Interlude 3: The Guys

(10 weeks 6 days after the birth of the 8th Campione)

Jereth

"How did I, of all people, end up in the backseat of this thing?"

"Because you're the shortest one of all of us obviously."

I shoot Tim a scowl which he happily ignores while Creele smirks at me through the rear-view mirror and idly observes, "He looks like a toddler throwing a tantrum back there, doesn't he?"

"Brother, you put that image into words perfectly."

I settle for kicking the back of Tim's seat while he snickers and then lean back while crossing my arms behind my head.

"So lets try not to let this whole little adventure take too long yah? Some of us have things to do and people to kill."

Tim snorts and replies, "The excuse every Esoteric uses at some point in their illustrious careers."

"Hey it's a valid one."

Creele cuts in with, "There's no arguing your way out of this one Jereth, the Family Reunion is coming up and formal wear is a must. Now deal with it."

"I still don't get why I can't just go as some Arabian Prince or something. Those clothes are actually somewhat comfortable to wear. I fucking hate suits."

Tim glances at me over his shoulder and curiously asks, "Don't you wear one as a part of your Vincent Freedman persona?"

"Yah, but Freedman is a lanky son a bitch, I'm not."

"Well we're gonna have to ask you to suffer horrifically for at least one night Bat-Gwai, this is important. It's tradition for each Branch Head to wear some kind of apparel from the region you're representing."

"Shouldn't I be wearing a headdress made of feathers and buffalo hide then?"

"Shut up and accept that you're gonna be wearing the damn suit already."

"Yes Ma'm."

A short drive later the 3 of us step into Lan's Formal Wear, the latest and greatest in incredibly uncomfortable suits to wear.

"Hmm…what style should you wear…Montego? Or perhaps a Carlisle…"

I sigh and fix Tim with a resigned look.

"Brace yourself, Creele's been waiting years for an excuse to have me play dress up. You'll probably get dragged into this by the time the days over."

Tim gives me a confused look and asks, "Why's that? Is he a fashionista or something?"

"Nah, he's actually queer as a 3 dollar bill, believe it or not. This is basically the equivalent if I somehow convinced Eliza or Audrey to model dresses for me."

Tim shoots me a look of unmitigated disgust before turning his gaze to an approaching Creele.

"Of all the dudes in the world to have a crush on, you picked this guy? Shit Creele, I thought you had taste…"

My oldest friend gives me a questioning look and I roll my eyes before replying, "I just told Tim you're gay and he thinks you're in love with me."

He snorts in amusement before replying, "While I'll freely admit the Bat-Gwai has a cute ass, his personality leaves something to be desired. He's good eye candy and that's about it, the rest is rotten."

Tim sagely nods.

"Ah, a valid observation. I apologize for assuming you were a man of poor judgement."

I frown and archly ask, "Could you 2 sound maybe a little less disgusted with how I act? I'm right here."

They both studiously ignore me and Creele walks Tim farther back into the store, pointing out different types of suits as he goes. I sigh dejectedly and follow, mentally making a note to 'accidentally' eat Creele's lunch at the soonest given opportunity.

I'm not above petty revenge.

"So how did you 2 meet anyway? I'm guessing it wasn't anything as violent as our first encounter."

Creele and I share a glance before simultaneously shrugging, which prompts the girl taking my measurements to politely ask, "Try to hold still please, I should be done in just a minute."

"Ah sorry about that."

I switch back over to Russian and reply, "It was actually kinda mundane really. Creele, tell the story, otherwise I think this chick is gonna 'accidentally' stick a pin where the sun don't shine."

The 3 of us are speaking Russian mostly just because using codewords and roundabout ways of describing things can get tiring if that's your entire conversation. I'd pulled the usual Monastic technique of calling everyone in the room a, 'goatfucker who's as ugly as a hunchbacked burn victim' and nobody had reacted, so we're clear to converse freely in the native tongue of Russia.

Creele smirks and dramatically says to Tim, "Well it all began about 10 years ago…the Bat-Gwai and I met in combat instruction classes…and that was it."

Tim gives the 2 of us a disbelieving look and I try not to laugh at his expression, mostly because there's a pin uncomfortably close to my testicles and I don't want to puncture anything important right now.

Creele merely smirks and archly states, "What? You were expecting some grand tale?"

Tim scowls in reply and sets his hands on his hips.

"Quit pulling my dick, there's gotta be more to it than that! There's no way anyone would willingly become friends with our Godslaying psychopath over here unless they were forced too. Trust me, I know."

I dryly reply, "I never knew you had such a high opinion of me Tim. I'm flattered."

Creele decides to take pity on him and in a more even tone of voice says, "A fair point, but it was actually almost as simple as that. During that year long period where we underwent training together we would occasionally talk. I was an excellent listener and rarely took any of his threats seriously, while he was just bewildered that someone was willing to hang around despite his personality defects."

I chuckle and drop my arms as the fitting lady walks away for a moment before adding, "Tim, if you think I'm a complete asshole now, you should have seen me during basic training. Hoo boy was I a ball of bitterness, angst, anger and unthinking violence."

Tim grins and easily replies, "So not much has changed then?"

I roll my eyes as Creele intervenes with, "After about 8 months of 'casual' interaction we were partnered up together for the last 4 months of instructional combat and it kind of just improved from there. I was the strategist, figuring out ways to make use of the Bat-Gwai's natural predisposition towards unthinking violence, while he was initiator, thinking quick on his feet on how we could work in tandem during fights."

