A/N: Yow. I know, I know. Massive update fail. However, this chapter is very long to make up for it.
Thank you to ocd_indeed; Emibella & jeesiechreesie for preread this - you are the best.
Epic thanks goes out to Jilburfm, my amazing beta, for keeping me in line and helping me through my fail.
And readers & reviewers, you are all wonderful and encouraging and supportive and I love it. Thank you all so very much. It's you I keep in mind when I lock myself up for hours to write :P
**
The Truth
**
Alice POV
It's impossible to surprise a psychic.
It was the first line of defense in any competitive game that I engaged in with my family. It was the automatic retort when I opened gifts knowingly. And it was a concept that I had dwelled on regularly for the past several decades.
I replayed the words in my head over and over, half-alarmed, half-smug. Perhaps now my family would see my ability as I saw it: flawed.
Because if I was being honest with myself, not only would I not have bet on things unfolding as they had, but I'd have put good money on them going the other direction.
Shocked didn't begin to describe my immediate feelings.
For three hours after leaving Bella with Edward, I wandered through the woods aimlessly, trying to stay far enough away as not to interfere with her big plan. Like a movie, I watched the scenarios play out and flip flop and naturally shift as Bella warred against her hormones to keep herself in check. Part of me found it humorous. Part of me found it annoying. And all of me was rooting for her to make a move.
And when the future pretty consistently looked as though we had some more waiting to do, I tried to distract myself. Yes, I wanted to run back to the house and encourage the young lovers to share their feelings. Yes, I wanted to make good use of both my ability and Edward's to encourage some sort of proactive exchange. And of course I wanted nothing more than to be doing anything aside from what was currently occupying my time.
But, like any well-mannered child, I held it in. Tried to distract myself. I told Jasper that I wasn't checking; admittedly, this was an outright lie. There was nothing I loved more than a romantic comedy, and with Bella's indecision and Edward's obvious discomfort at her behavior, it was shaping up as such. Having Jasper and me far enough away to prevent interference certainly helped, but her blushes and awkward giggles, her increased heart rate, her flirtatious gestures, and her complete inability to let a freaking centimeter lie between them alerted him to her desires. It would be adorable, really, if it wasn't infuriating.
Needless to say, when the future once again changed, I automatically attributed it to Bella's internal vacillation. And I'll be damned if the half-drained deer didn't fall lifelessly to the ground as my jaw dropped in response to the plot twist.
Jasper eyed me speculatively.
I shook my head, distracted, and resumed draining the pathetic carcass with a newfound giddiness. My husband's scrutiny did not let up as we made our way back to the house, and suffice to say, my seemingly arbitrary cheer wasn't helping matters.
Bella was shivering inside the car as I approached it and took my seat behind the wheel. No sooner had I closed the door before the screeches and squeals started erupting from both of us. She looked happier than I had ever seen her before, the noises coming from her body as delighted as anyone in love's could be.
As I drove her back to her house, there wasn't a moment of empty silence. Every second was filled with either shrieks, giggles, or overly vivid descriptions. The curious vampire in me was thoroughly interested in what she had to say. I think this particular kiss was one for the books, as vampires and humans rarely made tonsil hockey a sport. However, the best friend in me couldn't get past the fact that my Bella, Bella who, two months ago, wouldn't even give boys a second look, was in love.
She would never be the same.
And somewhere, deep within the recesses of my mind, I knew that I would need to have a heart to heart with her.
We had rationalized keeping the truth about her future from her before; it was still so muddled and subject to change. Now, with the Volturi involved, I could see no way of getting around it. Bella would be a vampire. There was no question.
Telling her was more complicated. I needed to be around for any possible fallout that the news would produce; to answer any questions she had or merely to comfort her if it turned out this was the opposite of what she wanted. Although I had a strong suspicion that she had at least considered being changed in the past, I didn't anticipate that she had given the consequences of such a change the appropriate consideration.
And if she didn't want this life, then what? Carlisle had spent the entire weekend frustrated and grumpy, wanting nothing more than a backup plan should her reaction be as any normal person's would.
But future Bella was smiling, and smiling Bella couldn't hate this life terribly, could she?
I continued squealing and bouncing, giving the appropriate reactions to her excited recount of her evening, but the more I considered it, the more nervous I grew. What if I couldn't protect the only human I truly cared about?
We pulled into the driveway just shy of eleven and I cut the engine, turning in my seat to face her. Her expression suddenly grew solemn and I immediately regretted my timing.
"What's wrong?" she asked, her blush fading immediately and all traces of her jovial self leaving her in an instant. I shook my head quickly.
"Nothing," I responded, rolling my eyes. Tomorrow.
The hour that we had after school was about the only time I could think to tell her. I wanted to have her alone, and I wanted to have some time to let it sink in. If I told her tonight, she'd either go upstairs and fall into a blissful slumber or she would freak. Cry herself to sleep. Or worse -- not sleep at all, merely cry through the night. If I gave her time to dwell on it on her own she would jump to conclusions -- possibly inaccurate conclusions, and either make the situation way worse or way better. To be fair, though, if she wasn't happy with the news, there really was little way the situation could be made worse.
