Woot~ Last official school day this school year~~ And then exams are looming at me already. Ugh. Next week will be my death.

Anyhow, thank you for alllll the wonderful reviews and messages, and everything beautiful that you lot have all been sending~ It's been a blessing to have you all~

Now, my darlings, just a little update on me? I've started to actually USE my Tumblr account~ to post muses I find interesting, or bits and pieces of my mind. Sometimes I repost a photo I saw, and add a little something to it... like a couple of lines of a possible story? Who knows? Get onto my tumblr, and get into my head~ Also, my darling reader k33pc4lm has opened up a fan-tumblr for me~ That one has story ideas from her and me, and lots of Quinntana goodness~ Go follow both of us, links in my bio~

As usual, though, show me a little love here~

mm... finally TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. there may be mentions of... abortion, physical assault, cheating... stuff like that... if you aren't comfortable with things like that, send me a message, I'll be more than happy to give a summary of this chapter's events.

FINAL WARNING: remember Sebastian...?

Chapter 21

Quinn's POV

Shakespeare says Death's counterfeit is Sleep. I say, Death's counterfeit is Insomnia.

Five nights in my office has become suffocating, and this morning when I first received Mia's call that my house was cleared, I was almost overjoyed. And then realization cast a dark shadow over me, making me realize that I would be going home to four people, not five, and I felt lonely again.

Silence whispers me sweet nothings in the wind. It whips around me as I shiver, sitting on the edge of the swimming pool. No part of me touches the water, but I can feel it's cold in my veins.

My house was never too empty, too big, before I met Santana again, but now, it strangely is. The walls, lined with artsy designs and the occasional print, are tall and menacing. The hallways, carpeted with soft cotton, now reach depths that seem too far, too long. My office, my sanctuary, has become too dark and too lonely. The books almost scare me.

Even my own room, my safe-haven has become a thing to dread. Those bedsheets, though changed, washed, and scourged, still smell faintly like her. The whole room reminds me of her, really. There isn't a single square inch that I can look at and not remember something we did or did. On the bed, against the walls, near the door…

I shake my head defiantly as a tear threatens to spill. Sitting on the edge of the pool, with the only light source being the pool lights, everything seems to cast an eerie shadow. Even the moon refuses to come out tonight.

It's funny how the same place can be home one day, and hell the other.

"Quinn? Do you want a jacket?"

Without turning, I know it's Mia behind me. I shake my head miserably, "I'm alright. You shouldn't stay up with me like this. Go sleep."

"Let me know if you need anything, alright, child?"

At that name, I turn my head slowly. My eyes brim with tears.

She smiles softly at me, "I know how it feels like to lose a love. Maybe it was for the better."

I feel like breaking apart. "Can you come sit with me for a bit?"

Mia nods as she walks towards me. She sits down heavily, a mere few inches away from me. For a few minutes, we both stare into the pool water, watching it shimmer in the soft lights.

In moments like these, you get to clear your mind, try to find yourself before you drown.

"You know, child… if you two are meant to be, she'll come back."

"We're not meant to be," I retort, but it comes out as a whine.

"Who are you to decide?"

I bite my lip, looking into the gently flowing water. "Who does then?"

"Fate," Mia replies simply, "The stars."

"They're all gone tonight," I mutter, staring up into the open emptiness of the sky, "It's dark."

"You know what I mean… The sun always shines above the clouds, you know?"

"Not in my world."

"In your world, it's been shining. Just covered by a storm cloud," she heaves a soft sigh, "You'll understand when you get older."

"You talk to me like I'm a child again…" I murmur, leaning my head on her shoulder. She's shorter than me, and that makes the position a little awkward, but nonetheless, it's comforting, "You're wise."

"You learn with age," Mia insists.

"I want to get out of the house for a bit."

"Go then. Just be home before midnight!" she teases, knowing it's well after midnight already.

"I'll try," I offer a weak smile as I get up. I hold a hand out to her, offering to pull her up.

"Old bones," she complains as she takes my hand, staggering as she stands, "Take care."

I nod and watch as she heads indoors first. Deciding to stare into the sky for a moment longer, just hoping to catch a glimpse of a star, I stand alone in the wind.

No star comes out, though, and I make my way into the house to grab my keys and my wallet. I don't want to bother with my phone.

I start my Porsche and drive out of the driveway. As my car grumbles along the road, I realize I really have nowhere to go.

I'm looking for 'home', and home is where the heart is. And that is exactly where I cannot be.

My tears start again without warning. In a way, I feel like a teenage girl, having just broken up with my boyfriend. It's so weird, this feeling, so strange, because I've never actually felt this attached to a person. This strikes me odd again, because out of everyone I've dated, parting was never a sorrow. It wasn't even a sweet sorrow. If anything, parting had always been sweet.

Now, with Santana, parting is anything but sweet. We never really had anything. It was merely a physical relationship, with the occasional date. But nothing was actually concrete. Nothing was really real. And yet it hurts so, so much more.

I blink away the tears as I step on the gas pedal a little more. As the car sped forward, I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.

The sobs and tears only come back with twice the force. The more I wipe from my eyes, the more comes out.

