Author's Note: pumping these out like a champ!
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Harry Potter. It would be nice though.
Still So Close to You
by darkwing731
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((-Chapter Twenty Two-))
Understanding
"Why now?" he asked her quietly.
"Because I don't know when I'll be sent home. And things are so complicated in the future, you would not share this with me then. In whatever time we have, please, can we . . ."
Remus hushed her with a gentle finger to her lips. His hand found its way to her cheek, his mouth to his lips, and his body to hers.
That night, it was if nothing else mattered, and no other love existed but their own.
While the entirety of the seventh years completed their NEWT's, Jane Lewis could be seen lounging about the Great Lake at any given hour, reading a book in the shade or staring contemplatively at the sky. There were whispered rumors about her still, but she seemed to be unaware that others had spent time defaming her character.
For you see, Jane Lewis seemed to have moved on in life; these past months, she had caused quite a stir, and in the aftermath of the chaos, she seemed to be at peace with everything. First years travelled by her in cautious clumps, whispering about her, while others passed by alone, unmoved by her reputation.
Whatever they did, though, Jane Lewis simply did not care.
To the quick observer, it would seem that she was enjoying this time alone by being outside, basking in the warm weather, but to the trained eye, Miss Jane Lewis was planning. Her thoughts were racing in her head, ideas being strung together like tinsel on a Christmas tree. She appeared to be calm, but that was only because she was sitting still, silently, doing noticeably nothing.
To a Miss Hermione Granger, she was planning something that she had been preparing for. In the next week, the moon would be full, and she knew that Remus would be far away from her, body and mind torn away from the comfort that she was. However, she had a gift for him, one that would at least quell the confusion and pain that he succumbed to every month, one that would bring Remus Lupin a little bit closer to him.
How would she give him this gift? Should there be others around? When should she do it? Should she tell him what it was? There were many questions to be answered, and many more questions to come after that.
Her questions were put to rest as the seventh years piled out into the courtyard to finally enjoy the start of summer. The Marauders were quick to be at Hermione's side. Remus found her first, and with a soft kiss, they smiled at each other.
"So how was it?" she asked, once everyone had spread out on the grass around her.
"UUUUGGGGHHHH" was all Sirius could manage to utter before rolling over onto his stomach.
"I second that," James said wearily, throwing an arm around Lily.
"I wish I had studied more last night," Peter said with a yawn. "I must've got half of those essays wrong."
"Well, I thought that—"
"UGH," Sirius moaned again. The group looked at him, but he still remained face down on the grass.
"What Padfoot means to say is, please stop talking about the exams," James explained with a sage nod.
"Mmmergdhfed," Sirius agreed with a muffled noise.
"What about you, Remus?" Hermione asked, turning to nudge his cheek with her nose. He grinned and planted a kiss on her jaw.
"It was difficult, yes, but that was to be expected. I'm just glad it's over," he said with a sigh.
"Me too," Peter agreed. "Five days left of school though. I'm so glad we have nothing to do for the next five days."
"We can just relax . . ."
"Do nothing."
"Swim!"
"Sleep."
"Mmmergdhfed," Sirius chimed in again. However, this prompted him turn over onto his back. "We should sneak into Hogsmeade tonight to celebrate. Yes? Yes?"
"Well . . . I can look the other way as you boys sneak out, I suppose," Lily said with grin. James suddenly pounced on her, pulling her into a hug on the ground.
"Oh no, you're coming with me!" James growled playfully; the rest of the group turned away as the couple proceeded kiss happily.
"I like it," Hermione piped up. Sirius cheered.
"She likes it, we're going!"
And so, they went. That night, the Marauders and the girls snuck as fast as they could to the grounds later that night, Peter transforming into his rat state so that they could get past the Whomping Willow.
"What shall we do when we get there?" hissed Lily as they hurried into the hole beneath the tree.
"My darling, we are going to have Firewhiskey tonight! Or butterbeer if you're into that," James added quickly at Lily's stern look.
