Somehow into the night, it ends up being just James and I alone. I lost track of time some while ago, but I assume it's roughly one in the morning. No one else remains in the Common room, and the fire is slowly dying out. The ember gives a dull glow, the room quite dim. James and I both sit on the couch facing one another, our legs tucked up, our toes pushing up against each other.
"So, how are you really feeling?" James asks quietly, staring at me softly.
I bite my lip, contemplating my answer. In one hand, it aches so much it feels like my heart has been ripped out- I did love Jason, even if I do feel something for James. There's no denying that, other wise it wouldn't hurt so much. The ache in my chest hasn't left since Alex told me what he did. On the other hand, part of me does feel somewhat okay. As odd as it sounds.
"I've been better," I decide, which is completely true.
James frowns at me, his eyes still somehow managing to sparkle, even in the dimness of the room. I wonder does he know how nice his eyes are, but I quickly realise the stupidness of the question- of course James knows how nice his eyes are. He does think that he's the best looking guy in the school. Which, even if that is true, is very arrogant of him to think.
Still, there's something appealing about James' confidence. Maybe that's why so many girls are attracted to him besides his obvious good looks. As for me, although of course I find James attractive, it's his personality - his true personality - that made me fall for him.
I find that I'm staring at him, and I quickly look away feeling my cheeks grow warm.
"I'm really sorry about what happened," James says, his frown deepening. "I know how happy Jason made you."
I glance at him again. "He's not the only reason for my happiness," I reply. "Actually, the last few months have been great thanks to you," I continue on. "I want to say thank you for being a good friend this year."
He smiles, and I find myself smiling in return at him. "I care about you a lot," James tells me, looking intently at me. "I know in the past it might not have seemed that way, but I do."
"Actually, on that matter," I say, "why were you always picking on me? You were kind of a jerk." He shakes his head, looking away from me, seemingly embarrassed. "You used to be nice to me- and then you told the whole school about my crush on Fred." I say it with a slight hint of bitterness, because part of me still feels hurt he had done that to me.
He grimaces, as though hating the memory as much as I do. He rubs the back of his neck, his cheeks turning darker. "You're either going to laugh at me, or hate me completely if I tell you," he mumbles, looking shamefully towards me.
I narrow my eyes in curiosity. "Well, now I'm intrigued."
He lets out a sigh, looking away from me once again. "I had a crush on you, and I felt jealous... and I acted stupidly and became a complete ass to you. I don't know- I guess I decided somehow that if I pretended to hate you, I'd get over it."
"Did it work?" I ask before I can stop myself.
He stares at me, and I feel like time has stopped.
The sound of footsteps causes us to both turn and face the stairs. Someone I don't recognize, probably a first year, walks into the Common Room. Sleepily they grab a cup of water for themselves, before heading back up to the dormitories.
Whatever moment James and I just shared is gone. I place my feet onto the ground, sitting on the edge of the couch. "I should probably get back to the Ravenclaw tower," I say, avoiding James' gaze.
"It's quite late," James points out. "Would it not be easier to stay here for the night? You can stay up in my bed- the guys won't mind."
I look at the dying light of the fire, considering his suggestion, but in the end I shake my head. "Thanks for the offer, James, but it's a school night, and I should probably just get back to my own room." I push myself off of the couch, and James follows my actions.
We stand looking at one another, before James pulls me into a hug. I let out a breath, resting my forehead against his chest. I wrap my hands tightly around his middle, not wanting to let go. He doesn't appear to be eager to let me go either, as we stand there- although we stand like that for awhile, it doesn't feel like long enough when we do eventually pull away from the hug.
After the hug, I sneak back to the Ravenclaw tower, the warm bed welcoming me. I fall asleep, remembering the way James' arms felt around me, and remembering for just a moment, my heart didn't feel broken.
The next morning, and the morning following that aren't easier. In fact, as the month finishes, and we enter our last few days of the semester, I find myself feeling down more and more. Although I have the wedding to look forward to, and my first few days of the Christmas break to spend with the Potter's, I find the ache in my chest not subsiding.
