Complications

Chapter 21

Stardate 2260.88

Rubbing his face and exiting from the screen he was on, Jim stood. Glancing down he figured he was presentable enough. He'd taken off his command shirt and boots, but it was his quarters, so he could dress however he wanted. The other person would just have to deal.

He honestly had no idea who would be calling on him at this time of night and he really wasn't in the mood; he'd finally been making some progress on the systems firewalls and now he would have to start from scratch. It wasn't that late, but it wasn't exactly prime visiting hours, either. Bones would have commed him if he wanted a drink and anyone else knew that it was past Abby's bedtime.

Triggering the door to open, Jim was unpleasantly surprised, though he shouldn't have been, to see Dr. Marcus standing in front of him.

"Dr. Marcus – Carol," he greeted her, correcting himself after she playfully narrowed her eyes at him.

"Jim," she said coyly. "I thought – after the abrupt end to our dinner – that you might like to share a nightcap with me." She held up a bottle of wine.

"That's very kind of you," Jim replied, glancing back into the living area and trying to think of a reason to say no. "I was just doing some…research."

"Just one drink, Jim," she wheedled, smiling at him. "You're off duty and in your quarters. Surely you can have one drink with me? We barely had a chance to chat earlier."

"Well," Jim hesitated. He really wasn't interested in Dr. Marcus the way she was obviously interested in him, but he didn't want to be a bad host. "A drink sounds nice," he said, even managing to smile.

"Excellent," Carol grinned, handing him the bottle as she sauntered past him into the room.

Jim obligingly poured them each a glass of wine, trying to figure out if there was a way he could get her out of his cabin after only one glass. Not surprisingly, in years past he would have been interested in what she had to offer. She was exactly what people claimed was his type; tall, slender, with long, shapely legs and blonde hair – not that he was picky about hair color in general, but blondes were always nice. She was also highly intelligent, and that was always a turn on.

Things had changed and it wasn't just because Carol was physically the antithesis of short, curvy, curly brown-haired Marissa. Jim had learned that there was more to sex than just the physical aspects. He wanted the closeness and the intimacy that he had found with Marissa – in bed and out - and he still wasn't ready to try to find it with someone else, especially a virtual stranger.

"So, Jim," Carol spoke as she wandered across the living area to look at the stasis shelves filled with souvenirs and small pieces of artwork that Marissa had collected from the different worlds they had visited and that her father hadn't known about to demand their return. "Now this is what I expected in a captain's cabin. Is this Bakura crystal? And the picture…that's from Tritan IV, right?"

Jim shrugged. "I think so. The picture is from Tritan, I know. The crystal, I'm not sure. You're probably correct," he told her, sipping his wine and watching her from across the room.

She looked up at him with an amused smile. "Have you been to so many worlds that you can't remember them all?"

"Something like that," Jim smiled thinly.

"What about this piece?" Carol asked over her shoulder as she bent to look at one of the lower shelves, putting her ass on display. Jim looked it over, as she obviously wanted him too. He wasn't overly impressed. It was a nice ass, but it was missing a certain…fullness that he had come to appreciate. "The colors and details are exquisite, but not exactly like the other things in your collection."

"Which one?"

"Come here," she waved him over. "I promise not to bite."

Jim gave a small huffing laugh. Knowing he didn't have a choice, he crossed over to her and felt his stomach drop when he saw what she was looking at. The object that had grabbed her attention was a miniature portrait of Marissa and Abby that a local artist on Belgernon II had painted while they were picnicking on their first ever family outing off the Enterprise. The artist hadn't asked their permission, but it had been a slow, off season day, so he had taken a risk and painted it anyway, taking the chance that Jim would buy it once he saw it. And of course he had. The artist had perfectly captured Abby's joy and Marissa's happiness.

Carol was right, though. It wasn't up to the standard of the other knick knacks and souvenirs Marissa had from other places. She tended to pick things that were representative of the area they were visiting and not touristy riff raff. This was definitely for tourists, but the artist had been talented, and the paints he used were alive and bright. It almost looked more like an old fashioned photograph than a painted picture.

"May I hold it?" Carol asked, her hand already hovering over it.

"Please don't," Jim said quickly. "It's…it's very fragile and the paint…" he trailed off uncomfortably.

"Where is it from?" she asked, straightening and looking at him curiously.

"Belgernon," Jim replied. "It was done by a local artist at one of their beaches. Not a professional," Jim explained. "He painted on rocks and driftwood that he found along the beach. He'd polish and finish them smooth and then paint on them for tourists and off worlders."

