CHAPTER 20:

"I'm serious, Care. I have nothing," Elena sighed as she laid down on her bed. Caroline stood above her, scowling.

"Fine, let me see," she said, moving toward the closet. Elena's eyes closed as she heard Caroline slash hangers across the pole.

"You're right. You have absolutely nothing." Caroline scoffed.

"I wasn't lying."

"Well, we just have to go shopping," Caroline lit up with glee, and Elena felt her entire body die a little.

"Caroline, I don't need to buy a new dress,"

"Well, what do you want me to do, Elena? whip you up a ball gown?" she scoffed. "As much as I would love to do that, I can't. So we will just have to settle for me whipping up my Amex."

"Here, Bonnie, show her this one!"

Elena was in the changing room at Nordstrom's, and Caroline and Bonnie were outside, searching the racks for dresses for Elena to try on. She was on her third dress, and already, she was dead beat.

"Elena," Bonnie said, and Elena looked up to see a yellow dress. Reluctantly, she took the dress and slid it on. It was pretty, but it wasn't her. Caroline obviously picked it out. It was revealing at the chest, and hugged her body tightly.

Would Caroline ever learn that she wasn't into these dresses?

"Did you try the yellow one on?" Caroline's voice traveled over the door.

Instead of answering, Elena opened the door and stepped out.

"Oh, it's beautiful!" Caroline clapped her hands together excitedly.

"Yeah, it is." Elena nodded.

"What now?" Caroline groaned.

"It's just not my style," elena shrugged, and Caroline sighed heavily.

"Why don't you go take that off, and we'll keep looking," Bonnie advised.

"What exactly is your 'style'?" Caroline mimicked.

"Not revealing, no low cut anything, and please, don't hand me anything that's too short." she begged, and Bonne smiled warmly in understanding, while Caroline scoffed.

"Fine."

About ten minutes later, Elena stepped out of the cubicle, wearing a strapless burgundy dress. It flowed down to just above her knees, and it had a cute white belt around it. Elena instantly knew that this was the one.

"Found it," she smiled.

It was about five forty, and Elena sat in front of her mirror, fixing her make up and hair for the holiday party. Her hair was wavy, and Elena wore a short and flowy pink dress. She was alone in her house, as Jeremy was out with Anna.

"So, you and Ben," he whistled.

Elena looked up to see Jeremy standing in the door frame, smirking.

"Go away," she shooed, and when he didn't leave, Elena took her toothpaste tube and jerked it at him. It would've hit him, but he was quicker than she thought.

"Hey, hey!" Jeremy held his hands in surrender. "Chill. I respect your privacy."

Elena scoffed as she finished applying her lip gloss. Ben would be here any minute, and Elena headed downstairs to wait on the couch.

Ten minutes later, Elena recognized Ben's silver car as it pulled in front of her house.

"I'll see you around, Jer," she hollered up the stairs.

"Have fun!" he replied.

Elena rolled her eyes as she stepped toward the door. As she went to open it, she remembered that she had forgotten her purse in the bathroom.

As Elena climbed back down the stairs, the doorbell rang, and Elena opened it.

Ben stood outside, wearing a tux, and when he saw Elena, his eyebrows raised.

"Wow." he breathed, shaking his head. "You look absolutely gorgeous,"

"Thank you," Elena smiled shyly, and Ben held out his hand.

The Party hall was similar to the one that held Bree's wake, but it was on the other side of town. It

Elena stepped out of Ben's car as he held it open for her.

"Thank you," she smiled.

"Shall we?" he said, offering his arm.

Elena walked into the room, and it reminded her of a beautiful Wedding ceremony. It was absolutely breathtaking, and Elena couldn't stop looking at the decorations.

"Would you like to dance?" Ben asked, and Elena nodded.

"Sure."

Ben took Elena's hand and led her to the dance floor, and Elena looked around. Many people were laughing, wine in hand. She didn't recognize anyone other than Vanessa, who was chatting with a group of people.

Elena laced her arms around Ben's neck, and he followed with his around Elena's waist.

