AN: That's right! It's December now and after taking yesterday to recover from the madness that was NaNoWriMo (but I won!) I'm back with another episode of The Archives. I can't promise regular updates like before, because I'm still working on my NaNo novel and finals are coming, but something's better than nothing, right? :)

I've seen this storyline used before, most memorably in "Two Birds and a Rust Bucket," by Athenaktt, but I wanted to start back with something fun so here goes...

Bobbery: (n.) A disturbance or a brawl.

Audrey elbowed her way passed two people, trying to squeeze her way through the crowd that had gathered outside of the Grey Gull. "Haven Police, step aside," she shouted and a few people shifted aside enough that she was able to get through to the front of the group. There was an officer lingering in the doorway, holding the wooden double doors leading to the patio open, and he looked up when she came over.

"What's going on?"Audrey asked. "Laverne just said something about a disturbance."

"Oh it's a disturbance alright," the officer said and there was a bit of a curl to the corners of his lips now. "Causing Nathan a right bit of a trouble in there."

There was a disgruntled shout from inside and Audrey put a hand on her gun holster before stepping through the doorway. She'd gotten three steps inside before she realized just exactly what she was seeing, and once she did she doubled over laughing.

Duke and Nathan were both standing on opposite ends of the bar, Duke clutching a broom and Nathan a dingy-looking mop. Both of them were wearing intense looks of concentration, sweat streaking their brows. And perched on a light fixture in between them was a large white seagull, preening its feathers and watching them with a beady black eye.

"This is the disturbance?" Audrey asked between fits of laughter. "This is why Laverne called me away from my paperwork?"

"This damn bird is a nightmare," Duke said dramatically. "It went swooping around at all of my customers, and now we can't get it to leave. It just keeps flying around and knocking into things."

While the bird was fixated on Duke, Nathan lunged forward and swiped at it with the mop. The gull shrieked angrily and took off, soaring across the room and settling down on a rafter, where it chattered at them irritably. "We can't get it out," Nathan said, rubbing his lip and staring up at the bird calculatingly. "It obviously wants out, but every time we get it near a door it goes the wrong way. We thought it might help to have a little back-up."

"Well I don't know how I'll make it any better, but alright," Audrey said, rolling up her sleeves.

After they made sure that all of the doors and windows were propped open, Nathan and Duke tried to gang up on it and usher it toward the door again. Even though the gull was clearly unhappy inside, it seemed like it didn't want to leave either. They spent a good ten minutes chasing it in circles around the Gull, scaring it from one hiding place to another.

"This clearly isn't working," Audrey said, bending over to put her hands on her knees and panting from the effort of racing across the tavern to try and pounce on the bird. "We need another strategy."

"You don't say," Duke said sarcastically, scowling and making another jab at the seagull. It squawked indignantly and soared once around the room, dove at Nathan's head, and then veered toward the wall. It settled down on one of the tables, pecking at the sugar packets in their little ceramic container.

"I've got an idea," Audrey said. "Keep it focused on you and don't scare it away."

"Hey there devil bird," Duke said mockingly. "What you think you're doing now? Eating some Sweet'N'Low, are ya? You realize I'm going to have to toss all that out now. That's not cheap."

"You're an idiot," Nathan muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Well what would you say to the stupid thing then?" Duke asked, tossing up his arms. The bird squeaked and flapped its wings, sending loose feathers everywhere.

"I told you not to scare it," Audrey hissed as she slowly inched away from the guys and around behind the bird. "No sudden movements."

"Alright, sorry," Duke said. "Well then Pinocchio, the bird whispering is all yours. Enjoy."

"I'm not going to talk to the bird," Nathan said.

The bird swivelled its head at Audrey and chattered. "Talk to the bird, Nathan," Audrey said, holding perfectly still so she didn't startle the seagull.

Nathan rolled his eyes again. "Hey there, bird," he said awkwardly. The seagull glanced back and forth between Audrey and Nathan a few times. "Hey birdie, keep looking over here at me." The gull fixed its beady black eyes on Nathan and Audrey took a few tentative steps around behind the bird again. "There's nothing interesting back there, little bird, just keep staring at me," Nathan said.

Audrey got behind the bird and slowly began peeling off her jacket. "That's right, bird," Nathan said. "Keep your eyes on me." Clutching her jacket, Audrey took a step forward and wrapped it around the gull's body. It tried to wriggle free but she gripped it tightly inside of the jacket, lifting it from the table.

"You got it!" Duke yelled triumphantly, pumping his fist.

Audrey fought to keep ahold on the bird as she jogged toward the door. The bird screamed and pecked at her fingers, nicking the skin in an attempt to escape. Once she'd gotten close, Audrey tossed the bird out of the door. It took off with a shriek, flapping over the crowd and off toward the beach. The gathered patrons cheered.

"Good going, Parker," Nathan said, clapping her on the shoulder. Audrey laughed as she pulled her jacket back on but Nathan's eyes caught the crimson spots on her hands and he grabbed her wrist in alarm. "You're bleeding."

"The bird didn't like being caught," Audrey said, trying not to wince as he gingerly touched one of the small cuts.

"C'mon, we've got to get you cleaned up, and then to the hospital," Nathan said, ushering her back inside.

"The hospital?" Audrey said. "It's just a couple cuts."

"From a wild bird," Nathan elaborated. "You never know how many diseases those things might carry. Plenty of people from around here have died from infected bites." Audrey rolled her eyes but let Nathan nudge her onto a barstool, and he retrieved the first aid kit from behind the bar. He kept up a determined and focused expression as he cleaned out the wounds and then bandaged them. "Now, come on. You'll need some antibiotics."

"Really?" Audrey asked. "Can't we just go get pancakes or something?"

"You're not distracting me with pancakes, Parker," Nathan said, putting on his jacket. "Those can wait. Let's go." Audrey huffed, but she couldn't deny that it was a comfortable feeling when Nathan set his hand in the middle of her back and steered her out of the Gull. Maybe being taken care of every once in a while wasn't such a bad thing. And she got to trade a long day of paperwork for a lazy afternoon with her partner.

Either way, she probably owed that gull a bit of thanks.