Still, I wanted to be there for her. I owed it to her. We brought her into this world of monsters and vampires, and it was our responsibility to see that she remained safe. It wouldn't be right to leave her alone after dropping this bomb on her.
"I'll see you tomorrow at school?"
She nodded her head warily and pulled open the door. She'd spend the night dwelling on what I was hiding. But she would do it with a smile on her face. If this was her last night of true happiness, I was glad I could offer her at least that.
**
When I returned to the house, Edward had already moved upstairs. I rolled my eyes, considering the day that he might actually show interest in familial bonding. That day was approaching, albeit slowly.
Edward and Emmett sit on the couch, controllers in hand. I'm on one side, Bella is on the other. Edward regards the device in his hands, confused. Bella laughs. I laugh. Emmett grumbles. I can hear Rosalie and Esme gabbing in the kitchen. Carlisle approaches. Jasper is nowhere to be seen.
I sighed, unlocking the front door. No matter how much we tried to convince her otherwise, Esme insisted we keep it locked. We all had our suspicions as to why, but mostly I figured it was one of the small things designed to keep us in touch with our long-faded humanity.
The family was convened in the living room, as they had been all weekend, looking dejected and furiously whispering amongst themselves. Any human might not even recognize the soft murmurs for what they were: equivalent to a shouting match for any normal family.
"We have to tell her," Carlisle rasped, leaning his entire weight against the couch with his head in his hands. Esme stood beside him, her hand protectively laid on his forearm. "This isn't our choice anymore."
I took the opportunity to interrupt. "Of course we'll tell her." I moved to the armchair that Jasper sat in and plopped myself on the floor, leaning my back against his legs. He was angry. He was really angry. I could tell by the stiff set of his jaw that it was taking everything he had in him not to lose his cool. I knew he was feeling guilty about spending increasingly less time in the house, and it was these moments in which I completely understood his dilemma. There was always something.
Emotions had been running high for months and Jasper was suffering the consequences. Plus, to be honest, the fact that Edward still couldn't stand to be within a thirty foot radius of him wasn't helping. Although the family remained blissfully unaware, the fact that he was singled out as the most malicious and most dangerous wasn't sitting well with him. It was a reputation he had earned plenty in his life, but, as he had set out to do nothing more than help Edward, the lack of any growing trust between the two was beginning to disturb my husband.
As much as it disheartened him, Jasper wasn't staying away only for his sake. He knew as well as any of us that his nearness put Edward on edge.
I sighed and let my fingers trail along his calves.
The whole family turned their attentions to me, my matter-of-fact tone alerting them.
Rosalie's eyes narrowed. "And how do you know that?" she sneered. To say she was dissatisfied with the turn of events that the visit had brought about would be an understatement. Just the idea of having Bella for an eternal sister had her frozen blood nearly boiling.
I tapped my forehead and smiled, willing to play her games. "I can already see that we'll tell her," I whispered, trying to keep any hint of vindication out of my voice.
"When?" Carlisle asked, his eyes snapping up to meet mine.
"Umm, I was thinking tomorrow after school? It's daylight and we're at her house, so I'm guessing it's a go."
"How will she take it?"
I considered this question. To be honest, I was mildly afraid to look. What if I lost my best friend? What if Edward lost the only person he trusted? What if Charlie lost his daughter? The consequences could be disastrous, but I closed my eyes and decided to face them down.
I raised a finger, hushing my family, as I looked into what tomorrow brought.
**
Carlisle POV
It was nearly two a.m. by the time our meeting disbanded, Alice's revelation about Bella's reaction doing little to quell my concerns.
The fact of the matter was that this was what I had been actively trying to prevent for the past two months. Removing Bella's choice in the matter was the absolute last thing I wanted to happen, despite the fact that she would apparently concede to her future.
I shook my head, retrieving my bag and heading toward the kitchen. I had fallen into a routine of feeding him before I left for the hospital on Sunday and Wednesday nights. Over the weeks, he had become increasingly more cooperative. While I had originally expected that the events of the weekend might make him more hesitant and fearful around us, in Bella's case, it had proven the opposite.
I couldn't pinpoint the exact cause of the change in his behavior, but I could speculate. And I did. I was fairly confident that he lacked the capability to understand what love was, but Alice assured me that he was able to feel it. It didn't make the fact that Bella was offering herself up to him any easier.
And truly, it wasn't that I didn't trust Edward. There was something about him that made me eager to put my utmost faith in the boy; but Bella was human. Bella was breakable and Bella was an easy meal, should he choose to go that route.
Which brought me to my next concern.
As I absently crossed the kitchen and opened a cupboard that hadn't seen any action in months, I contemplated my fears. I pulled a small mug from the shelf and locked my forefinger around the handle, fidgeting with it nervously.
Last week, I had considered trying feed him this way. Although his aversion to blood was still strong, his reaction to the scent seemed to be less violent in the more recent attempts.
But now, with him and Bella getting closer, the risks were magnified. I needed to speak with Alice.