"So, what's your story, Gilbert?" Ben asked, looking down at Elena as the slowly moved around the dance floor.

"Well, you know some of it, thanks to Jeremy," Elena scoffed. She made a mental note to ask Jeremy about what he had revealed to Ben.

"True, but I don't know all of it," he pointed out, and Elena swallowed.

"It's a long story. One I will tell you someday," she said, looking around, and Ben nodded.

"I'd like that," he said, and when Elena looked at Ben, his eyes were shining with genuine curiosity. Why would he be interested in knowing about her?

Elena got the answer as she watched Ben's face near hers. Elena had no time to react as his lips found hers, soft and gentle. She felt a tiny stirring in her stomach, and it was more overwhelming and confusing than she had wanted it to be. Ben's hands moved to cup her face, and Elena shook her head. She had to stop this. She wasn't feeling anything, and she didn't like Ben like that. She didn't want to lead him on. Elena slowly pulled away.

"I-I have to go," she said, avoiding Ben's eyes. She suddenly needed air. "I'll be back soon."

Before Ben could say anything, Elena weaved through the crowd, searching for the exit. This was becoming to much for her. She couldn't face Ben the rest of the night. She felt so guilty, but she couldn't lead him on. Clearly, he was somewhat interested in her, and Elena just couldn't do it.

"Elena?"

Elena stopped, turning around to see Vanessa standing in front if her.

"Vanessa," Elena smiled, and Vanessa came over and hugged Elena, taking her by surprise. They weren't close or anything.

"I didn't know that you were going to be here," Vanessa laughed, and Elena tried her best to follow.

"Neither did I," she said.

"Where are you going? Are you here with anyone?" Vanessa wondered, and Elena was getting slightly annoyed. She needed air. She needed to be outside, alone for a moment.

"Yeah, I'm here with Ben," Elena told Vanessa, who blinked.

"The guy who you saw drop me off at work the other day," Elena said, and Vanessa's eyes widened in remembrance.

"Oh, my god, you're here with him?" Vanessa gasped, and Elena nodded.

"Damn, you have good taste," Vanessa shook her head in disbelief.

"No, it's not like that," Elena explained. "I-"

"Elena," Elena turned around, and Elijah made his way over to them.

"Elijah," she smiled. "Thank you for inviting me." she said. "This party is beautiful,"

"Oh, you're most certainly welcome." he smiled. "And thank you."

"Enjoy," Elijah said as he turned to walk away, and as he did, Elena gasped.

At the other end of the room, Elena saw him.

He was here.

Damon was here.

"Oh, God." Elena gasped.

What the hell was he doing here?

"What is it?" Elijah asked, turning back to face her.

"What's wrong?" Vanessa wondered, frowning.

"My-my ex, he's here." Elena choked, beginning to panic. This was not meant to happen. She wasn't prepared to deal with this.

Deal with him.

"Do you want me to call security?" Elijah asked, suddenly serious.

"No, no. It's not like that, I just- didn't expect to see him here." she said, shaking her head.

"Who is it?" Elijah asked, looking around, and Elena dreaded the name that she thought she'd never say again.

"Damon Salvatore,"

The gasp that emerged from Vanessa was like a gunshot in Elena's mind.

"Damon Salvatore is your ex-boyfriend?" She said incredulously. Elena nodded.

"Damn. You really have good taste. He is smoking hot!"

Elena shot Vanessa a look, and Vanessa shrugged. "I'm sorry. I can't help it."

"Who's the girl he's with?" Vanessa asked, and for the first time, Elena noticed the dirty blond on his arm

"Oh, that's Andie Star." Elijah said, staring at Damon and the girl. "She works for me at the Maymont location."

Elena immediately felt like throwing up. Her ex was there, with his ex, and Ben, her brother's friend, had practically threw himself at her. Elena didn't realize that she was staring at Damon until her turned around, and she made contact with those blue eyes that were permanently inked into her memory.

Damon looked at Elena as if he had never seen her before. His eyes roamed up her body, and Elena wrapped her arms around herself. Turning back toward Elijah and Vanessa, Elena cleared her throat even as she still felt his eyes on her.