When they got to the Three Broomsticks, the Marauders were met with several other seventh years who managed to sneak out in their own way. James promised his friends alcohol, and after swaggering to the bar and persuading that completing their NEWT's deserved at least one drink, there was Firewhiskey all around (and butterbeer as well).
James poured drinks into shot glasses, and everyone picked theirs up. James held up his glass, and with a great fake sniff, said, "You guys, I just can't believe—"
"Ah, drink it already, Potter!" Lily exclaimed.
"To life! To life!" James shouted.
"L'chaim!" Hermione and Lily sang, giggling at their Muggle reference. The Marauders downed their drinks, laughing as it burned their throats and pouring more. All night, it was laughter all around, nothing but grins and dares and kissing and fun.
For once, Hermione felt completely at ease.
-x-x-x-
Five days later, everyone was packing their things. The Great Hall was an anticipated event, filled with food, drinks, and cheer. Dumbledore's speech would bid them farewell, good luck, and welcome to the returning students. Hermione had gotten a letter from Dumbledore to come to his office a half hour before the final dinner, and Hermione hoped it would not be solemn meeting.
"I think he'll just want to know how everything went, finally," Remus suggested as he folded his socks. Hermione was sitting on his bed, watching him back and thinking out loud.
"Do you think I should ask him if I should do anything else? Or if they'll do anything else?"
Remus laughed gently, and put aside his socks. He went to her, and cupped her face in his hands. "You must stop worrying," he said with a kiss to her forehead. She smiled but rolled her eyes.
"But I told you—" Remus silenced her with a kiss.
"We're leaving tonight. You have nothing left to worry about, okay?"
"Except that wherever I manage to stay they'll find me or something," Hermione said playfully.
"My house has complete defensive charms around it, you'll be fine, don't worry."
Hermione's heart skipped a beat. "Your house?"
Remus grinned, running a hand through her hair. "Would you want to stay anywhere else?"
Hermione laughed and hugged him, resting her head beneath his chin. "You know, that comment was kind of pretentious," she teased.
"Pretentious? How's this for pretentious!" Remus grabbed her beneath the legs and flipped her onto the bed, and the couple shrieked with laughter as they ruined all of Remus' careful piles of clothing with their laughter and love.
They had just started kissing when Sirius and James walked in. "And I was all like—damn it, Mooney! Put a tie on the doorknob or something!" Sirius exclaimed.
"We were just—"
"We were doing anything!" James sang, mocking them.
"Give me a break, James," Remus chortled, and Hermione threw a pillow at him for extra measure. James ducked just in time, but then Lily and Peter arrived, chatting still about their exams. The pillow meant for James hit Lily directly in the face.
"WHAT—"
"He did it!" James and Sirius screamed, pointing at each other. Lily picked up the pillow and looked carefully at it.
"Well, I outta—"And without further ado began chasing the boy around the room; Peter picked up another pillow and began hitting whoever was closest to him. At this point, Remus and Hermione decided to join the fun, and began hitting with their pillows as well.
James and Sirius were the most vicious with their pillows, but Lily was not to be underestimated, for she was the quickest. Peter rarely got hit, but Remus recovered the fastest. Hermione possessed none of these skills and simply got hit time and time again.
In one particular moment, James decided to just swoop around in a circle and hit whatever was in his way. Lily saw this and dived for James knees, which forced him to fall and topple into Hermione, who brought Remus down with her. It was now a faceoff between Sirius and Peter.
In the fashion of an old western gun fight, Sirius and Padfoot eyed each other suspiciously, hands twitching, eyes unblinking, before they roared and attacked each other.
"Go, Peter!"
"Whack him! Whack him!"
"Go for the belly!"
"No, the knees!"
"Kick him in the nads!"
"Sirius?"
The strange new voice captured Sirius' attention instantly, and Peter hit Sirius' head with such a force that the Black toppled over.
Peter took in a big triumphant breathe. "I—" Then Peter saw who was standing in the doorway; "—win?"
It was Emma.
