Pain - 21/?
Author's Notes: I succeeded in getting this chapter up before the holiday :-). Merry Christmas everyone!
The new cover image for this story is the dog I imagine as Sam's dog Rebel. He is my brother's dog and is actually named 'Rebel without a Cause'. The name really does suit him.
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"Come sit with me Zoey."
She shook her head. "I'd rather stand."
That isn't what I'd refer to as standing, Sam thought as he watched Zoey shift her weight from one foot to the other before taking several steps to look out a window and then pacing back to her original location. He silently walked toward her, gently grasping her arms to still her movements. "It isn't too late to change your mind sweetheart."
"Yes it is. Backing out of something after agreeing to it is rude."
"Zoey this is one situation in which being rude would be understandable. Nobody would blame you for deciding you aren't ready for this conversation."
"I don't know if I will ever be ready," she said softly. "If I don't make myself do it now, I might not ever. I've run from so many things over the past three years. I'm so tired of running Sam." She bit down hard on her lip, fighting the frustrated tears that were threatening to fall.
"No more running," Sam said softly. He slowly glided his hand up her arm and neck before carefully cupping her chin in his palm. He used his thumb to ease her bottom lip from between her teeth, gently caressing it. "If something is difficult, we'll face it together."
Her eyes locked on his, Zoey nodded.
Sam lightly kissed her, each of his hands taking one of hers. He slowly walked back toward the seating arrangement, guiding Zoey along with him, until they could sit down on a small loveseat facing the door. Wrapping his arm around Zoey, he pulled her close against him, smiling when she laid her head against his shoulder. He gently stroked his hand over Zoey's hair, playing with the end of her braid as he kept his eyes trained on the door.
A few minutes passed before a light knock sounded and the door was inched open. Charlie stepped into the room, leaving the door open as he looked hesitantly between the two people seated on the loveseat.
His arms tightening around Zoey as she tensed, Sam silently inclined his head toward a chair a few feet from them, inviting Charlie to sit down. He watched as Charlie took the proffered chair with a small relieved smile. While Charlie's comfort didn't matter to him, Zoey's did and he knew that the situation would seem less intimidating if all of them were seated.
Charlie watched as Zoey cuddled closely against Sam's side, a wary expression on her face as she watched him. She seemed almost afraid to allow her gaze to stray from him as he moved into the room and took the seat that Sam indicated. He winced at the idea that after years of friendship, his presence could make her this uncomfortable. He allowed his attention to shift toward Sam, whose face was set in a hard expression, his eyes tracking Charlie's every move.
Several silent minutes passed before Charlie finally spoke. "I'm sorry," he said, awkwardly looking between the two.
Zoey lifted her head from Sam's shoulder. "That's it? You asked for this meeting so you could say two words?"
"I know 'I'm sorry' isn't enough Zoey but I don't know what else I can say. Are there any words that would be enough right now to make up for the cruel things I said last night?"
Zoey sighed. "I'm not sure that there are words that will ever make up for the things you said last night. We didn't work as a couple Charlie but I always considered you one of my closest friends. The things you said hurt; to think that you actually feel and believe them hurts even more. A two word apology can't erase the words you chose to say or the damage they caused to our friendship. I'm also not the only person to whom you owe an apology. You practically called Sam a pedophile."
Charlie winced at the reminder. He turned toward Sam. "I'm sorry for the horrible things I said last night. I know that you and Zoey only recently became a couple and that you had no romantic interest in Zoey when she was a teenager."
"Rationally you may know those things but some part of you doesn't fully accept them or at least didn't fully accept them as of last night," Sam said.
"I was jealous. I am jealous," Charlie admitted. He laughed humorlessly. "I convinced myself that I was fully resolved to at least tolerate your relationship for as long as it lasted and then I watched the two of you together at the party. You were both so happy and I resented it." He grimaced as he glanced at Zoey. "You kept blushing and I couldn't stop myself from imagining why. I tried to use alcohol to block the images but that obviously wasn't a good idea."
Zoey felt her face heating up.
"You never blushed like that when you and I were together," Charlie observed, watching as Zoey's face flamed even brighter.
"Okay?" Sam asked Zoey softly, running his thumb down the curve of her pink cheek.
She nodded, swallowing hard before turning back toward Charlie, her voice soft. "You said you thought you were resolved to handle Sam's and my relationship as long as it lasted. You were expecting us to be a short term thing."
