PROLOGUE

It was the dark still nights that Mordred liked best. On nights like this he would become just another face in the group, listening to every last word that the Elder spoke off. The youngster would strain every last muscle in his being, as the words flowed around them into the forest night.

As he listened he would think about the past. He would think about his friend Tyrien, his special friend Kara and when he was able to remember him, his father too. As he thought about them, he would not mourn them as such, but rather celebrate his memory of them all. As Iseldir had told him the day Mordred had arrived, it was better to remember and celebrate, then to forget and mourn. From that moment on Mordred swore he would attempt to put the past behind him, and begin to accept his new life as a chance for him to begin again.

He would forget the past hurt, the fear of what he did not know. He would put his trust in Iseldir and his group, and attempt to embrace the world that now was opening up to him, in a way he had never experienced before. He did not sense the same fear here of him, indeed he felt at peace with both himself and everyone else. If it could just last long enough for him to feel the full benefit, then maybe the elusive freedom that he and his father had searched for, would not be so elusive any longer.

As he sat around the camp fire, listening to the tales of Granite the Elder, he felt at peace with his magical self. As though he could feel himself become whole, he closed his eyes, and let his mind close down completely. Yes tonight he truly felt at peace with the world.

Chapter 21

Camelot

Winter was beginning to take a hold in the lower town, as Merlin walked towards the citadel he could already feel the bitterness on the wind. He attempted to put some warmth into his body as he watched the people going about their business. Some times he liked to get away, from the constant pressure of life inside Camelot. He felt as if the town was forever being threatened by some unknown force. He would no sooner fall out of bed, before some other event would takeover as Camelot's latest battle.

He as Arthur's protector felt the pressure more than anyone. Not that anyone knew, and it was the fact that he was unable to share his secret which meant that Merlin felt incredibly isolated and alone. He knew from the moment he stepped foot inside Camelot, that this was the way it had to be. He had no choice, he could not afford to be parted from Arthur. It was his destiny to protect the young Prince, and he would do it gladly, despite the cost to himself.

The last month had been a case of point. From the moment that Arthur had been bitten by the Questing Beast, it had started a group of motions, that ended with him killing the almighty Nimueh. He still suffered from the scars of battle from that particular encounter. Not just physical ones, but mental ones too.

In between times not only had Arthur nearly died but he had also almost lost both his mother and his mentor Gaius as well. Then there was the relationship with the Great Dragon, which presently was in pieces, due to the Dragon's deceitfulness. It still made Merlin mad to think about it. He had put his trust in the Dragon, and never had he felt more let down and naive. He had always known that the Dragon had his agendas. But Merlin had always thought that they were on the same side, but now he knew that was not the case. He closed his eyes briefly when he pictured his mother Hunith lying on the floor, fighting for her life. He shuddered as he remembered the boils that hung off her face and body. He would do anything for her, and anyone who tried to harm her he knew he would never forgive.

The fact that the Dragon had lied to him, was shocking enough to the young warlock. That though was confounded by the fact that he had been so arrogant about lying in the first place. Not for one minute had he regretted anything he'd said, it had seemed the only thing he had cared about was that he was set free.

As Merlin entered the court yard he glared repeating in his mind the promise he had made to the Dragon himself, he would never set him free. The creature would never see the light, not if he could help it. The emotion in that moment almost tripped him up, and to his fury he could feel tears welling up in his eyes. No matter how hard he tried to deny it to himself, there was not only anger there, but some thing else too. He knew what it was, it was regret. A regret that grew bigger with each passing day.

The truth was the Dragon was the one creature who could totally understand Merlin. He knew that Gaius his mentor would always be there for him, but he knew deep down the old man could not truly understand Merlin's isolation and loneliness. Only the Dragon had been able to do that, and now their relationship was in tatters, and Merlin knew that as well as the fury, there was a little bit of sadness too. The truth was he had never felt so alone, as he did now.

His mental scars were still raw not only about the Dragon, but also about his feelings about killing Nimueh as well. At the time and thinking the High Priestess had murdered Gaius, he had unleashed an incredible amount of fury onto her. He had never known such anger in truth. Despite wanting to give up his own life, it seemed she was just taking away everyone who loved him. He could not tolerate such a thing, and he was determined to make her pay for it.

Even now thinking about it, Merlin had been shocked about the power he had unleashed that day on the Isle of the Blessed. He had remembered being impressed by Nimueh's own magical abilities when she had started a storm out of nothing. As he had stood there holding onto the Cup of Life rain pouring down his face, and noticing the absence of it on Nimueh herself, he had feared that he would never be able to match such power.

Indeed had it not been for the shock of seeing Gaius's body lying limply over the alter, when he had gone back to stop his mentor sacrificing himself, maybe he would not have managed it at all. But out of nowhere a rage of such intensity had ripped out of his very soul; before he knew it he had commanded the very elements themselves and brought them over the top of the High Priestess. He had stood there and watched Nimueh being electrocuted. He shuddered as he recalled feeling totally nothing in that moment. It had both repelled him and scared him at the same time. As he lay there and cried out to the heavens he felt as if nothing really mattered anymore.

Only when Gaius had eventually woken up did the feelings subside in him. The crying turned into tears of laughter as he hugged his mentor, and thanked the gods above him. Once he'd got back to Camelot he had undergone an array of different emotions inside him. From feeling unrepentant to questioning as to why it had to be done at all. Once again he had been forced to murder another magical being, one of his own kind. Even if her morals had been vastly different to his own. It did not sit easy with him in the cool light of day. Yet did he really have a choice in the matter? He had been given a destiny whether he liked it or not. A destiny he had no control over, whatever the circumstances. His future had been chosen by a higher calling then himself, there was little he could do about such things.

The price was his loneliness and it shone out of him like a light in the storm. As he struggled with his conscious and the constant battle to do what was right, he knew that he would be as ever forced to walk alone, and in the shadows like he'd always done.