(Wizards and Witches Part 4)

Charlie: This chapter is confusing, well, the ending.

Wizardy Mechanic: Uh...excuse me?

Charlie: If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask. Which remains me...would it be easier, for future references, if all the questions I receive from you guys be refer to as rhetorical or do you want me to be like the other authors and have it answer in each chapters?

Wizardy Mechanic: Seriously, who is she talking to?

Narra: (whispers) She thinks she has an audience.

Charlie: I can hear you!

Thou Shalt Not Kill

By Charlie

Chapter Twenty-one: My Twisty

This would be a speechless moment. Let's contemplate on how that came to be. Well, I was just thinking about doing some yelling and also thinking how tired I was to actually do the yelling, but then Konoha's principal told me that there is a slight chance we could be related. Like by blood. Actual blood!

I need someone to slap me.

Right now.

"NARU-CHAN!"

Oh god. N-No. WTF is going on?! I spun around on my heels and face the man who dared to call himself my oji-san. "Explain this," I pointed a shaky finger to the blonde woman. "I will be very put out if you tell me my hair is like this because of her!" I have been the center of way too many blonde jokes.

"No. You got it from your father." For the first of many hundredth times in his life, he looked at me like I was crazy. "Why? You've know this for years."

"Why?" For some reason I still can't find the ability to scream. "She just called me her nephew. I find that a very big deal right now." He looked shock. And you know what the real shocker is?

Oji-san is shocked because Tsunade revealed that she's my legitimate aunt. That confirmed it. Tsunade and I are…re—re…I can't say it.

"You told him?! Oh, I am ashamed of you," he had that big O expression. He pulls it off really well.

Tsunade, or whatever the hell she is, blushed and looked away. "I-It sorta…slipped."

I stared at them with disbelief as they argued. I am being completely ignored in this petty argument, which is about me! So while I'm invisible, I thought about the possibility of her being my family. If she is indeed so then she must not be intelligent. In common sense, at least. All the signs were there. The kid that was scared of her for—until now—undiscovered reason, her drinking habits, and the reason why—. Oh no.

"Is this what you guys were hiding from me these past months?!" Oji-san didn't go to her to plan whatever scheme they had going. Well, he did, but the other reason is to see his sister! "You two are related and you didn't even bothered to tell me?! How dare—?!"

"Whoa, hold the phone there, kid," interrupted Tsunade, her hands held up. "We are not related." She pointed to me and herself. "You and I are. There's a difference." Then she crossed her arms around her busty chest and declared with sheer disgust, "Don't put me with that idiot."

"Me? I wasn't the one who couldn't keep my mouth shut," oji-san shot back.

Before they could get any further, I gave a sharp whistle. Guaranteed to destroy anyone's eardrums if raised a few more decibels. "Look, you guys really gotta learn to shut up." I cannot believe I'm not even mad. They must've realized that too because they're giving me this really weird look, like the one you would give to a guy eating a dirt covered worm.

Oji-san approached this situation cautiously. "…why aren't you mad?" I was too busy rolling my eyes to answer him, but it gave him enough time to come up with the idea that I'm holding a gun (wherever it may be). He didn't keep it to himself, but instead insisted Tsunade come hide with him behind her desk.

"Get out from the desk and do please give me a carefully spoken explanation." I tried to make it sound nice and free of any threats.

"Oh god, he said please!" A grown man hiding under a desk from an unarmed sixteen year old creates a very entertaining moment, but at this time, it just makes me regret all those life-threatening pranks I pulled.

"I swear I'm not going to do anything," I said with dull sarcasm, but my words were enough to get him out from under there. Oji-san, so naïve and full of trust. Tsunade had stayed a clear distance from me, but at least she wasn't crawling under tables like a certain someone.

Okay. The explanation is…Tsunade is my oba-san, the onee-chan of my otou-san, which means she's also the same oba-san I kicked. For anyone who doesn't know, oji-san is my oka-san's onii-chan. Tsunade's been busy with work, etc. so it's not a real problem that I didn't recognize her. That and she got her entire body redesigned. Trust me, she is over fifty and did not look like that.

