*Chapter 21: The talk*

Exhausted from the physical and emotional effort of the last twelve hours, Pan watched as everyone left her room so she could rest. The nurse came and got Goku Jr. taking him to the nursery, leaving Pan alone.

Twenty minutes later, the door slowly opened, and Trunks' head appeared. He had been sitting in the maternity ward waiting room the entire time, watching people come and go with balloons and flowers, all celebrating the arrival of a new family member.

"I didn't knock in case you were sleeping. I wanted to come when everyone else was gone, in case you wanted to know why I didn't show."

Pan was glad to see him and invited him to come and sit by her, "Did you get to see Goku Jr. They put him in the nursery."

"Yeah, I did. He's very cute; I think he looks a lot like you, Pan." If he didn't know any better, Trunks would never guess that Derrick was the father. Goku looked nothing like him, thanks the kais for that. Trunks thought.

"Thanks, I just don't know where the dark blue eyes came from," Pan said.

"Probably your mother's side of the family." Trunks didn't realize till he said it, how that would set off Pan.

Pan bit her lower lip and the waterworks began. She wept for all the things she lost: her innocence her self-respect, her old life, and her parents. In spite of the bitter words and months of silence, Pan still ached to feel her mother's arms around her, and experiencing firsthand how strong a mother's love was for her own child, she felt the pain of losing Videl's love that much more acutely.

Trunks felt Pan's crying was all his fault. He just had to make that comment about her mother. Not sure what was the right thing to do; Trunks climbed onto the bed and enfolded her quaking body in his own. There were no words to comfort her after so many months and not a single word from her parents, so he just whispered shushing noises in her ear, as if were a baby herself. There were so many things Trunks wanted to tell her, about how strong and special she was, but Pan was in no condition to listen. What a shame that Gohan and Videl weren't here to witness how extraordinary their daughter was. But Bulma said, there would be plenty of time after the big event to help put this jigsaw puzzle of a family back together.

Finally Pan's breathing slowed, and she whispered, "Thank you. I'm okay now." Trunks reluctantly sat up and handed her a box of tissues.

"How do you feel?" That was a stupid question.

"Physically? I feel pretty good, considering. I still don't know how he fit."

Trunks couldn't help cringing at the thought of the actual giving birth part. At his age, he still thought that part of a girl's body was for recreation, not procreation. "Are you in a lot of pain?"

"Not really, I kinda feel sore but not too much. I'll probably fill it tomorrow though. But I guess I won't be thinking about it when he's in my arms and I'm nursing him." Pan took a sip of water and leaned back against the pillow. "I guess this is the new chapter, me and Goku starting our new lives as mother and child."

Trunks sighed inwardly, now that the baby was here, what was this going to mean for him? Would there be a chance to have a relationship Pan, or would the baby be in the way? Without second's hesitation, Trunks knew he would love Pan one matter what and he would love Goku Jr. too. As strange as it was, a big part of him wanted to be Goku's father.

"What are thinking about?" Pan asked, bringing Trunks out of his thoughts of him, Pan and Goku Jr. as a little family.

"Uh, nothing, I was just thinking how you're the bravest person I've ever met." Trunks really meant it. At sixteen to seventeen, Pan had been through more than many people in their entire lives. "Your parents may have made a lot of mistakes along the way, but they most have done something right for you to turn out the way you did."

"I think you're kinda biased," Pan said, her pale cheeks turning pink.

"Maybe a little bit. So what made you think of naming him Goku?"

"Beside that he obliviously looks like my grandpa. I've always had special bond between my grandpa and I wanted to honor him in some way, and what better way than naming my first child after him." Now that Goku was born, Pan could feel her sense of normalcy slowly returning, even though she knew her life could never go back to the way it was. It was time to start a new life as a mother, and it was also time to pick up the pieces of her life from nine months ago, but Pan couldn't believe she would simply be able to stroll back into the classroom, as if she'd been out for a couple of months with mono.

