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It's all about The GAME and how you play it!

I guess I'm supposed to say that I do NOT own Triple H's character, so I don't own any wrestling character.

Rated M, for language and future sexual content.

- SLASH -

Chapter 21

Paul was still sleeping when I woke up on the right side of the bed. He lay on his stomach, hugging the pillow under his head and the blanket barely covered his lower body in such perfect way. He looked so peaceful as I scanned his giant figure with admiration and smiled. He always looked so tough and untouchable on TV, but lying in my bed now, he wasn't the tough Triple H from TV. He was the man I shared an amazing first experience with.

As I lay there next to him and listened to his steady breathing, I thought about how good he made me feel just a few hours ago when took me on a journey to the unknown. As I looked at him, I tried to explain what it was that drew me to him. What reason could there be for me to ignore the fact that he was a man.

I couldn't find any reasonable explanation. Suddenly I felt my eyes filling with tears. This half naked man in my bed, that made me feel like I've never felt before, he was married. He had a beautiful family, four beautiful girls and a life that could be destroyed, if this was ever revealed somehow.

I was afraid for him. There was no way I could ever feel completely good about this. I was afraid for the career he worked so hard to get, for the life he had with his family. It was all too much to for me to ignore. I would never forgive myself, if I was the reason he lost everything. The only problem was, I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to give this up. At the end of the day, he was going back home to his family and I would be left alone in an empty apartment.

Knowing I had to collect my thoughts and hide my fears and my worries from the man who saw everything in my eyes, I got up and went to take a shower. After getting dressed I made a fresh pot of coffee and went outside to the porch. I took a cigarette out of the pack and put it between my lips. "That shit's going to kill you." I heard the famous husky voice say.

I looked to where the voice came from and found him wearing nothing but boxers. "Good morning."

"It is indeed." He smiled, as he came out to the porch. "Are you sure you want to light that thing up?"

"Just go take a shower or something." I looked up at the ogre standing over me. "Give me a few minutes with my coffee and my cigarette."

"Just because I'm nice, I am willing to let you have your moment with your coffee and your cigarette." He mocked. "But it's the only cigarette you'll smoke until I leave later. I'll be in the shower, have fun."

"Well if you are so nice to me, why don't I return the favor?"

"What did you have in mind?" He smirked.

"Don't give me this look. I was going to offer to make you breakfast."

"Breakfast would be great, but if you come join me in the shower it will be more fun."

"Not happening!" I light up the cigarette. "So, breakfast of champions, like the last time?"

"Last time was surprisingly good, so yes, thank you."

"I'll do my best to live up to the standard. How hungry are you this morning?"

He started laughing. "Very! At least 5 eggs."

"That's very hungry alright."

"What? I'm a big guy. I'm not skinny like you. I need food to look like this."

"You need a whole market apparently." I pointed out sarcastically. "And I'm not skinny thank you very much! I'm just not jacked up like you."

After I smoked and finished my coffee, I went to the kitchen to get started on breakfast. I made eggs and toast and everything he needed to keep looking like Triple H. I smiled when I walked out to the porch to set the table and found him wearing a jeans and a black Motorhead t-shirt.

"Hey, we're eating here, right?"

"Yeah, great weather today. Maybe you'll show me around town later?"

"Why not." I smiled. "I'll be right back with breakfast."

"Wait, look." He handed me his phone. "Look what Murphy did."

I took the phone from his hand and looked at the photo. Murphy was holding a drawing that said 'get well soon, Joe'. Looking at him and then at the photo again, I felt horrible about what I did last night.

"Rory helped her write it, but she drew the sun and the sky by herself." He said, like a proud father.

I handed him the phone. "I can't do this, Paul, this isn't right.'"

"What?" He jumped and quickly followed me. "What are you talking about?"

I turned to look at him and my eyes were red and wet. "What are we doing, Paul? You have a family… look at this, they think I'm not well, how can you we do this to them?"

"You did feel bad yesterday." He smiled.

"This isn't funny, Paul. Don't you care that you're hurting them? Every minute you are here me, you are hurting your family!"

"Hey." He raised his voice. "Leave my family out of this!" He approached me. "This has nothing to do with them."

"This has everything to do with them." I yelled at him. "There is no way that you can spin this to look good, can't you see how wrong this is? Can't you see that this is not who we are?"

"Okay stop! Calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down, Paul. This is crazy, what are we doing?"

"Listen to me." He lowered his voice. "Joe, look at me." He tried to take my hand, but I didn't let him. "Don't I make you feel good?"

"Paul, don't do this."

"You make me feel good, why does everything have to have a name or a definition? Why can't you just leave it at that, we make each other feel good, that's all that matters."