The fun that had been gained was now replaced with crackling tension.
"What do you want?" Sirius asked in a low voice, quiet but angry.
"I . . . I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," Emma said quietly; she was standing just outside the doorway, wringing her hands together anxiously.
"Sorry for what?" Sirius growled. Emma squeezed her eyes and tried to relieve her trembling with a shaky sigh.
"For hurting you!" Emma exclaimed with a barely contained sob. His eyes remained cold and hard, but all his friends could see were his hands, which were clenching and unclenching in indecision.
As tears began to escape Emma's eyes, Sirius asked her very quietly, "Is that all you're sorry for?"
With an astounded, offended look, she glanced at Hermione and back at Sirius. "You—you can't expect me to be sorry about her. You are my boyfriend, I had to defend you at all costs!"
"Oh come off it, Emma," Lily snapped.
"You shut your dirty little mouth," Emma hissed.
"Hey, don't talk to her like that!" James snarled.
"You know that she kissed Sirius right? I saw it with my own two eyes, she's a little lying whore!" Emma spat.
"Get out," Sirius said at last.
"W-What?" Emma stammered, eyes wide. "But Sirius, don't you—"
"GET OUT!" he bellowed. "I don't want to hear another second of your shit, you're just like Rose! And Narcissa! And Bellatrix! You're just like them!"
"They made me, Sirius!" Emma screamed. "You think I wanted to do all of those things—"
"Hogwash," Sirius cut across. "Get the hell out of my dorm."
"No," she croaked, eyes narrowing. "You're really choosing her over me? That good for nothing Mudblood?"
"I won't say it again, Emma," Sirius snarled.
"She will bring you nothing but trouble! At least I can offer you protection!" Emma pleaded, torn between fury and desperation.
"Out!" Sirius barked.
"No!" Emma shouted. Suddenly, Hermione was standing beside Sirius, eyes set on Emma's face.
"You heard him. Get out," Hermione said with a certain coolness to her voice.
"Who the hell do you think—"
SMACK!
The force of Hermione's hit send Emma reeling backward and Hermione simply slammed the door shut and locked it with a charm. She turned around to face the group, who was staring at her, gaping.
"Well, now that this is nice and awkward, let's pack, shall we?"
-x-x-x-
"Good evening, Miss Granger," Dumbledore greeted as Hermione quietly slid into his office.
"Professor," Hermione returned with a smile.
"Would you care for a lemon drop?" Dumbledore offered, but the girl shook her head with a laugh.
"Quite honestly, I've never really liked them much."
"To each his own, one must say," the Headmaster replied sagely. "Now, to be frank, you must be wondering why I've beckoned you this evening."
"I had been curious, but I decided that you simply wanted to know how the rest of the year has turned out for me before I finally leave," Hermione suggested.
"You are quite right," Dumbledore replied. "But there is something else."
"Something good or bad?"
"It depends on your point of view, I believe," Dumbledore murmured. "Which would you like to discuss first, Miss Granger? Your recent happenings or the information I have for you?"
"Undeniably the information, sir," Hermione gushed with a sheepish smile. "Hopefully it's not bad news, but I suppose bad news is better than no news . . ."
Dumbledore cleared his throat, before carefully removing a piece of parchment from inside his robes. "You do recall the letter I had you bring to my past self several weeks ago, yes?"
"Of course, Professor."
"Well, apparently, Miss Granger, when you return home you are to visit back here briefly to give me another letter. Would you like to read it?" Dumbledore offered, holding it out for Hermione to take.
Moving without a moment's hesitation, Hermione carefully examined the letter; there were several stains on the parchment, almost as if they were dried tears. Carefully, however, she began to unfold the letter and read:
My dear self,
I am writing from the year 1998. I cannot tell you the details of what is happening, but my only details will include a singular person: Hermione Granger. She came into your hands approximately December, and will leave to her proper time at exactly midnight on July 7, 1979. Please inform Miss Granger that she will return in the same fashion that she arrived. When she returns to her proper time, she is to immediately come to your office in order to deliver this letter to you.