"Hmm the principal's nephew…" There are a lot of perks with that.

"We didn't want other people thinking things about you. That's why we kept it a secret."

My eyes twitched at the word things. I was almost lost in a flashback, but I recovered from it. "Sai was the one who did it." It wasn't worth discussing anymore. I can't change that, but I'm hoping in the near future, they'll sit me down and have a long conversation where they will tell me I was adopted. That shall become a collection of my to-be dreams.

"I know."

"You what now?"

I broke a couple of things after that. Hey, it's a normal reaction! And I only punched them each once. There's this second bruise on oji-san's cheek, but that's because he fell! Turns out they knew everything, but couldn't possibly defeat a fifteen year old mastermind. It was like another me, but with black hair.

"Who's the Champion of All?" Technically they did owe me and Tsunade seemed willingly enough when she pointed to oji-san.

"Tsunade, why!"

"You're the egomaniac?" I must say I'm surprised. He's got some skills. Took out one third of the freshmen and two seniors. "Then who's Copy-Cat Ninja?" That person wasn't too bad either. He or she took two of my stocks.

"Oh that's Kakashi," oji-san said immediately. Yeah, he's a hypocrite, but rewind back to Kakashi. I still have scores to settle with him and this just snapped it. I wanted to ask more questions (namely about a certain embarrassing performance I'm being forced into), but I kinda got caught up in planning my revenge and forgot all about it. Until the next day. But since it's still today and not tomorrow, I haven't remembered it yet. Though I wish I did.

In fact, I was so caught up in revenge that I forgot about Sakura. She still hadn't returned, but she did send one of her goons after me. I hadn't noticed until I slipped and fell. The goon was right behind me too and when oji-san and oba—Tsunade came out (my head made a really loud sound), they thought he pushed me, but I didn't feel any physical contact. Besides, I think he was in front of me before he was behind me. There was also an odd bruise on his head with the number 7890 imprinted on it. (2)

He got detentions (note the plural) and I got a concussion. I went to the hospital, having blacked out. The doctor said I hit something that temporarily shut my brain down. At least I got to skip school. Those weirdoes' silent treatment was starting to get on my nerves. It's always been on my nerves. …for some reason. And it should remain just a "some reason". Doesn't need to be looked at and never will be. That will only happen if my dead oka-san comes back to life, including otou-san.

Try to fix that one, God. Hah! I scoff in your face. Watcha gonna do about it, huh? Huh?

"Naruto!" called the distinct sound of an oddly familiar voice.

Tsunade poked her head out. "Oh, Sasuke's coming."

Sorry. You're God Almighty. You're absurdly powerful and I shall never test that again. Make him go away.

"Naruto, are you alright?" said Sasuke. He's in the room, of course. He's nothing but poise so my wish for him to trip and break his ankle wasn't really going to stop him from running that five feet to the door. Plus, even if he did break his ankle, I have a feeling he'll crawl. Ugh.

An image of the Grudge just popped into my head.

Well, God, you are officially at the bottom of Christmas list. Thank you very much for ruining my life even when I have a concussion. I ruled out the thought of oji-san or Tsunade telling him. That would mean a third party which would lead to that good dude with the crowbar. He had a crowbar when I saw him. If he hadn't, he'll probably be expelled. Rich family, sure, but Tsunade… If you are not related to her by blood or highly skilled in the aspects of pranks, don't ever attempt anything that might have a possibility of getting you hurt.

"Naruto?!"

Oh yeah. He's still here and all three of them are ready to call the doctor. Maybe I should answer them instead of staring straight ahead like I'm dead. I deliberately rolled my eyes back so the white is showing then I fell back onto my bed. I meant to fall back, but Sasuke caught me. I quickly pushed him away, ignoring the whimpers of my protesting body.

"Joke, people. It was a joke. Why are you here anyway?" Last I heard we had a fight and he wasn't speaking to me. Or did that change without my notice? That question of mine (the one I had spoken out loud) definitely made him back away from my personal bubble. I watched his silent nervous features and listened as he tries to respond with a coherent answer, but luckily for him, his phone rang. When he left (emergency at home), I almost burst out laughing. "Oh my god, did you see how nervous he was?"