"Don't talk to me like I'm a 4 year old."

"I'm not; I'm just trying to make you understand that I'm here because you make me feel good."

"You're not supposed to be feeling this way towards me, Paul…"

"But I am and I like it."

"You like hurting your wife and kids?"

"My wife and my kids are fine. I love them with all my heart. Joe, what we have is entirely different. I need you in my life. I've stopped asking myself all the whys and the hows. I just accept the fact that I need to be close to you and that when you're away I miss you and I worry about you."

"And this is normal in your eyes?"

"What the hell is normal, Joe? Tell me you don't feel the same and I'm walking out this door and you will never see me again. Tell me that last night didn't feel special. Tell me you don't want me in your life, tell me, I will leave right this second."

"I hate you." I let out suddenly.

"You don't hate me. You want to hate me but you can't. I know what's eating you up right now. You spent half of your life idolizing Triple H and I'm not Triple H to you anymore, I'm Paul, the guy you were in bed with last night." He reached for my hand, but I pushed it away. "Come on Joe, this is me, I'm standing here trying to tell you how much you mean to me, let me in, don't push me away…"

"So what, we kissed, we touched, we made each other feel good, what happens when your wife finds out? Did you give it any thought? You will lose everything you ever worked for, you will lose your job, your family, what then?"

"No one is going to find out and no one is going to lose anything, stop being so dramatic."

"Paul, seriously, what happens if this goes out? You are not some B+ wrestler that people will forget about a few years from now. You and your wife are the future of this business, this will all be yours one day. Is a messed up, emotionally screwed up kid from Oregon worth you losing all of it? She will take everything away from you including your girls, if she finds out."

"First of all, you are not an emotionally screwed up kid, you're a little messed up, but it's understandable considering what you've been through. Will you stop worrying about me? I appreciate the concern but I know what I'm doing."

"Really, what are you doing? Would you mind sharing it with the man you're doing it with?"

"I am doing something for me. I'm doing something that makes me feel good. All I ever wanted was to be a wrestler and I barely get to do that anymore. All I do is sit in an office all day pretend to be someone I'm not and when they finally want me to wrestle, I need to have 2 training sessions a day for 10 weeks just for one match. Do you think I like this life? Do you think I like what I do? No! I don't like to wear suits, I don't like meetings, I hate what I've become, but it's my family's business, it's what I'm supposed to be doing now. Apparently I had to grow up and get a real job." He paused and tried to hold my hand for the third time.

I didn't push him away this time and he pulled me closer. "And now there's just one place in this world, where I feel like me again and it's where ever you are. I don't have to worry about other people's needs or contracts or live events. I only have you and I get to care for you and hold you with absolutely no worries. How is that wrong that you are my safe house, you are my shelter from the world. How the hell am I supposed to walk away from the only thing that makes me feel like me?"

I listened to him rant about his life and I knew exactly what he was talking about. We were more alike than I thought. We were both trapped in a world where we didn't get to do what we loved and we were busy making other people happy and not ourselves. Standing there looking into his teary eyes, it suddenly became clear to me how real these feeling were.

I saw the pain in his eyes and my need to comfort him was much stronger than my doubts and my fears. My hand went to his cheek, his stubbles felt like silk under my fingers and he tilted his head to lean on it. Closing his eyes, he whispered. "Joe, tell me you understand me."

"I understand." I whispered back.

He opened his eyes and I smiled. "I know I have a family, Steph is the love of my life, that's never going to change and my girls, they mean everything to me."

I knew all that and it didn't make me feel jealous or angry. It was important for me to know that he still loved them, because the day I came between him and his beautiful family was going to be the last day of us. That was how much I cared about him.

"But now there's you." He smiled. "And you've settled in my heart. You built yourself a porch and you sit there with your whisky glass and your cigarettes and I ignore all of it. I don't know why, God only knows how much I hate alcohol and cigarettes, but as much as it bothers me, I accept it, because it's you, I can't control it."

I smiled, he was so sweet when he was vulnerable. I wanted to kiss him at that moment but he just kept talking.

"You're always on my mind and I see you in my head constantly. I see you with your Nike t-shirt, your Nike shoes and that arrogant smile of yours and it doesn't matter how hard I try, you just won't go away. Believe me, I tried to kick you out, but you won't leave. It's like you own this piece of my heart and you live there whether I like it or not…"

"Those are all great metaphors, but it doesn't mean that it's a good thing."

"It's a good thing if you feel the same, don't you feel the same?" He searched for answers in my eyes.

"I don't want you to lose everything you ever cared for because of me, that's all I know."

"Joe, look at me, answer me, don't you feel the same for me?"