Sincerely,
Me.
The breath escaped from her lung, taking with it Hermione's ability to remain calm, and also her keen sense of logic. "July seventh?" she sputtered. "That's—"
"Fifteen days, yes," Dumbledore sighed. "I believe it is enough time for you to get your affairs in order, Miss Granger."
Without thinking, without giving permission to her body, Hermione sank into the nearest chair, her mind desperately clutching at some sort of understanding. 15 days? 15 days? She had only just settled her battles, had only just begun to fully appreciate her relationship with Remus, had only just begun to love those around her who protected her, no matter what they would do in the future.
"Can't I stay longer?" Hermione uttered.
"I have no control over the charm that keeps you here, Miss Granger. It is not up to me."
"No, I suppose not . . ."
But after that, Hermione could stay no longer. She felt an urgent need to escape and meticulously plan every moment of her remaining time with Remus. There were thousands of questions that buzzed in her head, but she acknowledged only one of them: should she tell Remus or not?
-x-x-x-
The heavy question occupied every brain cell in Hermione's mind, and for once it did not seem that anything could overshadow it. Troubled, Hermione rushed down Dumbledore's spiral staircase and towards the Great Hall, wanting nothing more than to attach herself to Remus, and Lily, and James, and her friends, just so that she might have one more precious moment with them before she was ripped away.
Fifteen days? It will take me that long to settle in at Remus', to get used to another strange home and feel comfortable around more strangers that are sure to leave me soon.
Fifteen days to get my wits together and decide how I will handle the future, or my time, I suppose. What am I supposed to tell Harry and Ron?
And she couldn't let Pansy's reminder cross her mind . . . What about Remus?
What about Pansy? Will she constantly torment me of what I've lost here?
A horrified thought crossed her mind: what about Lucius?
That made a chill creep up her spine; the thought of a forty-something year old man making a pass at her was more disgusting than anything she could imagine. But then, there would surely be no reason for Lucius to even acknowledge the things he had done. What reason would he have?
I can't worry myself with that now, Hermione chided herself. There are more pressing issues . . . like losing Remus.
"Ah, Granger, all alone again," said the silky voice that cut through her skittish thoughts. Hermione whirled around to see Lucius and Narcissa strolling in the hallway towards the Great Hall.
"It does not make difference anymore," Hermione shot back. "You can't even come near me, and she is no match for me."
"I wouldn't say that so quickly," Narcissa purred. "You don't know what I'm capable of."
"I know you're not capable of anything without the Illimni behind you. Neither one of you are," Hermione hissed. "Malfoy would be nothing without your pack of girls following his directions, and without his directions your pack of girls would get nothing accomplished. Do you honestly think terrorizing people will win your favor with Lord Voldemort?"
"Filthy little Mudblood, you dare say his name?" Narcissa spat.
"I am not scared to speak the name of a weak tyrant who will soon meet his downfall," Hermione retorted. "He is everything I am against, why should I succumb to fearing his name if will succumb to nothing else?"
Lucius had remained quiet until now, watching the heated fight between the two girls. "It does not matter what you do or do not say, Granger," Lucius said quietly. "There will be no glory for you. Not now, not ever."
He's right, a little voice said in the back of her mind. Angrily, Hermione shook her head, both to quell the voice and to disregard Lucius' comment.
"You're wrong," she spat back.
"Remember, Granger: the castle walls are my only restrictions. Your little friends do not stand a chance when we leave here tonight."
"They mean nothing to you, or whatever Voldemort desires. We both know I had all the information anyone needed. And you got what you wanted, so what does it matter?"
"Granger, don't pretend to be so innocent. They are just as precious to Dumbledore as you are. You are not the only one with eyes."
"You will never find us, Malfoy," she growled.
I will not let him scare me, Hermione thought. With this, she turned on her heel and began to march away, hoping to let off the steam that had so vigorously gathered. However, he would not let her leave without a bone chilling comment.