Even now, as I sit in the library, pouring over my potions book, I find my mind elsewhere.
I haven't talked to Alex much since the night in the Gryffindor common room. I don't sit with them anymore at the Gryffindor table, and I find it just as difficult to sit at the Ravenclaw table. The feeling of being trapped hits me hard once more, and I close my book.
The girls have sat with me at the Ravenclaw table most days, and James has sat with me the others. I'm grateful to have them all in my life, but I just want everything to go back to the way it was.
Training is proving to be difficult. I'm constantly bickering with Jason, and we can never agree on anything anymore. I realise my chances of being captain next year have probably vanished. That irks me even more, and in one training session Jack has to remind me that Jason has always been fair no matter what. Although he's right, I still sense my chances are gone.
I rub my head, feeling a headache coming on.
"Oi, you," I hear someone say, tapping me on the shoulder and breaking me from my thoughts. I spin around on my chair, and see Rose and James standing there. Both of them grin at me, and I stare in confusion at them both.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"Just follow us and don't ask questions," Rose says, grabbing my hand and pulling me from my seat. James grabs my bag, and follows Rose, who still holds my hand. When out of the library, she begins to run down the hall, forcing me to run behind her. "What are we doing?" I pant, watching the blurred faces turn to watch us.
"No running in the hall!" I hear someone cry after us, but neither James or Rose take heed, and I don't either.
"We're going to the Ravenclaw tower," she informs me, which doesn't exactly answer my question.
I don't question her any further, as they drag me up stairs, through halls, up more stairs, (paintings yell at us to slow down- as do a few prefects- but we don't listen) until finally we reach the Ravenclaw tower. Once I answer the riddle and gain us entry into the room, Rose pushes me onto the couch in the Common Room, which is somewhat empty. The usual stacks of books piled around the room have vanished as people begin to pack for the holidays.
In fact, the usual busy atmosphere in the Ravenclaw Common Room is now replaced with the relaxed atmosphere which I'm usually greeted with in the Gryffindor Common Room. People lounge around the room, talking to their friends, rather than piling over their work- which, despite what others may think, is not always school work. We do have lives outside of studying.
"I don't think I've ever been in here before," James comments, looking up at the constellations on the ceiling. "It's actually nice in here- not as nice as the Gryffindor Common Room, of course, but still..."
"Are you two going to explain what we're doing?" I exclaim, catching my breath from all the running they just had me do.
"Put this on," someone says, throwing something at me. I catch the object, which turns out to be my jacket, and my scarf. I look up at Eleanor, who has on her own jacket and scarf. Glowering at them and their lack of information, I do as I'm told.
"Now what?" I question them, staring between them warily.
"Now, we go on an adventure," Eleanor says, grinning broadly.
This time James grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet off of the couch. Unlike Rose, he doesn't remain holding my hand, but allows me to follow them at my own pace (which is quite a quick pace as they don't seem to want to slow down at all). We exit the Ravenclaw Common Room, and venture down to the Clock Tower. I glance cautiously out through the clocks pane, and watch the snow dance outside. I can barely see the Covered Bridge through the downfall of snow.
People pass us, their robes soaked from being outside, and they chatter excitedly about something, and I feel a tug in my stomach. Jealousy. Of what? I suppose it's because I haven't felt any sort of excitement in awhile.
The three make me follow them down the stairs of the Clock Tower, until we face the outside, which is covered in a thick blanket of snow.
Fred, Dani, and Alex are outside, smiling widely at us. I quirk a brow up, feeling more confused than ever. Fred has a camera wrapped around his neck, which only deepens my confusion.
"What's going on?" I ask.
"We want to make memories," Fred tells me, lifting up his camera, and pointing it in our direction. The other three huddle in, standing in the most ridiculous poses, while I stare at the camera baffled, until a bright light blinds me, and I blink, surprised.
"It's our final year," James explains, seeing the confusion on my face. He sounds almost sad saying this. "I want to remember and capture the time I spent with my friends."