Like clockwork, she pranced into the kitchen, smiling widely at the empty cup that occupied my hand. I held it up and shrugged, silently asking her if I was on course.
"It's a good idea," she said decisively, nodding her head to reinforce her point.
Just as I began letting my hopes grow for success, she continued, "I don't think it will work."
I closed my eyes, mustering my patience. If it might not work, why is it a good idea?
"It's the first step," she explained. "A necessary step, as far as I can see…"
I regarded her inquisitively, silently urging her to continue.
"When you made the decision, things changed." She shrugged. "Before, I couldn't see it ever working; now I can."
She smiled and hopped onto the barstool, emptying the contents of the bag onto the counter. I watched as she meticulously lined up the bottles of polish before finally choosing two. She turned back to me and grinned, holding a bottle in each hand and bouncing her hands up and down in question.
Only Alice. I chuckled under my breath and disregarded her question, instead retrieving several bags from the refrigerator and heading toward the staircase.
Still torn on whether or not his ability to drink naturally would a good thing, I hesitated at the door. If, as Alice predicted, this move was indicative of future success, I owed it to Edward to try. But part of me realized it could be at Bella's expense. Would it be safe for her? Now that she would likely be making a habit of increasing her physical closeness to Edward, could this really be in her best interest?
As difficult as it was to reconcile my responsibilities to my children, I inherently knew that I owed it to Edward. Bella had been making her own decisions, and it really couldn't be any more dangerous after he fed than it was that first night in the basement.
With a decisive swallow, I opened the door and entered the small bedroom.
Edward had grown used to our routine just as I had, so the growling was minimal. It was more of an instinctual reaction at this point than anything else. I briefly wondered if he would ever be able to shake the habit, or if it had become so engrained in him that he'd not ever move past it.
But then, he no longer growled at Bella.
"Good morning," I chucked, looking at my watch. It could hardly be considered morning, but when you live with no concept of time, it ceases to matter much. Morning and night tend to blur.
He had reverted to his fetal self without the comfort of Bella, but relaxed some as I entered further. I sat at the far edge of the bed, unwilling to push the envelope just yet.
Displacing my bag and tracing the rim of the cup, I watched as he forced himself to stretch.
"How are you?" I asked, watching carefully for his reaction. "Doing okay?"
I hadn't seen much of him since the Volturi left, as I expected he would be more comfortable alone, but I couldn't help but ask.
"I'm okay," he said, his voice soft but more confident than normal. I recalled why that was with mixed emotions. It wasn't right – a vampire and a human romance. Of course, there were countless examples of such loves existing in literature and television, but it didn't make it any more… natural.
But then, on countless occasions, both of them had surprised me. Last night, the ultimate opportunity for Edward to abuse his position, he didn't. Was I so hard-pressed to believe that this couldn't work?
Edward stared at me, taking in my position on the events of the night. Maybe, as both Alice and Esme attempted to convince me, it was fated.
I couldn't buy it so easily.
Nonetheless, it had become Bella's decision, and I was doing my best to respect that.
"I don't want… to hurt her," he said, his voice dejected and pained. "You think…" He trailed off, searching my mind for the answers. Answers that I honestly didn't have. "You think that I'll hurt her." His voice was quiet and dark, despondent.
"No," I answered with a smile, my automatic reaction surprising even me. I don't know how I knew, but suddenly something had clicked. And I knew with everything that I was, that he wouldn't hurt her. It was very well one of those great mysteries of the universe, how these two creatures who were so separate and so different, came to love one another. But they did, and I could see in his eyes that he meant it.
"I don't think you'll hurt her." My voice exuded confidence and hope. Hope for my future, for their future, for Bella and for Edward. For the first time since this whole ordeal had begun, I truly felt hopeful.
Edward nodded, sitting up on the bed and pulling his knees to his chest.
"Now," I said, ready to get to the matter at hand. "I'd like to try something different."
In my hand, I held out the mug that I had been relentlessly handling for the past several minutes. Whether it would work or not, I couldn't say with certainty, but Alice had been confident about one thing: trying was critical.
He nodded, inhaling deeply; fearfully. "Either way, Edward," I began, trying to keep him calm, "I'll be here to help you through it."
Again, his head moved slightly up and down as his eyes took in the inoffensive ceramic object before me.
"You ready?" I asked, standing.
With a deep exhale, he answered, "I guess."
His response wasn't what I had been hoping for, but it was better than a decisive no. He wasn't refusing my efforts, although he certainly didn't show confidence in the matter.
"It'll be alright," I promised, pulling the clear bag up from the floor. I filled the cup a quarter of the way full and set it aside.
I could see the beginnings of the fear surfacing on his body, the trembling increasing as he wrung his hands hopelessly together.
"Edward," I said, straightening myself. "If you're not ready, we can wait until next time."
He merely closed his eyes and shook his head, a small 'no,' escaping his lips.
I picked up the mug and moved to his side of the bed, sitting down next to him. His hands were latched together and shaking, but I wanted him in as much control as possible.