"Would you excuse me?" Elena asked, planning to go find Ben and leave, but he came up beside her instead.

"Hey," he said, but immediately frowned once he saw Elena's expression. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not feeling too well," she told him, which was the truth. "Could you take me home?"

"Sure," Ben nodded, and Elena walked toward the entrance, Ben following her.

"Oh, you really must leave so soon?" Elijah asked sadly, and Elena nodded.

"Yes, unfortunately, I-"

"Hello, Elijah,"

Elena felt her stomach churn as she heard Andie's voice, and knew that Damon was beside her.

"Ah, Andie." Elijah smiled. "Good to see you."

"Elena?" Damon asked, and Elena knew what he was doing. Elena glanced up to see Elijah and Vanessa gaping at her.

Deciding that she could no longer hide, she stood up proudly.

"Hi." Elena said, her voice guarded as Ben looked at her with confusion.

"Who are you?" he asked Damon, who scoffed.

"Oh, right. Where are my manners?" He held out his hand to Ben, who took it. "I'm Damon Salvatore, Elena's ex-boyfriend."

Oh, my god.

"Oh," Ben said, and Elena couldn't mistake the hurt in his voice.

"I'm Vanessa Monroe," Elena looked up to see Vanessa extend her hand to Damon, who took it and kissed it.

"Pleasure," he smirked, and Vanessa turned as red as her dress.

"Yes, well, as fun as it was to catch up, we really must be going," Elena said, and Ben nodded.

"Thank you again for the invitation, Elijah." she smiled, and Elijah nodded.

"Thank you for attending. I'll see you on Monday, Elena," he said, and Elena and Ben turned to leave.

Elena climbed out of Ben's car and into the pouring rainstorm.

"Thank you, Ben," Elena said.

"Do you want me to walk you up?" he offered, and Elena shook her head.

"It's fine. I don't want you to get wet. I'll see you around." she said, and Ben frowned. Elena knew that he understood where their relationship stood, and as he pulled away, and Elena watched him guiltily all the way until the taillights on his car vanished into the night.

Elena walked through the rainstorm, up toward her house. She didn't care that she was soaking wet.

Suddenly, she heard a car door slamming behind her.

"Damn it, Elena!" Damon hissed as he ran after her and grabbed her arm, but she shook out of his grasp and kept walking forward.

"Wait!"

"No," she shook her head. "Go away, Damon!"

Did he really have the balls to come beg her to take him back?

"Not until you forgive me," he shook his head as a clap of thunder cracked from overhead. Elena wanted to go inside, but Damon would follow her in, and she didn't want him in her house.

"Why in hell should I forgive you?" she scoffed. Didn't he know how bad he'd hurt her? And now here he was, begging her forgiveness. She didn't have to accept.

Simple as that.

"Because I care about you, Elena," he said, and Elena shook her head. "You have no idea how sorry I am for the other night."

Bull shit.

"Yeah, right. Go home, Damon, before I call the police." she threatened as she turned back toward her house. "I'm not doing this,"

"Don't tell me that you don't feel anything between the two of us," he snapped, and Elena froze. "Because you and I both know that that's not true."

How dare he use that as an excuse!

"Don't flatter yourself," she scoffed, not turning to look at him.

"Oh, so all of those kisses between us, those hugs, they really meant nothing to you?" he asked, "You didn't feel anything between us? Why would you accept my offer, then? Of trying out a relationship? Did it all really mean nothing to you?"

Elena nodded immediately, and Damon shook his head.

"I don't believe you," Damon told her, and Elena rolled her eyes.

Elena scoffed as she whipped around to face him.

"I don't give a rat's ass if you don't!" She cried through the rain, which was beginning to pick up.

"Don't you dare expect me to just forgive you after what you said to me! Why do you always think that you can just sit around and control my life? Huh? Why do you always assume that I can't take care of myself? Just because I couldn't defend myself when I was raped three years ago?" Damon flinched as she spat out the words. Why the hell was he suddenly flinching about it, when he was the one who overstepped the line by throwing it in her face?

