Glad you all liked the last few chapters, even if they weren't as graphic as some of you might have hoped! ;) Jack's about to get a wake up call, now that Kate's starting to realise what she wants, or doesn't want...

Chapter 21. Two Weeks

Kate was silent for the rest of the appointment, staring morosely at the wall while the doctor issued them with a list of instructions, and a prescription for the vitamins she would need to start taking. She didn't even appear to be listening to what he was saying, so when he asked when she would be able to come in again, Jack chose a time for her, and thanking the doctor, led her out onto the street.

They still had some time before they both had to be back at work, so he offered to take her to lunch, but she just shook her head, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

It was like they'd taken another step back in time, to the morning after he'd discovered that she was pregnant, the morning she'd tried to break up with him.

He knew she was upset, but he couldn't understand for the life of him why; everything about the examination had been routine, the doctor nothing if not professional; so he pulled her down onto a bench, trying not to let his frustration show as he asked, "What happened in there, Kate? Why did you close your eyes like that?"

Seeing the baby up on the screen, how tiny and real it was, had left him in awe; while he knew her feelings towards it were complicated, to say the least, he'd expected a more positive reaction from her. It was, after all, her flesh and blood.

She looked up from the sidewalk, surveying him, her eyes wet and wounded as she shook her head again.

"I'm not a mind-reader, Kate," he pressed, unable to keep the irritation from his voice now that she was refusing to answer. She was looking at him like he was supposed to know, but how could he? He could count the number of conversations they'd had about the baby on one hand; most of the time, he talked while her face remained blank, suppressing any trace of emotion. He didn't know how she really felt about any of it, because she wouldn't let him. In spite of everything they'd been through together, she still didn't seem to trust him enough. "If there's something wrong, you're going to have to tell me."

She studied him for a long moment before saying, "I can't do this," her voice sad and defeated.

"Can't do what?" he asked with a sigh, wondering if she was actually going to give him something to work with this time. He was tired of having to push her for even the most basic response.

"This," she repeated, standing up, her voice rising shrilly as she waved her hands in the vicinity of her abdomen.

It wasn't much, but it was enough for Jack to know that they were definitely talking about the baby, or her pregnancy, or both. "You're scared, is that it?" he asked, still unsure as to what she was trying to tell him.

A vague nod of the head was all he was able to get out of her, so he added, "Scared about what exactly? Being pregnant? Giving birth? Being a mother?"

He was beginning to feel like they were playing some sort of game, like twenty questions, or charades, and not for the first time. He loved her, more than he'd ever loved another human being, but sometimes, he wished she would be a little more expressive with her feelings. Getting her to admit what was bothering her was like trying to get blood out of a stone. Especially when it came to the baby.

He knew he'd struck a nerve with her when tears began to trickle down her cheeks; he reached for her hand, but she jerked it away like she couldn't stand the thought of him touching her today. "The baby… it scares me," she managed to choke out, before a look of shame crossed her face and she stared down at the sidewalk, waiting for him to figure out what she meant by this.

In truth, it scared him too, but he wasn't sure that right then was the best time to admit it. She looked to him like he was some kind of authority on the subject; he couldn't shatter that illusion by telling her that he was just as lost in all of this as she was. The only difference between them was that he was trying, and she wasn't.

"It's okay – babies have that affect on a lot of people, especially the first time around," he told her gently, hoping that it was just standard baby jitters they were dealing with, brought on by the sudden realisation of how real their situation was. There was plenty of advice on coping with first time parenthood, even if it was unplanned; less on learning to love a baby you couldn't stand to think about, much less look at. If someone released a book like that, Jack would be first in line to buy it, but until that time, they would just have to muddle through this as best they could.

"No, you don't understand," she said softly, and he felt his heart sink. So he was right, she was still having second thoughts. Sixty-seventh thoughts by now: she was up and down like a yo yo most days, okay one minute, moody the next. He wished he could believe that it was all just hormones. "It scares me, but not in the same way it scares you. I can't… I can't care about it, the way you do. I want to, but I can't. "

"So what are you saying?" he asked, standing up too now that they'd gotten to the heart of the matter. "You still want an abortion?" He knew he had to right to be indignant, but for some reason, he still felt angry at being excluded from the decision making process. They were supposed to be a team, and yet she still didn't trust him enough to be honest with him, to tell him how she really felt.

"I don't know." She wiped furiously at her eyes as the tears began to fall harder, her cheeks colouring with shame.

It was as good as an admission that she did; Jack felt as if he'd been slapped when he realised that she'd never really changed her mind. The whole time she'd been asking him to describe the baby to her, and laughing at his lists of names, she was just humouring him. She didn't want the baby. She never had; not since that day she told him that it was a disease. "Well you've got two weeks to make up your mind," he spat, unable to contain his anger when he thought of all the sacrifices he'd made, and the ones he'd been prepared to make so that she wouldn't have to give up her child, when she was going to anyway.

"Don't you think I know that?" she shot back, and he regretted his words, seeing how conflicted she was. She hadn't been leading him on on purpose; she really didn't seem to know what she wanted when it came to the baby. Maybe that was why she'd listened to him when he insisted they could do this.

"I'm sorry," he said, softening towards her. "I shouldn't have said that." But when he reached out to comfort her, she pushed his hands away.

"Just go to work, Jack," she said, her voice cold as she turned on her heel and flounced in the direction of the diner, leaving him to wonder if this time, he'd pushed her too far.

Next chapter: a long awaited visitor (Not Sawyer! There will be no Skate in this story!)...