A Space Cowboy in the Desert
Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. Thanks to my Beta Reader and thanks to all for waiting so patiently.Chapter21:IfIhadbothmyarms…
BOOM! It was the biggest explosion that Woody had ever seen! One second the spot where Woody knew that Buzz and Jessie were perched was there and the next moment it was pulverized! Woody stood there staring in disbelief, stretching out his hand as if somehow the useless action could pull his friends back and away from their terrible fate. As reality began to sink in though, so did Woody. Slowly he brought himself to the ground as his legs began to give out from under him.
"Jessie! Buzz…" his said in quite anguish. Porkchop was right next to Woody and even with the crumbling sound of unsettled rock in the distance and the explosion of cheers from his men, his keen pig ears picked up the last name Woody uttered. A panic overtook Porkchop!
"What did you say?" shouted Porkchop, demanding confirmation! Woody did not answer and Porkchop pressed further, he had to know! Porkchop had to know if he had just blown up the one space ranger whom Zurg had ordered to be captured alive at all cost and under pain of death! Blast Jane! No pun intended. If it were still possible, Jane would be dead for this if she had known and said nothing to Porkchop! Porkchop was fuming! And now the witch's wretched brother was being just as deadly silent on the matter as she had been!
"Did you say Buzz? As in 'Buzz Lightyear'?" Porkchop violently hissed at Woody, not wanting anyone else to hear of his maybe fatal blunder. Woody ignored Porkchop. For a few moments, Woody was the stillest living thing in the canyon. This was not a hard thing to accomplish though. Not with all the outlaws around him still whooping and hollering from the earlier spectacle. The outlaws only continued this manner for as long as it took Woody's grieving mind to register what they were doing. The miserable wretches were cheering! Laughing at the loss of his friends' lives! And right in the middle of all this jubilation, only a hair's breadth away from him, was cause of it all, Porkchop. Porkchop had taken away his friends and now the pig was actually demanding more of him? A rage overtook Woody! Not giving a hoot about the pain his dislocated shoulder would be subjugated to from the violent movement, Woody sprang from the ground! With equal speed, guards assembled around Porkchop and the outlaws who were supposed to have been restraining Woody hurried to mitigate their mistake.
More than aware of the threat, with his good arm, Woody began to beat and punch with all the speed and unpredictability of a cyclone! He had to get to Porkchop! He had to make Porkchop feel his pain and if a few lackeys got clobbered in the process, all the better!
Woody knew he could never make a heartless foe like Porkchop feel the same pain he felt at the loss of his friends, but he could damn well try for the next greatest equivalent… Physical pain! Maybe it was just the adrenaline giving Woody strength and blocking his screaming nerves from reaching his brain but, at the moment, it seemed that One-Armed Woody was more than capable of seeing his vengeful desire realized. Woody was a force to be reckoned with as he kneed, kicked and even head butted wherever his deadweight right arm needed someone to pick up the slack.
In spite of his innumerable opponents and his weakened state, Woody kept up his futile fight quite valiantly for longer than imaginable. Still, it was not too long before Porkchop's men finally wised up. Well, once One-Eyed Bart gingerly instructed them to quit fighting like a bunch of idiots and subdue the one, crazy, one-armed cowboy before he shot them. Woody soon found his good arm pinned behind his back by many hands. Woody was then shoved down to his knees before Porkchop's hooves. Woody sneered at the pig,
"If I had both my arms…" Woody began to threaten. Porkchop interrupted, deciding that the sheriff obviously needed to be demoralized a bit more before he would be willing to talk.
"Well, the fact of the matter," said Porkchop, "is that you don't. You never could stop me even with two arms. Heck, you can't even stop me from doing this-!" The good doctor then knocked the cowboy hat from Woody's head. Bo Peep's jovial fan from the saloon then picked it up and paraded around in it. Unfortunately for Porkchop, this act was not as demoralizing to Woody as it was enraging. Woody knew that his strength had all but giving out, but that did not stop him though from trying one last effort to bloody up Porkchop's snout. He tried to jump on Porkchop and well near did it before being pulled back into his original kneeling position again!