"Is it because you walked into the club that night and saw the disastrous train-wreck that was me? Because you hated to see how my life had turned out? Because you saw a 'fragile, little girl' who was the ghost of your old best friend? Because you wanted to fix me and turn me back into the 'old' Elena?" she scoffed as tears were now stinging her eyes. "Well, guess what? She's gone. And she's never coming back. So get used to it!"

Damon shook his head.

"I'm not trying to turn you back into anyone, Elena!" he shouted as Elena turned on her heel and stomped away. "All I am trying to do is help you!"

"Why on earth would you give a damn about me?" she laughed bitterly, turning to face him again. "You proved the other night, as well as tonight, that you couldn't care less about me!"

"That's not true and you know it!" he snapped.

"How could I possibly know anything about your feelings for me?" she scoffed, tossing her hands in the air.

"Because I love you!"

A loud rumble of thunder pounded in the distance, and Elena's eyes widened.

"What?"

She shook her head. No. No, hedidn't love her. He couldn't love her. She hadn't spent the past three years trying to remain unattached to anything or anyone, only to get thrust back into the hurricane that was her emotions towards Damon. She wasn't worth it. She wasn't worth any kind of love.

Love didn't exist.

"No, you can't," Elena found herself backing away from him.

"Why not?" he asked, moving closer to her.

She knew that she would be out of options when she backed into something.

Sure enough, her back hit the side of her house. Damon came up to her, trapping her with his arms on either side of her head. Immediately, Elena put her hand to Damon's arm, forcing it to his side dismissively.

"I can't be fixed, Damon." she whispered, her eyes swollen with invisible tears due to the rain. "I'm not worth anything,"

"Don't you talk like that!" he snapped, cupping Elena's face, forcing her to look into his deep blue eyes. "Don't you get it? I don't want to fix you, Elena!" he shouted through the roaring thunder. "I don't care about who you were! I only care about who you are now!"

Elena stepped out of his grasp, shaking her head frantically.

"Why is it so hard to believe that I'm in love with you?" he wondered, searching her wide eyes. "Because you think you don't deserve it? Elena, you of all people deserve to be happy!"

"Just stop it, Damon!" She cried as she went to cup her ears, but Damon shook his head as he pinned her hands to her side, holding them there.

"Why?" Damon asked, his voice verging on anger.

"Because I can't hear this!" she cried. "I'm not worth it, Damon!"

"No, listen to me." he snapped, and Elena whimpered as Damon continued.

"There is no reason why you don't deserve happiness. You deserve it more than anyone. Hell, you deserve it more than me! After I hurt you the other day, Elena, I couldn't forgive myself. I was so pissed off that I had said that, because I had ruined the best relationship that I've ever had in my entire life."

Elena closed her eyes, trying so hard to absorb what he was saying.

"Look at me, Elena." he pleaded desperately, and Elena's wide eyes immediately found Damon's through the thick sheets of rain. Those eyes that she would know forever were also wide, but with vulnerability.

"If you can look me in the eye and tell me that you don't feel the same way about me, then I'll leave right now." he told her, his voice cracking.

Elena felt her heart being shattered into a million pieces. She didn't know why, but it was burning a hole into her heart.

She was suddenly hit in the face with the reality.

It wasn't because of his threats that she was heartbroken over. It wasn't because he was supposedly in love with her that was hurting her either.

It was because he was right.

Ever since Damon had come back into her life, she was happier. She enjoyed life more. She enjoyed everything more when he was in her life. And as Elena realized this, she had also begun to realize why exactly Damon was so protective of her, why he was so easily jealous of any and every guy that came into contact with her. He had came back into her life just when she needed him.

He had made her feel right in the world.

And she couldn't let go of that.

No matter how much her head was telling her to.

"I can't," she whispered, and Damon's other arm fell to his side.

"Why not?" he asked, and Elena heard the loud vocals of Damon's vulnerability.

"Because ... Because you're right." she breathed.

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