To make matters worse, the sky started pouring. At first, the droplets of rain are tender, like angel's tears, as they drip-dropped onto the windshield. Then, out of nowhere, the heavens open up, and the sound of the water hitting my car becomes deafening. I turn on the windshield wipers, but they did little to ease the mess.

I can barely see the road, being only able to make out faint lights every now and then in front of me. I know I wasn't in any state to drive, but I didn't want to care anymore.

A car flashes out of nowhere in front of me, its lights blinding, and I slam on the brakes at a second's notice. My car jerks to a stop, throwing me forward and then back into the seat. I feel my whole body tense.

The lights disappear into the distance, leaving my heart pounding as loudly as the rain.

I decide to drive towards the side of the road, stopping the car and turning on the hazard lights. The windshield wipers strike across the glass as the rain pours ferociously. My own tears fall just as hard.

Somehow, in this weather, I decide that stepping out of the car without an umbrella would be a brilliant idea. I don't care that my clothes will be soaked. I don't care that I will be drenched. I want a purgatory of sorts. I think maybe the rain would help me.

I unlock the door of my car and pushed it open. The relentless rain falls on me immediately. I feel it pelt at me, throw itself at me, try to drown me as I drown myself in my tears. I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards. In a way, the heavy rain washing over me does make me feel a little better. At least they wash away my tears as they fell.

I feel at peace. I don't feel whole, but I feel a little less empty. Far from complete, though. As I walk a few steps further from my car, I swallow the last of my tears, taking in a deep breath of rain-washed air. I feel renewed.

But peace doesn't last. Everything good must go.

"Fancy seeing you here… all alone… unsafe…"

My eyes snap open immediately, knowing the voice by heart. It still chills me to the core the same way it did six months ago in the court room.

"What do you want?" I spit as I find myself face to face with Sebastian. He, too, surprisingly is in the rain without an umbrella. His clothes are torn, his hair unruly, unkempt.

"What do I want?" he repeats with a shrill laugh, "So much."

"Like?" I take a tentative step backwards, trying to reach my car. It's further away than I remembered.

"Like?" He smirks and then throws his head back in a maniacal laugh, "My past. My prestige. My pride." He takes a step forward, his eyes burning like a tiger's as he stalks his prey.

"I can't give you that," I retort, "You took it away from yourself."

"Did I now? What about my career? My future? My life?"

"You ruined it," I hiss, taking another half-step back. My whole body tells me to turn and make a run for it, but I know better. I cannot turn my back to him now. That would be suicide.

"Did I?" Sebastian reminds me of an asylum escapee. He looks feral, disoriented, cruel… pure evil. "My life isn't good, but it looks like yours isn't much better either. What were you crying about?"

His feigned concern makes me want to puke. Any trace of peace I had felt had gone. Any sliver of fulfilment had slipped away. "It's none of your business."

"You made it my business the day you busted me in court," he laughs chillingly, "Your choice. Let me guess… was it that Santana Lopez finally left you for someone… younger… more beautiful… sexier… kinkier in bed?"

I'm frozen in shock as a fresh wave of pain washes over me. I swallow visibly and take two steps back. Where is the damn car.

"She left you didn't she?" He has this vicious smirk on his face, and everything about him screams 'danger!'.

"No," I lie through my teeth, "You're mistaken."

"Then why are you crying like a baby? Did she get you pregnant? Did you have to… " He flashes a grin at me and lowers his voice, "Abort the baby?"

His last three words echo loudly in my head, almost drowning out the rain, making my ears ring. I choke back tears, but my willpower isn't enough. This whole thing about first Santana and now the baby is simply too much for me.

I don't answer.

"I'm right then?" Sebastian stares at me in the eye with a cold, cruel smirk.

Even with my eyes blurred with tears, I see a glint in Sebastian's hand. It's not much, just a light reflection of something shiny. My blood runs cold, because I know what this is.

More than once, I've handled a case that began with this situation. It never ends prettily.

"Maybe I should end the pain for you?"

Before I can even respond, I find Sebastian lunging himself at me, pushing me to the floor. He's much stronger than I am, and even with me fighting him, there's not much I can do. With him on top of me, I can smell whisky on his breath.

Shit.

I let out a shriek, but it's too late. I see the silver glint in the air and I suddenly feel dizzy. I feel something force its way into me, tearing at my skin. I feel a pain erupt from somewhere in my midsection, blossoming and then numbing my every feeling. I sense something warm spilling out as the rain washes it away.

Suddenly, there's a flash across the sky. I don't know if it was the lightning, the beginning of an even bigger storm, or just a lapse of time in my head. All of a sudden, I feel cold in the rain. Cold and broken. I must have closed my eyes, because when I opened them a fraction, my eyelashes shielding me from the rain, Sebastian is gone.

Another flash sprints across the sky, followed by a deafening sound.

It's getting harder to breathe, and it's getting colder by the moment. I can't feel my limbs, I can't move my hand or wiggle my fingers. I can barely feel the rain hitting my skin.

As my world goes black, I have only two thoughts on my mind. The first is that I'm going to die.

The second… Santana.

Everything about Santana.