Tayuya walked in, bleeding (slightly) with a grinning Zabuza, a pleased Haku, and an angry Karin carrying an unconscious Tazuna. Inari was right behind them, Tsunami holding him.

All of them stopped at the scene they came upon.

"Kakashi, did you give Naruto a porn book?" Tayuya asked, a dangerous irk mark appearing.

"She asked for it," Kakashi lazily replied. "I've seen Kiana reading worse things."

Tayuya squinted at Naruto -

"Tayuya, I've actually seen the definition of a manwhore," Naruto said. "Tobirama, remember?"

Tayuya deflated.

Tayuya had heard that Tobirama was the one to come up with the anti-pregnancy jutsu because of his habits with women, but it coming from the girl who had literally spent a lifetime as the man? Well, she'd take it.

They sat around the table, relaxing.

A sharp rap on the door, and Kakashi opened it to see Asuma standing there with the Uzumakis - two more Uzumakis than they had left with, actually (or maybe they were just redheads... No, Kakashi didn't believe that, either).

Kiana eyed the book in her superior's hand, but said nothing, only passing a slight warning look to Kakashi.

"Naruto-sama, these are Uzumaki Nina and her wife, Jenny," Kiana said. "And yes, as long as they don't share at least 1 ancestor in 12 of them you can be married," Kiana added hastily at everyone's faces. "If I married to an Uzumaki it certainly would not be to Naruto-sama. Nina, Jenny, this is Naruto-sama, the head of the Uzumaki clan and the Seal-Bearer of Kazama."

"Hello, Naruto-sama," Nina said, bowing. "It is an honor to meet you."

"And you, Nina-san." Naruto stood up and bowed back. "Jenny-san." She bowed to the other woman.

"Naruto-sama," Jenny said, bowing back. "Kiana tells me that we are among the oldest to live that she has seen."

"That's true," Naruto answered unhesitatingly. "However old you are, you, Lady Kiana, and Nina-san are so far the oldest we have encountered."

"I bet Kazama's still alive," Jenny said. "He's too tough to go down without a fight."

"Kazama-sama is dead," Kiana said with a saddened face. "But we got him back, in the form of this chick!"

She slapped Naruto's back. Hard.

Naruto flew forward and slammed into Nina's... Er, assets.

"Kiana... Was that purposeful?" Nina questioned. "That hurt."

Naruto removed herself from the space.

"Really, Aunt Kiana?" Naruto asked her with a pout.

"'Aunt'?" Jenny asked, glancing at her.

"I'm only a hundred and forty-eight," the other woman deadpanned.

"I'm a hundred and forty-two," Jenny revealed.

Nina was silent.

"Nina..." Jenny said warningly.

"I'm two hundred and fifteen," Nina said meekly.

"Wow! So you're the oldest Uzumaki out of all of us!" Naruto gasped. "And I'm the youngest," she added, sitting down and hugging her knees to her chest, depression pouring off of her.

"Hey, it's not a big deal," Nina said shyly. "Uzumakis aren't judged by their age. I look younger than Kiana!"

Naruto looked up and inspected Nina's face. Yep, she actually did.

"I was always trying to get Kazama's attention," Kiana huffed. "You know that I forgot to moisturize a time or two."

"That's not the secret to our longevity, ramen is!" Nina snapped at her. "You ate one bowl a month before the Fall."

"I was trying to catch Kazama's attention!"

"He was married to Lady Korra, of course he wasn't going to go for you!"

Kiana looked shocked. "He married that Uchiha girl?"

Nina sighed. "Sadly enough, yes. He didn't look at me when I wasn't married to Jenny, so I stalked him. And kind of broke into his castle."

"Wow," Kiana said, shaking her head.

"That's where I met Jenny! She was working for Korra." Jenny nodded. "But I still stole a pair of his -"

"You're an underwear thief?! Did he wear boxers or briefs?"

Nina blushed. "Boxers."

This was entertaining for anyone who didn't know of the Uzumaki's only reason for locking up other Uzumakis(Okay, this was one of the Great Ten Do-Nots and earned you a 5 year sentence): Underwear thievery. It was very common when Kazama was a child, and had been added to the previous 'Great 9 Do-Nots' by the time he was 42, an adult in Uzumaki standards.

If an Uzumaki had a crush on another Uzumaki, the object of the affection usually had underwear stolen. Since it was a migraine to have to keep buying so much thread from other countries and having them go to Uzushio and pass all the inspections, the great Time of Underwear Thieves finally died down (well, kind of. But there was less people stealing underwear, so yeah...) by the time Kazama assumed leader of the Uzumaki clan.

Naruto was frowning. "You mean, those five chicks..." She paused and pointed at Kiana and Nina. "YOU TWO WERE THE ONES CONSTANTLY FOLLOWING HIM, ALONG WITH THOSE OTHER THREE!"

"Yep," Nina nodded, blushing a little. "He was so nice. So nice, that Kenna, me, Kiana, Lisle, and Morika all followed him around. I was his personal little stalker chick."

"THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING!" The Uzumakis in the room shouted as Jenny beamed proudly.

"Your family is bizarre," Asuma-sensei finally said.

"Of course, Asuma-san," Jenny said with a smile. "You Konoha shinobi didn't get the inside scoop. Not even after Uzushio's Fall." There was a pause. "I had a Konoha baby, by the way. You know Kagami, that Uchiha diplomat?"

Naruto had a bad feeling about this when Kiana froze and looked at her friend, going drastically pale.

"Yes, Jenny, I know about him. You mean to tell me -"

"Our son was so handsome, even without the Uzumaki hair, which is why I asked Kagami to find him a nice Uchiha family," Jenny reminisced. "Uchiha Setsuna."

Naruto felt ill. Like, really ill.

Kiana paled further. "I hate to break it to you, but -"

"Uchiha Setsuna had a son," Naruto whispered, horrified. "By the name of Uchiha Shisui."

Kiana went pasty, along with the others who knew of the death of the Uchiha clan.

"Oh?" Jenny asked, looking a bit concerned. "Did something -"

Naruto darted out of the house, shoving past Jenny.