Oji-san and Tsunade's confusion swarmed at me like pissed-off bees. "Huh?"

"Uh…hello, the guy was obviously nervous. He was blushing." They gave each other a look. I sigh. They're probably trying to define nervous. So sad.

"His face was solid as a rock," said Tsunade. "I can sense fear from a mile away and he was not nervous."

It was their turn for my confusion to swarm at them like pissed-off bees. What the hell were they talking about? Sasuke's eyes may not be darting around like crazy, but they did move. And that little pink stain on his face was blood caused by acceleration in the blood stream pumping inside his cheeks. How could they not see that?

Oji-san sat down beside me. "You mean you didn't notice?" I shook my head like someone with amnesia. "I think you…bonded with him."

He now has a third bruise on his face.

Bonded?! Bonded?! BONDED?! I don't bond with anyone! No bonding! Bond is not even in my vocabulary unless you're talking about James Bond! Who the hell do they think they are?! Telling me I actually know and understand that bastard of a jerky slim jim! Yeah, that's what he is! A slim jim! No guy has a figure like that! All tall with his tiny little waist, spreading out his nasty pheromones to look delicious. Argh, I am so angry right now! And my phone is ringing again! Probably some idiot begging to have his phone back.

I need to yell right now so I snap open my phone. "WHOEVER THE F—K THIS IS BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR CALLING ME!"

"We need to talk."

"Oh. You're threatening me."

"No, Naruto." I heard a heavy sigh. "I want to talk about my brother. He's been locked up in his room and won't answer to anybody. Not even to my father." His ability to actually carry out long sentences shock me into calmness.

"Fine." What? A rebelling Sasuke is a very interesting subject to discuss and further my process of good blackmail. I am educating myself here. Do not deprive me of my education.

Meeting Uchiha Itachi makes me feel like I'm having an affair. Not the professional kind either. It was late at night so most of the restaurant in town had already closed. The only place open this late would be the Red District. Sure he could come to the club, but it's kinda bolted right now. He could climb through my window, but I don't have any real desire for him to be in my room. Alone. With me.

When I arrived at the designated place, I had already received fifteen proposals, thirteen offers from prostitute houses, and got hit on by men and women of all ages and sizes. Well, I guess I should be thankful Itachi picked a geisha house. It's the only decent place around here. I can't even believe there's actually a geisha house in the Red District, but the idea of it being only professional with no sexual attachment was wrong when I saw the way the geisha's dressed. This generation has no respect for arts these days, excluding me. I like art. I just like it better if it explodes once in a while.

People eye me cautiously as I walk in. So there aren't exactly a lot of blondes in Japan. They don't have a lot of D cub breasts either, but you don't see me saying anything. I look for a head of black hair, but there was a lot of black hair so I look for an isolated loser where the table probably costs over thousands of dollars.

"Who brought the brat?"

I wasn't exactly a stranger to neither hostility nor the Red District itself. Where do you think oji-san got those R-rated ideas? I glared at the old lady who had spoken. She was probably in her late forties, but the heavy layers of make-up helped. Somewhat. I was glad when her eyes widened in realization. It shows she hadn't forgotten me.

"I'm looking for Mangekyo." I let myself be lead away upstairs to a black door.

"Hey, you still want to join?" Her smile was teasing, but still had the hints of friendliness along its edges. Too friendly.

I smile back and said the same answer as before, "Maybe later." She shrugs and left me alone to my business. She and I had met a few years back. We learn to tolerate one another, but it doesn't mean we're close enough to be friends. I opened the door and went in. The room was almost like one of the VIP we had back at the bar. And there sat Itachi, composed and suspicious. Any Uchiha is suspicious.

I seated myself across from him, refusing any kind of water he offered me. "So your brother…"

He smiled and shook his head. I tried not to grimace. Trust me, it was pre—tty hard. His face got more serious after he got over that idea. "Sasuke is troubled by something that concerns you. He had missed three classes today, same as you."

Yeah, I pretty much got the hint.

"He has been pacing in his room more than even my father does. That is a matter to be concerned about," his brows scrunched up in a frown.