"If you don't think you're ready –" I started softly, willing him to let me in. I couldn't yet decipher the meaning of his actions; couldn't gauge the intensity of his fear.
"I'm okay," he said quietly, forcing his hands apart. He reached his right arm toward me and took the cup from my hand. I smiled.
I let my palm contact his back lightly as he regarded the object in his grasp. He stared at it quietly for several minutes, mustering his strength or his courage. Channeling whatever he needed to get through this.
"Just take it slowly," I instructed softly. "We're not in any hurry."
He looked up to me with pained eyes before raising the mug to his mouth.
His hand was trembling fiercely and I was grateful in that moment for the small amount that I had put in the cup.
With a deep breath, he touched the ceramic to his mouth. "Don't inhale," I said immediately, realizing I should have instructed this to begin with. He nodded his head and I could see his resolve wavering as he attempted to overtake his instinctual reaction.
I watched helplessly as he held back an initial gag, the first drop of blood hitting his tongue. He was suffering through this, and I was overcome with a sense of… pride? This vampire, who had been through more than I could ever dream of going through, was fighting a never ending battle to be whole again. It was heartbreaking and it was scary, but he continued to persevere. And as he fought back his body's automatic reaction to the only substance that could sustain it, I couldn't help but be proud of him.
He'd come so far.
I knew he had only taken in a few drops when he pulled the cup away abruptly, covering his mouth with a fisted hand and scrunching his face at the revolting feel.
I let my hand linger on his back and took the mug from his trembling hands, whispering encouragement and praise for his strength. It was clear to me that he was a stronger man than I would ever be, and I momentarily considered his upbringing. Wherever his family was, I hoped they would be proud of him.
"Do you want to try again?" I asked, as I felt his trembling subside.
He sighed, a clear answer to my question in and of itself, but his words contradicted his physical response. "Yeah," he said, swallowing and reaching for the cup.
I handed it over willingly, watching as he hesitated less this time.
I knew as soon as he tilted the cup what he was doing – he was going to drink it faster rather than slower. I wondered how it would feel, actually satisfying his throat after so many years of not.
In theory, his plan had merit. But as he swallowed the substance and his body immediately heaved, I knew it was too soon.
Red stained the sheets as he doubled over, his body trembling fiercely as he purged his system of the liquid.
"It's alright," I whispered, rubbing up and down his shaking back.
When he finally straightened and calmed down, he regarded me warily.
Shocking me yet again, the petrified vampire reached for the cup. I shook my head and pulled it back, setting it on the floor.
"Edward," I explained cautiously, "I think that's enough for today."
I watched as he took on a look of confusion before nodding in agreement and closing his eyes. It was definitely enough for today.
"But you still need to feed," I explained, walking back to my bag and retrieving my normal supplies.
I was eager for it to be done with, as he had had enough for one night, but, no matter how routine, rushing this wouldn't bode well for anyone.
As I prepped the tube and followed through the procedure, I talked with him.
Finding a safe subject that he felt comfortable talking about was tricky, however.
"Do you know how you ended up in the woods?" I asked carefully.
He looked up to me with dark eyes but made no move to answer. Taking the hint, I went with something easier.
"Tell me about your parents?" I attempted to guide him into conversation, but when I asked this he shrugged.
"Okay," I responded, continuing to work while I talked. "I'll tell you about mine?"
I had been making more of an effort to relate to him outside of Bella in the recent weeks. I attempted to maintain small talk and to bombard him with information. Honestly, he seemed eager to learn and listen to what I had to say, so I enjoyed telling him.
No matter what mundane fact about life I was sharing with him, he seemed genuinely interested in hearing it. It was liberating, in a way. Still, though, I asked him questions, in hopes that eventually he would open up to me.
I told him about my father and about the church that he headed, about the hunt of the vampire that resulted in my creation and about my discovery of draining animals.
It was an important story to me, one that I hoped never to be forgotten, as it was the foundation of our way of life. A way of life that I hoped Edward would one day adopt.
And as I was wrapping things up and repacking my bag, I heard his timid voice from the bed.
"I—" he began, snapping his mouth shut as he gathered his thoughts. "I couldn't have… done it."
I walked back to him and sat down, holding off my questions until he was decidedly finished speaking. He was hesitant and reluctant to talk, but he had never offered any information before.
"I wasn't… wasn't alone," he said, watching me carefully. For what, I couldn't say. To see if I was going to betray his trust?
"What do you mean?"
"I couldn't have… been alone." He swallowed nervously, looking up at me. "There was a man…" He gulped, his eyebrows pulling together. "He… left me… there."
"In the woods?" I questioned.
He nodded, inhaling deeply.
"Do you know who?"
"No," he responded shakily, uncomfortable in the conversation. I knew I shouldn't be pushing him before he was ready, but it was so important. He hadn't made it to the woods alone. Friend or enemy?
"I'm not sure," he whispered. "I wasn't… I wasn't understanding… what was… It was too much… His mind wasn't… it wasn't like theirs…" He shook his head and frowned. "But I don't know… people can… hide… things."
I nodded. I figured as much.