"I think that's great name." And you're an amazing girl, Son Pan, Trunks wanted to say, but as desperate as he was to get close to her and tell how he really felt, he realized that declaring his undying love, effectively hitting on her a few hour after giving birth, was probably bad form. "Can I get you anything? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you want something to read?" Bulma had said to be there for Pan, however she needed him, and he was determined to do that.

"I'm fine. You look so worried. I'm really fine. The doctor said that Goku and I can go home tomorrow," Pan said, thinking again how lucky she was to know this astonishing boy. All by himself, he had managed to restore her faith in the entire male gender.

"What about your parents? Are you going to call them now that things are back to normal… almost?" Trunks selfishly didn't want Pan to make up with her parents right away, because that meant she would move out of Capsule Corp. However, if that was what she wanted, what she needed, he would do anything he could to make it happen.

"I don't know what to do, so I'm not doing anything right now."

"Sounds reasonable. Do you know what the date is today?" Trunks was beyond excited, but he didn't want to show it, just in case Pan's news wasn't as good as his had been.

"It's April first. I may be numb with pregnancy pain, but I know the date. What perfect irony that I gave birth on April Fools' Day." Would Goku Jr. think that was funny when he was older?

"That's not what I was talking about. Besides being April Fools' Day, April first is also the day colleges send out their letters."

"Oh shit." Between contractions and holding her son in her arms for the first time, the last thing Pan had been thinking about was where she would be going to school the following year.

"I got into…." Trunks started to say.

Pan cut him off. "Don't tell me. I don't think we should tell each other where we got in or where we plan on accepting. We don't want to make a decision for the wrong reasons, do we?"

When she and Trunks were comparing their college lists months earlier, Pan had fantasized about going to the same college, but after they ended up applying to almost all the same places, she started to worry that she might want to follow him because he made her feel safe, and he might want to follow her because she needed taking care of and he was clearly someone who, like his mom, had a habit of taking care of people, and it all started to feel incredibly co-dependent and psychiatric, rather than heartfelt and romantic, all before a single acceptance letter had been sent. Her greatest fear was that Trunks would come to resent her for compelling him to stay by her side because she was emotionally destitute, a virtual orphan and unwed mother, and not because they were madly in love with each other.

Shutting him out was exactly the opposite of what Trunks had thought Pan would do. Apparently the vibes he thought she'd been sending, especially after the night in her bedroom, were merely his own desperate longings reverberating back onto himself. Whatever had passed between them while she was pregnant must have been nothing more than a happy collision of hormones and romantic lighting. But it had felt like so much more. He would have bet anything that she still cared about him.

Stifling his overwhelming disappointment, Trunks said flatly, "Okay, whatever you want. I brought my laptop if you want to check."

"Thanks."

Surprised and disappointed that Trunks didn't protest her plan to keep it private—if he had put up any fight at all, she would have given in. if Trunks really cared about her, was truly in love with her, as she hoped, wouldn't he insist on knowing what her plans were and sharing his own? Pan needed him to show her how much he wanted to be with her, that he would push and shove his way into her life, even if she seemed determined to keep him at arm's length. It was a test, and tests were stupid, because sometimes people failed them, like now, and Pan was left with information that didn't suit her purposes or expectations. Clearly he wasn't that into her. But it wasn't as if she hadn't misread boy signals before. It was nine short months ago that she actually thought that the coolest kid in school had fallen in love with the co-captain of the math team. Talk about missing the boat. Her people sense had clearly not improved during her pregnancy.

Clicking on her e-mail, Pan bit her lip so that her face wouldn't betray her emotions, which would have been elation, as all four schools had accepted her. Looking up at Trunks, who had been watching her intently, as if he was trying to read the screen's reflection in her eyes, she said, "Okay then."

"That's it?"

"Yeah."

"So you're really not going to tell me what happened?" Still not ready to believe, not wanted to believe, that Pan was pulling away so suddenly and completely, Trunks asked, "And I'm not allowed to tell you where I got in?"