Possibilities and past situations formed together in my mind as I laid out calculations after calculations and at last, I had a conclusion. "You're gay too, aren't you?"

His surprised expression didn't spread everywhere. There was only the small widening of his eyes and a funny little twitch on his nose. He suddenly chuckled. "I can see why my brother likes you so much." Ok, I feel a shudder coming on, but overall I'm alright. The shudder wasn't from what he just said, there was just a glint sparkling in his eyes. "Tell me, Naruto…why are you up so late? Or early, whichever you prefer."

It was close to four in the morning. I was a little busy thinking about that whole bonding thing with Sasuke to be worried about lack of sleep. Who wants to bond with him anyway? "I have problems with caffeine. Now let's go back to your little brother." I find it safer. "He's upset and confused about this question I asked him. It wasn't a really unpleasant question and…" Itachi is his brother, his brother. "…you should talk him through it."

Now he truly was surprised. He opened his mouth for a response, but having found none, closed it. The idea was juggled around and carefully weighted. "That's not a good idea."

"Why?" It better not be some stupid excuse.

"He hates me," he muttered. That is such a stupid excuse.

"What a coincidence. He thinks you hate him too."

He was shocked by this idea and had never really considered it. "I don't hate him."

I folded my arms, grab my chin with one hand, and titled my head to the side. "Hmm and I wonder how he's going to figure that out. It's a tough one."

"You do not know about our family." His tone was bitter, like bad salt. Ok, not a very good simile.

"And I prefer it that way." I grin and placed my hands behind my head. "However, the problem still remains that you and Sasuke don't talk. If you don't tell him how you feel, how is he going to find out? From what I can tell, you're not really good at charades."

He slapped on the famous Uchiha smirk. "You're one to talk."

I blinked. Perhaps blinking would help me solve this riddle. "What do you mean?"

He blinked. Yeah, buddy, that doesn't help at all. "You're sincere." Why is he finding that strange? When I'm truly confused about something, I'm sincere. It's a strange trait passed down by…probably Tsunade because it sure as hell wasn't in my oka-san or otou-san. "You're in denial."

I couldn't help laughing because; I mean c'mon, that's funny! "Why would I be in denial?"

"I don't know, but it seems that you have completely suppressed your ability to feel love." That is even more ridiculous than the first. "Have you sought out a psychiatrist?"

Ok, that is just insulting. "You should really talk to your brother," I said firmly. "He feels inferior of the standards you put for yourself and thinks of himself as weak for not being able to catch up." Itachi was ready to argue that, but I never gave him the chance. "That is just the way he thinks. I don't know why, but it's probably all that "pressure" your father puts on him. You are not the only one with problems, so for once in your life can you support him like a real brother instead of pitying yourself?" By the time he recovered and realized he's an asshole, I had already gone home and went to bed.

But my day didn't end there. No, it continued. In my dreams. My dreams! A place where you can let out your emotional stress or whatever and just f—king relax.

"…otou-san…oka-san…"

Right in front of me was…well, me. A smaller me. Mini-me. Then he—me, whatever, disappeared into a smoke of clouds. Alright, so there wasn't any smoke of clouds, but he did disappear before my eyes. A very cool trick for a twelve year old.

"Naruto…"

I really want to wake up.

"Naruto!"

Any minute now.

"Naruto Uzumkai, don't you dare ignore your mother."

1) Naruto has great reflexes so even if he's sleeping or out of it, his body will automatically defend itself. It's like the bodies memories, or a built-in alarm system. The guy swings his crowbar, missed, and ran right into locker 7890.

Charlie: Narra, hurry up! The machine's ready to go!

Narra: Ok alright, I'm coming! (hauling a suitcase)

Charlie: We didn't even bring a suitcase here!

Narra: It's just in case of emergencies!

Charlie: Whatever! Strap up!

Time to skip to part where the machine lands...

Narra: ...where are we?

Charlie: Home...

Narra: (twitch)

Charlie: ...in two thousand...

Narra: (twitches more)

Charlie: ...twenty-seven?

Narra: AHHHHH! WHY ME?!

The end of Arc.