete turmoil. She was struggling with two diametrically opposed feelings– fear and gratitude. She couldn't reconcile what Bill was with who he was. She didn't know how Sookie was able to do it. His behavior was all over the map.

She dried her eyes with the back of her hand and placed the bloody clothing back into the bag, closed it carefully, and reburied it. If accusations ever were made against Bill for the murder of the Rattrays, his only defense might well be these bloody clothes. Tara hoped they might never be needed, but the way things had been going, she couldn't count on it.

...

Sookie woke to the familiar noise of Tara in her head, and smiled. Tara had a tendency to mumble to herself. She pushed the noise out of her mind and got up, pulling on her clothes and heading downstairs. Tara was puttering around the kitchen and had made breakfast for them both.

"Hey Tara."

"Hey Sook. Hungry?"

"Yeah, I am, actually. You been here long?"

"I got here at dawn. I didn't want to chance disturbing you and Bill." Tara filled a plate for Sookie, looking up just in time to catch a flash of sadness cross Sookie's face. "He'll be back soon, Sookie. You'll see."

"I hope so, Tara. I miss him already."

"Already? But he would have been gone at sun up anyway..."

"Yeah, but I guess I didn't realize that I could feel him around even during the day. I didn't notice it before, but now that he's so far away, there's a hole that wasn't there before when he was just home asleep."

"Huh. You keep surprising me, Sookie."

"I surprise myself sometimes." Sookie sat at the table.

Tara handed Sookie a napkin along with her plate. "Y'all got a little blood on corner of your mouth, Sook."

"Oh god..." Sookie blushed and looked embarrassed.

"You took blood from Bill last night? I guess it's not just when he's saving your life, then."

Sookie looked down and shook her head.

Tara served herself as well and then sat at the table next to Sookie. After a pause, she spoke. "Look, Sook. I'm trying to wrap my head around this, and I'm having one hell of time. I dug up your clothes..." Sookie looked up at Tara with a questioning expression. "I know y'all wouldn't lie to me, but I just had to see for myself, y'know?" Sookie nodded her understanding, still unable to speak due to her embarrassment.

"So, will y'all explain it to me? 'Cause I just don't get it. The whole thing is making my brain ache. I can't seem to get past what Bill is. I can't figure out a way to deal with this Jekyll-and-Hyde thing he has going on."

Sookie could see that Tara was telling her the truth. "I don't know what to tell you, Tara. But go ahead and ask me what y'all are dying to ask."

"Sookie, do you really love this guy? I mean, really? You say you do, but y'all haven't known him hardly any time at all. How do you know he hasn't glamoured you or something?"

"Oh God, Tara. I love him so much it hurts. And no, he didn't glamour me. He can't."

"What do you mean, he can't? He said something last night about it, but I didn't catch it."

"I asked Bill about that hypnosis thing that night at Gran's, and he explained it. I asked him to try it on me. I had to badger him into it. So, he tried it – and it doesn't work on me. I can feel it, I mean, Eric's even tried to glamor me, and those other vamps that came into Merlotte's that night, but it just doesn't work. I don't know why, and neither does Bill. He was surprised; I guess I'm the first person he's met that glamour doesn't work on."

Sookie looked Tara in the eye. "I know that's not what y'all are really wondering about. So go ahead. Spit it out."

"All right. What the hell's going on between you two with all the blood, Sookie? I mean, it's really gross. When I looked in on you this morning and saw blood on your mouth I nearly lost it."

"Tara, he's a vampire..."

"Yeah, I get it, but I don't get it. So explain it to me, will you?"

"Oh geeze..." Sookie blushed bright red and looked down at the table. "Vampires...well, oh god, how do I explain it...there's a really strong connection between feeding and sex in a vampire. They can't really to separate the two; it's just part of what a vampire is. One usually leads to the other. So, because Bill and I are a couple, he doesn't feed on anybody but me. Otherwise he drinks synthetic blood. But Bill's unusual for a vampire. They're usually not so...so monogamous." Sookie quickly glanced at Tara to see how she was reacting, then looked back down. She couldn't keep talking about this if she had to look Tara in the face at the same time. "When a vampire feeds on a human, he gets really, really aroused. Sometimes just the smell of blood is enough to set it off, and vampires have really acute senses. Bill can smell me from a long way off, and when he's close, like in the same room, he can actually smell my blood right through the skin. It gets pretty difficult for him to control himself sometimes."