"No. after we send back our acceptances, then we'll tell each other, but don't you think you should decide where to go based on what you want, what I'm doing" Pan wished Trunks would beg her to tell him where she'd gotten in. she wanted him to tell her that he loved her and needed her and couldn't imagine being away from her. She wanted him to be the person she thought he was that day she had moved into Capsule Corp.

"That's what I'd planned on doing. Did you think I was just going to follow you wherever you went, like a dog?" In truth, he would follow her to the South Pole, in a heartbeat, but that was a revelation better saved for when they'd been married a few years.

"No, of course not, but you might without even realizing it. I know it would affect my decision process if I knew a close friend was going to one of the schools I was considering." As long as she was testing him, she might as well go all the way. If her instincts were right, he was three seconds from throwing his arms around her and shouting out where he was going to college.

Flinching at the word friend, Trunks replied, "Well, I'm not like that. I haven't worked so hard for so long to pick a school just because my friend is going there."

He could give as good as he got, even though he knew he was being childish, and if he were a real man, he would just tell her how he felt. Well maybe not everything, but at least the part about wanting to be than just a supportive friend, now that Pan could be young woman again. But pride makes people stupid and shortsighted, and Trunks Briefs was no exception. This conversation was not going well at all, but he lacked the maturity and nerve to try and steer it out of the ditch is was fast approaching.

"Hey, girly!" Without even knocking, Bra bounced into the room, nearly hidden by a bunch of balloons. "Sorry I'm late, but I wanted to give you guys a little time alone together," she said, giving her brother the evil eye. "So, how's everything?"

Still not certain she had heard what Trunks said, or more to the point, what he hadn't said, Pan turned to Bra. "I'm good. Thank you so much for being here. You were a huge help."

"That's what best friends are for, right? Holding your foot so you can push a baby out of your, um, you know. Truthfully, it was the most amazing experience I've ever had. I should be thanking you for letting me be there." Turning to Trunks, she said, "You don't know what you missed, big bro. Next time, maybe she'll let you hold her foot."

Turning three shades of crimson, Trunks said nothing, just cleared his throat. His passion for Pan was apparently obvious to everyone but Pan.

Bra laughed at her older brother, who was blushing like a virgin bride. "I still don't know how he fit, even though I saw it happen. You must be pretty sore."

"It's not so bad." There was a continuous echo inside her head as Pan tried to carry on a conversation with Bra while trying to sort out what had just happened with Trunks.

"I never would have believed the human…or in our case, the saiyan/human body was so… stretchy." Bra made a face.

"I don't really need to know all the details," said Pan.

"So where's Goku Jr.?" Despite seven months of smartass comments, Bra was determined to stop calling the baby "The Bean". He was her best friend's baby after all and if her brother played his cards right, Junior would be her nephew.

"He's in the nursery making some new friends." It was hard to imagine her life without that dark blue eyed baby boy.

"Thought you'd be freaking out that he's not in here with you. I thought you'd be attached to the kid like rubber to glue," Bra said.

"I've done enough freaking out for a lifetime in the last nine months. He's fine where he is, and I'm too tired to get upset because he's not in my room." Exhausted in mind and body, Pan was desperate to sleep, but every time closed her eyes, she could see her parents' resentful faces and her heart started to race. Sleep would not be easy.

"I'm going now," Trunks said casually, putting his laptop in his backpack. The girls were ignoring him anyway. It was clear to him that he wasn't wanted there. "I'll see you tomorrow."

After Trunks left, Bra asked, "What's up with him?"

"I think I screwed up," Pan replied.

"What are you taking about? There's nothing you could do or say that could change how he feels about you." Not that Bra was an expert in matters of the heart, but the way Trunks never stopped staring at Pan, he was either in love with her, or there was something wrong with her brother's eyes.

"I'm not so sure. I didn't tell him where I got in to school, and I wouldn't let him tell me where he got in. I think he was insulted."

"Why would you do that? That was dumb. So where did you get in? Am I allowed to know?" Bra asked.