"And you just happened to buy a picture of a mother and daughter?" she asked pointedly, watching him closely.

"No," Jim replied uncomfortably, not meeting her eyes and taking another sip of his wine before moving away.

Carol just watched him silently as he settled in a chair next to the couch. "You know, I've only been on this ship for a few days. I'm not exactly up on all the gossip. So when you ran out on me at dinner, I thought I'd ask around."

Jim felt himself blushing. He had hoped that she hadn't noticed his abrupt exit from dinner as the panic attack that it actually was.

"Your crew is remarkably loyal," she continued, moving over and sitting on the end of the couch near his chosen seat. "They really wouldn't tell me anything about you and I got the distinct impression from Dr. McCoy and Lieutenant Uhura that I should leave you alone."

Seeing the carefully concealed determination in her eyes, Jim sighed heavily. "What do you want to know?"

Cocking her head to the side and leveling her gaze at him, Carol seemed to think about it. "I have to admit, I was…excited to meet you. All you've done; all you've accomplished."

Jim had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at her earnestness.

"And your wild boy image," she grinned over at him and shrugged. "I was intrigued. I'm about to spend three years on a very remote outpost with a bunch of highly intelligent, but not so appealing scientists. I thought…"

"You thought you'd have one last fling with the bad boy captain of the Enterprise," Jim finished for her, not quite able to hide his scorn.

"Well, yes," she agreed, sheepishly. "It sounds so much worse when you say it that way."

Jim shrugged. He didn't care how it sounded.

"I mean, a captain can't, or rather shouldn't, mess around with his crew I imagine," she continued. "And I thought with your reputation…"

"I'd be more than willing to jump into bed with you," Jim said bluntly.

"Again," she shook her head, "it all sounded so much better in my mind." She took a sip of her wine and seemed to gather her thoughts. "I know you find me attractive. I've seen you look at me."

Jim took a sip of his wine and shrugged noncommittally. He probably had checked her out, not that he remembered doing it specifically. There was no denying that she was an attractive woman and that she made an effort to play up her attributes, even in her uniform.

"But you also seem a bit…afraid of me," she finished.

"I'm not afraid of you," Jim immediately countered. "I'm not," he protested again at her dubious look. "I'm uncomfortable. I know what you want; you haven't exactly been subtle about it."

"True," she nodded. "I thought you might prefer a more straight forward approach."

"Usually, I would," Jim agreed. "But now…my answer is no. I'm flattered, but not interested."

Carol cocked her head and watched him carefully as she finished off her wine. "Who is she?" she finally asked, nodding back towards the miniature.

"My…" Jim faltered. It was still hard to put a label on what Marissa was to him. "Marissa. Her name is Marissa," he finished, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

"Marissa," Carol repeated, as if testing out the sound of the name. "And the baby?"

"Our daughter."

This seemed to come as a surprise. "You have a daughter?"

Jim nodded. "As I just said."

"Where is she?" Carol asked curiously. "With her mother?"

"She's here. On the Enterprise," Jim told her.

Again this seemed to be a surprise to her and she started looking around the living area; finally seeing the mini piano and the colorful toy bins tucked on a shelf near the dining table.

"And her mother?"

Even though Jim knew the question was coming, he still felt the air go out of his lungs. "She's gone. Dead," he said abruptly, forcing the word past his lips. Finishing off his drink, he leaned forward to pour another glass, not wanting to see the look of pity, or worse, a predatory gleam, in her eyes.

"Oh Jim," Carol whispered softly, her voice dripping with sympathy. "I am so sorry. How… how long ago?"

"Three months," he told her, startled to feel her hand on his arm as she leaned forward.

"And you're raising your daughter all on your own?"

Jim shrugged, sitting back and letting Carol's hand fall away. "I have a lot of help."

"I'm sure you do," Carol smiled at him. "As I said before, your crew is incredibly loyal. I knew something was up, but…" she shrugged. "I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable."

"Not your fault," Jim shook his head in dismissal.

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Carol poured herself another drink and sipped at it. Jim held his glass absently in his hand, twisting it and watching the purple liquid shimmer in the light.

"I'd like to be your friend," Carol finally spoke, "if you don't mind. I won't be on the ship much longer, but I think we're…suited. I'd also like to meet your daughter, if that's all right."

