Chapter twenty-one
"What was that?"
Alviarin startled from the keys of the piano. She had lost herself to the harmonies and not heard Wolfman Taylor come in. He stood a little behind her, and now settled into a chair.
"You mean the music?" The young woman frowned, pulling her braid over her shoulder.
"Yeah."
"Beethoven."
"With your weird background, how did you learn to play that well?" There was a slightly aggressive undertone to the Australian's question.
She let some sarcasm seep into her voice. "With dedication?"
Wolfman gazed at her with unreadable dark eyes, then looked away. Alviarin considered him for a long moment. He looked as tired as she felt, but seemed equally fidgety and on edge.
"Look, I… just wanted to say sorry 'bout Chung. You two were close."
"Ah, Wolfman." Dejection settled on her. Still, she tried to imitate his accent. "Sorry 'bout Ravit."
"Yeah, shitty day, right?"
"You could say that. I'm still so on edge I can't hardly sit still."
"The music… that's a good way to deal?"
She shrugged expressively, knitting her hands together. "For me it is. If I can't go for a run in the forest…"
"Yeah, I know the feeling. Listen, I saw that little dolphin you made for Lt Chung. I was wondering… would you make me something for Ravit?"
"Of course… anything particular?"
"Nah. I just thought the dolphin fit well with Chung."
"So we'll find something that fits Ravit." She leaned forward, trying to understand what the dark-haired man was looking for.
"Look… I can't talk about her yet. I know that's how some people deal, and I'm grateful I got to be there, got to hold her hand, say goodbye, but I can't…" he pushed both hands through his hair and over his face.
"Sh, hey, don't… "
"How come you're so calm, so detached?" He almost accused her.
Alviarin took a breath. "Because I hid in the engine room for two hours and cried my eyes out?" A glance at the clock on the wall, a calming breath out. "And spent another hour torturing this poor instrument? I… calm? Detached? I could hate you for those words!"
"Nah, I didn't mean it that way. The way it happened, it's just so…" He shook his head, clenching his fists.
Alviarin finished his sentence without thought: "Senseless? Every war is senseless, but this, today, this was absolutely pointless. You thought there was not much that could happen – the sub only a subliminal threat, the landing team safely back from New Orleans… I didn't get on deck to see you off. I thought I was being melodramatic… Ah, sorry." Now it was her who hid her face in her hands. Alviarin suppressed a shiver.
"You seemed so self-contained earlier at the gathering." Wolfman grimaced at her.
The girl could barely reign in the flood of emotions his thoughtless words had broken loose.
She reached for the keys again in a subconscious search for support, which the piano answered with a discordant sound.
Wolfman's expression changed to an alert, somewhat dangerous frown. "Is it true you know the alternative hacker nut from way back? I heard the XO mention something."
"The XO? Bloody hell, am I back to being suspicious now?" The look he had given her earlier…
"So how do you know her?" Wolfman ignored her words, intent on the woman they had found on the rig. "Did you talk to her?"
Alviarin sketched out the connection and the conversations she had had with Valerie Raymond in as little words as possible.
"So do you have an opinion on her participation or will you stay all neutral?" The Australian's voice was hard.
Alviarin stared at him, heartsick and angry. She understood that he was projecting his own anger and pain at losing his friend onto the situation. But she would not let herself be pressured into either defending Valerie or condemning her. Finally she told him as much, adding quietly: "If Captain Chandler sees fit to use her, trusts he can change or already has changed her mind, that should solve the issue."
"But she's your friend!"
The young woman stood up. "She was my friend, and that does not make me responsible for how she reacted to the outbreak of the red flu!"
They stared at each other. Finally Taylor shook himself. "Let's put this on hold, shall we?"
Alviarin could only nod, eyes burning, throat constricting.
"Everything ok in here?" The XO's cool voice cut through the tension.
"Aye, XO, just emotions running high." Wolfman shot a slightly dismayed look the young woman's way.
"Am I interrupting?" Slattery eyeballed the girl standing at the piano. All three understood quite clearly that he had come for her, whatever the reason.
Taylor shook his head slightly. "I'll turn in. G'night, XO, Elf."
Alviarin managed a quiet: "G'night, Wolfman."
"Miss Rykers, the Captain would like a word in his office."
Alviarin felt as if tiny icicles were rising throughout her body. Myriad thoughts washed through her head, she felt like she would never manage anything past the lump in her throat. She'd have liked to sort through the emotions, to hide behind a few hours of dreamless sleep. He was asking for her. "I… I've never been in the captain's office." Even her voice sounded off to her.