"I don't… remember much. I wasn't completely… there. But… as he walked away," he swallowed, "I saw him."
"What did he look like?" I asked quietly, trying to remain calm. Would his looks actually matter? Could we hunt someone down based on their looks alone? We could try to track him from the woods…
"Long… light hair," he said, his eyes far off. "I don't know, I couldn't… make out much. He had a chain… on his neck… with tags?"
How many men with long light hair in the world? More than could make his information useful.
"Thank you, Edward," I said as I stood. I wished he could understand how much his trust meant to me. And knowing that he was planted could definitely change things. It must have had something to do with our family. It was all too coincidental not to.
But he had definitely had enough for one night, and I had pushed him far more than I intended to, so I left quietly.
**
Bella POV
The following day of school went by with me in a blissful trance. I'll be the first to admit that I couldn't say what any of my teachers lectured on. Alice had been her creepy ominous self last night, of course, but over the last six weeks I had learned to deal. She'd tell me what was going on when she was ready. I trusted her wholly.
I didn't sleep a ton, mostly tossing and turning and replaying certain events of my night over and over. I don't know when I turned into such a girl, but I could barely keep my random giggles muffled. I daydreamed of Edward sneaking in through my window and looking through my books. The images manifested themselves into uncontainable shrieks until I turned my head into my pillow. Waking Charlie would not do.
When my alarm finally went off at six, I had practically jumped out of bed and run straight to the shower. Half excited, half exhausted, and fully unable to contain my smile, I had prepared for my day quickly and decided to get an early start on my homework. Finding the time to keep up with schoolwork was always taxing, but keeping my mind occupied until this evening would be a challenge in and of itself; I might as well get ahead while I had a few spare minutes.
But as I reached the foot of the stairs, I heard a grumble coming from the kitchen. As it turned out, by waking up early, I was able to catch Charlie before he left. It was just as well, we hadn't had much time to talk last night.
"You're up early, Bells," he announced, as I entered the kitchen.
I nodded, digging through the cupboards and producing all the necessary ingredients for a complicated bowl of cheerios.
"You seem," he began, eying my food. I sat down. "Cheery." He chuckled at his joke and ran his hand over the back of his neck. Nervous?
"Ha…ha," I responded sarcastically. I sighed and picked up the discarded news section of the newspaper. It never saw any real action in this house.
"Good weekend with Renee?"
I nodded. It had been good enough. Beaches, sunshine, pools; nothing that I needed in my life. But it was nice to see my mother again. It had been too long.
The silence that followed was both too long and too awkward to mean anything good.
"I was uhh," he stammered, "was wondering if you maybe wanna stick around tomorrow night? Ya' know, order a pizza and… catch up?"
The smile must have immediately left my face because Charlie quickly went defensive.
"Now, Bella. I have been pretty fair about this whole curfew business. I haven't seen you in weeks… I know you're eighteen, but give your old man a break?"
I nodded and looked at my cereal. It was true; I never saw Charlie anymore. What was worse was that it was rare that I even noticed. Only on the rare occasion that I would catch him at home and he'd bring it up did I even consider it. Somewhere along the lines my priorities had dramatically changed. Maybe a night with my Dad would be good for me?
"Sure, Dad," I mumbled, shoveling the now-mush into my mouth. "Tomorrow."
At least I had tonight, I reasoned.
Edward had promised that we would talk more tonight. Would it be awkward? Would things change between us, now that I had basically admitted my insanity to the vampire that I absolutely adored? Would we be able to lie in bed for hours just comforting one another, or would it mean something else? Part of me was excited to find out. Part of me dreaded it. But I think mostly I was excited.
And that was how the day went by. Sometimes I would be smiling so goofily that one of my friends would ask what had made me so happy. Sometimes I was so concerned that I snapped at them for asking why. It was random and ridiculous, but I couldn't help it.
By the time the bell rang and I made my way to my truck, I was already relatively high strung. And Alice was waiting for me expectantly, her palm pressed flat against the passenger side window.
"You're gonna smudge it," I laughed, hopping into my side. I reached over and unlocked hers. She hadn't been accompanying me as often as she did when we first found Edward; it was becoming increasingly rarer that she joined me for the hour between school and my nightly visit. Coupling this with the concerned look on her face, I was able to determine that she was up to no good.
Was she ever up to any good?
**
She sat me down on the ancient couch in the living room. I willed myself not to be too anxious, after all, she wouldn't be so calm if something was wrong with Edward, would she? She wouldn't.
By the time she finally took her place on the opposing cushion, my bottom lip was begging my teeth to release it. I couldn't.
The ride had been mostly quiet, save for a few worried glances on both our ends. It was unlike Alice to be nervous, having the direct knowledge of how every decision she made would turn out in advance. But there she sat, looking as worried as any teenage girl who was about to break her best friends heart should.
"Please," I finally breathed, breaking the ominous silence that had budded between us. "Enough with the torture… just say what you have to say." I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the news. I immediately began coming up with contingency plans. Despite whatever scenario Alice was about to describe, there had to be some way for me to be useful. If for nothing other than a sacrificial lamb, I would at least die with the knowledge that I did everything I could to save my vampire from whatever he was hiding from. And he was hiding from something.