"I will be watching you, Granger," Lucius called after her. "Now, and until the Dark Lord prevails."
-x-x-x-
The festivities for the last feast were incredible, as was Dumbledore's final speech, the winning of the House Cup, and the air was thick with excitement and joy, reluctance and sadness, but regardless of the final feelings of the students, everyone was buzzing with energy, free from worry.
Except, of course, Hermione.
To the rest of the Gryffindors, it seemed that Jane Lewis was simply having a bad day. Her eyes were trained on her plate, which was full of untouched food, and her face was paler than usual. Her friends, of course, realized this, but were trying to remain upbeat and happy, for this was their last time together with every single one of their friends.
Remus Lupin had an arm draped across her back, every now and then giving her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. This attitude of Jane Lewis remained throughout the entire feast, as well as the train ride back to King's Cross.
As the Marauders played game after game of Exploding Snap, or chatted and swapped stories, Hermione simply stared at the countryside racing past them. Lily would throw concerned looks at Remus every now and then, who looked as if he were at a loss of what to do.
James would nudge his friend every now and then, trying to make the werewolf confront her. Finally, Remus could stand it no longer.
"Hermione, what's wrong?" Any playfulness in the compartment instantly vanished.
"You've been so silent since dinner," Lily reminded her. "Let us help you."
"As soon as we settle, once we're all at home, we're going to be attacked," Hermione said quietly, never taking her eyes off the countryside. "I don't know this for a fact, but it is the summer. Voldemort will use every force he can to destroy the Order."
"The Order?" James asked. Hermione whipped around. They haven't been inducted yet . . .
"It's . . . You'll soon find out. But our efforts will be futile, because the Illimni can act freely once we are all back home," Hermione assured them gravely. "Don't you remember? All they would ever tell us is that the castle walls were their only restriction."
"But why would they?" Sirius asked. "They've got all the information from you they could possibly want, what else can they do—"
"I don't matter anymore," Hermione hissed. "I'll be gone very soon, and it's not me they want anymore."
"Gone?" they all echoed.
"And what could they possibly want from us?"
Like every other moment, Hermione's mind met a dead end. How could she honestly answer their questions without destroying the delicate future?
Remus seemed to know exactly what she was thinking, and reasoned, "If you told us what happened, we could avoid it. We could stop them."
Hermione hesitated, beginning to tremble with the honesty that was infiltrating their conversation. "I don't know what happens in between, Remus, only . . . only the disaster that is the final result," she said solemnly.
"Why disaster?" Lily asked quietly.
"Because Voldemort is very powerful, and he wants nothing more than to eradicate anything that stands in his way!" Hermione croaked, wiping away the tears that had slowly begun to escape her eyes.
"You're saying, then, that we're all to be snuffed out?" Peter said slowly, as if he were on the verge of just figuring out the true implications of his words.
How do I say no to such a devastating question?
Heavy was her heart, but even heavier was her conscience. How could she look all these people that she loved in the eye, and tell them no, they would not die, but would prevail against evil forces?
"Just—just love each other as deeply and honestly as you can," Hermione whispered, her face now shiny with tears. "That way, if the worst happens, you know that every precious moment of your lives meant something."
She could take it no longer; she burst out of the compartment, overwhelmed with the sadness of the situation and the upcoming tragedy she would be absent from.
How could she go on living and breathing when everyone she loved would soon be dead?
Only fifteen days left . . .
-
-x-x-x-
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Author's Note: so I just want to explain something really quick. The letter Dumbledore let Hermione read is slightly confusing, as you may know. This is what is happening: when Hermione goes back to her proper time, she goes to Dumbledore's office, at which time he writes the letter. Then he sends Hermione back in time for just a moment to deliver that letter; this is only done to inform the past Dumbledore of the Hermione showing up, because the present Dumbledore knows how all of this already went down.
So confusing.
Hopefully only 5 more chapters left!
Also. The rest of this story is dedicated to Faithful Wheezy, because she inspired me to pick this story back up =)
Please review!