"I'll walk you." She could not see the towering first officer's smirk. He had grown to like and respect this contradictory young woman. She did not know that he had heard most of her conversation with the Raymond woman, and some of the dispute with the Australian CPO. He had kept an eye on her since Chandler had told him that the two women knew each other.
Slattery knew most of what went down on the ship, he had known about the friendships that had grown. He also was aware how much difference two lively, accomplished, beautiful women like Ravit and Rykers could make not only on a cruiser, but especially in the situation they now found themselves in. The outcome of today had reminded him forcefully that they were much more vulnerable than they liked, and that the ramifications of Ramsey's video were far more threatening than first realised. That his commander and friend had been severely wounded had shaken him badly, that they had not only lost five crewmembers, but also been forced to shoot on their own people made him mad.
Trying to lighten the mood a little – the young woman resembled a startled deer in headlights at the moment – he asked her: "This nickname now, you realise you had that even before we reached Florida?"
Only half distracted from whatever was going on behind the grey eyes she glanced up at him with a frown. "You're joking?"
"No, some of the crew heard the Captain's children referring to you as 'Elf', and it seems Taylor picked up on that and the rest of the crew took to it."
"Really? Sam and Ashley thought it funny because Alvi sounded so strange to them, and Sam thought I looked like an elf – they saw me doing some Yoga, I believe." A small smile lightened the drawn face. "Ashley liked my hair… I had no idea others had heard…"
Slattery watched her amiably. He had succeeded, the girl was thinking of something nice. Only they had reached their destination, and she had not realised it yet.
Rykers glanced up at him, startled. The sudden vulnerability in the dark eyes hit the first officer unprepared.
Tom Chandler stood in the open door, his expression unreadable. "Miss Rykers, please come in. Thank you, XO."
Slattery nodded shortly, and stood to watch his commander close the door on the young woman.
Captain Tom Chandler let the young woman pass by him into the room and shut the door. He had expected some kind of physical and emotional reaction seeing her after waking up with the deep voice in his ear – again – but not to the extent that he now experienced her nearness. Her passing by had given him a whiff of the light spicy smell he remembered acutely from the evening on the empty deck.
Not only her nearness, but her presence in this very room – she was like a foreign entity in these most familiar surroundings…
He had planned a short serious conversation, but watching her eye the comparatively large room with wonder and apprehension made him hesitate. She was pale to a degree that made her hair seem black, her skin had the blueish sheen he associated with utter exhaustion. The grey eyes were red-rimmed, the usually so expressive bird-like hands gripped the sleeves of her loosely fitting shirt. A tiny piece of wooden shaving stuck to the leg of her pants.
About to address her, Chandler suddenly took a step back, leaning against the door. Out of nowhere, the memory of Darien swamped him – she had stood in this very room, after he had been given the Nathan James, and had looked around the room with that warm, slightly wistful expression, acknowledging that this would be his home for the near future. She had shaken her blond head and let her fingers run over the cupboards lightly. Never had they known how much of the future…
The guilt he felt at confronting his attraction to this Elf had been a subconscious thing ever since the first time he talked to her and she unwittingly reached down into his very being with her innocent, yet keenly attentive questions. Had reached its peak that moment he had regained his memories from the island and … the white elephant. He wondered sometimes what Alviarin – Erin – thought of that particular incident. This was not the moment to analyse it, but the memory, and the curiosity, burned on a low, steady flame – and had woken him more than once with emotions thought lost to oblivion – or buried with the mother of his children.
The Captain rubbed thumb and forefinger over his brows, trying to chase the conflicting thoughts from his mind. The past day, the loss of his people, his own injury,…
He opened his eyes to find the young woman standing in front of him – rather too close. While heat – and anger – flared through him, his glance drawn to the slightly pursed lips, he realised that the grey eyes expressed innocent concern.
"Captain, are you all right?"
It took him a moment to swallow and find his voice. Long enough to watch the change in her expression, the darkening of her eyes, white teeth biting her lower lip…
Chandler ground his teeth silently, pulled the stoic calm around himself like a mantle, and pushed away from the door.
"I'm sorry, Miss Rykers. Please, sit down."
The young woman drew a shaky breath and turned in sync to his movement. She watched him take a seat at the table with apprehension hiding in the wide-eyed glance. Then she blinked, shook herself out of the moment and closed the distance, pulling out a chair a little farther away than was strictly necessary for politeness.