It seemed like every time I let us be and enjoyed what life had to offer, I was reminded of the looming danger. I nodded my head and opened my eyes.
"Well –"
"It's Edward, isn't it?!" I didn't mean to interrupt her, honestly. The words came gushing from my mouth before I had a chance to stop them. "Something happened," I practically cried, immediately moving closer to her and putting my hands on her shoulders. "Tell me what hap—"
Alice grabbed my hand and held them steadfast before her, her head shaking furiously. "No, no," she rushed out, "nothing happened with Edward. It's… Bella… I need to talk to you about something…" At my frown, she continued, "I promise you, Edward is safe."
I felt the air return to my lungs as I fell into the cushions. I should just move in with the Cullens. It might save me a lot of worry.
"But, Bella," she whispered, "I know you've been thinking about the future…" Oh, God. She'd seen something that she didn't like. So much that she's staging an intervention. I sighed.
"But…" She scratched her head and closed her eyes. "I don't know where to start," she mumbled. "I always know where to start…" She began muttering about how much she disliked uncertainty and how she couldn't understand how people dealt with it every day. I decided to put her out of her misery.
"Start from the beginning? Alice, I'm not really following you. You need to give me something."
She took a deep breath. "Okaybutdon'tfreakout."
As I could feel myself begin to panic again, she continued.
"I really, really, really need you to not freak out." She put her hands on top of mine, and all four rested in my lap. I took a breath. Don't freak out.
"If I ask you something, will you answer honestly?" she questioned, her eyebrow raising. "Don't answer that, I already know. I need you to answer honestly, Bella."
I nodded.
"Have you ever thought about… becoming one of us?"
I hadn't exactly expected the conversation to take direction, and I immediately began questioning her motives. Could be a –
"It's not a trick," she said nonchalantly. "And your answer won't really change what I have to say. I just need to know."
Had I considered it? Yes, my mind automatically answered. My voice shortly followed. "I… have?" I answered timidly. I immediately cringed, waiting for the backlash of my admission.
She shook her head. "No," she whispered, bringing her hand to the back of her neck.
"Alice," I grabbed her wrist and pried at it until she complied, looking directly into my eyes and continuing to silently shake her head. "What is this about?"
"The Volturi," she mumbled, looking through me. I knew the signs. She was watching. She was cheating.
Silence ensued, drawing out for several minutes. I looked around the room awkwardly, noticing the crack in the southwest corner, my school pictures littered about the random ledges, the flakes of lint on the arms of the couch, anything but the fraught vampire sitting next to me. The Volturi? I tried to keep myself calm while Alice got through her visions. I tried so hard, drawing patterns on the couch and pulling at the stray threads that had escaped.
Finally, she cleared her throat. "There's only one rule that we have to abide by," she said, her voice distant and hushed. She refused to look at me. "It's the only one that matters, and it's the only one that they actually enforce."
I nodded for her to continue, but she was clearly going to take her time.
I swallowed loudly; the anxiety that was tainting the air was palpable.
"Bella, when you learned about us…" She looked out the window.
"Alice – just tell me. Please, please don't make me beg. How bad is it?" I could hear that slight edge in my voice. My nerves were going haywire. Dragging it out was only making things –
"Worse," Alice said, finally looking at me. "And you're right, I need to just… I need to just. Bella, the only law that our kind follows is to keep the secret. Despite what you may think or believe, it's all that really matters."
I shook my head, trying to clear it. I still had no idea where she was going with this.
"When you found out about us, we broke that law," she whispered.
Oh, God. Were they going to kill me? Where they going to kill the Cullens because of my irresponsible night six months ago?
"No one's going die," she answered my unspoken question. "Well, at least not using the loosest form of the word. I suppose, technically…" She looked at me meaningfully, but my head was too boggled to grasp her meaning.
Technically what?! I wanted to rip my hair out. I wanted to rip her hair out.
"The usual punishment would be death," explained Alice, running her fingers lithely across the back of the couch. "But, since Carlisle and Aro are old friends, they gave us an… ultimatum."
That didn't sound good. Did I like the sound of that? Not dying was preferable, but the eerie way the words fell off of Alice's tongue alerted me to the fact that this ultimatum wouldn't be fun.
If they wanted Edward, it was out of the question. If they wanted my family, that too, would be unacceptable.
I started running through their possible demands in my mind.
"Bella," Alice chided, "I don't know what's going through that overactive imagination of yours, but stop. They said that…" She quieted her voice substantially, turning sympathetic. "That the only way to avoid the repercussions of our friendship is to turn you into one of us…" Her voice trailed off as she finished, leaving a thick silence between us.
To sum up what I felt would be a near impossibility. Initially, I felt only relief. I couldn't understand why she had been so reluctant to tell me? Of course she knew I had considered it; Alice knew everything. But why she was so nervous wasn't an issue, as far as I was concerned.
My relief turned to happiness, to extreme excitement, some mild anxiety, a good amount of anticipation. In that moment, I was on the verge of asking Alice what time she wanted me to meet her for my transformation.
