A.N.: Happy New Year!

I hope this makes you happy, i tired to pick up the critic i got and talked about with people in messages.

This is a longer chapter than usual because it felt weird to split it.

Enjoy reading!

That night Kensi couldn't get to sleep, no matter how hard she tried. Her mind was running wild with images of the day before and her heart ached. Her little boy figured her secret out all on his own while her co-workers didn't for over 2 years, or they simply never wanted to ask her. She also thought about the dinner they shared with Deeks, which he wanted to pay for, but she couldn't let him do that. If he had done so it would have felt real; it would have felt like a family. She may want the whole family feeling, but in her opinion it was also way to early. And while she was thinking about their meetings she also thought back to his face when he got to know about the letters. She knows that it's been a while since they were together, but she still could see how genuinely surprised he had been. Maybe it wasn't entirely his fault, even if she checked that the letters got to the right address, she maybe should have checked they got to the right person. But Will, the mail man assured her that he would give him the letters. That whole topic was still a mystery but thank god did she ask Nell to pull some favors and got the missing letters back. With a heavy sigh she rolled around in her bed again and checked her phone, to her surprise it showed a new message from Deeks.

It was nice today, maybe we could repeat it? Or you could come over with him? -Deeks

The message was sent only an hour ago and it was 3.30 AM. Seems like he couldn't sleep either. Somehow that thought made her smile and remember the old Deeks that would be worried over little things and couldn't sleep before he could ease his mind about the things he worries for.

Sure, now go to bed Deeks ;) - Kensi

She replied after having thoroughly debated if she should answer now or leave it till morning. Her reasoning for answering was that he should beat ease and get a good night's sleep; Josh would need his father to be healthy and rested, after all the boy would wear him out soon enough.

You know me..Ttyl xo - Deeks

And with a last smiles on her face she fell asleep. Which lasted only 2 hours before little feet ran down the hallway and her little boy climbed on her bed.

"Mommy waaaaakey waaaaakey" he tapped her two cheeks with his little hands and pushed them together, forming Kensi's face to a grimace and giggles at the sight. Kensi used that moment to grab him and peppers his face with kisses.

"Why are you up so early, big boy?"

"Can we go see Daddy?" And there was the topic again.

"Daddy?" Kensi played it like that and waited for Josh's answer.

"Marty is my daddy, silly mommy" he kissed her cheek.

"How do you know?"

"Mommy drawed Daddy in booky on work with Josh. Daddy have hairs like Marty, and funny hairs there" Josh said and stroked his fingers down her cheeks and around her mouth. "And Marty have blue eyes. Daddy in booky have blue eyes too. Josh have blue eyes too." He realized happily.

"That you got." She smiled and kissed his forehead cuddling him and whispered; "and so much more from him." She strokes through Josh's shaggy brown hair. "So.. shall we call Marty and see if he wants to play again? He told Mommy he had fun playing with you yesterday." She smiled at her son who nodded. She pulled out her phone and called him, realizing too late it was just 5.30 in the morning, when a worried Deeks answered the phone.

"Kens, everything alright? What is it? Is it Josh?" He rambled with a tired voice.

"No, no. Everything is good. Sorry, it's just that Josh woke me up and i forgot to check the time before calling you." She replied rather embarrassed that she totally forgot to do so and that her excitement took a little bit over her ratiinal thinking.

"Thank god. You had me worried there for a moment. So why the early call?"

"Josh would like to see you again." And i do too, she added in her mind.

"Today?" He asked.

"If you haven't got time, that's alright he just asked and i told him i'd check but i'll-"

"No- i got time. Maybe you could come to my apartment? Before lunch, i'd cook for us and ater that he can have his nap here and we could talk?"

"Deeks...i'm not sure it's good for Josh to have his nap in an unknown environment, it's not good for kids to do that and he-"

"Hey, hey... we can always drive to your place so he can nap in his known environment and talk there. I am sure you own a coffee maker and two mugs." He chuckled.

"Sure. So... which time?"

"How about 10.30? We will eat around 12.30 and 1pm then drive to yours and let him nap?"

"See you in 5 hours then." She chuckle.