Even Porkchop had to acknowledge that Woody's move had been uncalculated and way too close for comfort. Porkchop did not like how uncomfortable he was finding himself in this situation. He felt not in complete control and he naturally sought an end to it. The pig gave another signal, but this time to a local with a rifle who immediately approached Woody. Woody was beyond caring about his own wellbeing at this point, but Bo Peep was terrified for him. Woody's heart beat steady as the gunman neared him but Bo Peep's heart leapt into her throat! Had Porkchop's patience finally been tried to such a degree that Woody was going to be killed immediately after all? The gunman lifted his weapon as if to fire. Woody only stared down the planet traitor, intending by proxy to stare down Death. Stare down the same Death that took away his sister.
"Tell me who that so called 'Texas Ranger' who died up there was!" commanded Porkchop quietly from a close distance, but still safely behind his men. Whether it gave the pig pain or pleasure at the news, he would not answer. A great ranger like Buzz would do better to die in ambiguity than have it be known that he was killed by such a cheap shot. Despite all that was taken from him, the cowboy still had his pride and dignity and intended to hold onto it and Buzz's until the very end. Still, Woody had to say something to Porkchop.
"He was someone who thankfully proved I shouldn't believe that all outsiders are sidewinders." stated Woody. Furious, with Woody's lack of cooperation, he gave the signal to shoot, but at another person, Bo Peep! Bullseye moved to block Bo Peep from the gunner's sight, but was held back.
"Hopefully, you haven't forgotten that you still have another lady you could lose tonight." said Porkchop. Woody turned to look at Bo Peep. She stood bravely. She mirrored the very same stubbornness in the face of Death as he had. Of course Woody had not forgotten her. His grief-stricken mind just could not go there. Simply could not handle the idea of Porkchop harming her to get to him after what he had already done. Now though, Woody was forced to decide whether or not Buzz would want Bo Peep to die just to preserve his memory. The answer was obviously no. But why cooperate anyway? Woody knew after seeing Jessie and Buzz's deaths that death was inevitable for the rest of their band… So what difference did it make to delay it? But when it came to Bo Peep, it did make a difference to Woody. It always made a difference.
"Was it him?" jeered Porkchop. Woody nodded "yes". As a reward for his cooperation, Woody then received a hard jab from the butt end of his supposed executor's rifle right into his dislocated shoulder! Unlike before, the pain was just too great for Woody to simply scream it off until it subsided. Woody began to slump towards the ground and whatever pained cries he might have employed were instead supplied by Bo Peep and Bullseye. Woody's body, nerves and mind were unable to cope with the messages shooting from his nerve endings. The world began to spin and grow dark. Woody's eyes then rolled into the back of his head and he knew no more as he slipped into unconsciousness.
There was not a moment to waste! Buzzed rushed up to Jane! Already making the assessment that Jane was far too cautious, or at least too paranoid, around Porkchop to allow any foreign objects to just sit in her pockets unnoticed, Buzzed ripped open the lining of her dark coat! He had done it so methodically and so fast that Jane did not even have time to protest the forward act or his proximity. She only had time to blanch and then color, a response that was, thankfully for both parties, completely lost to the "spaceman on a mission".
After running his hands quickly, but carefully along the torn hem of Jessie's lining, he gave a murmured cry that sounded like a combination of both success and dread. He had found exactly what he was looking for, a long, flexible, metal-like strip. It was a micro-detonator all right, he recognized that make. This type was designed to be as flexible as any fabric and to be sewn into clothing accordingly. A victim could be completely in the dark about wearing this explosive up until detonation. Mentally, Buzz recanted his thoughts of Jane being too paranoid. If anything she had not been paranoid enough around Porkchop. But then again, is it really still considered paranoia her so called "allies" were out to get her?
Buzz inspected the explosive strip more closely. Wearing a coat with a micro-detonator of regular length, there was little to no chance of surviving. Buzz could not imagine the odds now though. He had never seen a strip this abnormally long! Then Buzz recalled a way to gauge its power. Porkchop had said it had enough oomph in it to take out several school buildings! This was a terrifying concept to anyone on the planet, but to Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, it equated to something far worse. For Buzz, small "school houses" were the size of massive space stations! Massive space stations! AND Porkchop just claimed that the same explosive that Buzz was now holding could take out a dozen of them? This was bad! This was very, very bad!