"Yes."
Sam linked his fingers with Zoey's, lifting both of their hands up into Charlie's line of sight. "This isn't short-term Charlie. I'm in love with Zoey. Anyone who wishes to be a part of either of our lives is going to have to find a way of accepting our relationship being long-term."
Charlie looked toward Zoey, waiting for her reaction to Sam's words.
"I feel the same way Sam does," Zoey said softly, meeting Charlie's eyes. "I didn't know that I could love this deeply, especially after everything that happened. The idea of being involved in a romantic relationship terrified me." She glanced between the two men. "I really can't adequately explain how I feel. It just feels… right. I'm sorry that you want more than friendship with me Charlie and that me not returning the feelings you have for me hurts you. I'm not sorry that you and I didn't work out. If you and I had worked, I wouldn't have this chance with Sam. I won't, I can't, give up what Sam and I share. I really hope that you can eventually fully accept Sam and me as a couple and that we can start rebuilding our friendship."
"Where and how do we start to do that?"
"I don't know," Zoey said sadly. She squeezed Sam's hand, looking up at him. "I need some air. Will you come outside with me?"
"Of course," Sam said, immediately standing and helping Zoey to her feet. "Why don't you go get your coat? I'll join you in a few minutes."
Zoey glanced hesitantly between the two men.
"We'll be fine sweetheart," Sam promised, lightly brushing his lips across hers. "I'll come find you in a couple of minutes." After Zoey had stepped out of the room, Sam turned his attention toward the now standing Charlie, his voice going flat. "That meeting was for her sake, not yours."
"I was surprised when the President told me that you would be joining us."
"You shouldn't have been. After last night, there was no way in hell that I would have allowed you to be alone with her. There is still no way in hell you'll be allowed to be alone with her. I don't trust you. Zoey has apparently decided to be open to continuing her friendship with you. I'll respect her choice. If you do anything to hurt her again, you won't like my reaction."
As Sam strode from the room, Charlie sank back down into his chair. It had taken a matter of minutes to destroy the trust Zoey had for him and the friendship he had with both Zoey and Sam. It was going to take much longer to rebuild that trust and friendship, if it was even possible to do so. He had really screwed up.
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Sam took a sip from his bottle of water, watching as Zoey and Ellie played an intense game of Scrabble against each other. When her daughters had decided to get the game out, Abbey had groaned and warned Sam and Vic that it was going to be a long and fiercely competitive battle. She was right, Sam thought with a low chuckle as he watched the sisters argue over the existence of a word, stopping only when their mother handed them each a dictionary. The President's voice beside him drew his attention away from the game.
"When Liz and Ellie were children, before Zoey was born, Abbey and I instituted family game afternoons once a week. Once Zoey was old enough, she joined in. She and Ellie always enjoyed the games the most. Every time we went to a toy store, they'd both beg to buy a new game or two to add to our collection. Zoey appointed herself the official 'keeper of the games' when she was eight. She took excellent care of them and ensured that we never lost one piece. I believe we still have every one of those board games stored at the farm," Jed mused.
"Has Scrabble always been a favorite?"
The President laughed. "Oh yes. All three girls would spend hours fighting their way through the game. The only thing that could get the three of them to get along during a Scrabble game was me joining in. They took great delight in teaming up against me." He paused, considering Sam. The younger man was obviously listening raptly but his hand was fidgeting at his side. "You wish you had a pen and pad of paper right now."
"Yes, I do," Sam admitted.
"Have you given more consideration to the job offer I made you a few months ago?"
"I have. I wasn't sure if the offer was still on the table."
"You thought that your relationship with Zoey might have caused me to reconsider my offer?"
"Yes." Sam glanced across the room, reassuring himself that Zoey was still deeply engrossed in her game. "When you offered me the job, you made it clear that our friendship and the trust you held for me had a lot to do with your choice. I knew then that it was likely that you would see my relationship with Zoey as a betrayal of that friendship and trust."
"Yet you still pursued the relationship."
Sam held the President's gaze. "As much as your trust and friendship meant to me, Zoey meant more. A part of me acknowledged even then, before she and I were truly in a romantic relationship, that I was falling in love with Zoey."
"Zoey came first," Jed said softly, breaking eye contact to look across the room at his youngest child.
Sam's gaze followed the President's. "Zoey will always come first."