"I got in everywhere. Apparently getting knocked up your senior year is just the kind of extracurricular activity they're looking for." Pan wondered whether her situation had really helped her, like having an off-the-wall hoppy—underwater basket weaving, or skydiving. All that mattered now was that she had so completely misinterpreted Trunks' feelings for her, and she didn't know how she was going to get over him.

"Congrats. That's amazing. And my mom's footing the bill. It sounds pretty perfect. Not that you care, but I'm going to NYU. I've always wanted to see what it was like in the states and I heard the fashion's pretty good too," Bra said.

"That's a great place for you. I think I'm going stay in Japan and go to Orange Star University."

"Well, duh. My mom or Chichi-San can take care of Junior while you're at school." Who wouldn't want the free babysitting? Bra thought. "But what about my brother, your future husband? Why are you shutting him out? He applied to Orange Star University, too. You could get an apartment together," Bra said, wiggling her eyebrows.

Pan scowled. "I don't want either of us to decide on a college based on what the other one is doing. What happens if we don't work out in the end?"

Bra shook her head. "Full of yourself a little? You're sure he would follow you wherever you went?"

"Maybe," Pan said, realizing the hubris of assuming Trunks' feelings were as intense as hers. Maybe their kisses hadn't meant as much to him as they had to her, or his feelings had faded. When they had been together, it had felt like she was dreaming. Now she wondered if it had all really happened as she remembered it, or was it all just a figment of her desperate imagination.

"And you would follow him?"

"I'm afraid I might, and I kind of thought he would follow me, but I think I was wrong, from how he acted when he was just here. He didn't seem to care where I got in. He didn't even try to convince me to tell him where I was going," Pan said, her pride bruised by the ease with which Trunks had given up.

"Haven't you ever heard of the male ego? Of course he's going to pretend he doesn't care. Begging you to tell to him would be like my brother handing you his balls on a silver platter."

"And she's back. I thought the miracle of childbirth might have cleaned up your language." Pan laughed, relived that Bra was still Bra.

"No such luck. Anyway what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me what to do? I'm too tired to think anymore, and you always have all the answers."

"If I were you, which thank kami I'm not, because this is my brother we're taking about. I'd tell him I loved him. But it's none of my business. And it's not like I have any personal experience to work off of."

In Bra's world, everything was blissfully simple and straightforward if you were paying attention. Finding someone who could love you no matter how crappy you looked or how stupid you acted was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As risky as it might seem to tell a guy you were in love with him, the payoff was so huge, and it was definitely worth taking the chance those feelings might not be reciprocated. If Pan didn't jump on this, she was a moron, but Bra vowed to keep her nose out of this one. Helping her best friend through her pregnancy was one thing, but managing Pan's and her brother's mixed-up love life was another thing altogether.

"No way, not after the conversation we just had. It's not how I thought it was between us, and now I just have to move on." Besides, now was the time to focus on Goku and work on herself. Boys, even one as perfect as Trunks, were merely distractions. Determined to rationalize what had happened, Pan had to paint Trunks as the enemy—otherwise she feared sinking into a wicked postpartum depression.

"Fine, do what you want. Hopefully, you two mules can work it out. You know, you're more like your parents than you think," Bra said.

"I'm nothing like them," Pan protested. Gohan and Videl were cruel and heartless and unforgiving. The last thing in the world Pan wanted was to be compared to them.

"You're not crazy and spiteful like they are, but you're stubborn like them, that's for sure," Bra said. "I'll tell you something my grandpa likes to say sometimes, you can be right or you can be happy, but it's hard to be both."

"What does that even mean?" Pan asked.

"Just look at your mom and dad. They think they're right about you being a bad seed. They won't even try to understand your point of view. But what good does it do them? Do you really think they're happy being right about everything…and alone?"

"It's totally a different situation," Pan muttered.

"Whatever you say, boss." Bra shrugged. "Just remember. You can be right and alone…or you can take a minute to think about what Trunks might be feeling. It's totally up to you."

Next chapter Pan leaves town with Goku Jr.