He shrugs as I smile nostalgically.

"We ranked 4th overall out of the 30 or so other pairs once all was said and done. He was pegged for having talent as an Esoteric while I was moved to the Exoteric program."

Tim looks thoughtful for a moment before asking, "And you guys stayed friends over all that time? Esoterics and Exoterics don't usually interact on anything that can be called a usual basis."

"We had a Golden Earring."

Creele heaves a sigh at my usual joke and elaborates.

"What he's trying to say is that we made a 2-way Magic communication device when we were in training. I had a rather steady hand when it came to Magic and the Bat-Gwai had an unusual penchant for finding things that almost certainly belonged to others without getting caught."

I shrug and simply reply, "Hey if they're gonna be Monastics then they should learn to keep better watch over their stuff."

"Another long story short, we managed to keep in touch through those."

Tim nods in agreement before asking, "So where are these magic mirrors or whatever then?"

"They got lost in the airport baggage claim."

Tim raises an eyebrow.

"Ok, now you're definitely pulling my dick."

"I wish I was. I shit you not, I got on the plane after a mission in Boston, then when I got off the plane in California, my already small bag was somehow lost in transit. Fucking airline customs…I still don't have a clue how the thing became lost, and I didn;t have the time to stick around the baggage claim, I was on a schedule."

Tim just shakes his head.

"Hey, at least you got your refund right?"

"Yah, because having them bill it to the oldest secret society Humanities ever had wouldn't raise a few eyebrows..."

We fall silent for a few moments before I glance at Creele and release a frustrated sigh. He narrows his eyes and curiously says, "What? Something on my face?"

I grumble under my breath before replying, "No, it's just…well, I became a Campione. A Human that's transcended most accepted limits and reached something of a middle ground between Deity and Homosapien. And my sexuality didn't change one damn bit."

Creele just gives me a blank gaze before asking in a disbelieving tone, "Let me get this straight. You became one of the most powerful beings on the planet, gifted with immense Magical Power and near free run to do whatever you want in life, are likely going to live for centuries, if not millennia, and you're upset because you're still heterosexual?"

I scowl and sharply retort, "You're damn right I'm upset! At the least I should have become bisexual! Hell, I should have acquired an appetite for all different kinds of lust, but noooo…"

Creele just sighs and rubs his eyes.

"Only you would find something so retarded to complain about…"

My rebuttal is cut short when the saleswoman returns and drags me off to the register before I can even utter a syllable.

People in the service industry can be brutal sometimes.

6 hours. 6 bloody hours it took to get the measurements, pick out a suitable style and actually set up the order itself before I could get out of that damned store.

I blame Creele.

Regardless, we're finally headed home and I can start working on important stuff, like how to actually get my point across during the Family Reunion. Some of the Branch Heads might be a little wary of me after I blew away Illarion, along with a building full of bystanders, and might not be so eager to just agree with whatever I have planned. Which means I'm already gonna be in an uphill battle since my vision for the Monasteries is one drastically outside of what we've spent the last several thousand years perfecting…

"Hey Creele."

"What's up?"

"Who're the representatives from the world's premier space programs showing up at the Family Reunion?"

"From NASA that would be Bolden Jr., while from China we'll be dealing with Gang Ji.", he replies without missing a beat.

I nod and continue with, "I want you to schedule a meeting between us in person, I want to pitch them an offer I think they'll enjoy."

Tim raises an eyebrow and doubtfully inquires, "You think the U.S. and China will play nice long enough to hear you out?"

I smirk and reply, "Who cares? If they're even passingly smart they won't pass up this opportunity for all the cheddar we'll be sending their way."

Creele gives me a brief glance in the rear-view mirror and says, "If you manage to convince the rest of the Branch Heads that this is something they should support."

"Oh they'll listen all right. Hopefully. I think."

Tim snorts in dark amusement at my words.

"And with that ringing endorsement how about we get something to eat? It's been a 'busy' day. I vote pizza."

Creele says, "Chinese." while I vote, "Mexican."

The 3 of us share a brief glare before putting our hands in for rock-paper-scissors.

Winner take all.

Ok so this chapter was definitely a rush job, and alot of it I just ended up editing it out because it was extraneous, added nothing, or just wasn't funny, which means this is definitely the shortest chapter so far, only something like 2k words, and light on everything except a little characterization between the 3 dudes, that's kinda it.

Reason being today I start my first day at an entirely new college that I just moved to and it's gonna be a busy day, which didn't give me alot of time to go through and edit/add stuff to the chapter.

So sorry bout that, next chapter will start tackling more interesting subjects.

Sacchin: Definitely good to hear that I'm making Jereth actually act like a Campione, often time I end up editing out alot of stuff because it doesn't really mesh with his personality.

Guest: Thanks, one of the things I often wondered about is how normal Humans would react to Magical disasters, and the answer is that there's depressingly little they can actually do, especially when it's super destructive stuff like a Godslayer's attack. Thanks for the feedback.

Kshail: Exactly, I'd sort of lifted that ending scene with Elizaveta straight from my life experiences. When my Cat of 17 years and Dog of 3 years (She got bone cancer in her throat and the surgery was deemed too risky) died within 2 weeks of each other one of my friends pretty much did the same thing. Offered an extremely obvious and transparent trip out of town for a few days, but it was the thought that counts.

Griffin13: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

Cilo: You're Nótt that funny.

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Actually I laughed pretty damn hard when I read your review XD