"I'll text you the adress. See you soon." He smiles and hangs up. As Kensi puts the phone down she see's Josh draped over her chest, barely keeping his eyes open. "We're going to visit your daddy soon. But for now we will sleep a bit more." She wrapped her arms around him and puts the blanket over both of them, setting her alarm just before she dozed off; Josh already fast asleep by then. Two hours later the two woke up and had a nice relaxed sunday breakfast with everything the heart wants. Kensi may never have been the best cook out there, but once she realized she was pregnant she decided to take up on a cooking class; on one hand she learned basics and took a liking into cooking and on the other hand her mother and her had something to bond over, not that the pregnancy was already enough. So now, Kensi's not so little baby boy was happily stabbing the cut pieces of banana and chocolate chip pancakes with his "big boy fork" as he called it, simply a small but not too sharp fork for toddlers. He munched happily on his favorite breakfast made by his chef mommy, because lets be honest; it always tastes best at home. After their breakfast she helped him get cleaned up, because currently her toddler went through the phase that he wanted to do everything alone. Once both were dressed it was already time to go, she checked quickly that she had the bag with everything she neede, they got in the car and drove to the adress he had texted her. Upon arival she quickly found his little house, and there was a slight panic rising - he clearly had stepped up in his life while she was working hard to keep herself and Josh above the water. Sure a special agent made more money than just a cop or normal worker at some firm - but a child has also high costs. And because of her job she made sure that both her and Josh had a good health care and stepped up in security. The kindergarten was a private one too and it all needed to be paid for, so while she made sure her little boy would have a secure future, surrounding and generally a nice life she hadn't left much money to give them something better than their 2 bedroom aparment she moved into after her and Deeks split. She took a deep breath and got out, unbuckled Josh and walked with him to the door.

"I ring bell?" Josh gave her puppy eyes before she nodded and he leaned forward from his position in her arms to ring the door bell.

"Josh, Kens, hey.." Deeks opened the door, smiling brightly.

"Hey." She smiled before the the boy wriggled in her arms and she set him down.

"Hellou daddy Marty" He runs to hug Deeks' leg, who looks shocked from the boy to Kensi.

"I thought you said... why does he.." he rambled, his son having stepped aside to look around the big living room with and open kitchen space.

"We have a smart son." She just shrugs and followed him inside where he went to awkwardly standing in the living room and still quite shocked. To explain further, Kensi pulled out Josh's drawing book.

"Josh, how about you show Marty your work files." Josh nodded enthusiastically and took his book to Marty on the table.

"Tis is work from Josh." The boy started. "Like mommy do work with papers. There mommy help me drawed family. Tis is Uncle Sam, tis is uncle sam, auntie nelly, uncle eric, auntie hannah and my Ethan, nana Hetty, and tis is mommy and Josh. And tis is daddy. I telled mommy to drawed daddy and daddy look like Marty." The boy explained, pointing to each person while he explained who they are.

"Wow, you worked a lot that day, huh?" And josh nodded, taking his pencil case from the bag and started to draw on a new page, talking what he wrote while all that was seen were lines, circles and other unidentifiable motives that resembled a child's drawing at that age. Seeing his son was busy, Deeks took the moment to look at Kensi and ask about this all.

"So...you drew me, when he asked about me?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "As a baby i told him stories about you and us. And recently the whole daddy thing started so i drew you. You're his dad and he has a right to know it. I hadn't planned on telling him yet but he's my smart baby boy." She smiled, looking at Josh, who was doing some serious work in his opinion.

"He really is." Deeks agreed and looked at Kensi, seeing the pride and love in her eyes, all in all he saw a brand new Kensi and a caring mother. Kensi looked up and smiled softly before she called Josh over and suggested to play hide and seek with them. The time flew by as the three of them played, at some point she asked for something to drink and took a break so the two boys could play and bond more. Deeks had made lasagna for lunch, he had prepared everything previously to their arival so he just had to put it in the oven and could play till the food was ready. The little boy liked the food and was happy that his mommy had brought along his big boy fork so he could show his daddy how big he is, and seeing Josh like that Deeks was certainly impressed by his son. After all three were finished with lunch, Kensi told Josh to pack his things, while the boy wanted to throw a fit, Deeks took over and explained that all three would drive to their home, he didn't mention the nap on purpose, having learned that his son had quite some temper and knowing Kensi and himself he also knew where he got it from. Kensi helped Deeks clean the table and his kitchen when suddenly the door opened.

"Marty, i'm home." A female voice rung through the house. Kensi was just helping Josh put his last things in the bag when she saw a beautiful red head with blue eyes looking confused at her and her son, switching to Deeks when he came from the kitchen. The woman had set down her bag and keys on the table beside the door.

"Uh...who's this?" The red head asked tentatively, looking at Deeks confused.

"Uh..hmm.." he coughed and cleared his throat."uh Aubrey... this are Kensi.. and my son Josh..." he said nervously, running a hand through his hair. Though before he could make a proper introduction of the woman, the building tension was broken by Audrey.

"You have a son? And i just get to know that now?" She asked with a high pitched voice. Kensi quickly grabbed her things and picked Josh up.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled, unsure to who she said it, took the letters Nell had gotten and given back to her, and pushed them against Deeks chest. "There are your letters." She kind of spat out, held the confused and worried boy, that was clinging to her now, a little closer and went to the door. With a last "sorry", this time directed to the woman, she got in her car and drove as fast but safe as she could back home. So much for finally trusting him again.

I know you probably hate me right now, but review?

It does give me feedback on the story and gives me motivation to actually continue it, when at times i just want to go and delete it.