Chapter 21

It had been years since Jane had walked the abandoned stalls of Faneuil Hall at night. She and Frankie used to play ball at a yard a few blocks down when they were kids and she had fond memories of riding her bike up and down the steps of the government buildings and flying through the financial district at night, a ghost town on the weekends and heaven for a kid on two wheels.

She and Maura walked the cobbled streets and watched as the last of the stalls packed up for the night. The night was chilly and Maura shivered before taking Jane's arm in hers. Jane smiled and hugged Maura closer. At the end of the stalls sat a row of benches Jane took a seat thinking Maura would follow her. Instead, Dr. Isles stood, facing the detective.

"Jane. I know that, things...have been different between us since Hoyt. And I just don't want you to worry because. It's only because I care about you. Just, please be careful tomorrow."

When Maura spoke, her breath came out in steady, heavy streams of condensation. It was cold, but Jane was sweating under her peacoat. Jane rose to face Maura. "I know you care, Maura. Seriously, don't worry, OK? It will be fine."

Maura laughed a sad laugh and looked at Jane so intensely that the detective fell silent.

"Caring about you is a full time job, Jane."

Jane didn't know where this conversation was going, but it was serious so she threw out her only defence mechanism, humour. "Yes, Mom."

"That's not funny." Maura huffed and turned and walked a few paces away from Jane, leaving her in the condensation that followed. Jane walked up and Maura turned around suddenly.

"You make your decisions. You choose to put yourself in harm's way. People like me, like your family. All we can do is watch, look for the exits and see if you come out alive. We hold our breath until you do. We don't get to choose."

Jane sat down on the bench. She'd never seen Maura so open, so upset.

"It's worse being stuck at the precinct and relying on someone else telling me that you'll be OK which I will do tomorrow. I get it. I suppose that's easier than actually seeing you get hurt – or hurting yourself. I don't know."

"Maura, don't—"

"Do you know how many times I've watched you almost die? Do you know what it's like to be collateral damage? You're not the only survivor."

Jane's head was reeling. She'd never really thought about the toll her career had taken on people who cared about her. The worried looks and kind warnings had honestly become commonplace, even annoying at times. Do they think I can't do my job? Jane kicked herself for every time she'd thought that. She thought about her mother, about Frankie, about Maura.

Maura took a breath and Jane looked up and into her eyes.

"People like me. People like Amy...We learn very quickly to hold onto the family we've got. And you're my family, Jane. It's a brave, noble thing you do and I'm proud of you for it. But I'll never stop worrying. Not ever. You matter. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Maura looked at her feet, then into Jane's eyes and sighed.

"I love you, Jane."

Maura half-laughed and looked away. It was a matter-of-fact statement, but the look on the doctor's face was one of defeat and vulnerability. She'd played her hand and didn't care. It mattered more for Jane to know how she felt than if she reciprocated the same feelings.

Come what may.

Maura stared off into the distance, lost in her own thoughts. Jane wondered if Maura was even interested in a reply. This was entirely new territory for the detective so she relied on her instinct. It told her to get off her ass.

Don't screw this up, Rizzoli.

Jane rose and walked up to Maura who still wouldn't look at her. The wind kicked up and Maura shivered. Look at me, please. Jane touched Maura's chin and turned her head. Maura had unshed tears in her eyes and she smiled a sad smile.

"I didn't mean to upset you—"

But Maura was cut off by Jane who put a thumb against her lips. "You didn't."

Jane gathered all of her courage to close the last centimeter between them slowly. Don't spook her. She stroked Maura's cheek with one hand and lifted her chin with the other. Jane's heart was in her throat. She never felt more vulnerable than this moment. She'd thought about kissing Maura thousands of times but a part of her never thought she'd actually get the opportunity and there was a weird comfort in that. That meant the flirting could continue and nobody would get hurt. But Jane was no longer satisfied. She wanted this woman. Jane took a breath and took a chance. Stepping closer, Jane finally kissed Maura.

It was slow at first, hesitant. Maura surprised Jane and kissed her deeper, knocking the detective a little off-balance but Jane reciprocated. Maura smiled. Jane felt her breathing synchronize with Maura's and their bodies bend together. Jane felt Maura grab her neck and lace her hands through her hair, pulling their bodies even closer. Jane let out a moan at the taste of Maura's lips, put her hands inside Maura's jacket and could feel the doctor's body radiating heat. My God. It could have been seconds or minutes, but they lost all track of time and finally broke apart, breathing heavily in two cloudy streams. Jane put her forehead against Maura's and they both closed their eyes.

Maura smiled. "I'm not your mother, Jane."