A/N: We've finally hit the big 20 chapters...Which u may think isn't very special. But its really special for me! Whenever I write something I end up giving up, but due to all of your reviews and support I've actually been able to do it! Thank you!

Disclaimer: VA belongs to the fabulous Richelle Mead.

Chapter 20:

"I love you Roza. I've never stopped."

I stared into Dimitri's dark brown eyes, trying to read his emotions. Was he joking? I didn't thnk he was. His seriousness was almost overwhelming. His eyes stared right back at me, seemingly reading my emotions. I couldn't understand his, although I was sure he knew my feelings, and confusion. I wasn't sure anymore. I had hated him so much, but I really couldn't bring myself to do so now. Adrian had been but a friend, but had he now become something more? And Damien. Poor Damien. I though I was so loyal to him, when in fact, I felt like I was cheating on him by merely thinking of the other two. I had promised myself to him, and he to me. What was I to do?

"I can't do this. Not now.", I whispered to him.

"Then I will wait. My love for you Roza is unconditional, and everlasting. I will forever be yours for the taking. I was deluding myself with Tasha, trying to make up for the whole I created for myself in the first place. I missed you." My eyes filled with tears and I backed away.

"No. Not now. I can't deal with this now. I..I'm sorry.", I started to walk away when I felt his strong arm on my shoulder, turning me around, and connecting my lips with his. He was old, comfortable, even though we'd only kissed once. I felt like I was kissing and old friend. I kissed back passionately, forgetting about the outside world completely. I was in my own little bubble of happiness.

When we finally pulled apart I gasped. We were both breathing heavily and I looked back at him.

"I love you.", he repeated, leaning in a second time. It was amazing, the way we fit together. We were perfect. Strong and fragile at the same time. The wildness within being released. I missed this, him, the feel of his hands in mine.

At that moment, I knew that this kiss, was special. It was as if a whole new door had been opened for me. I loved them all. Dimitri, Adrian, and Damien. I realized that I needed to chose. It was the only way. I needed to stay with one, and to stray away from the others.

I kissed Dimitri for what seemed like forever, until I pulled away.

"I need to think.", I stated. And walked away before he could ever wipe the grin off of his face. I walked back through the forest toward our group. Which I was sure had started to set up camp right away. I avoided them, sitting down behind a tree in the forest. I started crying, unsure of how I would ever make a decision like this.

Dimitri was my past. My life back at school. My first love. He was one person I would never forget, nor stop loving. He was kind, strong, and fragile, even though he didn't care to show it. His fragility came from having physical and emotional strength, yet still having a hard time keeping in the depth of emotion he possessed. It was the quality in him that I most loved, and most hated. It made life more exciting, but also made him harder to live with. And although he had been my first love, he had caused me the most pain.

Adrian was my friend. The boy next door. He was sweet, and although he had flaws, they made him even more perfect. I loved that he had worked so hard to control his addictions, and that although he did have spirit, his mind was beautiful because of the kindness in his heart. But he was with Naomi, at least a little. She liked him a lot, and what kind of friend would I be if I took him? But then again, I loved him too, with his lopsided smile and sparkling green eyes.

And Damien. My love. My fiancee. He had never done a thing to me in my life. He had supported me through thick and thin. He loved me unconditionally, and irrevocably. He was kind, handsome, and someone to whom I could turn in the face of pain. But I had hurt him. He loved me and trusted me, and felt like I had betrayed his love. He questioned my sincerity. And he was right to do so. I loved him, bit after this last week ,I wasn't sure how much anymore. Was it more than I loved Dimitri or Adrian? I wasn't sure.

Suddenly, I heard a thump beside me, and jumped a little. I turned around to tell Adrian that I really didn't want to talk when I met Damien's eyes. I was so surprised that I did a double take. Instead of the previously hostile expression, Damien sported his usual carefree smile, with a glint in his eyes. I had missed him.

"You alright ma princesse?", he asked. Ma princesse? Did this mean that we were okay?

"Fine. Just tired." I lied. I didn't think I was supposed to tell my fiancee that I was in love with two other men. It didn't seem like it would end well.

"Listen, ma princesse, I think I'm alright now.", he stated the obvious. "I love you Rose. I'm ready to get back together." To this day I'm not really sure what happened then. I think that something finally clicked in my mind.

"You are ready to get back together?", I asked tensely.

"Yes. I think its time.", he continued. I took a deep breath and replied.

"You think its time?", I asked again.

"Yes. Me. Who else?", he asked suddenly confused by my rising tone of voice.

"And what about me huh Damien? Do I get a say in the matter? Because I don't think I'm ready to get back together."

"What do you mean Rose?" ,he asked, suddenly angry. "I love you. We've covered that. I left and now I'm back."

"That's exactly the issue Damien. You left. I didn't tell you a piece of my past, which, although important, hurt for me to tell anyone. I wanted you to respect that. And I learned from my friends these last few days, that you really didn't. And on top of it all you didn't trust me.", I talked to him calmly. I didn't want this to escalate.

"What are you saying Rose? That after all these years, you just want to call it quits?",he asked. He wasn't angry anymore. Just shocked and hurt. I could see the pain and sorrow in his eyes.

"That is exactly what I'm saying. I don't think I can be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect my privacy. I'm a guardian, I'm secretive, I need to be quiet and stealthy. Its who I am. Its in my blood." I explained. In reality, there was much more to it than that.

After kissing Dimitri I realized that I didn't really love Damien as more than a friend. Ever. He was my replacement Dimitri. I was attracted to him because he looked so much like Dimitri, but in being with him, I'd just been hiding my pain. By doing this, I was facing it.

I felt awful for breaking Damien's heart. He was a kind person, loyal and respectful. He was wonderful. Perfect even. Just not in my definition. I knew that this was for the best. Some other great woman would snatch him up some day, and he would love her even more than he had ever loved me. It was the way things were meant to be. And yet, why was it still so sad?

"But, I love you Rose.", he whispered, as I turned away.

"Goodbye Damien." I croaked. As I walked away, I heard a scream, and turned swiftly, staring right into a pair of blood red eyes.

Please don't kill me team Damien! But look at this, STRIGOI!