XXI
"Nuns."
"I beg your pardon Mary?" Marian wondered if, for all of her friendly welcome, Mary was in fact a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
"Nuns Lady Marian."
"Sorry I don't quite follow you."
"Well I see you lookin' quite green at what I just said and I figured that what with you being a good girl and a fine Lady that you wouldn't know about such things…" Marian was bamboozled now and looked at Mina to see if she would perhaps elaborate on what Mary was wittering on about. Mina for her part seemed to understand what it was her companion was saying and so offered no comment.
"Look here you must be thinking we all go leavin' our littl'uns in the forest or something like that but you should know that no woman ever wants to do such a thing but sometimes it can't be helped…" Marian must have looked utterly horrified at this statement for Mary hastily continued,
"…sometimes a woman already has many littl'uns and can't manage with another mouth to feed… sometimes 'tis a young girl who has got with child out of wedlock… sometimes even menfolk takes babes to the woods – aye, there's many a man ashamed of havin' sired a bastard or had to give a child up for fear of losin' a position or the like…"
None of this was making Marian feel any better for she still sat there totally shell-shocked.
"…oh look now you look as if you shall faint you poor thing!" Mary tried to reassure her by placing a hand on her forearm and squeezing gently, "You shouldn't fret my dear for the littl'uns come to no harm; the Nuns from Rufford come and take them to the convent."
Marian finally understood.
She looked at Mina who nodded to reassure her.
"The Nuns take them and look after them?"
"Yes, they take good care of them my dear." Mary smiled upon seeing their guest looking a little better.
"Have you ever…?" Marian began to ask for she wondered how her new friends knew so much about this subject,
"Lord no not me! But I did know a few poor souls who have had to do it. It is very sad my Lady, a terrible thing to have to do even if the Nuns do look after them…"
Mary continued explaining but Marian didn't hear any more.
She was thinking of Guy. Picturing Guy in her mind, placing his son in the woods. She had thought him utterly heartless but now...
Now it all made sense.
She had never thought to ask him about it, to hear his side of the story and neither had anybody else, they had all just assumed and thought no more about it...
Vaisey had not known about the child, Guy must have taken great pains to keep it a secret from him, knowing all the while that he could not keep him. What would Vaisey have done had he known? It didn't bear thinking about. He would have taken the child from Guy. He would have used the boy as leverage. Who knows what Guy would've had to do to protect his son? Marian shuddered, she had never understood the hold Vaisey had over Gisborne but she was appalled to think that it could have been even worse.
Guy had known it all along. That Vaisey could hurt or even kill his child.
That explained why he hadn't personally delivered the child to Kirklees as he had promised Annie; Vaisey would've found out if Guy had gone or paid someone else to do it.
And so, he left his boy for the Nuns.
"Lady Marian? Are you alright?" Mina asked her, her tone gentle, her eyes sympathetic. Mary had wandered off now to clean the dishes.
"Yes, I'm fine it's… it's just a lot to take in that's all." Marian smiled politely but Mina could see she was lost in her thoughts
"It's not a very pleasant topic for your visit here, I'm sorry for that; I hope we can now talk of something else." Mina smiled trying to put her new friend at ease
"No, no it's fine. I have spoken a few times of going to Rufford and then not gone through with it – I suppose I would've already known about the children being raised there had I actually done as I'd intended"
"You wanted to go to a convent?" Mina raised one eyebrow; becoming a nun was not a common choice for noble Ladies such as Marian,
Yes to get away from your lover. He thinks I'm at one now.
"Yes, I err… sometimes feel that way inclined." Marian could be a very convincing liar, but in this moment not so much; Mina could tell this wasn't the truth.
"But surely your husband or admirers would be sad if you did such a thing?" Mina felt like cringing as she said this but then again flattery was as good a way as any other to winkle information out of people,
Yes, I suppose my admirers would be. Still it's always an option if I get fed up of them both, which happens to be often.
"Alas I have no husband and am perhaps too much for most men be they admirers or not."
Not a word of a lie there.
"And what about you Mina? Do you find that you are sometimes driven to madness by men and consider retiring to a convent?" they both laughed at this,
"Well yes, I did consider it back when I was married…" Mina had Marian's full attention once more with this statement
"You were married?"
"Yes, I am a widow."
"I am sorry to hear that, you are too young to be a widow already."
"Yes, that may be but I am not sorry Lady Marian – my husband was not a kind man and six years was an unhappy eternity with him at my side."
Six years!? How old are you? Good God, you must have been a child bride!
"And now you are sick of men?" Marian smiled wanly, watching Mina's reactions closely
"Yes Lady Marian, I suppose I am." Mina sighed and smiled but her eyes were pure sadness. Marian had no wish to make her friend sad but she very much wanted to know what had occurred with Gisborne.
"You sound broken-hearted…"
Mina sighed. She knew that it was no use – Mary had already said too much and now she couldn't avoid talking about Guy.
"He loves another."
It took Marian every ounce of self-control not to start upon hearing this. All of a sudden, she felt very ashamed. It left a bitter taste in her mouth to be having this conversation and to know that she was the source of this girl's misery. She wouldn't reveal her connection to Gisborne, that much she had known from the start but now it made her feel terrible – Mina was laid so bare and she was hiding behind the guise of a friend. Her unease must have shown on her face for Mina attempted a smile
"Don't worry Lady Marian, it is for the best. He is a nobleman - a Knight no less and will marry a fine Lady such as yourself, I am just glad for the time we spent together for he made me very happy."
"And yet I think he may have used you ill Mina, if you have lain together…" Marian was thinking of Annie as she said this.
"We haven't! I know what Mary said but it is not true! He has made me no promise and broken no vow! I know better than to think that I could ever marry such a man but still I cannot help but care for him." Mina was speaking faster and faster as her emotions took hold of her completely
"I cannot explain to you all that he means to me, that I can explain to no one. All I can say is that I am not sorry, no, I am not sorry for any of it, not one single moment that I spent with him and if that is all I am to have then I am incredibly grateful." She was nearly panting now and Marian could do no other than watch her transfixed,
"and I thank the Lord for it is more than I could have ever hoped for - poor penniless widow that I am."