I edge out into the snow, lifting my face to the sky, watching the snow swirl around me. It's our final year. It only hits me now- I might not see them much after they leave. I smile, looking at them as they watch me.
I stretch out my hand for the camera, which Fred hands over.
"Go on- I want to take a picture of you all," I tell them, waving them them over to stand out in the courtyard. The other three, smiling, rush out to join Fred, Dani, and Alex. They all huddle close together, smiling in my direction. I can't help but smile as I click down the button, a bright flash appearing as the picture is taken.
Just as I finish taking the picture is done, James bends down, grabbing a handful of snow, and shoving it into Rose's face. "James you-" I click the button again, capturing the moment. Rose's comment is drowned out by the laughter of the others as Rose grabs snow and begins throwing it at James- before she has a chance, Dani is stuffing snow down her back, causing her to squeal.
I laugh, as a full fledged snowball fight initiates between my friends.
"Oi, what are you laughing at?" Rose asks me, throwing a snowball in my direction- I duck, and it flies over my head, hitting Eleanor, who lets out a yelp in surprise at the impact.
I feel a pair of arms wrap around me, and I stifle a surprised scream.
"I've got her- get her Rose," James demands, holding me so I can't move. I wiggle in his grip, laughing. I close my eyes as Rose shoves snow into my face like James had done to her.
"Agh!" I yell, as James lets go of me. I wipe the freezing snow from my face, my cheeks burning from the coldness.
Placing the cord of the camera around my neck, I bend down, shoveling snow into my hands, creating a ball. I chuck it in the direction of my group of friends, managing to hit Dani in the back of the head. An odd sound of surprise emits from her mouth, and the fight continues.
Somehow, each of us ends up with the camera. We click the button at random times, capturing moments.
It's then I realise how important friendship is to me. I don't want this year to end- I want to stay trapped in this moment forever, surrounded by those I love, and those who love me. It makes me feel warm inside, despite the freezing temperature.
I sit beside James in the snow, after completing our second set of snow angels, our fingers brushing off one another. My fingers tingle where he touches them, and part of me longs for him to hold my hand rather than this teasing. I force the thoughts to the side, however. Part of me still aches over Jason, although it's not as painful as it had been last month.
A month!
The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. It's been over a month since I discovered the secret that Jason had been hiding from me- a secret I didn't even know he had been hiding.
Alex and I have been quite distant up until today. It almost felt like nothing had changed between us, but in the silence I remember. I close my eyes, pushing the fresh wave of pain away from me. How can part of me still hurt over this?
I feel James' hand rest on top of mine, and my eyes snap open.
"Are you alright?" he asks, searching my eyes.
"Just wishing this day would never end," I say, which is partly true.
"Well, we have the pictures to remember it-"
A bright flash startles us, and we turn our heads towards the source, James pulling his hand quickly away from mine. Rose stands before us, the camera in her hands and a huge smile across her face.
"That'll be a cute one." She gives a wink at us, and both our faces turn pink.
"Shove off, you git," James says, throwing some snow in her direction. She dances out of the way, sticking her tongue at him. She heads back to the others who sit only a few feet away from us.
James runs his fingers through his hair, looking embarrassed. He shakes his head at Rose's comment, giving me a small smile. "Have you gotten a dress for the wedding yet?" he changes the subject, clearly not comfortable with Rose's actions.
"No, but the git is taking me shopping the day after we arrive back home," I tell him with a grin, rubbing my hands together for some heat.
"Another day to make more memories," he sighs, falling back onto the snow, his eyes watching the sky now that the snow has stopped falling.
I gaze at him for a moment, feeling my chest ache for a whole new reason.
HEYA SO I REPLIED TO ALL THE REVIEWS BUT MY COMPUTER DECIDED TO BE STUPID AND OF COURSE IT DIDN'T SAVE SO NO REPLIES FOR THIS CHAPTER! SORRY ABOUT THAT!
Also, I got Magnus Chase and oh boy, I really like it!
Please, please, review for more! I'd appreciate feedback as always :)