Jed turned back toward Sam. "As Zoey's father I appreciate that." He paused, considering his words. "We both know that you are not the man I would have selected for Zoey had the choice been mine. If the circumstances were optimal, I'd prefer Zoey to be involved with a younger man with less life experience. Unfortunately, the circumstances are far from optimal. I promised at the beginning of the relationship that I wouldn't interfere and though I was concerned about what I thought would be an inevitable breakup causing my daughter more emotional harm, I meant it. I've watched you and Zoey together over the past weeks and you've dispelled those concerns. Last night you earned my trust again. If I trust you with my daughter, I can trust you to tell my life story. So yes, the job offer is still on the table. Are you interested?"
"Very." Sam smiled slightly. "I've been interested since the moment you first mentioned the idea," he admitted. "Over the past several weeks I've itched to have a pen every time we've spoken. I've found myself mentally composing whole passages."
"Good. I'd like to take a few months after finishing my term, focus on spending time with Abbey and my children and grandchildren. How does your schedule look with your current project and any promotion you may have coming up? Would you be able to begin work on my biography in the spring or early summer?"
Sam blinked at the quick move to make definite plans. Of course, he shouldn't be surprised, he mused. He'd always known Jed Bartlet to be a man who knew what he wanted and went after it. Once a decision had been made, there was no reason to delay planning the details. "I'm very interested in the project Mr. President. There are logistics that need to be discussed however."
Jed waved his hand dismissively. "Our lawyers and your agent will have to join us to draw up a contract, I know. I'm sure that we can come to a mutually acceptable agreement on each contract detail."
"That isn't my concern. You envision this project being very collaborative?"
"Of course. We worked well together before. I didn't think that working closely with me would be a problem for you," the President said.
"It isn't. You realize that a project of this type will take months to complete?"
"Yes."
"Have you thought about exactly how the process will work? We'll need to spend a significant amount of time together."
"You'll stay at the farm while we work on the book."
"I'm not sure that is a workable option Sir. It might be better if I rent an apartment nearby."
Jed chuckled. "That isn't possible. You've been to the farm; you know it isn't in the middle of a metropolis. You'll drive at least a half-hour each way to get to an apartment complex. We have plenty of room on the farm. If you need a separate office space, it isn't a problem. Give me a list of what you will need and I'll make sure it is ready for you."
Sam held back his sigh. This was not a conversation that he wanted to be having with Zoey's father. He had hoped that the older man would realize what was concerning him without him having to explain. Apparently, that was not going to happen. "I'm going to be blunt." The President raised an eyebrow but said nothing. "On Zoey's and my trip to California, I had a guest bedroom ready for Zoey's use. Zoey chose to stay in my bedroom with me instead. She has spent every night with me since, with the exception of Christmas at the farm."
"You're telling me that you don't want to stay on the farm because you don't want to give up having my daughter in your bed?" the President asked incredulously.
"Being in my arms helps Zoey to feel safe, protected. She's been able to sleep soundly through the night without nightmares or insomnia plaguing her. I won't take that from her."
After glaring at the younger man for close to a minute, Jed sighed. "This may not even be a relevant point. You and Zoey may not even be on the farm at the same time."
"If I write the book, Zoey will be accompanying me to the farm and staying for the duration of my stay."
"You're telling me that my allowing you and Zoey to share a bed is going to be the deciding factor on you agreeing to write the book?"
That look was meant to intimidate, Sam knew. Hell, he could remember times in the past when it had been effectively used on him. If they were discussing any other subject, it might still be effective. Instead, he returned the President's hard gaze with one of his own. "Zoey and the life that she and I are building together is the deciding factor in every decision I make."
"I have never allowed any of my daughters to share a bedroom under my roof with a man they were not married to," Jed said flatly.
Sam paused, carefully considering his words. Things had been going very well over the past weeks and he had hoped that it would stay that way but he wasn't willing to compromise on what he felt was best for Zoey. "I understand and respect your beliefs. If the circumstances were different, I would be more than willing to adhere to them."
"The circumstances aren't different however."
"No. I'm sure that we can agree that the situation is far from ideal. Zoey is working through severe emotional trauma. She is still learning to fully trust me. She's also dealing with major insecurity issues." He paused briefly as the President flinched. This entire situation was difficult for Zoey's parents as well, he reminded himself. "I won't put Zoey in a situation where she feels as if I am rejecting her or pushing her away."
