"Olivia," said Captain Cragen three weeks later. "I need to see you in my office. Now."

"Just a second," said Olivia, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She followed the captain into his office.

He took a deep breath. "It's about your mother."

Olivia's blood ran cold. She hadn't seen her mother in twenty years. How could she have found her here? "W-what about her?"

Captain Cragen sighed. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Olivia, but she's dead."

The world fell away. Olivia felt numb. "H-how?"

"Stroke. She died last night. I'm sorry, Olivia. If you need some time off –"

"No, no," said Olivia shakily. "I'm fine. Thank you, Captain."

"If there's anything I can do –"

"No. Thanks." Olivia retreated back to her office but didn't continue her work. She sat with her hand on her chin, staring out the window, letting the tears stream down her face.

Elliot found her like that ten minutes later. "Look, Olivia, I heard about your mom. I'm sorry." He looked at her in surprise. "You're crying. Because you're sad she's dead?"

"No." Olivia sighed. "I'm crying because I'm not. I don't care. If anything, I'm relieved."

Elliot sat down across from her. "Your mom did a lot of bad things to you, Olivia. So it's perfectly normal if you have mixed feelings about this or if you're not sure how to feel."

"Cut it with the shrink routine," snapped Olivia. She didn't want to admit to feeling confused. She was above all this uncertainty; it was too human for her. She had spent years hardening herself to human emotion and now it was all gone in a blink of an eye,

"Olivia –"

Olivia burst into a fresh round of sobbing. "I love her – she's my mother – but I hate her – she hurt me – she hurt you – she took you away from me – she's dead – I'm glad – I wish – I don't –"

Even though he knew it was wrong, Elliot crossed to Olivia's side. He put his arm around her. "It's okay," he whispered. "I know this is hard for you but it's going to be okay."

Olivia stopped her protests. She took in the warmth of Elliot, so familiar. She hadn't felt Elliot's arms around her like this in twenty years, yet it felt so good that she didn't pull away. She lay her head on Elliot's shoulder and they rocked back and forth.

The door to Olivia's office opened and Captain Cragen stuck his head in. Olivia and Elliot pulled away as if their captain was a repellant force between them. "Elliot," said the captain. "Kathy's here."

Elliot sighed. "I'll be back, Olivia, okay?"

Olivia blinked. "I'm fine, Elliot. I'm sorry."

He laughed. "You never have to apologize for this, Olivia. You're allowed to be human. You're allowed to need others sometimes."

She looked at the ground and took a moment to compose herself. "Right. Go out to your wife, Elliot."

He hesitated, torn between his wife and the woman he truly loved, who needed him now more than ever.

"Go!" repeated Olivia.

Elliot turned away and went out to Kathy. The second Olivia saw the door close, she burst into tears again. She was falling. There was no way to regain her footing now.

Her mother was dead. Her mother, who she hadn't seen in twenty years. She was almost glad that her mother was dead, yet she knew this was a horrible thing. She was glad that a woman was dead, yet that woman had beat her for years and forced her to leave the boy she loved. This was the woman who had caused her to live in terror for twenty years. Now Olivia had a difficult decision to make. Should she go to the funeral?

Elliot came back into the room. "Liv?"

"Elliot," she whispered. "I – I think I want to go to the funeral."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Yes, please," whispered Olivia.

Elliot looked up sharply. Was Olivia actually admitting that she needed someone to lean on?

"If you don't mind," added Olivia hastily, misreading the expression on Elliot's face.

"Of course I'll come," Elliot assured her.

And that was how he found himself in a neatly pressed black suit and tie the next day at the church, Olivia by his side. She was wearing a long black dress and clutching his hand for dear life, her face pale. He couldn't help but notice that she looked especially beautiful when she wasn't trying to be the ice queen.

They went inside the church. There weren't many people there, which was hardly surprising. Olivia and Elliot sat down in the front pew.

Olivia didn't know anyone there even though it was her own mother's funeral. She hadn't seen her mother – or any of her mother's friends – in twenty years.

She listened to the minister going on about what a good woman her mother was, devoted mother, good friend, etc. Suddenly, Olivia couldn't stand it anymore. She tapped Elliot's shoulder. "El, I need some air."

Elliot grabbed his coat and followed Olivia out to the courtyard of the church. She put her hands in her pockets and was walking around at a brisk pace to clear her mind. Elliot hurried after her. "You okay, Liv?"

She kept walking. "It's just hard."

"I understand. You don't know how you're supposed to feel."

"No, I do. I just don't feel that way."

"How do you feel?"

She looked into Elliot's eyes. "I don't."

Elliot sighed. "Oh, Liv."

She sat down on a bench and tried to compose herself. "Elliot, thank you for coming with me today. It means a lot to me."

Elliot squeezed her hand. "That's what friends are for."