Chandler found his eyes resting on the narrow hands, now more relaxed in her lap. The dark stains on the slender long fingers told of her recent work in the engine workroom, and he recognized that he could not start the conversation quite as he had had in mind.
"We lost good people today. You and Andy Chung were close. I'm sorry."
The Elf hung her head for a moment, hiding her face. The she answered his look with a calm, if heartfelt: "I'm sorry, too."
"You have not slept?" As if he needed confirmation on that…
"No."
She'd been busy. "Thank you for the vote of confidence."
The time it took her to summon confusion told him exactly how exhausted the young woman was.
"The XO has been shadowing Miss Raymond, and reported your fervent words in support of the Nathan James." … and myself…
Alviarin Rykers flushed deeply, staring at him in horror so abject, it managed to make him smile.
"Good Lord, I…" She bit her lip, equal parts anger, resignation and embarrassment warring on her features. "Am I back under suspicion? Is that what this is about?" Her eyes were suddenly haunted.
That took the captain aback. Even more his own reaction to her words surprised him.
"Alviarin, I asked you here to sound out your opinion on Miss Raymond's stance in this situation we find ourselves in."
The girl – she seemed so young at this moment – stared at him, her surprise, relief, disbelief so readable to him as if he were touching her thoughts.
The deep voice was rough with emotion. "I feel really stupid, and really honoured right now."
Bless her for that unfiltered thought.
"No need for the first. I recognize that there are a few unfinished threads. So?" He had to keep the subject matter on track. "Will you share your opinion?"
The Elf leaned her head into her hand. "You know about both our conversations?"
"Aye."
"You really want my impression?"
Chandler answered the slightly plaintive question with a calm gaze.
Alviarin took a deep breath. "She was on the defensive. For someone like Val, that means she's seriously rethinking her position. I would say she's convinced, and we can trust her."
"Why don't you trust the President?" It was unfair of him to attack her like this, but he needed to sound out her analysis. To his surprise the young woman answered at once, her eyes narrowing.
"He turned to self delusion, making himself a cheap target for Ramsey, scrutinizing nothing, lied until you forced him to admit his weakness, then was overwhelmed to face the crew – they represent the constitution and the system he swore to uphold! – and now suddenly he's all supportive and assertive. It may be a residue of my days as a government critical student, but he hasn't earned my respect, yet."
All right, here his own actions threw a shadow. Chandler had told the young woman some of what had happened between him and Michener that first night – and the rest she had filtered from between the lines and Michener's presence on the Nathan James. Damn, she was quick on the uptake. And it was sweet how protective of the crew she had become.
"There is no chance Raymond will turn back?" Michener had…
The young woman grimaced. "Honestly, I don't think so. She's a very honest and very smart person, and while not used to being wrong and inclined towards not-trusting-the-government theories, she also has a good heart." Alviarin turned her head, staring in the distance. "She's not a nutcase, just very critical, in that arrogant, scrutinizing way… which can be understood in my humble opinion. Seeing, hearing and feeling what the Nathan James has been through though, the fact that you saved her life…" She caught herself and glanced at him warily.
"Would you bet your life on it?"
Ah, his mistake. At first, his words had registered, she almost shrugged. But then the grey eyes widened. Would you bet my life on her? Putting his life on the line was a different question for the Elf. He would have relented, taken the question back, had not the sudden heat in her eyes robbed him of the window to act.
Aware that she had betrayed the moment of realisation, the young woman turned away forcefully. The narrow hands were twisting the fabric of her shirt. Finally she ground out: "Yes, I'll vouch for her."
A long moment passed, her words hanging over the large table.
Chandler had the different strategies laid out in his head. He felt the adrenalin rising through his body, feeding the anger and determination that had only been growing since he had woken up. The fight against the British commander was coming.
"You plan to use her, the remains of the network?"
He was slightly surprised to find her focused again, searching his face.
"I hope she can be of assistance."
The lights suddenly back in the grey eyes, she tilted her head. "You gained her respect, you know that? That comment about planet bat-shit crazy? She repeated it to me word for word."
Chandler had to suppress a chuckle. That had been when getting through to that young woman had seemed the most important thing. Smiling dryly in memory, he answered: "She was like the personification of the computer-genius who believes that she's living the biggest conspiracy of them all."
The pain in her eyes told him she was thinking of the young engineer.
"Yes, Andy liked it, too."
Taken by surprise at his observation, Alviarin gave him a small, grave smile. His heart twisted a little. That smile… she made him vulnerable. Their gaze locked, gaining unexpected heat. He could see the pulse at the base of her neck starting to flutter.