Buzz momentarily fiddled with the explosive that gave literal meaning to the term "overkill" to see if he could disarm it. He did not have to try long before knew he lacked the sophisticated tools to do anything. Not to mention, for all he knew, he lacked the time to do anything as well! All that Buzz did know for certain was that the bomb he was holding was going to go off and somehow, he and Jane had to be nowhere near it. Stumped, Buzz was more than open to any ideas on how to get some distance from them and the bomb.
"Jane," Buzz said urgently but surprisingly without a trace of panic in his tone, "This thing could go off at any moment and I can't stop it. We need to put an impossible length of distance between us if we're going to have any hope of living. Any ideas?" Jane tried to think. Somehow that did not seem to be so hard a thing to accomplish, but she could not remember why.
Suddenly Jane clutched her head as thoughts fluttered towards the front of her conscious mind. She felt like she was tapping into distant memories, memories that were not her own… Jane was confused and pained as she recalled a brave but frightened, young woman wandering in the dark. A dark place that was not too far from where she and Buzz stood now. In the pitch black, the woman's only source of light was from a dark lantern in her hand. The strange woman was searching for something, trying her best to navigate through a black maze of underground tunnels. The lantern's light was more than sufficient, but for some reason she seemed to keep its slide down more often than not. It make her task more treacherous and terrifying. However, self-induced, poor lighting conditions had nothing to do with the reason why her search was going so poorly… She had a terrible feat of tight, closed places and it was all she could do not to run back unsuccessful to the…. sheriff? Jane's mind pushed away that thought and moved on to what was important about this memory. Thankfully, the woman's fear caused her to take a moment to breathe and calm down. She sat down, trying her best not to hyperventilate all the more when she saw before her a pit. A deep, dark, extraordinarily wide and seemingly bottomless pit! It was beyond her to guess how deep the hole was in this darkness, but had she gone but a few steps further, she would have found out. Or at least that was what the person she thought she was trailing said to as he pulled a bulky gun on her. Then pain surged through Jane's head, but she was unsure if it was her own pain she was feeling or the memory of the woman's pain. Before she could sort it out though, the awful vision was gone as instantly as it came. It was worth enduring the confusing moment of discomfort, because when the ordeal was all over, as if by magic, Jane did in fact know the solution to her and Buzz's dilemma!
"Right below us," responded Jane with an equal tone of urgency to Buzz, "There's an underground pit. Supposedly it goes down forever!" Buzz immediately understood,
"Perfect!" answered Buzz as he set his laser from stun to kill. He then pointed the laser to the ground and with an unbelievably powerful shot, made a deep hole at his feet. Buzz then hurled the strip down into the hole with enough force to throw out his arm and said,
"Okay. We'll have to let gravity do the rest for us. But in the meantime, RUN!"
"Don't need to tell me twice!" said Jane as the two began to make tracks towards Buzz's borrowed horse!
Gravity must have done its trick with the micro-detonator. Instead of being blown sky high after the earsplitting blast, Buzz and Jane were only knocked off their feet. After the shockwave of explosive energy came up towards the surface rock, Buzz began realize the obvious consequences to blowing the foundation out from under his feet. Starting from the area of the hole he blasted and out like a ripple, the rock began to cave in on itself and down into the pit Jane had said was below. Buzz and Jane sat up and looked behind them as they heard rock crumbling and pulverizing. Jane observed the ground as it disappeared downward,
"Well that sinks the duck!" she shouted to no one in particular. Buzz and Jane then scrambled to their feet and dashed for the horse and the outer rim of the collapsing circle. Buzz was used to running on unstable terrain, but Jane, even with all her agility, was still a novice at such things and stumbled repeatedly. Buzz grabbed her hand to help steady her, but it seemed more to slow down the both of them than anything else. Fearing that Jane would be swallowed up before she finally found her footing, with one fast sweeping motion, he gathered her in his arms and dashed to the edge of the "plateau".