Jim looked over at her, trying to gauge her sincerity and then shrugged. He didn't understand how they could be 'suited' if they'd only even spoken a handful of times. "It's not like I've been hiding her. I just don't normally parade her around when we're transporting people. There's enough speculation about me and my past, I don't want her to become another topic of 'what's going on in Jim Kirk's life,'" he told her honestly, trying not to sound bitter. "We have our routine and it works for us."

"Do you visit Ten Forward with her?"

"Sometimes, when I'm not on shift or there's a social event that's okay for kids," Jim answered.

Carol's smile brightened. "I know Gregor is trying to organize something with your yeoman. Perhaps I could meet her then?"

"I suppose," Jim agreed. "She likes visiting Ten Forward."

Sitting back into her seat and curling one leg under her, Carol looked at Jim and smiled. "How old is she? And what's her name?" she asked, looking as if she was settling in for a comfy chat. "Relax, Jim," she admonished when he didn't immediately respond. "I have no ulterior motives. Like I said, I think we're suited. We could be friends. Tell me about your daughter."

Jim hesitated. He really wasn't used to talking with anyone about Abby except for Marissa and members of his crew. Taking one more sip of wine, he let out a deep breath and then started talking.

"Her name is Abby and she's almost twenty-two months old…"

With Carol's probing questions and open interest Jim found himself telling her about Abby and all her amazing accomplishments; his father's pride obvious. Their conversation eventually segued into interesting stories about life on the Enterprise, stories about mutual acquaintances and instructors at the academy, and Carol's research.

Before Jim knew it, the wine bottle was empty and two hours had passed. Once the conversation had moved on to topics other than Abby, Jim had barely thought of Marissa and his almost constant grief. He'd even almost laughed a few times, something he hadn't done without Abby around since Marissa had gone away. He looked over at Carol in surprise and shock. He'd actually enjoyed spending the evening with her now that he didn't feel that he had to be on his guard.

She smiled fondly at him, reading his thoughts with apparent ease. "This was nice," she told him.

"It was," he agreed.

"I imagine it's been a while since you've let yourself just relax and talk with someone who isn't a member of your crew."

"I guess so," Jim smiled sheepishly.

"Maybe we could try dinner again, sometime?" she asked as she stood up, placing her glass on the table and then stretching like a cat.

Jim's shields immediately went up and the relaxed mellowness he had been feeling evaporated. She'd lulled him with wine and conversation, but was she still…

"We could include Dr. McCoy and Lieutenant Uhura," she continued, interrupting his thoughts. "He seemed very interesting, in a blunt sort of way, and I'd love a chance to talk more with a woman who has come so far, so fast. She has quite the resume."

Relaxing again, Jim nodded. "We could probably arrange something like that. We could include a few of your coworkers, if you like."

"Only if you must," Carol smirked at him. "I'll be spending enough time with them as it is, but…" she shrugged. "It's your ship, your call."

Standing, Jim nodded. "I'll have Rand arrange something casual before we drop you off."

Walking towards the door, Carol turned back towards him. "And I'll get to meet Abby whenever Gregor gets his social organized, right?"

"I'll bring her," Jim agreed, smiling slightly.

Taking a step towards him, Carol leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Jim's cheek. "Thank you for tonight. It was very nice to meet Jim, instead of Captain Kirk."

"You're, uh, welcome," Jim replied, a bit taken aback by the kiss and her words. She was right again, though. At some point during their conversation he had dropped his captain's persona that he kept tightly wrapped around him at all times, unless he was with Abby. And it had felt nice. Like it had when he talked with…

He froze, his heart suddenly thumping heavily in his chest.

"Good night, Carol," he told her, a bit more brusquely than he meant to. "I'm sure we'll see each other around the ship."

"Good night, Jim," she replied, her smile a bit dimmer as she caught on to his mood change.

Without another word she left his quarters, the scent of her perfume wafting behind her. Jim stared at the door wondering what the hell had just happened. He hadn't wanted anything to do with Dr. Carol Marcus and yet he had just spent over two hours drinking wine and chatting with her like an old friend.

Bones and Uhura and everyone else were always telling him that he needed to relax and be himself more often and it had felt good at the time, but now; now he had the feeling that he had somehow betrayed Marissa and he didn't like it at all. He'd done nothing but talk, but it still felt…wrong, now that it was over.

Glancing at the chrono he realized that Abby would be up in a little less than six hours and he really needed to get some sleep. Maybe in the morning he'd feel differently.

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