It was settled. I'd be a vampire, and I was excited. I was really, really excited. I would get to spend forever and ever with Edward, and he wouldn't be able to stop me. I'd be strong enough to protect him, and I'd be strong enough to keep my feet planted firmly at his side.
In that moment, I was elated.
And that moment was cut short when my father walked into the living room.
And something inside me died when I looked at his beaming face. I had considered before, the notion of leaving Charlie and human life and all that it entailed, but was I ready right now?
"Bells! I didn't think I'd get to see you tonight! Are you two staying for dinner?" The smile on his face was genuine and my moment of happiness was cut short, and an irrational twinge of… sadness, replacing it. I pushed it away. This was great news, really. I felt my heart pounding in my chest, but chalked it up to excitement.
"Um…" I swallowed, trying to get my emotional hurricane under control. Alice reached over and grabbed my hand, attempting to speak with me through her actions. I didn't understand. I sort of… wanted… to spend dinner with Charlie. And why couldn't I? But Edward had promised me more conversation tonight. How to reconcile the desire to be there for the two most important people in the world to me?
I stood, shaking my head. Honestly, I shook it only as a means of clearing my mind, in a vain effort to find some sort of middle ground, but Charlie's face immediately fell.
"Well, maybe tomorrow," he mumbled, bringing his hand to the back of his neck. He headed toward the hallway to discard his gun and jacket, apparently skipping that step in his haste to get to the living room. In his excitement to see me.
I nodded, smiling sadly at my downtrodden father. "Tomorrow," I repeated, walking toward him and wrapping my arms around his waist. I don't know what sparked the action, but I realized that I hadn't hugged Charlie in years.
When I backed away from him his eyebrows pulled together and a lazy grin appeared on his face. "What was that for?"
I shook my head. "Can't I hug my Dad?" I whispered, smiling warmly at him. What if this was the last night I would be human? What if Alice planned on taking me home and changing me?
I would have her wait. She could wait a night.
But considering the possible repercussions of not changing, I realized that if it was necessary to change tonight, I would have to. Because if they had demanded it and I didn't comply, I would be killed. Charlie and Alice and… Edward. God, Edward. Beautiful, sweet, innocent Edward would be killed, too. I didn't actually know how punishable their offense had been, but from what I knew about the Italian vampires, they didn't play around.
And from what I knew about Alice, in regards to this, nor would she. This was what I wanted, of course, I just wished… that I had time for a real goodbye.
I turned and walked slowly to the door, stunned by my revelation. Would these be the last steps in my house? Would I, tomorrow, be a vampire?
I stumbled to my truck, fighting with my pockets to free my keys. For a reason that I could not discern, my hands were shaking as I attempted to unlock the door. Excitement?
It's what I wanted, what's been plaguing my dreams for over a month. It's my darkest fantasy being made a reality; why, then, was I so nervous?
I reached over the cab blankly and unlocked the door for Alice. She climbed in, offered me an overly-concerned glance that I had seen all too many times from my parents, and averted her focus toward the window.
With a loud groan, the decrepit truck came to life and we were on the road.
I drove the winding roads in silence. I bounced enthusiastically in my chair as my fingers tapped nervously on the wheel. This would be a good thing, I convinced myself. I hope.
"Bella," Alice broke the silence. I half-turned my head to her and smiled. "Are you okay?"
I took a second to consider what I was feeling.
"Bella, talk to me," she whispered.
I smiled and told her I was fine. I was fine. I shrugged. "When?" I whispered, sparing her a glance.
"We have time," she insisted. She seemed so worried about me. But truly, the news was better than anything I expected to hear. What kind of punishment is it, if it's what I wanted all along? I could be bawling in the bed of the truck. I could be diving off a cliff into oblivion. I could be kicking and screaming, running for Florida. I was fine. But Alice was treating me like I was on the verge of a breakdown.
"How much?" I asked, considering my family.
"We'll know if they're coming," Alice responded, giving me a disengaged smile. Of course we would. Alice knew everything. In fact…
"Did you know?" I asked, keeping my focus on the road. "I mean," I continued, "of course you saw this coming?"
"I…" She let out a defeated sigh. "How much do you want to hear?"
"Wouldn't mind hearing all of it," I said with a shrug. True enough. I was an adult, and I had chosen to be friends with vampires, and I had chosen to go into that basement and I had chosen to come back every day. And this was what I wanted. What I dreamed of.
I pictured myself as a vampire. They were all so… beautiful. I wondered if I would be beautiful, too. Beautiful enough to stand beside my vampire.
Alice peered through the windshield, her eyes narrowing as she watched the future unfold. She couldn't trick me. I wonder what my power will be?
**
I got out of the truck and moved calmly to the house. My hands were still shaking and I still couldn't get them under control. Alice not-so-subtly looked in my direction every few seconds, but for the most part, I ignored her. Now if only I could ignore my trembling fingers.
I walked through the front door.
Emmett was the only one in the living room, lounging on the couch with a thick, antique book resting in his hands. He looked up at me and his face shifted.