Before Jane could register that she was no longer running under her own power, it was no longer a concern for her pride, they had reached the retreating horse and swifter getaway from danger. Jane could not see the winning smile Buzz's mouth was flashing her, but she did see the part that reached his eyes and it was more than sufficient. Then, nodding to her and looking to the horse so she would understand what he was planning, tossed her up onto the horse's back. Feeling strangely more energized and optimistic, Jane and her acrobatic skills made short work of what she understood was required of her. She slung herself over the horse's saddle and held out her hand for Buzz as she tried to get the spooked horse into a gallop. Buzz ran along side the accelerating horse. Buzz somehow knew that Jane would not double-cross him, but nonetheless, a gratefully look dawned his face at the sight of her reaching back for him. He held out his hand for hers. Buzz was but inches away from grabbing hold when all of a sudden he felt that sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach of someone unexpectedly free falling! The ground underneath Buzz had given way and Buzz was plunging into the pit bellow.
Buzz was plummeting fast! He did not know the standard gravity at which objects freefell on this planet, but during his brief stay he could safely concluded that it would still produce the same bone-crushing results in about the same amount of time as it did on more familiar planets. With this in mind, Buzz hoped that he could think faster than the standard of gravity. He did not have any antigravity belts, jetpacks or even a parachute on his person. What did he have? He looked at the laser on his wrist. It had been the rescuer of Jane and literally the sinker of himself, but it was useless to him now. He had depleted its remaining power cells blasting that hole into the underground pit, the depths of which he was now was exploring. It was of little consequence that he could no longer fire it though. It was not like shooting any more holes through the canyon would do him any good now. Wait! Shooting holes? He could not blast any holes, but something as low tech as shooting holes was something that he could do! He remember that his laser pack had a spring loaded grappling hook in it! He had never been reduced to using it with all the other weapons he had in his arsenal, but he was more than willing to use it now!
He quickly looked up for an ideal place to shoot, he quite literally only had one shot! The hook only had enough power to fire once and he was likely to hit bottom shortly. He could still see the outline of Jane and the horse on the new ledge above. She had dismounted and seemed to be trying in vain to see into the shadowy hole. Quite by chance and fortunate for Jane since she had not thought of the chance of her ground falling out from underneath her too, it seemed that Jane had steered the horse onto rock that had been shielded from the brunt of the blast. It was in no danger of going anywhere anytime soon and Buzz hoped that would remain the case. He did not want to even think of her sharing this same terrifying experience with him. He was also in no mood to feel that plummeting sensation in his gut twice. This was going to work and the ledge he was aiming for above him was not going to crumble!
Buzz's aim was as true as ever and Jane got the surprise of her life when she saw the hook come back from out of the blackened pit and lodge itself but steps way from her boots. She had rushed to the edge with the lasso from the horse's saddle to save Buzz, but she was glad to see it had been a useless effort. Useless in that he did not need her help and not useless because, like Buzz's laser, without a visible target, aiming for a target was impossible. It was a good thing that Jane still had yet to discard the lasso though as Buzz's dread was realized. The rock around the hook began to give way and with a violent jerk, tore itself out with the weight of the space ranger below. It seemed to all happen in half a second, one moment Buzz had come to a sudden stop and the next he was freefalling again! This time, a bit of the cowboy spirit must have rubbed off on Buzz because rather than any other useless effort, Buzz just held onto his hat for dear life.