"It doesn't matter, Paul. All that matters is that you are married." I kept avoiding his questions.

But he kept pushing. "Answer the damn question, Joe!"

"Why does it matter how I feel?" I snapped. "You want to know so badly? I'll tell you! Ever since my family died I did everything I could to avoid feeling, I was like a robot, I meet a woman, she likes the way I look, we have sex and that's it. It's a physical necessity. I never had to feel for anything and then you came along and it was like a dream come true for me to meet you."

He smiled. It made him feel good to know how much he meant to me.

I ignored his smile and continued. "And then you kissed me. You want to know so badly how that made me feel? I freaked out at first. I didn't accept the fact that I kissed a man, but with every kiss it becomes clearer, it's easier for me to be with a man when that man is you. I don't feel like I'm violating my wife's memory. You make me feel like I am the most important person in the world. When you talk to me I feel like I'm the only one in your life, but that's not true now is it…"

"But you are…" He cupped my face with his hands. "You are the most important thing in my life. You're right up there with my wife and kids. Look at me, kid, I'm standing right here in your apartment. I came all the way from the other side of the country because I couldn't sit in that office or have fun with my family knowing that you're in pain and alone."

"But it doesn't change the fact that the minute this goes out and someone finds out, you'll lose everything. No more Stephanie and your girls and the life you built for yourself. I'm afraid, Paul, it freaks me out and I choke, because I know that you will hate me for the rest of your life for being the reason you lost everything."

"I will not lose anything. What we have is not about sex, it's not about physical attraction, it's more than that."

"But it's cheating and it doesn't matter how you spin this."

"No, it's different. It's not like I stick my bazooka in another woman's…"

"This is serious, Paul!"

"Then why are you smiling?"

"Because you are the only one in this world that makes me smile."

"And I'm also the only one in this world that sees you for what you really are. A guy who's been through hell and came back stronger. Those scars on your back and in your heart tell a story that not many would overcome. You fought your way through your grief and you've become a successful young man, a golden boy like Emily calls you. When I look at you I don't see the past, I see a future. I see a great future and all I want is to be with you and see it happen. The fact that I can't stop thinking about the way you kiss me is just a small part, Joe, but I like that small part. It doesn't make me feel weird because I know I'm not gay, we are not just about that."

"What are we about, then?"

"Look at us. We can talk for days, about everything. I can sit around all day just listening to your stories. We have fun, you make me laugh, I'm not chasing you all day like a horny bastard. I just enjoy spending time with you and I know you enjoy having me in your life, is that so wrong?"

"Can't we just have that, without hurting your wife?"

"Joe, can you honestly tell me, you're not attracted to me? I know how you felt last night, I saw it in your eyes and I felt it on your entire body. There will be times when I'll want to kiss you, I don't know why, I just feel it. Does that mean that's all we are? No. We are so much more than that. I want you in my life, I need you in my life, I feel so damn good when I'm with you. You are so smart and so mature and even if you choose to be miserable, you are still one of the funniest guys I've ever met."

"I don't get why someone like you would care for someone like me. I mean, you have friends like Shawn, he is funny. I'm sure you have other friends that are smart and mature and successful. I'm just a kid, I didn't even go to a proper collage."

"You are so much more than just a kid and I guarantee you, I just know that if I put you in a room with 40 year old business men that went to ivy-league collages, you'll bury them with your wit and that arrogant smile of yours. I know that by the end of the day you'll make everyone fall in love with you."

"Maybe it's true about the women. I do look like a million bucks." I showed off my arrogant smile.

"Okay, okay, I'm glad to see that you are back to your usual crappy arrogant self."

"I'm pretty sure breakfast is ruined, do you want to eat out?"

"Nothing is ruined, just tell me that you understand. Tell me that you will not go away."

"I understand, but I'm afraid for you. I know that you make me feel like I've never felt before."

"Let me worry about me and just stay with me, don't take this from me. I need you."

He leaned in and kissed me, lightly, just waiting for me to kiss him back and assure him that I wanted this as much as he did. And I did, because there was only so much you could deprive of yourself. It had been 10 years of hiding from the world, of punishing myself for killing my family. No more, I thought, as the hunger for his sweet lips grew. It was the insatiable desire for his tender touch that would win every time.

When our lips parted, I looked into his eyes and I knew why he stopped the kiss. "I take it that you're hungry." I smiled. There were only two reasons he would ever stop kissing me like he just did, hunger and air.

"You know me so well." He grinned.

"Breakfast is probably ruined; it's not going to be the same."

"Come on, we can heat it up and you can tell me all about this town and where you're taking me today."

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Thank you for reading.

:)