"Insecurities," Jed repeated.
Sam forced a small smile as Zoey glanced at him from across the room. "There are times when Zoey wonders why I, or any other guy, would want to be involved with her. There are moments when she looks in the mirror and sees nothing but a crushed and damaged girl looking back, totally hopeless and in her opinion unlovable." He sighed. "I was invited to join Zoey and her therapist for the last half of her most recent session. She told me that she is afraid that either she is going to wake up and find out that everything that has happened between the two of us has been a dream or I am going to realize that this isn't what I want."
Jed's grip tightened painfully on his cane as Sam spoke. For the second time in two months, Sam was describing aspects of his daughter to him that he should have noticed on his own. "Going to the farm without Zoey or staying separately from her at the farm could be seen as you slowly backing away from the relationship," he said softly.
"I'm afraid that is exactly how Zoey would take it." He met the President's eyes. "I won't hurt her. If that means that you choose someone else to write your biography or that we postpone the project for a year or two…" He shrugged. "Zoey comes first."
"I've always considered myself to be a good father. Before the abduction, I felt as if I knew Zoey well and could easily see the choices that were best for her. The situation now is unfamiliar to all of us. I'm still discovering how to be a good father to the Zoey that this situation created. It is becoming obvious that the methods I used with Liz and Ellie, and with Zoey prior to the kidnapping, are no longer appropriate." He sighed as he leaned heavily on his cane. "I'm not going to object to you and Zoey sharing her bedroom at the farm."
"Thank you Sir."
Jed nodded. "You haven't answered my original question about your availability during the spring and summer."
"I'll need to speak with Zoey and get back to you on that. She'll be completing her course work through May. We haven't discussed our plans beyond that point."
"My schedule will be relatively flexible. Let me know what you and Zoey decide and we can sit down with our lawyers to finalize everything."
"Of course."
"I won!"
At Zoey's yell, both men turned back toward the rest of the family. Zoey was dancing around the game board while Ellie carefully reexamined each word and recalculated the points.
Sam crossed the room toward Zoey, grinning at her exuberance.
"I won Ellie. No matter how many times you check everything, that isn't going to change."
"You won this game but I won the last game and I'll win the next one." She laid her hand over her abdomen. "I was a bit distracted by this one practicing for future sporting competitions."
"Excuses, excuses," Zoey teased lightly. "We both know that I won because I have a better vocabulary than you do." She grinned. "I may even have the best vocabulary in the room."
Ellie raised an eyebrow. "You do know that both dad and your novelist boyfriend are in the room?"
Zoey's grin broadened as Sam stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. She glanced up at him. "Now that would be an interesting competition."
Sam kissed her forehead. "Not going to happen."
"Oh, come on. It would be fun."
"I'm not sure about fun but it would definitely be interesting," the President said.
"It isn't happening, Zo," Sam said, shaking his head. "You and I competing against each other is not a good idea." He grinned. "The two of us playing together against your parents might be interesting and fun however."
Zoey laughed. "Oh we can so take them."
Abbey raised an eyebrow. "You think you can 'take us'? I guess we are going to have to prove you wrong little girl."
Jed grinned at Sam. "I accept that informal challenge you just issued and look forward to wiping the floor with you and my cheeky daughter." He glanced at the clock. "However, as much as I would love to do that right now, I need to go add the final ingredients to the chili, so our Scrabble match will have to be tabled. Perhaps this summer at the farm?"
"You're on."
As her father headed toward the kitchen, Zoey glanced up at Sam. "This summer?"
"Your father and I were just discussing his request that I help write his memoir. He's hoping to get started on it this summer. He and I are going to finalize the details after you and I have had a chance to discuss it."
"Okay," Zoey said, leaning back against Sam's chest. "The idea of spending the summer on the farm together sounds fun."
"It does," Sam agreed. His lips grazed her cheek. "Are you up for a walk? I should go check on Rebel, make sure he isn't driving the staff crazy."
"Rebel driving them crazy? Not unless he and that insanely hyper creature Gus calls a dog swapped personalities somehow." She smirked. "Or he decided to finally embrace that ridiculous name you gave him."
He tugged lightly on her braid. "Making fun of me for my dog's name really isn't fair. You know he came from the Humane Society already named."
"Fair or not, it's fun." She stepped away and reached for his hand, linking their fingers. "Let's go check on the rebellious dog."
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