Half a second was all Jane needed to save the day though. The instant that hook popped into the air, Jane had a lasso looped around it! Jane knew that the man, quite literally at the end of his rope, was not as light as he looked and braced as best she could for when the rope went taut! Her arms were jerked painfully, but she did not let go. Struggling to keep herself from falling over the edge as she pulled the rope up, she yelled down over the ledge,
"Hey, space toy! Don't be rude and keep a lady waiting!" Buzz had had trouble processing that he had stopped again. He had been too busy wishing he could get a set of wings before the dying part of his vertical trip to think of the possibility of rescue. At the sound of Jane's encouragement though, he managed to pry his hands from his hat and hit the button to reel in his grappling hook line. Within moments, he was up at the ledge. A relieved smile was painted across Jane's face as she offered her hand for him to grab onto. Without hesitation, Buzz reached and was successful this time in seizing the bandit's outstretched limb. Other space rangers might have advised against him being too quick to, quite literally, put his life in her hands. Jane was technically still his enemy and her loyalties and motives were an unknown to Buzz... However, Buzz reasoned that she would not have gone through all the effort to help haul a huge chunk of space debris like him back up only to let him fall again. In truth though, he could not resist complying when Jane smiled at him so genuinely like that. Thankfully, Buzz was right and with one last yank of Jane's arm, Buzz was on the ledge and safely beside an extremely tuckered out Bazooka Jane.
"Well, I see you at least had enough sense to hold onto your hat. After all, what's a cowboy without his hat?" joked Jane between gasps. Buzz and Jane had a good laugh and then Jane smiled,
"It's too bad we're on opposite sides. We'd make a really good team."
"'Opposite sides'?" repeated Buzz in disbelief, "You mean you're still going back to Porkchop, even after he tried to kill you?"
"Oh, no no. I'm not workin' for Porkchop anymore. But who says I have to join your band of goody-goodies either? No thanks." Buzz looked utterly crestfallen. Buzz had so hoped that if they somehow survived the blast, finally seeing her so called "allies" for what they really were, Jane would want to help him. Sadly, it appeared that there was no chance of that. In a matter of moments, the confident expression that he wore, born from thinking he had obtained the advantage of a new friend and ally, became a look of disappointment. This pathetic turn of his countenance however was not lost on Bazooka Jane. Whether or not his expression influenced what Jane said next will never be known, but all the same, she surprised Buzz when she amended,
"But right now, I reckon we have a common enemy. And any enemy of my enemy is someone I'm okay fighting along side. Just don't count on me sticking around afterwards. I'm still an outlaw." she finished warningly though it sounded more defensively. After all, Bazooka Jane could not have this goody-goody space ranger thinking she was going soft. She then gave him her toughest look to emphasis her resolve to go back to being a bandit when all was said and done. As disappointing as it was to hear that Jane had no intension of reforming, Buzz was just so happy that his luck was finally changing! Her sneers may as well have been smiles since they had no effect on his mood. He beamed at her,
"Great! I am thankful for your help! So I guess the proper term for this situation is a 'truce'."
"Yes, a truce." she agreed with a smile.
"And truces have terms." followed up Buzz gravely. Buzz was happy to have Bazooka Jane on board, but he was still a cautious space ranger. He wanted to know all the conditions under which their alliance could endure.
"You took the words right out of my mouth." said Jane mirroring his seriousness. Unfortunately, the seriousness of the moment was sort of lost due to Buzz's confused expression that followed. His translator must have been acting glitchy or something again. How could anyone "take words out" of someone else's mouth? He certainly did not have such a capability. Weary of the pause in the conversation, Jane helped kick it along,
"First, let's hear your terms." smiled Jane. Buzz had not anticipated being made to set his own terms before first hearing those of Jane. He had to think fast to compensate for the unexpected deadline. Knowing nothing of Jane's motives or intentions beyond evening a score with Porkchop, his terms would have to be quite general. This was because, depending on what Jane would demand after him, his terms might need room for interpretation.
"Well," he started, "I know you don't like Sheriff Woody and your primary reason for allying yourself with me is to get back at Porkchop… But when we break into his base, I want you to help me save the sheriff before we do anything else. Once we have more allies to help, stopping Porkchop will be easier." He threw in that bit of logic in the end, just in case she objected. Shockingly Buzz's pains were taken in vain, she apparently had no objections,
"Fair enough. Anything else?" she asked very nonchalantly. There was another term as Buzz's brain began to recall all the disadvantages to him barreling into Porkchop's base as he was now.