"Hey… guys," he said, standing to greet me. I smiled and waved.
"Hey, Em," I called, looking around the house. It didn't feel like my house, but I figured, in time, it would. Because soon enough, it'd be my house. I ran my fingers along the banister as I passed the staircase.
"You alr…" Emmett started to say, but something behind me stopped him. I could guess that it was Alice, but I couldn't make myself be angry. It didn't matter anymore. Maybe once I'm a vampire she won't get away with these little nuisances.
I sighed and nodded. "I'm fine."
Several minutes later, when I was finally allowed exit, I moved quickly to the stairs. It was more out of habit than anything. Honestly, my emotions were still running haywire. It wasn't that I was afraid, or even sad, really. But something didn't feel completely right.
I needed a minute. To take things in. But I was sick of being apart from my vampire, and I was unwilling to grant myself that minute.
I reached the top of the stairs and moved to the bedroom quickly, creeping through the door that stood ajar.
I smiled immediately, noticing that he had fed. I loved Mondays.
"Hey," I said, kicking off my shoes and crawling over the bed. He looked edgy, as he always did after he had been fed, but there was more fear in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
He leaned up on his elbows as I made my way over to him, noticing a splotch of red on the pristine carpet. "Nothing," I answered calmly, eying the stain. "What happened?"
He followed my gaze downward as I molded my body to his, laying my head against his lightly rising chest. He smiled and quietly explained the morning he had had.
Part of me wanted to be angry with Carlisle for pushing him beyond where he was ready to go, but mostly I was elated that he had tried to drink. It was difficult for me to notice day to day progress without these markers, and every time something big happened I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I was in love.
And I was.
My mood had immediately shifted from his presence alone and I wrapped my fingers tightly around his.
I realized that I was too keyed up for our usual cuddling when I launched right into an elaborate tale of the nothingness that happened during lunch. It wasn't the news that I particularly wanted to share, so I wasn't sure why I chose that story over Alice's news.
"Let's go for a walk," I finally suggested, eager to be out of the house for a bit. Maybe it would rain. I looked out the window.
"Okay," Edward answered, standing tentatively. I got his shoes from the closet that I had left them in last Thursday and set them on the floor, walking back to the door to get my own.
We made quick work of the stairs, but once on the landing, I paced us slowly enough that he could examine things as he chose. As a rule, he seemed to enjoy taking in his surroundings, so it wasn't surprising when the walk to the door took exponentially longer than the walk to the stairs had. I realized, though, as I watched his hand trace the piano in the living room, that I loved watching him explore.
We walked quietly through the unoccupied room and toward the backdoor, across the lawn and down a familiar path in the woods. We were hand in hand, peacefully walking with our own thoughts. It was eerily close to any normal, everyday interaction.
I could picture telling my mom that I went for a walk with my boyfriend. My boyfriend. Edward. I chuckled to myself, which drew his attention.
"Nothing." I laughed quietly, imagining the future conversation I might have with Renee.
As we walked along the beat up paths, I tried to keep my mind away from the questions that were popping up at random.
I wanted to spend this evening with Edward. I needed it.
"So," I said, kicking a rock out of my path. "I talked to Alice today…"
He stopped in his tracks and narrowed his eyes. "I know," he whispered, tightening his grip around my hand.
I chanced a peek at him. He didn't look upset. But maybe he hadn't considered actually spending eternity with me. It was quite a commitment. I quashed that train of thought before it got out of control. I could use my alone time to dwell on it.
I changed the subject.
"So, yesterday…"
He smiled, hopefully at the same memory I was so giddy about.
"Yesterday," he repeated quietly.
Both lost in our own reminiscences, we walked a bit further, until finally reaching a spot by the river that I had been seeking out. I sat on a large rock that I frequently sought out, leaving enough room for Edward to sit beside me. He did, closing his eyes and leaning his head toward the sun. Inhaling deeply. It was these small moments that I absolutely adored about our evenings. I could practically feel his tranquility as his sparkling face tilted to the sky. It was divine.
We sat silently, my head resting against his shoulder as I listened to his even breathing.
As the chilly weather started causing my body to shiver, I turned further into Edward. I knew it was ridiculous, his body would only make mine cooler, but as his arm naturally wrapped itself around my shoulders, I couldn't find it in me to care.
I buried my nose in his t-shirt, wrapping my arms tighter around his waist, and felt his breath sweep across my forehead as he peered down at me.
I smiled into his chest.
Because, although the decision to be changed had been taken out of my hands prematurely, it didn't change things in the long run. This was always my choice. And I chose Edward. Every time.
**
A/N: Thank you so very much to everyone who nommed in the Bellies! VITB got into TWO categories (Plot you wish you came up with & Update you twitter about). Voting is now open, so go check out all the amazing stories that are up! thecatt (dot) net!!
I always have more to say here, and I always forget. So uhm, review? You know how much I like 'em.
This chapter length was a fluke (and massive, I apologize if you dislike long chaps), but since it went so long without an update, I decided not to cut it into two chapters. Hope you enjoyed.