Before he could form a cognitive sentence, the words slipped through his lips.
"Miss Rykers, a few hours from now… I want you off the ship."
The Elf stared at him, incomprehension taking over. "Sir?"
Chandler felt his mouth twitch. What had come over him?
"Why?" The girl, fighting visibly against desperation, tried to sort through what might have made the Captain utter those words. She wrapped her arms around her body.
"You'll go with the XO. I want all the civilians off the Nathan James."
Alviarin stood in a sudden motion, turning half away from him. "You intend to carry the fight to the sub-marine."
"Yes."
"But… the cooling skid, the sonar… I do good work! With Andy gone, there's way too few hands down there!"
He should end this right here and now. "They'll manage. My first imperative is to keep you safe. I won't discuss this."
"I chose to come onto the ship. I chose to stay. I feel safer here-" she broke off suddenly, turning tortured eyes toward him. "Is this about obligation?"
A frown. "You did save my life." Chandler could not quite follow her thought-process.
"You are an honourable man, Captain, but you don't owe me anything. If you feel obligated to me, then I ask that you let me stay. Let me be of use."
Chandler leaned back, forcing himself to exhale calmly. It was not only the adrenalin fighting for the upper hand. "That's not how this works. If I take the Nathan James into the fight, I can't…"
The young woman pulled the long, heavy braid over her shoulder in a gesture of endearing ambiguity. "Please…"
Now he stood, driven by the expression in the grey eyes. "I'm certain your uncle explained this particular part of a captain's duty to you. I won't let anything distract me," he hesitated for a heartbeat, but pushed on: "least of all someone I care about."
Alviarin had turned away after the first sentence. Chandler watched her take a slow breath, and she turned back to face him with a measured movement. Their glances locked. He did not know what she read in his eyes, while hers betrayed unhappiness, and resignation. There was something deeper hiding there, too, a desperate yearning, but as if suddenly aware of her expressiveness, the young woman broke eye-contact.
"Anything I say now will sound melodramatic or childish." She shrugged. "I acquiesce."
Chandler found his heart beating unreasonably fast. Was this conversation finished? The young woman seemed to think so, turning toward the door slowly. A thought made her hesitate.
Looking back at him with deceptive calm, she said shyly: "I would hate to have carried you up that incline for nothing…Tom." The smile she tried to give him was shaky at best.
Before she could reach for the door handle, the Captain had taken a step toward her and uttered her name. "On the island… there is something we should talk about."
The young woman froze. A shiver ran over the slender form.
Chandler could not let her go like this. He reached for her arm. "Elf, look at me."
The spark he felt at the touch startled her, too. He almost regretted making her turn around again – she was fighting tears. The silky feel of her braid swinging with the fierce shaking of her head distracted him further. She wiped at her eyes impatiently.
He was about to speak, but the young woman beat him to the punch. "Please don't," she whispered wide eyed.
Chandler frowned, thrown off track. She was too close, he could feel the heat of her body, could see the beating of her heart against the white skin of her throat. "Why not?" his voice was as raw as hers had been.
The captain found the grey eyes staring up at him with an expression he could not begin to analyse. Cool, slightly rough long fingers reached for his face ever so gently and pulled him down slightly, so she could touch her lips to his.
Not that there was much strength necessary. He found that when she would have drawn back, he was not willing to break the kiss, and leaned in with the blood rushing through his veins. He could taste the tears on her lips.
When they finally drew apart, they were both breathing faster. Lost in the moment, Chandler watched the glowing wonder in the girl's eyes slowly give way to a timid smile, watched her swallow and search his face – what for, she did not know herself.
"For luck?" he heard himself ask.
"For luck." She agreed slowly, her voice a whisper, eyes questioning.
The tall man could feel the moment reality and their surroundings crashed between them, could see the realisation return the haunted expression into the young woman's eyes. She took the half step backwards, found the door at her back, grasped for the handle, and muttered a disjointed: "I'm sorry."
His last impression was the long, heavy dark braid swinging like a lively thing down past her waist, then the door shut on her, and he was left alone with swimming senses.
AN: I've been trying to add more time to have passed since Alviarin came on board (notable before the island, too!). A friendly reader alerted me to the term "fanwank" (which I only knew from Dr Who-related issues). This chapter kind of happened, and I feel a little apprehensive about its reception. The next one is running circles in my head, so what happened here will turn full circle soon-ish. Bear with me? And be as gentle and constructive with the criticism as before?
AN2: Don't worry, Alvi and Wolf will sort this out very soon.