"You mean sex."

"Yeah." Sookie's blush deepened and she got even more embarrassed. "Um, I did something last night that really got him excited and, well, he got a little out of control and took more blood than usual. I got a little woozy and so he gave me some of his blood, you know, to heal me."

"Shit Sookie...How often does he use you for dinner? Y'all had fresh marks on your neck at the bar last night."

"No, Tara, wait...please. Don't be mad at Bill. Yes, he did feed on me before we came into the bar. Later was my idea. He refused at first, but I really wanted him to."

Tara's eyebrows lifted and she just stared at Sookie. "He didn't want to, but you talked him into it? Y'all are pulling my leg, right?"

"Oh geeze, Tara, this is so embarrassing. Bill never, ever feeds on me without my permission. And I can't really remember the last time he asked. Usually, I offer. I can tell when he's hungry."

"You offer..."

Sookie decided just to blurt it all out and get it over with. She was about as embarrassed as she had ever been in her life. "Oh hell, Tara, I like it. It's not just Bill who gets excited. Sometimes I can't wait to feel his fangs. He's so damned sexy...God, Tara, sometimes I have an orgasm just from the bite."

"Y'all are kidding me, right?"

Sookie looked at her solemnly and shook her head. Then both Sookie and Tara exploded in laughter, and it took several minutes before they could even look at one another without triggering another round.

Wiping tears of laughter from her eyes and finally able to catch her breath, Tara said, "Damn, Sook, you're as bad as Jason."

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"So what's it like, Sookie, having sex with a vampire? Really. You hear all kinds of stories, but you're the only person I know that I can ask."

"I don't know what to tell you, Tara. Bill was my first. I haven't had sex with anybody else, so I don't have anything to compare it to. But he's so, so sexy. And considerate. And oh my God, can he kiss."

"Don't the fangs get in the way?"

"Oh my, yes. A French kiss with a vampire, with those fangs, and he doesn't need to come up for air...oh Lord. And Tara, the way he tastes. I wish I had the words to describe how good he tastes when he kisses me."

"Well, I know y'all are telling me the truth. Your face lights up when you talk about him."

Sookie's grin got even wider. "I guess the thing you need to remember about Bill is that he's not human anymore. He's a predator, and he doesn't hurt me because he loves me. Otherwise, he could kill me. He's like a wild animal – he's not really tame. He controls himself because he wants to, but it's not easy for him. There's a part of him that's still human, and that's not usual for a vampire, either. He's worked so hard to hang onto that part of himself, Tara. I wish you knew just how hard it's been. You two are a lot alike, you know. Bill's had as much difficulty accepting himself as a vampire as you have." Sookie started to tear up.

"What's wrong, Sook?"

"Oh Tara, Bill's been through so much. The pain he has been through...suffering, really, since he was turned. It's been just awful for him. That's why I got so mad at y'all last night when you accused him of forcing himself on me. He never would."

Tara reached across to hold Sookie's hand.

"Bill was so gentle my first time. I was so scared. I wanted him so much, but after what Uncle Bartlett did to me..."

"Uncle Bartlett? That old guy who came to Gran's funeral? Y'all got really upset when he showed up."

"Yeah. He used to...um...when I was little... That's why Gran threw him out."

Tara's mouth gaped. "No shit..."

"So, Bill was extra careful with me my first time. If he hadn't been, I don't think I'd ever been able to deal with what Uncle Bartlett did to me. He's still careful. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't be...I really like it when he lets that vampire part of him out."

"I'm sorry, Sookie. There's so much about vampires, and Bill, that I just don't know anything about. But, I do know you, so if you say he can be trusted, then I trust your judgement. I guess I'll get over the fear, eventually."

"Well, don't. Bill's not like most vampires. There are a lot like Eric, so stay scared. Just don't be so scared of Bill, OK?"

"OK. Your breakfast is getting cold."