"Yes, before we can do even that, we have to go back towards town to retrieve my spacesuit and spaceship. My devices need a recharge and I need better armor if I am to be of any real help. I mean, you saw how well I faired fighting you dressed in these garbs. So imagine if Porkchop's men are even half as good as you in a fight?" Jane smiled at this compliment. It was obvious that Buzz had not meant it as such. He had merely stated a fact to prove a point. Jane was not about to let him get away with the slip up though. It was becoming her favorite hobby to watch him squirm. She smiled shamefully at Buzz,
"Quit trying to butter me up, Buzz, you know it will get you nowhere." Buzz started to stutter incoherently and Jane took advantage of it to continue her fun,
"It's a shame about that suit term of yours," Jane said jokingly with a touch of sadness, "I almost want to make a counter term for it. But I guess I have to pick my battles, though I do reckon you look fine as you are now. But, then again… I've only seen privileged to see blurred archive images of you in the suit… Maybe you look cuter in it up close and in real life. All right, I agree to your terms." As Jane got up and walked away back towards the horse, Buzz was still blushing and stunned. How could he not when Jane had so clearly given the reason why she did not mind the side trip? He always seemed to be rendered a dunce around this compelling bandit and it was really starting to worry him. Shamefully remembering that he was a highly trained space ranger and not a dunce, Buzz recalled to Jane that there was something still unresolved about their alliance.
"Wait, Bazooka Jane. What about your terms? Obviously you want immunity for your past crimes, that's a given. But what else do you want?" asked Buzz. Jane saddled up, looked at Buzz,
"I'd reckoned my first term was just as obvious." smirked Jane. Buzz thought maybe he really was a dunce, because he was completely clueless. Jane observed this and said,
"I'll save the first term for last then. You see, if all goes as planned, soon I'll be out of steady work. I'm gonna to need to start a new gang of bandits if I'm to make a living. And I want you to join me. Just imagine it! A pair like us, we'd be unstoppable!" grinned Jane as she pumped her fists as if boxing an invisible opponent. Then she was momentarily lost in a world of mischievous adventure and fun. Oh, what trouble the two of them could stir up! The excitement and possibilities of having this polished and able spaceman in bandits' clothing riding around the planet as her "partner in crime"… It was so real to her at that moment, it was practically tangible! Buzz himself must have been feeling inklings of it too, because at that same instant he knew he had to put a stop to it. Buzz lifted his hand to stop Jane from daydreaming any further and simply shook his head slowly in the negative. He shifted his gaze slightly from Jane. Strangely, he did not want to meet her lovely green eyes before he said what he must. Somehow, he felt like he was rejecting something far dearer than a mere partnership. With firm, honest conviction Buzz answered,
"I am afraid that I cannot comply. I am a space ranger. I fight for justice and to defend the helpless of the universe. I cannot run off to become a bandit, Jane. It's simply not in me. I'm sorry, but if those are your conditions….As much as I want to have you fight by my side… I will just have to go it alone." Jane did not seem phased by this. In fact, she seemed truly, genuinely, pleased…?
"I've been disappointed if you were so easily won over, space toy. But then I reckon you'll have to at least agree to my first term if you won't join my posse. I agreed to all of your terms and fair's fair." Buzz waited to hear her first term and hoped it would be more reasonable. What would he do if he could not comply to this term either?
"You stole something from me. Me, a master thief in her own element! AND you did so sloppily too. I've got a professional image to maintain, you know? So once we fetch your spacesuit, it's only fair that I steal it back from you when you're nearly in your own element." Jane stated very matter-of-factly, but it was way too cryptic for Buzz to follow. Buzz asked with a perplexed look on his face,
"Why do we have to wait until I have my spacesuit back? Don't tell me you want one of my suit's weapons as compensation for the gun I took from you earlier?" Jane tittered to herself and simply shook her head at Buzz,
"All that technology and you still don't understand anything, do you, bandanaboy?" Realization dawned on Buzz and twice in one tonight, the space ranger found his hand involuntarily fly to his cloth concealed lips. He colored and was silent. Jane, taking that as the best answer in the affirmative that she would hope to muster from this shy space ranger, extended her hand and helped him onto the saddle. Jane then firmly tapped the sides of Bo Peep's horse with her boots and they were off!